The myth of casual sex – What is he thinking? part 1 of 2

by Mike Masters on September 25, 2009

casual sex is dangerous!

casual sex is dangerous!

The myth of Casual sex

When I was in college I was infamous for what I called “the disclaimer”. This was something I told all girls I was involved with; it went something like this… “I think you are very cool and I like you but I am not interested in a relationship right now. If that is what you are looking for I wouldn’t suggest going out with me, ever…” This sounded pretty strait forward but I would always be confused when it wouldn’t work and shocked when things would turn into a bigger mess than sex on black sheets.

All I wanted was a little lovin’

I think I was at the apex of my promiscuity in college and like most guys I was very interested in being involved with as many women as possible! There are exceptions to the rule but most guys that have the guts to approach and make friends with women are also very interested in bedding absolutely every attractive girl they meet. (sorry about that)

The major obstacle to this conquest is that guys really don’t want to be bastards yet they are so strongly driven sexually. What to do? Lie? Or tell the truth? but most guys don’t even know what the truth is!

I was one of the ones that knew the truth and told it. I would warn girls to stay away from me, which of course delightfully backfired

The lying bastard

Unfortunately some guys aren’t honest about what they want and really screw it up for everyone. They offer themselves up as relationship kind of guys because they think the only way to get sex is to lie. This kind of guy gets caught every time and becomes more and more of an elaborate liar to maintain the facade. He is the one that is romantic but a little bit suspicious… Just like the Wes on the bachelorette! (I have to admit I really hated that guy… but the guy the ratted on him, what a moron!)

Being one of of the honest ones is frustrating!

I have nearly hung up my hat on casual dating/sex. I am painfully honest but this does not seem to be the answer! it is incredibly frustrating to lay out the rules of the game only to have them horrible misunderstood by the girl. I understand why but I still grind my teeth a little at all you women out there. I am on your side but I swear… I think I would rather masturbate most of the time.

What is going on??

Girls know what is going on in their heads so much more than guys except when sex is involved, it has taken me 15 years just to understand this one question. Why would a girl enter a casual sexual relationship only to change her needs radically as things continue?? Leaving me asking, what the hell just happened?

Should you say yes to casual sex?

We all want to be liked and we all are somewhat horny! I think it is relatively normal for someone to be up for a joyride every once in a while. If handed the keys to a nice car who wouldn’t want to keep in their garage? If the salesman told you that it was only possible to drive in on Friday nights you might initially say yes but later one would be frustrated and almost disgusted that it was not yours. So the question is should you drive it in the first place?

The myth of casual sex part 2

Want to really figure out why he won’t commit?? Why he isn’t getting serious and what to do about it? Check out my best selling book on Amazon for only 2.99! Click here for 75 Secrets Why He Won’t Commit And What To Do About It

{ 2 trackbacks }

The love train, why the f*ck did he pull the emergency brake!??
February 26, 2010 at 7:53 am
Attention! Warning signs ahead. « *wink* *wink* *wink*
March 15, 2010 at 8:15 am

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

1 BrainsandBeauty September 25, 2009 at 6:42 pm

My guess about why the women enter the casual sex fling with you and change their minds is because they think they can handle that. Then as they get to know you more, they probably fall in love with your honesty (great personality, blah blah blah), they probably think that if they could “change” your mind (u no how we do), you would be a great mate because they know you will keep it real with them.

Funny that you should ask if “we” are a bit nutty when men(boys) are the ones lying to ‘use’ womens’ body’s as if we aren’t living, breathing, human beings. Not to mention how all of these lies cause many of us to end up with trust issues.

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2 jennie September 29, 2009 at 4:07 pm

^The secret is that we can sleep with you a few times without feeling swindled. After that it starts to become difficult. So if you are serious you have to cut it off after the first few romps; don’t expect a chick to be your fun time once a week for months on end.

We have better things to do (or more potentially reliable men to pursue) and sleeping with you, despite your disclaimers, saps our energy to do other things.

So if you honestly do not want a relationship with a woman, cut the sexual fun short. You can’t expect the kind of intimacy that comes with repeat banging outside of a relationship; this is the sacrifice you make for your continued freedom.

There’s nothing wrong with staying uninvolved, really. But when you want repeat performances from a woman you ask too much, without giving enough in return.

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3 Mike Masters October 3, 2009 at 11:30 am

Excellent comments!
Do other people agree with Jennie?
So a girl wouldn’t feel swindled if he just disappeared? I have a hard time believing that.


4 Janice T August 11, 2010 at 3:04 pm

It’s really just about everyone being innocently ignorant about oxytocin.

Sure, she’ll feel swindled even *with* the disclaimer – but chances are she doesn’t know why. She really thought YOU would think like SHE does – girls really don’t understand how or why men think so differently than they do in girl world.

Oxytocin – it’s whats for breakfast (after sex.) Please wiki.

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5 Kat Lengert October 26, 2009 at 11:35 am

Well Mike, it sounds to me like you’re busy playing games instead of having relationships-sexual or other. You have to expect that dating younger women is going to bring with it misunderstandings. Young people don’t have the experience and/or maturity to deal with the kind of intense relationships we experience now-a-days. Older women may be more boring but that’s where your (men’s) immaturity comes into play and really, if you can’t find a 30 something fun woman, you’re not looking in the right places. Mature women know a player when they see one, they don’t screw around with one unless they want to. And yes, if you want to continue eating at the buffet, don’t be taking the girl out on dates or implying future rendezvous. I’ve had to stone wall my share of guys that want more after a one nighter and it blows my mind when they don’t get the hint-after all, it is a play right out of the guys playbook. Women like the hard to get guy just as much as men like the hard to get girl. Men who label themselves as unavailable is an ultimate conquest for a woman-no wonder women were trying to get more out of you. Word of advice, stop playing games and just “be” and watch out for that cradle robbing-it’ll screw you every time, pun not intended.

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6 Mike Masters October 26, 2009 at 11:51 am

What are you talking about Kat? What does your comment have to do with the article? and clearly you have not read enough posts if you have made those assumptions about my character. Don’t forget that I don’t write this site for guys or to tell stories. It is written for women to find greater happiness in relationships by understanding men better.
I suggest that you comment a little more thoughtfully in the future and choose the correct post next time.


7 Janice T August 11, 2010 at 3:00 pm

Hello: casual sex is the train wreck that happens when testosterone-laced men collide with oxytocin-infused women. Comedy ensues.

PLEASE everyone – school yourselves on oxytocin! Wiki it! End of story!

Or, as my friend’s dad used to say: “Son, if you don’t want a relationship with her, don’t sleep with her.”

BTW: Yes, Virginia, you CAN dial down your oxytocin saturation by willing it so – but if you do, you’ll have trouble coming (since it’s related to both binding AND female orgasm) and that will be VERY hard to un-do!

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8 Janice T August 11, 2010 at 3:00 pm

binding => bonding

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9 LaLa September 7, 2011 at 4:27 pm

I think this is really just your point of view. Not all guys (nope, not even young ones), are out looking for a bunch of women to use for a good time. So, I don’t think you should justify your behavior by throwing in “most guys do this.” Actually, many guys don’t.
But, to respond to the article, true, women are more likely than men to get attached to a repeat dating partner, so why don’t you make your one-night-stands actually for ONLY one night, like Kat said.
You ask what is going on with us girls? As if ALL women are like that? Really, so you’ve met most of the women in the world… Gee, sometimes dildos are better than you guys….
I may get flamed for saying this, but if you are crazy enough to actually pursue casual sex (I know many do) at this day in age, male or female, with someone you don’t know, you’ve got issues. If that’s all you want with someone you DO know, I’d say you have trust issues. Sure, we all want to be liked, but sex does not= like. Maybe you should take up a relationship instead of breaking hearts, see how you like it. It’s nothing to be afraid of, really. Plus, the sex is better. I mean what are you trying to prove? You think you’re noble because you said what you want to begin with? No, you’re pretty much a user, just like the guy who only enters a relationship for sex. Players, in the long run, are not what women want, it just shows that you treat us like meat.

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10 Mike Masters September 8, 2011 at 5:49 am

I love angry women like you. It reminds me why I don’t live in America.


11 LaLa September 8, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Truth hurts, doesn’t it? But I’m sure you don’t want that out of women either…

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12 Mike Masters September 9, 2011 at 1:05 am

Certainly doesn’t, but the wounded angry woman gets so tiresome. Makes me want to masturbate than have to EVER have sex with her.
If a girl says to me that she wants to be in a casual relationship, I should be able to trust that. However, it is rarely true. Neither the male or female agenda is wrong, what is wrong are the throngs of pissed of women refusing to understand male behavior.


13 Lala September 9, 2011 at 4:45 pm

True, but you say female and male “agenda” men and women are monolithic, when neuther gender is. Not all men want casual sex, and not all women want relationships (contrary to popular belief). You can say “most” but then again, how would you (or anyone else) know that? Have you met most of the women in the world? The truth is, you can speak for yourself, and yourself ONLY. Sigh…men like you just aren’t meant to be taken seriously…in relationships or otherwise…

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14 Mike Masters September 9, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Once more your angry assumptions exhaust me.
I have been in a relationship for the last 8 months, and I happen to be quite serious with her.
People oscillate, and sometimes that oscillation sticks in one position or another for a while. While this is happening I should be able to be honest with a woman without her being angry that I am not relationship material at that moment.
You, like so many women don’t understand this and I simply don’t have anymore time to talk to someone who is not adding anything intelligent to the table.
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