I would be looking
Almost crashed my truck
The gas gauge in my Scout truck was broken, perpetually stuck on E; I would use the odometer to know when to fill up. I knew I was really low but I the gas station was only one more exit away. It was a date with Erin at the time and I hid my growing anxiety. She yelled something over the roar of the engine and wind noise. My topless Scout effectively muffled her voice but I smiled back and laughed hoping it wasn’t a question. The exit was in range and I my anxiety eased a bit, then. BU!!…. BU BU BU BUBUBUBUB BURRRRRRRRrrrrrr…. it died… (god I have serious auto trouble on this blog) the power steering and brakes seized with the engine; I literally stood on the brake using the steering wheel for leverage. The road curved a bit before the exit and because I couldn’t steer we were driven up the embankment halting to a stop. Erin looked at me a bit pale and I immediately apologized, “Oh god Erin, I am so incredibly sorry, I thought we had enough gas to make it.” I shook my head in shame thinking not only was this incredibly embarrassing but it was the end of my relationship with her. Eventually, someone stopped to help us out and Erin was nice enough to go to the gas station while I waited for her. When she came back I smiled sheepishly at the guys driving, who grinned at me like I was an idiot, I was sure Erin felt the same.
Erin and I didn’t break up in fact she told me later that this was the very moment she fell in love with me.
Don’t ask me private questions!!!
I had a friend of mine that was extremely guarded. He is concerned to an extreme about people hurting or taking advantage of him. He has a wall around him as thick as the concrete at the pentagon. We worked briefly as business partners but every time I tried to understand his private life he would flip out on me. Since a business partner is very much like a marriage I felt I need to know a lot of personal things before became too involved. Alas this led to an explosion and I backed cautiously out of the deal. If this person was so protected, so fearful to trust me, I could not offer trust back. I was invited to his island but not allowed to come ashore. The last I heard from him, he accused of installing a virus on his computer to steal information. Needless to say we don’t talk anymore.
Just grin and bare it
I am very proud of the fact people open up to me the way they do. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard the phase “I don’t think I have ever told anyone that before” or “why am I so comfortable with you?” This kinda happens with guy friends too and many share things that I wish they wouldn’t. I have had more than one guy come out of the closet on me (I had to trip them and run, just kidding I was nice). However I am proud of the comfort I instill and I often try to teach this to others. Yes, someone might hurt you if you are vulnerable but the more often you expose these vulnerabilities the less they hurt. Let him know about your weaknesses, your fears. Let her know that you are afraid that she won’t like you because you snore. Don’t be shy to tell him that you are a little self conscious about your tummy (even if it is perfect). It is okay even to share the really bad things if it is necessary. Not being ashamed of your fears and perceived imperfections make you human. This humanity allows him to show his unpolished side too, a side that you may just fall in love with.
- If you hang out at a nudist camp pretty soon you won’t mind you are naked
- Exposing your fears makes him comfortable to expose his
- When you expose vulnerability do so with control, this is not an emotional dump
- This is not about degrading yourself, Post on that here
{ 58 comments… read them below or add one }
I had to trip them and run….what did u mean by this? good post, i think i’m to fast on opening up with my flaws and knowing what they’re, while others are oblivious/ignore there’s.
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trip and run
this has only happened to me once actually. Had a friend tell me he was gay and in love with me. I told him thank you for the incredible complement. Did I run? No I talked to him for a while and we remained friends but he doesn’t contact me any longer.
I seem to remember a particularly white knuckle ride in that Scout (RIP), in a storm on the way to Kirkwood. Unfortunately, Mike, I think that was the end of our romance – I chose the truck.
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Druz
Whatever, you wanted to choose me.
As for exposing your vulnerabilities I imagine burning man cleared all those away.
I am a little self-conscious about my tummy.
I, for some odd reason, sleep with my arm straight up in the air on most nights.
I snore when I have a cold.
I wake up slowly and grumpy.
Okay I feel better. Whew, needed to get that off my chest BEFORE we sleep together.
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QT mama
Thank god i know now! let me see what are some of mine…
I am terrified my hairline is receding but I don’t think it is
I spend more time on my computer than I would with a girl (not good)
I have short toes and my old roomie called them hobbit feet (that stung)
Okay I am ready too! but I have to admit that arm thing might be a little too much for me
LOL …this is a great post Mike. I particularly like the responses. I had to laugh about the arm up in the air too…but maybe we are not seeing it the way she intended…cause my image is straight out of a zombie movie:-)
I like the warning that you gave…”not an emotional dumping”. I have a friend who holds all her “stuff” in until one day its an explosion. But she is working on it:)
Me, I have a bit of the opposite problem. I will tell you anything you want to know…to a fault. Sometimes it is good to be a little mysterious…wouldnt you say?
oh, like the hobbit feet:) If it helps, I apparantely have “finger toes”…always well groomed finger toes though!
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Sometimes I never know what people will like. I was worried that it was not deep enough.
What I really want to communicate is that it is okay to lead the way with vulnerability. Tease yourself, make him/her feel comfortable. This is NOT necessarily a time to tell him about your HPV (if ever, he probably has it too)
The emotional dump part is huge too. Share your insecurities NOT your sources of deep depression. This is one of the fastest ways to get the opposite person to run. I once knew a guy that would always tell women that he was afraid to date because women always cheated on him. Of course, HUGE turn off.
Emotion is a loaded gun, if you waive it around people will back away from you.
I’m insecure about…well, everything. I think the reason most feel vulnerable is due to being burned in the past and fearing that once they risk telling something that the person will choose to use it against them. This is especially true with people on the internet, where common courtesy tends to fly out the window and people can use information to exploit or harm one another without it being “personal.”
Mike, if we ever decide to sleep together, we can talk about our vulnerabilities. ^-^ Until then, my lips are sealed.
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Don’t worry I will open those lips
Oh my.
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Yes.. Oh MY!
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I know that was kinda bad… Sorry about that.
You big flirt! One of these days I’m going to take you seriously and you won’t know what hit you.
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There is a flip-side. I have a friend who opens up too much! Say we go out for a few drinks and some guys start to talk to us, she invariably brings the convo to some very personal discussion about sex (and VERY private positions). Not that I’m in any way a prude, but I think that it sends the wrong message to talk porn with strangers. Then she wonders why guys don’t treat her right. I’m cool with my quirks, but I’m a bit more demure.
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Whatever Cara, I remember you. Absolutely a prude!
Talking about sex is her strategy to get attention. It has nothing to do with vulnerability. Call her on it sometime.
Unfortunately I do exactly the same thing, not for attention but because I am a pervert.
@Cara Ditto what Mike said. It’s because she’s insecure as a person and thinks that if she can tempt him with her magic hoohaw, she might be able to convince him later that she’s worthwhile as a person.
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Totally right! She uses it to get attention but hates the results of that type of attention. Maybe she’s hoping she has the magic p….! (OK, I wrote the word then totally couldn’t follow through and post it!) And aren’t all midwestern girls prudes at 15? I mean, I went to Catholic schools for God’s sake!
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@Cara I went to Catholic school until 10 and I was a Midwestern girl. I was a prude until…well, I still am, if I’m being honest. Repression is awful.
You don’t have to say the word. I’m thinking it for you. We both know she doesn’t have the magic p…., but she almost uses it like a weapon. The problem happens when she actually has sex with the guy and then the weapon is all used up and there still isn’t a relationship there.
I think we’re all convinced we have magic weapons. I’ve learned that I am equipped with some pretty special talents. But magic isn’t one of them. But in some folks it doesn’t stop that idea that if they can just convince a man that it’s “magic” that men will mysteriously fall at their feet.
Where do we get that irrational thinking? I wonder if it’s some kind of mystery of coming into womanhood that we are buying into at a young ago and then immaturely holding onto?
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I’ve always enjoyed being single and making my magic without strings attached, which I’m having trouble reconciling with the fact that I’m engaged to a perfectly wonderful man and about to give up that freedom. Maybe my magic was my fear of commitment! As for my friend, I still hate sitting there being co-pilot to this plane wreck! I’ll have to call her out on it, preferably before his wing man gets any ideas that I’m on the same flight path!
That being said, I sometimes struggled against stereotypical female roles while inadvertantly perpetuating them. Refusing to settle down and act feminine but wearing short skirts and fake nails (although not anymore – at least the fake nails!). I even left the Catholic church due to its blatant sexism. Let the Pope push out kid after kid and say that birth control is bad.
As for my human foibles, mine are neither cool nor cute, and I do love that my fiance finds them endearing, or at the very least can ignore them.
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@Cara, I’ve been married since I was 20 so I never had that experience. It’s almost like we have flipped situations, here.
I agree that calling her out on it, even just to tell her how uncomfortable it is for you and how it might present her to others might be the right way to go. I think you are great and I barely know you. I’m certain that you are doing just fine.
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Hey! you are supposed to talk to me! don’t make friends here! I will get jealous…
Actually I love it… Keep going
@Cara sounds like you better let that wingman go, we reflect and become the people we are around and she maybe the reason you are getting cold feet.
@Jillian PUSSY… there I said it, feel much better now. I think I need to do a whole post on magic vagina syndrome. It is probably related to Casanova disorder.
@both of you. Don’t let Cara snow you. She tried to molest me in high school. She is not what she seems…!
Awww, Mike, it’s precious that you want both of our attention on you. The word has a different connotation when you say it. When we say it, it’s almost like we are degrading ourselves. It feels anti-feminist, though I’m honest in that I’m not much of a feminist to begin with. It could very well be related. I know that a lot of single women use the mystery of their goodies as lure for men who otherwise have no interest in them. Those same men are fine with it because it’s meaningless sex and they move on.
Mike, I actually admire her more for her determination.
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Magic Hoo Haw had me laughing so hard at work my co-workers think I’m crying! LMAO
Ok so yes we all have insecurities but there comes a point in time (ususally with age) that we say “screw it! Love me for who I am or leave me alone!” We weed out the taxing trying friendships that drain our very being, we stop spending 2 hours listening to our friends moan over the bad boy who broke their heart, we quit spending every morning staring at every flaw on our body so that we can obsess about it all day, we quit looking at every mirror and reflection in a window making sure for the 85th time that our butt doesn’t look too big in these pants, we just become who we are and accept it and ideally love it. Like it or leave it! That’s when you really become free and find the one who truly loves you! That is why Cougars are so attractive, they are comfortable in their own skin and their lives and are secure enough to go out and get what they want………..including good sex! So here’s to being a cougar!! ROAR!
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Glad you have taken the right path
I like cougars they make great pets. (follow evil giggle)
Men make great pets too………….every girl should own one
HEE HEE
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I don’t know, we tend to pee on the carpet and dig in the garbage.
what is the male version of a cougar?
@Tammy
Glad you like it.
@Mike I’m going to poach your readers. I LIKE THEM. They rock. And I don’t know what the male version of a cougar is. I just call it “man.”
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#1 – Clearly Jillian, Cara and Tammy are brilliant women.
#2 – Hobbit feet, for me, would be way worse than if you slept with an arm up in the air (which by the way, is in a very non-zombie way), cuz you know, during the day my arms are all normal, but well, you’d still have hobbit feet. I’m just sayin.
#3 – Odd that I completely understood her not using the word pussy. It got me to thinking about how often I use the word myself. And I came to the conclusion that I use it ONLY when I want to tell a man he’s being, well, a pussy. You know like, “DUDE. Stop being a pussy and call her.” Or, “DUDE. You’re a pussy if you don’t eat that last bite.” But it’s not like I walk up to some of my women friends and say, “Hey chickie! How’s the pussy today?” Ya know? Ya with me?
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@QT Thank you, the feeling is mutual.
And I do the SAME thing for #3. I wonder why we do that? I actually just wrote that on a male acquaintances arm last week in a particularly volatile game of scattergories. 
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I feel the same way about the the word c**k. Just feel all dirty inside saying it.
What is wrong with hobbit feet!! I get them waxed!
You wax your feet?
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COCK. There I said it, feel much better now. I think I need to do a whole post on … oh wait, never mind.
Jillian, SEE! So ya know, just to be different, how’s the pussy today? OKAY that just felt WRONG. Let me fix it.
Mike Masters, you’re a pussy for waxing your feet.
Whew. Okay all better.
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@QT I think I just peed a little. HILARIOUS. And it’s doing pretty well, thank you for asking.
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I must admit to giggling a bit myself.
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You are all crazy cool LOL
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@Amanda Mike actually pays us to come liven things up in his comments section.
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@Jillian LOL I don’t think he needs to do that, he just replies to people and they go all gooey and become his adoring fans.
@Mike you know it’s true! (before you say anything)
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@Amanda, Oh you get no disagreement from me. The womenfolk all want their chance to foshizzle his dizzle if you know what I mean?
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I want to go have margaritas with you girls and make fun of guys! Mike you can come and take notes for your next blog! Oh, btw it would be a good blog to talk about taboo words we don’t like to say (co**k and Pu**y) and talking dirty….is it hard for people to do, what is good/bad to say etc. Just an idea!
So here is a bizzare thing that happend to me so tell me what you all think!
One time years ago I went out to the bar with people I worked with and some people were all suppose to go to this guys house after the bar. I showed up and it was just the guy and me. I had a bf at the time so was avoiding him hitting on me and he said to me to come lay with him in the bed and that I didn’t have to touch him he would “take care of” himself while I was by him. (jerk off) Seriously! I was so freaked out I took off and never spoke to him again! I mean we were just aquaintances at work!!!!!!!!!!!! How freaky!
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@Tammy Now, now. There are plenty of men I’d invite for margaritas to help us make fun of everyone.
That is incredibly creepy.
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Tammy,
The poor man just wanted some company! He sounds lonely.
And pathetic.
And just … EW
-QT
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QT, did you really just try to justify what he did?
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*Laugh* Hell no girl, that was me just poking fun. I’d have bitch slapped the hell out of him before I ran out there!
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Me, too. I was giving you grief.
@Tammy, how did you work with the guy after?
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Is QT momma really kicking my ass on my own blog???
this sucks!
I have to go run, so don’t abuse me too bad while I am gone, please?
Oh, and I was the guy next to Tammy…
If only we could all be so lucky, you gorgeous hobbit-footed creature, you. *blows kisses*
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Mike, you’re invited to kick my ass on my blog any time you like!
OK on that last note from Mike, I’m off as well to have what I’m sure will be some scary ass dreams.
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@ Jillian………I just turned the other way and avoided him at all costs! LOL It totally skeeved me out! How weird is that??
@ Mike………..you wish!
If it was you I may have stayed!
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Yep, I think she did. And QT, do you honestly believe Mike reads our blogs? Pshaw!
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While you guys have been chatting I just had a guy tell in my own kitchen that he is dating 2 other women that I didn’t know about but still wants to have sex with me! I’m in shock!
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Ouch! the magic number three… You were the third?
So what did you say?
@Amanda Well, hello big red flag!
I’m sorry that you are having to deal with this unnecessary bs.
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I was the first person out of the 3 that he had met. I said ‘You had better leave now’.. LOL But we then went on to talk about expectations and what we wanted out of a relationship, but that currently doesn’t match up:) So was ok in the end as I had a chance to air my thoughts and feelings, was just shocked but feel better for knowing the truth.
Dating is so harsh! Onward and upward..LOL
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So why didn’t you know he was dating a few other girls?
Would you email me and tell me more? I would like to write about this topic (mikethemasterdater at gmail dot com)
@ Amanda apparently he is going by the pair and a spare motto! He needs to go live in Utah if that’s his motto! Good for you for kickin him to the curb! And now makes for a good story!
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