25 reasons why he WONT ask you to marry him – Part 2

by Mike Masters on February 3, 2010

Literally how many men feel

The saying came from somewhere!

Continued from part one 25 reason why he is not going to ask you to marry him

14. He is a guy – If you are married, you are one of the lucky ones. I hate to say it but most guys I know refer to getting married as temporary insanity. (Many women I know feel this way too)  I know this is biased but having the perfect marriage is something most men just don’t dream about as often as waitress over at TGI Fridays. (That is the second time I have mentioned her… maybe I need to pursue this?)

15. Marriage is jail – An old friend (no longer) who has been married to his wife for almost three years, likens his marriage to Jail. He wrote a post for me here, Marrige and death, a married man’s point of view. He hates marriage so much that he verbally and emotionally tortures his wife, he is so abusive that it shocks me she stays. Do you really want to be a cell mate with a guy that punishes you daily, thinking you tricked him into this jail? (You might want to read his post and then leave a NASTY comment but unfortunately only I would get it)

16. You aren’t sexy enough – before you bristle at this, let me explain that this really is more his problem than yours. He most likely is using this as an excuse to not take the relationship to the next level. Even if you were to get a boob job, ass job and a offer a life time of hand jobs, it wont matter. He wants something that doesn’t exist, a woman to melt his fear.

17. You are too nice – If the closest he gets to proposing is when he has finished a bottle of Jack, you might be too nice. I know you are focusing like mad on being so sweet and kind so he will get this hint but this isn’t going to work! In fact, it probably is currently backfiring. Drink a little of that Jack yourself and gather up the guts to MOVE ON.

18. You haven’t been together that long – I had only been with this girl for two months when she told me that she thought I was, “The One!” My mind immediately pictured Keanu Reeves in the Matrix and I thought, “Yeah… that would be cool.” Two seconds later I snapped out of my guy fantasy and realized what she meant. So I focused my matrix powers and ignored her until she went away.

19. His/your parents don’t approve – “Oyasuminasai!” (Have a good night!) I said  in Japanese at her mother while she aggressively ignored me and crawled away on a broken leg, and slammed her bedroom door! (Seriously she did this) I really loved this girl but I could NEVER marry into a family that couldn’t handle the fact that I was a foreigner. I imagined meals in bitter silence while her family silently rebuked her for marrying a gaijin. Screw that, if I wanted that kind of misery I would be friends with Moxie. (Inside joke)

20. You asked him to marry you –  There is a fine line between hinting and forcing. You do need to lay down the law with some guys that refuse to let go of their forever bachelor fantasies but laying it down the wrong way can back fire. I recently saw this with some friends of mine, she demanded marriage after one year, only to find out that her best friend was preggers with his baby. A year later her married the best friend, ouch… (Maybe this story doesn’t illustrate my point well?)

21. Was married before and it was BAD – Ironically, I think I know more women that feel this way than men. Clearly it wasn’t marriage’s fault but he/she has that association now. Kinda like when you were a little kid and stuck your finger in an outlet for the first time. If not, go try it now, I will wait… Want to deprogram this? Good luck… if it works tell me and I will apply your technique to my neighbor’s incessantly barking dog.

22. You are “Angry girl!” – Why doesn’t he want to get married? because he is afraid! This fear could have many sources but one might be your anger. The thought of tying the knot with a woman that will emotionally flog him the rest of his life might be a little scary. Solution? Get him into S&M and train him to, “SHUT UP AND EAT IT!”

23. Its been 5 years what’s another 5? – This one is insidiously simple and something a lot of couples get caught in. They simply get too comfortable and if it ain’t broke, why fix it? I know you have been patient for an amazing 5 years but jeeze… if you are this much of a weakling I am sure you will put up with five more, right? This is a grave that you dug for yourself, so don’t complain that it stinks!

24. You or he is/are still married – This one always surprises me. Seen it enough times and it still blows my mind. My friend’s brother is having an affair with a married woman and… SHE is pressuring him for marriage! But she is already married!? Does she view marriage like job security?  To top it off, he is married too. Personally I think they should give their spouses a chance to find a “new job” as well. (This one plays out in about a month and I am excited to here how badly it goes!)

25. Another woman is stopping him – This one is not what you might think. A very close friend of mine hasn’t slept with, or been physically close to his wife in 6 years. (This was her choice) He became very lonely and met someone he loves very much. He really wants to marry his girlfriend of 4 years but… he doesn’t do it. Why? Not because of his wife but because of his daughter! Of course, this is just an excuse, the truth is my friend is simply afraid. He has been beat up by his controlling wife and is terrified to do the right thing. You would think that when people reach their 50′s that they would be wise, but conditioning is a bitch.

Want to really figure out why he won’t commit?? Why he isn’t getting serious and what to do about it? Check out my best selling book on Amazon for only 2.99! Click here for 75 Secrets Why He Won’t Commit And What To Do About It

{ 2 trackbacks }

Why won't he marry me?
February 7, 2010 at 5:34 pm
The Waiting Game: How long is too long? « *wink* *wink* *wink*
July 26, 2010 at 1:30 pm

{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }

1 robinincarolina February 3, 2010 at 7:33 am

One to add, when he looks at you he sees his mother. You are cooking, cleaning, doing his laundry, expecting him to check in, checking up on him and asking him a million questions as to where, who and what has he been doing. Men really don’t want to marry their mothers.

Great Article!!! Too funny!

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2 Mike Masters February 3, 2010 at 7:36 am

Really? I always assumed that most men married their mothers!

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3 lifebeginsat30ty February 3, 2010 at 8:18 am

Ugh. But then some of them expect you to do the cooking, cleaning, pickup after them, etc. So in essence they are MAKING you their mother!

I really like this series. It has given me a lot of thought. I was with my ex-husband 5 years before we got married (living together most of it). We were also quite young, so I was fine with it for most of the time. But you’re right in that living together like that made the actual act of getting married kind of reduntant relationship wise (well, you do get to have a big party with all your friends and relatives plus gifts/money. Oh, and tax/legal purposes). He was also afraid to get married because of what happened with his parents. But he ended up getting over his fear and being the one not wanting to give up on the marriage in the end. Oh, the irony.

Anyway, I’ve learned. Next time I’m not moving in unless I have to. I’ve always thought the ideal would be to have 2 separate houses next door to each other.
.-= lifebeginsat30ty´s last blog ..FB shall bring the world together =-.

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4 Mike Masters February 3, 2010 at 8:40 am

Two separate houses! I have heard that so many times.
And people wonder why I don’t want to get married.

Glad you liked this. I wasn’t sure how it would be received since a lot of my humor/observations seem negative.

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5 lifebeginsat30ty February 3, 2010 at 12:43 pm

But you could still be married. Just live in two separate houses. But close enough you could see each other when you wanted without too much effort. I think it’s perfect.
.-= lifebeginsat30ty´s last blog ..FB shall bring the world together =-.

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6 Mike Masters February 3, 2010 at 1:55 pm

How about a duplex?

7 Elissa February 3, 2010 at 11:08 am

A friend of mine proposed to her Boyfriend of 5 years and we all told her it was a bad idea. He had told her he was going to do it soon anyways (granted he had been saying that for several months…). But she still wanted to do it and she pressured him all the time about it, especially since almost all her female friends were either engaged or married (in the South if you are female and aren’t married or engaged by 25 you are practically a spinster). Eventually on New Years Eve he proposed but only because “it was convenient”- he picked her ring out of a catalog and his parents gave him the money for it. I’m just waiting to see how this turns out.
.-= Elissa´s last blog ..Overly Protective? =-.

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8 Mike Masters February 3, 2010 at 1:56 pm

It blows my mind that any women would propose to a man. Talk about chaffing at the bit!
Yeah… That ain’t gonna last long!

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9 Princess T February 4, 2010 at 7:43 pm

Ya I think your next series should be ’25 reasons why YOU shouldn’t marry HIM’

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10 Mike Masters February 4, 2010 at 7:47 pm

that is a great idea!
Just got a Q from a woman that is concerned about marrying her BF. Interesting idea!

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11 Kelly Seal February 3, 2010 at 3:55 pm

I like this series…have you heard of a book called “A Little Bit Married”? It’s about how people in their twenties usually have “trial marriages” where they have long-term partners for a few years before they eventually get married (or not) for various reasons…like, they are still not ready to “grow up”, they want to keep options open for moving, traveling, etc., and they are scared of marriage becuase their parents divorced. Anyway, the book talks about how people WANT the emotional/ physical/ financial benefits of marriage but don’t really care to make it official. Anyway, it’s interesting.

P.S. Totally agree with you on #24. WTF?
.-= Kelly Seal´s last blog ..Online dating meets social networking… =-.

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12 Mike Masters February 3, 2010 at 4:35 pm

Sounds like an interesting book. Did they say when I would finally “grow up” and be ready?

24 is messed up but how many times have we all seen it?? I really think this is shitty and I hope it crashes and burns as badly as they deserve!

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13 Dating Diva February 3, 2010 at 8:21 pm

I think you need to do a series on: Why He Doesn’t Put in Any Effort to Court You and Why He Doesn’t Call You and Why He Calls You All the Time But Takes Forever to Ask You on a Date…I could go on and on. LOL.

And what is this about TGI Friday’s girl? What happened to the girl you’ve been seeing for a few months? Did I miss something?
.-= Dating Diva´s last blog ..Dating Story in the Making (I hope) =-.

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14 Mike Masters February 3, 2010 at 8:30 pm

If there actually was a TGI fridays out here you might have a case.
Naw, I was just on the phone with her a little while ago. Talking about my evil step mother.

I want a post on that topic! but what the hell are the keywords???

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15 lifebeginsat30ty February 4, 2010 at 8:50 am

Ooh! Ooh! I know the answer to this one! *raises hand like the teacher’s pet I am*

6 simple words: He’s just not that into you.

:)

I would still like to hear Mike’s opinion on it though ;)
.-= lifebeginsat30ty´s last blog ..Thursday confessional: I suck at flirting =-.

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16 Princess T February 4, 2010 at 7:45 pm

I concur – just not that into you… it happens to everyone.
.-= Princess T´s last blog ..Speed Dating (Part 2) – the dates =-.

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17 Mike Masters February 4, 2010 at 7:56 pm

Damn-it
Now I have to answer
I know DD personally and I it is very possible that they guy is not into her but I think the real problem is that DD scares men.

Don’t want to get myself in trouble with my friend so I won’t say anymore!

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18 Dating Diva February 5, 2010 at 9:24 pm

Scares men because she is confident and pretty? Hmm. That may be it. That’s what you were going to say, right Mike? ;)
.-= Dating Diva´s last blog ..Funny Dating Profile Titles =-.

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19 "Predictable But Fun" February 4, 2010 at 8:53 am

After reading this post, I can’t help but feel shocked anyone gets married! :) what causes a guy to get married? Is it just for the tax break? I’d love to see you post some reasons why men do get married :) Thanks for the post!
.-= “Predictable But Fun”´s last blog ..When Technology and Love Say: Comeback =-.

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20 Jersey Brett February 4, 2010 at 10:52 am

Re: No. 16. Hey, looks matter. If a girl gains 10 lbs in a relationship while you’re dating, most guys (quite correctly) assume that there will be another 20 more after we say “I do.”

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21 whatever April 21, 2010 at 11:56 am

OH come on….if a girl gains 10 pounds while dating but it’s OK for him to gain weight. I swear guys have such double standards that they themselves do not live by but expect the girl to fulfill all of their qualities.

Give me a break. We overlook your imperfections because we love you. What’s funny is most men don’t realize HOW quickly another man can snatch up their unwanted goods.

Men don’t commit becuse they just dont! There’s no special formula to run through it’s just because they dont’ want to AND for the most Part marriage\proposal is All about them and their TIME LINE has nothing to do with anything else. So MOM’s stop raising MOMMA’s boys and babying them. Raise them like you do your daughters to be self reliate, to take care of themseleves maybe just maybe we will have a World OF MEN and NOT boys!

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22 Mike Masters April 21, 2010 at 12:35 pm

I love buttons and they are even more fun to push!

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23 Mike masters February 4, 2010 at 11:13 am

Hahaha.
I avoided that one a bit!
Already got yelled at about not wanting to raise another mans child.
.-= Mike masters´s last blog ..25 reasons why he WONT ask you to marry him – Part 2 =-.

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24 Tina t February 5, 2010 at 2:20 pm

I love the part 2 list even more than part 1. The Matrix and being “the one” and the S&M and training him had me laughing so hard.

As someone who recently celebrated my 16th wedding anniversary, I have to say that I totally disagree with marriage being jail. Of course, I do know women who want to make it like jail by never letting their men have any space or do anything by themselves.

Being married is wonderful, but it requires work to keep a marriage alive. I think that turns people off and many choose to remain single rather than put the work in that marriage would require.
.-= Tina t´s last blog ..Why Won’t He Marry Me? =-.

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25 Guiltee February 7, 2010 at 2:11 pm

I’m a girl, and I read the first half last week and the second half just today. For the past several days, I’ve been thinking about the first half of the list, and now I know why I will most likely never marry my current boyfriend. I feel much the same as several of the items on your list. It’s unsettling, but I can’t see myself breaking up with him even if I don’t see myself with him forever. It’s giving me tremendous guilt to think about staying with him when I don’t feel that strongly about him anymore. Am I turning into a guy?

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26 Guiltee February 7, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Btw, I’ve been married before and was the one who initiated the divorce because I was incredibly unhappy and lonely. I’m not sure so it was my ex husband now, as much as it is that I will never be happy and not lonley.

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27 Mike Masters February 7, 2010 at 2:25 pm

You are not a guy but you probably are more comfortable in the male role. I imagine you are usually the one to leave the relationship. What to do? Probably get out, people like you (and me) tend to date people not up to our standards for multiple reasons (avoiding marriage, lack of choice, enjoy the power, etc) but it really isn’t fair to the other person. This is why, at this juncture in my life I am very much single.
I wouldn’t be surprised if more women felt the way you do. We are all humans, having similar feeling and sharing similar sexual roles.

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28 Bianca April 27, 2010 at 5:44 am

Thanks so much!! I just realized it is time for me to move on!! This guy I have been nothing but loving& patient to was previously trapped into marrying his ex cause she was pregnant & then they divorced & then he had some cokehead he was engaged to. So, I realized I am too good for him. He wants someone inferior & most of all, his family disliked me since I am Brazilian and not all white Norweigan like them!! Fuck it!! Im glad that I found this site!! I also forgot , after I was generous with him on his birthday & Christmas, I got no presents..not even a card!!!

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29 Dr. K. May 3, 2010 at 8:00 am

why he WONT ask you to marry him ?

Uhmmm…………..because he has a brain, and actually uses it.

State sanctioned marriage is really an oxymoron, providing leaches
and parasites so-called “legalities” to steal, rob and pychologically
torture the unsuspecting dupes they lure into their trap.

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30 janester April 4, 2011 at 9:23 pm

Mike, great reads thanks, especially like your lists…
Can’t find any posts on this, and direct me to one if I’ve missed it to save yourself another painstaking reply to the same question
We’ve been together 8 months, going great, no disagreements, really! except for one wee Lil irritating quality he has. He goes to his ‘place’ every couple of months. I let him go, have his space, ‘pws’ (Putting up with Women Shit} whatever you want to call it. I of course get typically insecure, sabotage….he breaks up with me. So last time (4th), 2 days ago, I accepted it, said I understand, and left it at that. Is there any hope? I’m resolved to accept its over, regardless of him being great in every other way. I don’t think he’s insecure, he has shared he has commitment issues, but that’s fine, I want slow, but being dumped every couple of months is not where I want to be at. We talked last week bout wanting to grow old together (he told me first), we were planning a June move in date, kids are great together… all’s good. I know I need to work on my ‘sabotage’ issues, but they wouldn’t and haven’t been there, if he’d just stop dumping me!!! So is he question 1, just a dick? 2 maybe not really into me, talk is bs to get laid? 3 insecure fear of commitment? he emailed to say, ‘lets please keep in touch, hold on to the ‘stuff’, and he will respect my space as he would expect me to respect his’ wtf
thanks

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31 Mike Masters April 4, 2011 at 11:43 pm

He dumps you because he wants the freedom to be involved with other women. Its that simple…
He wants the security of a committed relationship and the freedom to play.
Either get a man more commitment driven or allow him his freedom and have an open relationship with him.

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32 1anester April 5, 2011 at 8:49 pm

Thanks so much for the speedy reply UPDATE, he’s emailed twice now, first email noted above, 2nd one, endearing, apologetic, blah, I haven’t and am not responding. You hit the nail on the head, would go for option two, but no passion, he doesn’t fight, just texts that this or that has pushed him over the edge and he’s done. At least a good debate or fight might have the make up sex potential of passion, but communication is key especially for open relationships. So thanks again for your reply, it helped :)

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33 luann August 18, 2011 at 2:11 pm

hi love this finally a guys point of view..ill tell you my story my boyfriend has asked me three times to marry him and then backed out…of course he has been drunk everytime…third time we had a room reservered rings bought date set and he said he will marry me but just not right now..so then he buys some property and says he wants me to move in with him..so i did still i havent heard those words yet…he has been married three times and has lost everything each time was even homeless for a while because of it…he got alot of money and i think hes afraid of losing it..i have a house i rent and i still work and make pretty good money..im in debt eith a credit card so i dont think he wants to be responsble for it..if we did get married..what do you think about this well be 2 years in nov…thanks for your time and article.

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34 Mellbell January 29, 2013 at 2:42 pm

Uggh. I’m glad I read this, but hate that I’m in a situation where I’m waiting for a marriage proposal! My bf and I are in our 40′s and have been living together for 2 years and together for 3 years. Initially he pushed for marriage within months of getting together, but it was way too soon and I knew better than to go “there” so soon with a guy. Now, I’m ready to get married and he’s full of excuses about why he wants to wait. I have no fears about whether or not he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, he does, and says so often. We bought land together and are in the process of building a house. I think he takes me for granted though and I am working on ways to regain his interest. (We are guilty of spending every evening together in front of the tv. ) I work at home alone, so I am always there. He never has a chance to miss me. I moved to his town to live with him two years ago and don’t really have any girlfriends I socialize with regularily. So my bf and I are always together when we socialize with friends and we enjoy it, but I know I’ve lost my mystery to him by doing this. We totally feel and act like an old married couple! So, I am determined to get my own life and my own friends and do more without him. I want more passion in my relationship! I have joined some social clubs and have started going to the gym again (I haven’t gained any weight and he makes positive comments about my body all the time), but I want to be in great shape again. Originally I joined the gym because I thought it would be something healthy we could do together (instead of being slugs every night), but he is not interested in going, so oh well. His job is very stressful and he just wants to vegetate at night. (I think it would help with the stress :) ) Oh and our sex life? He is the WORST lover I’ve ever had!!!! LOL. I have tons more sexual experience than he does. He’s a two minute man, end of story. Believe it or not, I actually like that he’s not a good lover. It’s refreshing . I like that for once, my relationship is NOT just about the great sex. I’m in my late 40′s and have had way more good sex in my life than should be legal, so with what’s going on with my f*ing hormones at this point in my life, I am actually fine with the short and sweet sex. He’s never expressed any dissatisfaction, other than wishing he could last longer (he could, IF he would work on it). So to make all this more complicated, I recently told him I wanted to be abstinate from sex until we get married. We are both of the same faith and I’m doing this to honor my beliefs. Not having sex is also a good way to find out if a guy is really interested and respects a woman. It’s a good way to shift the focus to intimacy and can really improve a couples bond. My boyfriend has responded well to my decision and he’s been more tuned-in lately. This is too long, sorry!
Do you have any advice for regaining his interest and/or stop my doormat syndrome?

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35 K March 7, 2013 at 8:29 am

I can’t offer any advise. I’ve been with my bf for 16 years and am still not married. Talk about doormat syndrome.

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36 K March 7, 2013 at 8:28 am

I have been with my bf for 16 years. When we first got together he said that we would get married, but I’m still waiting. He still says someday, you never know. He was a big help in raising my children. They love him and call him Dad. I’m sick of waiting. I love him, we have a great life together, but I want to be married. Period end of story. Is there something wrong with that? I keep reading that if I really want to be married that I need to put my foot down and if he doesn’t then I need to walk away. Damn, wish there was another resolution. I feel like I’m giving up my dream, he is everything to me. Of course I want to marry him! He loves me too, but just doesn’t see then need for that piece of paper. What do I do?

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37 alterity March 17, 2013 at 4:20 pm

K, tell him that you see the need and need it soon. If he doesn’t propose in a few months, and you are prepared to lose him so you can be free to find someone who is marriage minded, then walk. Every single article and book on this subject recommends this, and I’ve read them all.

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