sparring for power
Mood for love – when the game is invalidated
I hadn’t seen her in over a year and the last time I did, it was a battle. It had always been that way with us. “I just came back from a date with another gorgeous model, my god! Have you ever seen veins in someone’s abs?!” I would respond something like, “I did on a cadaver, he was totally ripped after I scraped all his fat off. So, how was this one in bed? Could he pleasure the black hole of your need?” This would be delivered totally dead pan, she would look at me with disgust and a tinge of frustration.
I hadn’t heard from her in months when I said yes to her invitation. When I walked up I gave her a huge hug and a kiss that migrated to the lips, “So good to see you, thanks for remaining my friend for so long.” I didn’t come to fight and I felt her relax. To my surprise the person waiting for me was quite a bit different then I expected to meet. She was no longer on her man hunt and she no longer cared about proving her value to me. We had both left our armor and weapons in the car and without them there was no struggle. I have not experienced that much pleasure in holding someones hand in a very long time and it was a shame that it didn’t happen sooner.
Recently while in NY I met someone that rocked me. She was not initially on my radar but the second she opened her mouth I had to double take. I like to assume that everyone has a beautiful mind but so often they disappoint. Sarah was not this person, in fact I was a tad concerned that I would come up short. Such a wonderful feeling to meet someone where the attraction of the mind does not have to be manufactured. There was no sparring, no jokes, no struggle for power, we just were and things flowed.
Armed to the teeth
So many of us hate the game, and usually in response I would argue that it is because you suck at it. However, I think a lot of you “hate” the game because you have had glimpses of when you didn’t need to play it. When things came to you organicly and without effort. When the right mood, feeling and vibration was in the air to draw to you the person you really wished to dance with. When you didn’t have to fight to maintain.
I am good at the game, I know how to spar but so often I leave the house with sword in hand out to battle the dragon. I might sit down next to someone at a party and raise my sword in challenge to have it met with equal resistance. Do I want to fight? Do I want to interact? I would say usually no, I don’t. Then why in the world would I instigate it?
The effortless connection
This is all so nice and candy coated but one must still be aware. I think of the game like becoming a Karate expert. Is it so that one can fight? Of course not, we learn to play because in becoming skilled we have the confidence to no longer need to play and instead we use our skills to maintain the health of the relationship.
When that wonderful connection starts to turn south because the ex slinks back into their life, work becomes hell or family wreaks havoc. Attraction is directly related to the perception of power, something all people will push the boundaries of unconsciously. Even if you enter the relationship with massive respect and love there will be a time when you will have to take up arms and fight for your position. I only hope that you can both come from the position of masters with the same objective. To continue with the amazing connection the two of you first forged.
Now I am off to meet my beautiful connection for breakfast, hopefully I won’t have to stab her with my fork.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
“…we learn to play because in becoming skilled we have the confidence to no longer need to play and instead we use our skills to maintain the health of the relationship.”
Loved this line. I wish more people used their ’skills’ to maintain the health of their relationships, instead of using them to assert their dominance. I think many people are out here just trying to get one over on the people they ‘connect’ with.
Great post!
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It is really nice to have people quote you in the comment section!
I have writing about the game in the past and I think people have often missed the point. It is NOT about getting one over on the other person but it is a muscle we all need to be aware of and flex time to time.
Another well-written Master Dater post. This was, to me, the most poignant: “Even if you enter the relationship with massive respect and love there will be a time when you will have to take up arms and fight for your position. I only hope that you can both come from the position of masters with the same objective. To continue with the amazing connection the two of you first forged.”
I like the idea of not fighting initially, but fighting later on. And fighting, at least in this quote, is different from the fighting you tire of, the sparring that happens on first sight between you and a girl who wants to play The Game. The fighting you are referring to here sounds a lot more healthy: You are fighting for love, and both people are fighting, but not each other.
Glad to see you back on the blogging scene!
Zoë´s last blog ..An email from Francois: “I’m scared of the dark” (pt. 2)
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there is so much language that really does not do this concept justice. Very frustrating sometimes. If I ever mentions “the game” or relationship sparring a lot of people get all up in arms about it!
Glad you see that there is a difference.
Now “On guard!”
This is a particularly lovely post, Mike. You take on a different tone here. You seem… content. I like it! Fighting to maintain that connection is simply a beautiful idea.
Man-shopper´s last blog ..Ms. Gym Stalker
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Oh no!! lovely???
Crap! that is not the typical response to my posts!
I guess I will have to shake things up a bit and write about how miserable I am.
BTW, where do I send the MRI of my ovaries?
Lovely is a lovely word, and I love using it. So be prepared for lovely to vomit all over your blog in the near future. I’ll do it just to spite you now.
Will keep you posted about where to send that MRI. Unfortunately, I’m in the midst of a city-wide apartment search. I’m on the move!
Man-shopper´s last blog ..Ms. Mac Lover
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god… lovely vomit, that is all I need.
Beautiful ideas presented here. I’m happy to see that you have met someone who makes you want to put down your armor! Good luck!
Lifebeginsat30ty´s last blog ..Raining Men
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Don’t think for a second that I don’t have my Armor right next to the front door!
This particular story was really more about me not feeling the urge to spar and the reasons why.
Unfortunately the girl in question lives a long ways away, too bad…
Oh, I am out of the loop since I saw you in NY! Who is this girl? Must.call.you.now! Miss you! xo
Shannon´s last blog ..AXE Itch Relief 2 in 1 Cooling Anti-Dandruff Shampoo + Conditioner
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I will tell you her name of FB and you can go cyber stalk her, like you do most people you know!
Hope we can talk again soon.
Why does it have to require a sword? Why does it have to be a battle?
The game is (or at least can be) fun. Like chess. You move, I move, and our shared thirst for intrigue and tension is quenched… for now.
Miss Alpha´s last blog ..Finding the right "fit"
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Jeeze, where have you been?
It has to be a sword because you are dangerous and I don’t feel safe with only a chess board between us.