Demi Moore married actor Ashton Kucher when she was 42 and he was 27. Madonna, now 50-years-old is dating Brazilian model Jesus Luz, only 22.
Bethan, lives in southern England on the same street as her best friend Allie. They are on their first holiday to Kenya, a country they say is “Just full of big young boys who like us older girls.”
Flashing a dazzling smile and built like an Olympic basketball star, the 22-year-old said he has slept with more than 100 white women, most of them 30 years his senior. – Reuters
“They work out like I do. Guys my age are fat and gross. I want the total package. I deserve the total package. I want hot and funny.”
This is what society handed me,” said Spuehler, chatting on a recent Thursday night. “I thought when I was in my 20s, I would find somebody and have a beautiful life with him and have children.” Exit the husband. Enter the fawning young men. – Denver Post
She doesn’t need you
I have sat on the topic of cougars for a long time, simply because there seemed to be something moving in the background of deeper understanding. There appeared to be more and all I was seeing was the fin above the surface, not the shark creating it.
Recently and for reasons I still don’t understand, I have been meeting and talking to quite a few women who are older than me, very fit, financially independent, and extremely intelligent. I was sure this type of woman was new, I had been out of the states for over 8 years, and the gradual warming of the pot didn’t blind me to such changes like it did for most men.
I stuck my tongue into my cheek and thought, something is odd here, where did all these older powerful sexy women come from? and the term cougar?? I hadn’t heard it before I left the states 8 years earlier. Why is it so common now? Is something changing in the US, and possibly around the world?
Above are some interesting indicators of change: Demigoddesses of hollywood are fearlessly displaying younger men. Female sexual tourism is shockingly in the news. Your local bar has a few new members, unabashed about what they want. These signs appear insignificant but I am convinced they represent something much larger.
While talking to a writer friend yesterday, we hit upon something that we couldn’t see independently. (She of course is single, fit, beautiful, intelligent and ten years older than I am) “I know what you mean, something deeper is happening here.” We continued to explore until we excitingly struck some pay dirt.
Wanna know what it is? Women are making more money, they are getting divorced sooner (because they CAN), they are fit and body conscious, they look younger, they are powerful, and they feel less and less tethered to men. To put it simply, the 30+ year old woman NO LONGER FEELS SHE NEEDS A MAN.
Now some of you might be thinking,“That is no revelation because I don’t need a man either,” (add pissy head wobble) could women honestly say this 10 years ago? 20? I would argue that this has snuck up on the western world and it’s implications are much larger than you can imagine. I believe this is the second stage of the feminist movement, this is the seizing of real power by millions and millions of successful women. This is a leveling of the playing field that we have only been seeing in the last ten years. AND it is potentially very terrifying or incredibly exciting for millions and millions of men.
The younger man
When I was a competitive swimmer in high school we delightfully trained coed. Interestingly, in the water women are nearly physically equivalent to men and often faster in long distance. So, I shouldn’t have been so upset when a new girl was a stronger swimmer than I. If it were a guy, my tender young ego would only be bruised, but a girl? This was too much for me since it not only threatened my ego but my masculinity.
I believe this is why we have derogatory terms like cougar. I believe it is a name slapped on older, successful women to degrade their success and protect male masculinity. The fat man in the Lexus is a far more common dinosaur than its freshly evolved equivalent: the mature sexy woman in the convertible mini cooper. This leaves the fit older woman severely lacking her equal, a fit man, at her success level that isn’t threatened by her new status. What does that leave her with?
The younger man isn’t upset that she drives a better car, has a better job, or wants to fuck him better than he has ever been fucked. He looks at this type of woman with stars in his eyes and wood in his pants. She looks at him for what he is, fun, fit, carefree and with a penis that doesn’t need to be fueled by viagra and a shot of whiskey. After all she just got out of a 15 year marriage and she is entering her second 20′s but separate from her 25 year-old prey she is doing it with confidence and a bit o’ cash. She is going to really savor it this time around and AMEN, She deserves it.
Where is this going?
I think it was a wonderful thing when my female nemesis joined the swim team, my initial reaction was poor but soon enough I had to raise my own game. I trained harder got faster and developed a crazy attraction to this girl. I became better because of her, but cultural standards of sexual inequality made me initially bitter. I think this is what this second feminist movement is about to face, a confused angry resistance to their success. A childlike lashing out against their new found power. Powerful single women over thirty need to be prepared for this masculine insecurity, younger women need to be aware of the ring they are about to enter.
Make no mistake, power is transferring and just like the US bitching and moaning about China, most men won’t see this as a positive. This is where the new woman needs to hold her ground and weather the inevitable storm. She needs to let the term cougar be one of power, ignoring the blatherings of the fat man stuck in his Lexus. She needs to embrace that she is the vehicle of change not only for her daughters but for her sons that eventually will have to step up to the plate and embrace this new woman.
I adore the new cougar and I want nothing more than to watch her cut her claws on the back of change.