I imagine that you are here because something didn’t go your way. You text him and he didn’t text you back or his answer was very short. You are not really sure about his intentions or if he is even interested. Your mother used to wait by the phone for a call, now you are waiting by the phone for a text!
A couple of rules for texting guys:
Curb your impatience – This is advice I give both men and women in the area of texting. Patience is a hell of a virtue and it shows that you have emotional maturity. When texting a guy I know it is really frustrating when he doesn’t take the situation with as much severity as you do but too FFin’ bad. You need to show some self-restraint and understand he doesn’t consider texting as important a form of communication as you do!
Text back only when he does – Ties right into the above, you need to let him take the lead here. You need to set the stage for the type of relationship you would like to have with him later. If you are the one constantly texting him and showing need, this will continue into whatever relationship you create with him. Make sure you ONLY text when he does and it wouldn’t hurt to forget to text back every once in a while.
Never chase a guy over text – Probably the biggest mistake ladies make not only with texting guys but in creating relationships with them. Many women kick and fight against this concept but have you honestly ever had this work out? Have you ever been assertive with a guy and had him reciprocate your interest? The reason why is because this is the MALE role not the female. If you are the one chasing him over text or in person he sits back and lets you do all the work, then he does his best to sleep with you and disappears shortly after. Don’t do this, don’t chase him over text or any other medium.
Don’t allow texting sex talk – You know how men start talking dirty right away, or look for some lame excuse to text something nasty? This is because men need to filter, women only good for sex and women that are relationship material. If you respond overly soon with sex texting, guess which category you will fall into. I know you might think it would be alluring to him if you respond to his sexting talk but you need to fight the urge. Even if you are into it as well you still need to control yourself. Men may seem sincerely interested in you if they think they can get some sex out of it but this may not even be remotely the case so it is very very important for you to build sexual tension in other areas rather than virtually flashing your boobs. Being sexual over text is a mistake unless you are an item and have already gone there!
How guys think differently about texting
This of course is not all men, but I would have to say the majority of men think along these lines and you could apply this to the real world as well as the texting one.
Texting is a tool – most men to not see texting as entertainment, of course men enjoy getting to know a woman but so often he is clueless that you are the one he needs to get to know. If he is texting you back one-word answers or not answering, it is possible he either hates texting or really isn’t that interested. This is where you need to make him interested! Something I spend a lot of time talking about in my texting book, TextAppeal
Guys don’t gossip like girls do – This ties into the one above, guy don’t gossip. They don’t process information the same way that women do. A guy isn’t nearly as interested when you text about your day as your GF might be. This is why any kind of complaining needs to be kept to a minimum. Most men see your processing of information as something he needs to change to win your approval. Don’t confuse him and yourself by texting him things that he will feel required to fix.
Stop IYHS – In your head syndrome, is without a doubt the biggest sexual gap that men and women possess. You think this guy is the one? You just met him a few days ago yet you have wrapped a huge fantasy around him? He rarely text you back, he probably has a girlfriend but for some reason you cant see this. IYHS is a deal breaker when texting guys. He will see pretty quickly that you have created a fantasy around him that he will only put up with until he can sleep with you. Then he will disappear. This is one of the failings of texting since your communication is really really brief and you must fill in the gaps of his thinking with yours. Do me and you a favor and error on the side of reality. Let him prove to you that he is madly in love, don’t ever assume it.
Learn how texting can get you everything you want with him
Look, it really isn’t that hard to control the situation over text, to really make a difference in the way he perceives you, to shift the balance in your favor. If you are not getting what you want from him, why not use some killer texting strategies to get into his head and launch the relationship to the next level?? Take a look below, you are only a click away from getting what you want.
Mike Masters (BTW that is me on the cover)
Want to wrap him around your little finger? Check out TextAppeal – the Ultimate Guide to Texting guys Getting EXACTLY what you want is easier than you think.
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Next blog post – Don’t make these typical texting mistakes when texting guys
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Here’s a great story for ya: Last month, I met who I thought was a great guy. We hang out, get to know each other and next thing you know, he dumps me in a text message!! Has technology taken over humans so much that they can’t dial numbers anymore?! Are men that whack?!
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I’m the texting queen!
A lot of times, when I meet a guy, I tell him Im not a big phone person so I’ll text them instead of call them. Well, last month I met what I thought was a great guy. We hung out, got to know each other and next thing I know, he dumps me in a text message! I know I’m not a big talker, but are guys that idiotic that they can’t dial a number?!
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Funny!
It is pretty clear he is a coward or he is very afraid of you?
My question is, would you have preferred he dumped you on the phone??
I say who cares. I’ve dumped people over email in the past, and I’m a really nice person – I take care of my Mom(going on 7 years now) and I treat guys great. But there really is no sense in suffering through drama trauma when two people are not suited and they were just dating. And I mean JUST.
Because, come on now – who here is actually, seriously, focused on getting married? Is that clear from the start? No? Just passing the time cuz one of you were bored? Lonely? Be honest now.
I’ll take this “poor me, we broke up electronically” more seriously when people date more seriously. Besides which, if you were dating more than one person when it wasn’t that serious, like we’re supposed to do, you wouldn’t get all oxytocin on the wrong guy. Dating around dilutes that effect.
If someone dumps me over email – I’d be grateful – more time and calm for me to get started on my own healing, I can save face, without him seeing me get tearful and so on. Less chance of that clingy oxytocin breakup drama. Rip off the band-aid, and all that.
End of rant.
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I would have preferred he’d dump me in person. But time has passed and he contacted me asking to forgive him and wanting to start over. Guys are such dummies.
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If you’re going to date him again, be sure to date other guys at the same time. Better yet, date (or SEEM to date!
) other people and NOT him for a few weeks or months before taking him back – and DON’T be exclusive. Someone who dumps you once will almost always dump you again.
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Very amusing post. Clearly technology has its pluses and minuses. Still, there is no replacing good ole human interaction. Text sex anyone?
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yes, no one ever picks up the phone. its just text . text away sad actually
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Well, except the upside is that: the face time is better. If men feel more comfortable texting, AND girls can chill about waiting out texts – I say this is a win-win.
Girls can always chat among themselves, if they need it.
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If women would follow these texting rules and take the time to read this book it will change your dating life for the better. Same principles often apply to calling men.
Robin´s last blog ..Calling and Texting Guys updated Wed Oct 21 2009 11:26 am CDT
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If women would read this book and take this advice I think they would find their dating success would improve. Same advice applies to calling.
Robin´s last blog ..Calling and Texting Guys updated Wed Oct 21 2009 11:26 am CDT
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Thanks for the thumbs up Robin!
If you didn’t realize she is talking about my textbook. http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/ebook/
Mike your book & posts on texting so saved my a**. I am generally a dating ninja/geisha – it’s all about using the right tool for the job
! – but I was new to texting – no more 
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Also a good rule is if you have to ask yourself should you text him, well the safest answer to follow when in doubt is NO! The one who cares the least has the power in the relationship. If you initiate all the texting you lose your power. Follow Mikes rules, keep your power.
Robin´s last blog ..Calling and Texting Guys updated Thu Nov 19 2009 12:02 pm CST
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Thanks Robin!
well i want to know something.im the only one who actually starts every conversation…it goes well but i feel like im bothering them so should i just wait till they txt me or what?…..(seeking advise…..)
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The problem is that once you have established a dynamic like this it is very hard to break it.
You will be the one dragging him out, setting up dates, basically initiating everything.
You don’t want this kind of power balance, so yeah, you should wait. This kind of balance is everything in a relationship and without it you are screwed.
I think it’s more useful to re-frame it in a positive way, NLP-stylee, to graduate to the desired habit:
If you NOTICE yourself following a texting dynamic that is unsatisfying, start REPLACING your texting HABITS with BETTER ones. (<= That's where you re-program yourself) ASK for advice, and MODEL the texting habits of more successful texters.
You can start by keeping busy with more productive activities, instead of dwelling on texts. You can also try ignoring any negativity in their texts, and instead replying back with something funny, that has nothing to do with their (boring, cranky, or whatever) text.
Smart comedy is almost always a really good idea. Not only in texting , but everywhere. It's a good tool for dialing down negative dynamics.
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I swear if I get one more dull, lame text message like “How is your day?” I just might scream. I really wish every guy would read this book. Most of them suck at this.
Robin´s last blog ..Be His Dream Girl updated Sun Jun 20 2010 1:36 pm CDT
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Ladies, may I suggest the following:
1) Date more than one guy – it dilutes the oxytocin-fueled one-man-obsession. Plus, guys will sense that some other guy is in the picture, and that just makes YOU look more desirable. Guys always want to cock block other guys, if only to be jerks. It’s hard-wired.
2) take improv comedy classes. Apply what you learn there to texting (especially the “yes, and” game: Whatever lame ass thing he negs you with, you own it and up the ante.) Your confidence will go UP, and you be be oh-so-more of a challenge. Touche’, dude! En garde!
3) Stage work also does wonders for your confidence, which is so key in all of this. Find any sort of class, amateur or even pro group to perform with: local theater troupes, dance troupe, music, written word, comedy, I don’t care, just DO it. Get rid of whatever inappropriate awkwardness or shyness that may be killing your game.
DO keep a little of the femmy shyness tho – it’s cute & prevents you from being all sharky. Innocence is sexy – don’t lose it all, and regenerate it if you can.
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