25 wonderfully, full of sh*t things women say

30 Responses to “25 wonderfully, full of sh*t things women say”


  1. singlegirlie says:

    All of these phrases could have 1,000 different types of subtext (or none at all) depending on the woman. I personally haven’t uttered half of them.

    Word of caution: I hope any man over the age of 25 would know better than to bring up anything about her period, especially if it’s associated with something nutty she said. Then you’re just digging for trouble. Offers of chocolate, however, are always acceptable. ;)
    .-= singlegirlie´s last blog ..I don’t need a man. But I’m happier with one. =-.

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  2. Mike Masters says:

    Well at least I got half of the things you say.
    I think I could do a whole post on the dangers of mentioning anything period related.

  3. Angie says:

    You are specially inspired latelly my friend!
    I would add to your list the “emergency call” from a friend during a date. If your date sucks, you can always say your friend is dying and you need to save her!
    But if you really don’t like the guy, don’t care about him and he doesn’t get you will not going out together, you might use something more stupid like: my “answering machine” just had a big fight with the “vacuum cleaner” and they broke up! That’s so sad and now Im stucked at home having a very important conversation with my dear friend “answering machine”. I garantee, the guy will never bother you again!
    Cheers Mike!

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    • Mike Masters says:

      I should have included that one. I am not sure that has happened to me before.
      So what do women usually do? Have the friend just call and use some sort of code as to if the date is sucking or not?

  4. Zoë says:

    Wait a MINUTE. Didn’t I say that phone one to you? If that’s the case, go on, add a Zoë-ism to the list: “I dropped my phone into the ocean when I was cleaning my Frenchman’s boat.”

    Translation: I’m going to Skype you to death, Mike. I’m going to Skype you until you call me “dork” and tell me to bugger off. Then I’m going to Skype you some more.

    Hey, I loved all this blog love for Man Shopper. She’s such a gem. :)
    .-= Zoë´s last blog ..Sex so bad I can’t even make up a witty title for it. =-.

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  5. Dating Diva says:

    I don’t really think I’ve said any of these, but I have to say I thought of you when I tried to decline sex recently due to my period. Since we all know you love period sex, I thought it was humorous when Nick said, “Why not? It’s like putting ketchup on a hot dog.” NICE! Thought you would like that.

    Miss you by the way. xx
    .-= Dating Diva´s last blog ..First Love’s: Who Was Yours? =-.

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  6. lisa says:

    Surprisingly, I’m not too upset about this post! Sorry Mike! :-D

    Lisa “So Full Of It, Her Eyes Are Brown” Sonrisa
    .-= lisa´s last blog ..:-) =-.

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  7. Man-shopper says:

    I can’t help loving this post and loving you for writing it — and not only because my stupid speak features so prominently in it ;). Criminally funny, well-presented (great headings!), and very educational for both sexes, I’d say.

    In fact, I’m fairly certain that I’m going to say at least one of those lines from the “Just plain mean” section this weekend. I just can’t help myself. And it’s just so tempting to brain the little bastard when he’s pissing me off.

    There may a special circle in hell for people like me.
    .-= Man-shopper´s last blog ..Ms. Perv-Magnet =-.

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    • Mike Masters says:

      Hey MS!
      you of course were a very inspirational part of this, if it were not for your excellent contributions the post would have been not nearly as good.

      I look forward to hearing about the “just plain mean” comment you use. Will it be something like, “Is it in?” or “did your condom just come off inside of me?” or maybe, “No, I am not fucking going to say, me love you long time!”

      • Man-shopper says:

        Oh man, I’ve said all those things. That love-you-long-time one, I’ve had to say many times. Damn Vietnam War. Even though it was decades ago, it’s going to mess with the love lives of Viet girls for centuries to come.

        But I doubt that my weekend plans will be exciting enough to merit those doozies. In all likelihood, I’ll probably be telling my date that I don’t own a phone, all the while knowing full well that he’s been texting me on it (and I’ve responded! D’oh!) for the past week. Because I’m just that smooth.
        .-= Man-shopper´s last blog ..Ms. Perv-Magnet =-.

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  8. Bwahahaha. Okay….have…to…stop….laughing. *bowls over*

    The first one! Starting it off right, lol. That is soooo true! It’s more like one of those things that probably should have stayed in your own head than come out of your mouth. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever ‘said’ it to anyone. Then they’d know I was actually thinking about sleeping with them ;)

    But fitting into a relationship box? That’s because, mostly, we just don’t want to be embarrassed in public ;)

    I don’t do the emotional setup. I’m more likely to say how it is than to ask questions. If you have to ask, you don’t want the answer.

    “I don’t care, do whatever you want” is akin to I wanted you to fuck off 5 minutes ago.

    “Orgasm noises” – maybe it’d be good to find out?

    “It will mess up my lip gloss.” OMG. THAT is funny!

    I’ve got a few:
    -“Look me up on facebook.” (you creep me out, so this way I can reject you from the safety of my living room)
    -“I don’t mind where we go.” (I’m testing you to see how creative/adventurous/interested in me you are)
    -“I’ll meet you there” (you are a potential stalker until proven otherwise)
    .-= Lifebeginsat30ty´s last blog ..I will never understand men =-.

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    • Mike Masters says:

      Those are pretty good!
      I like the potential stalker one.

      “I don’t care, do whatever you want” Really should have read, LETS do whatever you want. It sounds to me like she is naked and him with a quart of lube. Your interpretation works too but I am going to change it now before I forget.

      So what is a girl’s feel about being asked her FB rather than a number?

      • Lifebeginsat30ty says:

        Haha. Too late, I’m going with you interpretation from now on ;)

        I’ll email you later about FB. Would take too long to explain here!

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  9. Annabelle says:

    Ok, so I’ve uttered about half those statements for completely self-serving bitchy reasons, although I haven’t lately (I consider myself reformed). HOWEVER the whole “I’m not going to sleep with you” thing I think is usually blurted when a girl feels a little threatened. Personally, I’ve been in situations where one date in the guy gets all touchy and bleary-eyed and creeptastic, and I’m faced with 2 options: 1) Tell him straight up I’m keeping my pants on, or 2) Get all kissy & cute only to back off when I’m at my limit, be accused of blue balling, and then deal with the subsequent aggression which can lead to not-so-nice things.

    You can say “don’t lead the dude on to the point where he gets like that that in the first place” but let’s face it… with some guys it doesn’t take much.

    Anyway, love your blog!

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    • Mike Masters says:

      I have never had the particualar comment spat out without either: having sex that night OR torturing the girl for wanting to have sex with me.
      I understand that some women would say this out of defense, but I haven’t heard it in that context yet. (and hopefully I never will)

      If I were a girl I would deal with men similar to the way I would deal with an aggressive dog. With a higher level of aggression, I don’t think many girls realize how fearful men are of women and therefore they don’t flex those muscles as often as they should.

  10. Jillian says:





    .-= Jillian´s last blog ..Asking for help =-.

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  11. Jayme says:

    The heart condition one! hahaha the first one was prob a panic attack (which can make you vomit and lose your breath) the other was prob just over worked stomach muscles after all that fun.

    This list if hilarious

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    • Mike Masters says:

      Actually I know the first person was telling the truth because she had a big scar over her sternum and I had to bring her orgasms over very cautiously.

      The second person probably was telling the truth because her medical speak was pretty darn good. (but there was a lot of alcohol involved)

      I made a Japanese girl vomit once but that was probably because she smoked a lot and after 10 minutes she was so tired that I thought I killed her.

  12. Miss Alpha says:

    I rather enjoy the idea of honesty. For example…

    “I’m not going to sleep with you because I am not attracted to you.”
    “I think we should break up because I don’t see a future with you.”
    “I don’t want to kiss you in the morning because morning breath is gross.”

    It just doesn’t make for a very funny blog post ;)
    .-= Miss Alpha´s last blog ..Finding the right "fit" =-.

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  13. Kali says:

    Mike, I don’t know why you think you’re going to get so much shit for this article. I think it’s awesome! I have to say, the Costco Flowers line made me laugh SO hard. Love it!

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  14. I hear #2 all the time, and find it offensive!!
    .-= LoveintheDumps´s last blog ..Types of dysfunctional daters: the Lame Horse Bettor =-.

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