How to have the perfect relationship – Trust me, it aint easy…

39 Responses to “How to have the perfect relationship – Trust me, it aint easy…”


  1. Zoë says:

    You knew I’d love the surfing metaphor! 😉 How well-said, though, and it’s absolutely true that you need a good balance between what’s exciting and what’s safe. That’s a difficult balance to strike for anyone, and even when you’ve “got” it, is never static and always needs to be maintained. In other words, next to impossible to achieve! But, ah, the fun in the chase.

    An extremely well-written and well-thought-out post. I can’t help but think that those hours of Easter service yesterday really improved your writing. Solution: Attend more church! 😉 Ha ha.
    .-= Zoë´s last blog ..WTF profile pic: XS man =-.

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  2. So is it wrong that my goal is to BE a sportfisher? (I’m assuming the connotations of unattainable, fun and breezy and detaching the slutty overtones)
    .-= Something She Dated´s last blog ..Being Breezy: Learning Lifeskills From TV =-.

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  3. singlegirlie says:

    The perfect wave is ever elusive, isn’t it? I notice we all try to make Keepers out of Sportsfish, but don’t try to make Sportsfish out of Keepers. Most likely, neither one is possible. I have a couple girlfriends who, out of frustration with Sportsfish, went for Keepers. And right now they are very happily married with children. This hasn’t happened to me yet, but it’s nice to know that it’s possible.
    .-= singlegirlie´s last blog ..Saturday Night with Fred: Get Off and Get Out =-.

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  4. Dating Diva says:

    Very good post Mike. I’m hoping I finally found the Keeper. :)
    .-= Dating Diva´s last blog ..It’s Not the Size That Matters, It’s How You Use It =-.

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  5. Wow, this is a really great post! You’ve really tapped into something within yourself lately. Keep it up!

    As to the post itself: I like to think that we are all surfers learning how to ride this wave of life. I’ve never been one for pendulums, but I like to think that after every wave I take time to think just what it was that tossed me off, made the board stall in the doldrums, or even put the salt up my nose. So that when the next wave comes I can recognize it for what it is, put my feet in the right place, and coast that one in to shore!

    But of course it all depends on the weather, the phase of the moon, whether I remembered to wax my board, etc etc. And sometimes I just like to sit out there past the breakers and appreciate it for the beautiful thing it is. Here’s to finding your perfect wave!
    .-= Lifebeginsat30ty´s last blog ..Lessons from Fucktard =-.

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  6. AV says:

    I’ve written about this. I call it the Jackie/Marilyn Dualism. Except I don’t think everyone has the capacity to be one or the other. You’re either one or the other. And as much as men adore the passionate whirlwind of Marilyn, they all want a Jackie to greet them when they get home with roast beef.

    No, I’m not bitter.

    But I will be when I meet a man who can actually keep up with me and he settles down with a meek and mild suburbanite whose idea of edgy is taking pole-dancing lessons.
    .-= AV´s last blog ..Thinking of You: If I Was Your Coworker =-.

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  7. Miss Alpha says:

    I’ve given up on finding the sweet spot and have instead made it my life’s mission to marry Chris Evans aka Captain America. I figure… if you go for the Sportfish, you’ve got to go big!
    .-= Miss Alpha´s last blog ..Overthinking? – The 7 Habits of Highly Mindful Daters =-.

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  8. Man-shopper says:

    Mike, you astonish me, you truly do. How is it that you are so wise? Everything that you’ve said here — and I really do mean EVERYTHING — is just spot on. And the more I think about how my own relationships have panned out, it all fits! I messed around with far too many Sportsfish, and when I find a Keeper, who ended up deciding that he didn’t want to keep me around because I was *his* Sportsfish. Still looking for that perfect wave, but at least now, thanks to you, I have some idea of what that means…
    .-= Man-shopper´s last blog ..Mr. Hovercraft =-.

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  9. Jersey B says:

    Fantastic post. I think you really have to recognize the importance and basic need to be with someone who fits both bills before you can actually find such a creature. For years I swung back and forth between keepers and sportsfish (always deciding after each break-up that I really needed the opposite of what I just had), until I finally decided after I ended my last relationship (with a very boring, but otherwise great keeper) that I wouldn’t settle for less than the ideal woman for me – someone both respectable and bad-ass, but also sweet and emotionally stable. Lo and behold, once I raised my standard, I began weeding out those women who didn’t meet this high threshold (women who, in the past, I probably would have continued seeing), I found my sweet spot and have been with her for over a year (with no signs of boredom or fatigue).

    You can’t find such a person unless you know what you’re looking for and refuse to compromise, even on the risk that perhaps you’ll never find him/her.

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    • Miss Alpha says:

      This comment hit my phone early this morning and I just wanted to say thank you. It’s exactly what I needed to hear. Good luck with your “wave”!
      .-= Miss Alpha´s last blog ..Writing A New Story =-.

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    • Mike Masters says:

      Thanks for the comment!
      that was very valuable JB, like I have said many times in the past I would be stoked to have you guest post. Or hell, if you would like a little help getting a blog going?

      Nice to hear that you have found what I am talking about. I am wonderful at theory but in practice I have been lacking these days (working on business not relationships)

      • Jersey B says:

        One of these days, when I have a stroke of genius, I will get my act together and take you up on the offer!

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  10. Well this pretty much sums up my life. I mean, literally could not be more true.
    The Sportsfish is a dangerous, dangerous creature. But I’m starting to wonder if the Keeper isn’t just as dangerous-albeit in a tamer, milder sort of way.
    Women love the Sportsfish, I think on some level we all want to be the one to tame one. Though this rarely-ok maybe never-happens.
    My current danger is the Sportsfish claiming he wants to be the Keeper.

    Pretty sure he’s still just a big ol shark though.

    In case you can’t tell-I’m loving this analogy. Very well thought out post Mike.
    .-= wanderingmenace´s last blog ..woes of a clumsy ballerina =-.

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  11. Fishy says:

    Refreshing wisdom in a blogworld full of tripe.
    .-= Fishy´s last blog ..The Umbrella Fight =-.

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  12. Caleb says:

    Good post. I don’t generally find generalizations and either/or dichotomies particularly useful, but in this case they’re fairly spot-on.

    How about a natural extension of riding and taming this perfect wave: we’ll never be satisfied with a relationship (or other aspects of life for that matter) unless it took absolutely everything we had to achieve it.

    Or just keep a few Sportsfish AND Keepers in your harem? Maybe alternate them in line with the vernal equinox. Or something.


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  13. Ben says:

    Probably time to throw your blog away eh Mike?

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  14. Ben says:

    Fargo is balls. I agree.
    Medic Firefighter making 110k a year is fun though :)

    Just wish you would keep making articles.

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  15. Katie says:

    Wow. I think you might have just defined – in a way I can finally understand – what is wrong with my marriage. How have I never heard of you?

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  16. Judy says:

    Love reading your posts Mike. This is a great one! But you forgot to bring up that Steve Harvey cheated on his wife, Mike. Hmmm…..what does that make him — Keeper or Sportsfish.

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    • Mike Masters says:

      It makes him typical.
      Cheating stats are now almost identical 50-55% among men and women. I would also argue that success makes it extremely difficult for any man or woman. Women throwing themselves at him, tempting this icon of a relationship expert. Not easy, not easy for anyone, but it doesn’t make it okay. My partner and I have a screw up rule, we expect that one of us are going to mess up at one time during our relationship. It doesn’t give us license to do so but it allows for human nature.
      Tough subject and one I might write about, but I am probably finished blogging.

  17. Mrs. Birdman says:

    This post is like finding out you have the holy grail of symbiotic unions. He is my perfect hybrid Starfish/Keeper, and I am his. It is perfection and true bliss. :)

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  18. soouse says:

    I am in a lukewarm marriage and am dating someone on the side. My husband and I have kids together and this is why we are still together. Do you have any advice on how I should handle this situation? I’m not financially stable right now so I rely on my husband s income. What should I do?

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  19. Keka says:

    Maybe I have different idea about type of girls. The one I want to sleep is the one I love and the one I want to spend my times till I’m old. Of course I love to marry with those kind of girls.

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  20. Jacky says:

    It’s hard to balance between the exciting and the safe in relationship. I was a Sportsfish before. Now I am Keeper to be safe.

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  21. chickenjoymeal says:

    I just recently purchased your textappeal for men. It opened my eyes. GOOD STUFF!!

    Don’t you think the sportsfish and keeper concept is similar to that of the best friend and girlfriend concept?

    One would want his/her partner to be a best friend to whom one can talk about anything and everything and simultaneously be a girlfriend/boyfriend who you can have horny and passionate sex with.

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  1. Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by jrrilynn1: Horse’s Ass is right lol RT @MasterDater: The perfect relationship, a bullseye on a horse’s ass

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  2. […] left her, I did the right thing. I know we were not a good long term match. She fit perfectly into the roll of the Keeper and I the Sportfish. It was a crappy balance and one that left me very lacking and frustrated but I don’t fucking […]

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