Positive Sexual Tension – Can you create it? – Part three

48 Responses to “Positive Sexual Tension – Can you create it? – Part three”

Comments

  1. Jersey B says:

    Great post! Maybe the best I’ve read on this site. This is a rare thing, and extremely difficult to maintain long-term.

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    • Mike Masters says:

      Thanks buddy, really appreciate it. I spent a lot of time on that post!
      Hope I can keep up blog posts of this quality! Hahaha…
      RT if you have a twitter
      Thanks again

      • Jersey B says:

        Haha To clarify, I meant positive sexual tension is a rare thing and difficult to maintain long term, not great posts on this site.

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        • Mike Masters says:

          Hey I will bag on myself any chance I get.
          Thanks for reading and if you have any epiphanies, I do guest posts on Fridays now. It would be great to hear another mans voice on the blog.

  2. Miss Alpha says:

    Most of the romance advice books disregard what you are describing here but every once in a while, a smart person or a great book talk about “vibes” in romance. In If Buddha Dated, they talk about the ability to feel connected to someone from across the room, even as you talk to other people, do other things or sit in total silence. It’s as if there is an imaginary, but enjoyable, tether between you.

    Fabulous post!
    .-= Miss Alpha´s last blog ..When is the right time to tell your ex-wife you got remarried? =-.

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    • Mike Masters says:

      Miss Alpha, you are so cool. I love the energy you put out. (not to mention the praise!)

      Can you imagine dating Buddha? Forget sex in any position but over the couch.

      I like to break things down but the connection that is created with some people is so amazing and undefinable that it defies explanation.

  3. Lost Plum says:

    Agreed being without agenda is truly a pleasure that everyone needs to experience! great post as always Mike!

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  4. michele says:

    Great post – I like your complete honesty about this situation and it’s true connections especially in relationships happen seamlessly.

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  5. Jules says:

    Mike, definitely one of my Favorite posts! It truly left me speechless. Positive Sexual Tension, is one of the rarest & one of the most beautiful gifts that life gives us. :)

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  6. Elissa says:

    Great Post! I’m a little sad because i just found all this with a guy, but he just got out of relationship. While the feelings are reciprocal between us, he’s still too hung up on his ex to get into anything with me. I guess i should be grateful he’s not using me as rebound.
    .-= Elissa´s last blog ..Closure of Sorts =-.

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    • Mike Masters says:

      I have to admit… I am a bit skeptical here.
      If you really had this connection it is so rare that men will level cities to be with you.
      His ex would become a memory the moment he met your eyes.

      This is what happened to me. When I met the above girl. I left the girl I was seeing and with zero fear told her I met the woman I am going to marry.

      (in retrospect I should have been a little more sensitive)

      • Elissa says:

        Hrm, that actually makes me wonder. I mean its definitely there for me, and if its not there for him- I should just move on now. No time like the present to waste time on guys who don’t realize how awesome i am, right?
        .-= Elissa´s last blog ..Closure of Sorts =-.

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        • Mike Masters says:

          Seriously, if he is not breaking down walls, getting fired or destroying life long friendships. He is not in resonance with you.
          Sorry!
          and you are awesome! I can feel the vibration from here! (no wait… yeah… that’s was my phone)

          • Gabby says:

            Aside from a fabulous post, this is a great observation about being “in resonance” and identifying if someone’s just not into you. Bravo and bravo!

            Although all of these points are so important that it’s tough to pull one out as a key element, I suspect that if each partner is committed to their own personal growth, that in and of itself adds to the dynamic that keeps a relationship alive and kicking. That growth piece is just so important. Looking to the other partner to complete your missing parts is a set up for difficulty.

            I really enjoy such thought-provoking posts, Mike.
            .-= Gabby´s last blog ..Monsieur Moneybags =-.

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            • Mike Masters says:

              Thanks Gabby,
              Appreciate the intelligent comments!

              The only thing I would argue is the looking to our partner for missing parts. I am sure this is just semantics since every solid friendship and relationship I have ever had, contained a person who possessed qualities I needed.

              I am imagine you are talking about codependency, not growth towards each other’s sunlight.

  7. Fishy says:

    Wise words, MD – particularly the intellectual connection/respect points.
    Fishy
    .-= Fishy´s last blog ..The Sketch =-.

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  8. Lifebeginsat30ty says:

    What a beautiful post, Mike! I’ve only felt this once in my life (with the ex-husband) and it was beautiful while it lasted. It’s when you can both just be your happiness at finding each other is reflected in the other persons eyes. Maybe this is soul-mates means? Not that I think only one soul-mate exists for each person. Beautiful! I will probably come back later to read it over for each nugget.

    Btw…I’d be interested in your opinion on my last two posts. Since it was partly your advice that led to the fruition!
    .-= Lifebeginsat30ty´s last blog ..All I was looking for, plus more =-.

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    • Mike Masters says:

      I will take a look at you posts, I am flattered that I influenced you. =)

      That connection really has only happened to me as well but there is no doubt in my mind that it will happen again. The stage I was at in life was perfect for this person to step in. The last ten year? not so much…

  9. Zoe says:

    Hi Mike, what a perfectly written post. I read through it a couple of times, actually. This is beautifully truthful, and a great contribution to the relationship blogging community.

    Just one nagging question: What happened with Shannon?
    .-= Zoe´s last blog ..One Hit Wonder Dates =-.

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    • Mike Masters says:

      Gosh… blush…
      Now I have to keep this kind of momentum going! (Damn it Jack)

      However I think the next post will be as powerful but in a different way.

      Ahh.. Shannon! She is married to a Actor in LA, I think she is happy

      What happened to us? Secret! Maybe I will tell you another day.

  10. Rose says:

    No disrespect Mike, but I didn’t feel there was much I could say. I agree. And you are stating what I feel to be quite obvious.

    Essentially, with some people, you don’t need any advice. You just click. It just works. No thought needed.

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  11. nandoism says:

    What a lovely and thought-provoking statement: “Positive Tension is something you discover rather than create.” What an awesome post and great direction that you offer us–thanks Mike!
    .-= nandoism´s last blog ..How I Became the New Boyfriend =-.

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    • Mike Masters says:

      Sounds to me like you just discovered it! Congrats!
      Now it is the maintenance of that resonance that is crucial to it’s continuance. Tension only remains so if there is a vacuum of equal and opposite power balance.
      In other words, don’t let him fall TOO in love with you, or the tension will collapse.
      Take care buddy!

  12. Kelly Seal says:

    I totally agree with Miss Alpha about the dating books ignoring the intangible stuff…this is the stuff that matters in realtionships. Well put—you can’t build it, force it, etc.
    Ok next blog post talk about what happened to this girl!!
    xo
    .-= Kelly Seal´s last blog ..Should you always split the bill? =-.

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    • Mike Masters says:

      I think most of the people that write the dating books are therapists and scientists, they really don’t have the fieldwork.

      When you spend enough time in the field you realize that you can attempt to explain but why? The tennis pro really can’t correctly deconstruct his swing or really teach it. It is the intelligence of the body, the brilliance of the nervous system and maybe a little magic that allows his skill.

      What happened to the girl…
      I am kinda curious about that myself. I am pretty sure her husband has forbidden her to speak to me ever again. (which is wise) Is that enough of an explanation? 😉

  13. Dating Diva says:

    I completely agree with this post and not something we get to experience often. I like what Miss Alpha said too about feeling an invisible tether with this person.
    .-= Dating Diva´s last blog ..Relationships Are About Teamwork =-.

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  14. Shannon says:

    Was that her real name or were you just trying to tell me that I am neglecting you and you miss me? xoxo
    .-= Shannon´s last blog ..Bath and Body: Bodycology Rich&Creamy Body Wash =-.

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  15. Jillian says:

    This has left me very, very thoughtful. Mike, you know I’m an energy person. This post really hits on that and I enjoyed reading it quite a bit. I think you are going to get quite a large response from this one because there are so many cynics that don’t believe that this kind of attraction exists. However, I think those same people are inclined to forget that even though people may click instantaneously, those that click are willing to fight like hell to make that relationship work.

    Good work, Mikey. So, so proud of you. Miss your punk ass.
    .-= Jillian´s last blog ..Biggest Giveaway Ever-SkincareRx.com =-.

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  16. Fifi says:

    Okay, I finally decided to start commenting (and maybe stop commenting too? 😉

    Your writing is definitely on the more poetic side this time, Mike, perhaps matching that lovely vibe of the experience you’re narrating..

    I almost cried when I read about.. well, that crying part. It’s brave of you to share, like the other things you share here, I’m sure many others appreciate it as i do.

    I would love it if more people write about these intangible, incalculable realities of romance & love that the science books neglect to mention!

    More importantly, what I really would love to hear more about are the moments leading up to them… before the whole conversations started (as with you and Shanon), I’d love to hear what people have to say about the moment they first laid eyes on that special person; did it feel unique compared to other, “normal” attractions (i.e. people generally perceived as “hot” for one reason or another)? Or did the encounter start the same way as with “normal attractions” but end differently?

    Is it something like “love at first sight”, or “love at first conversation”?

    I love reading about this type of unique connection that people discover, how can any one not? People easily gravitate towards this type of endearing narration, but then we hear of heart-break, and so, I guess it gives off the message that this type of love doesn’t always last forever.

    With all that said, I can’t help but hear the words of Robert Greene:

    “The main obstacle to becoming a seducer is this foolish prejudice we
    have of seeing love and romance as some kind of sacred, magical realm
    where things just fall into place, if they are meant to. This might seem romantic
    and quaint, but it is really just a cover for our laziness.”

    The interesting part is that he also advises that a person should only “chase” a person who stirs something inside us; one who at the same time is affected by us. Kind of like how Shanon stirred something in you, and how you, in turn, influenced her as well. There has to be a unique connection for something amazing to happen.

    The key, it seems to me, is to discover this connection and THEN build from it.

    I guess if this is true, and if lots of guys and gals hook up with numerous lovers only to break up in the end, then it means that they were just too impatient to either wait for, or nurture, this interpersonal treasure we speak of.

    Fifi

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  17. Mike Masters says:

    Thank you for the excellent comment, makes me want to keep writing and hold off on the suicide. JK

    “The main obstacle to becoming a seducer is this foolish prejudice we
    have of seeing love and romance as some kind of sacred, magical realm
    where things just fall into place, if they are meant to. This might seem romantic and quaint, but it is really just a cover for our laziness.”

    Ironically I just read the same line about two days ago and said to myself, “this book is full of contradictions and while that comment might be true, it is a WHOLE lot more complicated than that”

    The only argument I would make is, the tension you create is very based on who you are in that moment. Which is directly related to your life experience. This is how I justify being a whore, I am simply practicing. (hehehe)

    Very happy you liked the post and hope you comment again

  18. gail says:

    wow, Mike… love this! Left me speechless (and I’m a writer)… hoping to be as lucky as you. Keep writing. gkb

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  19. -NN- says:

    Well analysed and written post.

    You have condensed into words the very reasons why I am so seldom really interested in any man..
    I see the whole picture, and even strong sexual tension is no reason to go further. Why bother when they don’t wake up anything else in me?

    And your next post – sexual indecency. Sex and love are elemental forces, not just pink rose petals and tender touches.

    I disagree with you about digs.. but I still think you have one of the best blogs around. =)

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  20. I have been lurking for a while and while I’m mostly entertained (and occasionally pissed off) this post is completely different. You’ve encapsulated wonderfully in one page what most relationship books take, well, a BOOK to say. Also, that when you meet someone that resonates with you, you KNOW. I’ve been doing the online dating thing for a bit now and there are some guys that I keep on chat for a long time, and others I accept a coffee date from almost immediately. I just knew. Those that I’ve just “known” have either turned out to be lovers or good friends. Your gut knows. That magic of knowing isn’t talked about nearly enough.

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  21. Kally says:

    Wonderful post. Thanks.

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  22. Hyla says:

    OMG, that was sooooo moving I cant stand it!

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  23. Mei says:

    This is an unbelievably beautiful post that is not only inspiring, but has the power to still haunt me after so much time.

    Thanks, Mike. Love your work!! :)

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Trackbacks

  1. […] Subconscious animal mind – 60% in control: Shannon stimulated this part of my brain mostly in the positive, but unfortunately she stimulated my need for acceptance. It took a long time for my conscious mind to pick up on this dynamic since my SC was feeding off it like a pig on slop. Shannon was possibly bipolar and instilled delicious insecurities I was dying to solve. (Read more about her here, in my most popular post to date Positive sexual tension) […]

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  2. […] Continue to part three in the sexual tension series – Positive tension – can you create it? […]

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