Positive Tension - Can you find it?
We talked all night, it was 6 in the morning when we finally forced ourselves to bed. She was staying with us for a couple of days because her apartment was being refinished. I didn’t even know her, I think my roommate had a thing for her. Oops… good thing he was out of town.
It was one of the most interesting, intellectually exciting conversations I have ever had with a woman, and what a woman. She was a knockout! Her father was a British shipping captain and met her mother in Hong Kong. They produced a voluptuous, athletic dark haired beauty, so striking that I felt my confidence deeply challenged.
My mind wouldn’t allow me rest and obsessed on her presence downstairs. I raced with random thoughts, replaying the conversation, reforming my answers, watching her response and reinterpreting her gestures. I had a connection that I’d never known, something that I didn’t know could be. After an hour of this obsession, I found myself downstairs looking at her sleeping. My hands shook with the thought of touching her hair. I sat down on the stairs and mouthed the question, “Can I hold you, please?”
She heard the stair creak and she turned to me, staring, eyes like coals reflecting the light through the window. She had a similar expression to mine, “I can’t sleep” she said, “Me neither” my voiced cracked. Undefinable time passed and I glanced at the floor preparing to go back to bed.
“Will you lay down, next to me?” she said so quiet that only my complete focus on her presence allowed me to hear it. “Can I? I just want to hold you, I swear nothing else… I don’t…” She smiled, clearly happy I felt the same, “Mike stop, if you wanted me I wouldn’t stop you.” My heart stopped beating and a tantric like orgasm rippled through my hair follicles. She looked away and then back again, “Can you just hold me?” I slid into bed with her and we held each other. When I started to cry, she did as well and I felt her tears cooling on my arm. We fell asleep, clinging to one another, completely satisfied with touch of the other. One year later we were engaged.
The tension and connection with Shannon was so amazing that to this day I have not felt its equal. What I have discovered is that this positive tension is not something that can be forged. It is something nearly magical in nature, a connection with someone in sync with your very being, your soul. Someone who’s gears mesh with yours when you pull them close. Positive Tension is something you discover rather than create.
Someone on the last post on negative sexual tension asked, “I am excited about hearing how to build this positive tension!” After reading that I frowned a bit, can it be built? Is it built? As I write this I realize that finding this tension is far more internal than it is external. The people that unearth this amazing love are people willing to strip away all the garbage blocking the meshing of cogs with one another. This is the person willing to surrender to life, allowing the discovery of that amazing person to flow to them, in their time, without agenda.
To find this jewel, you must first be able to receive it. This means that you are healthy, that you are strong, that you have direction and growth. To find this wonderful resonance, YOU MUST FIRST RESONATE.
Why do you create such an amazing connection with someone? Because in your resonance the two of you create a greater song. In other words, you make a more complete person in your union. You fit like a puzzle piece, painting a more beautiful picture together than alone. The other person fits your weakness and needs your strength. You are two halves of an mental coupling, filling each other as one would making love.
Of course this wouldn’t be a Masterdater post with out me getting all analytical on your ass! So lets break this down a tiny bit more.
Positive sexual tension is built on power, a power that you sense in another, something that you need and are able to reciprocate.
Conditions necessary for this tension:
• Independent strength – you are strong and you do not need the other’s strength to survive.
• Intelligence – equal and balanced, both of you look up to the other.
• Opinionated – Lovers don’t need to have the same world view, in fact to push your partner to a new understanding of the world is a beautiful gift.
• Demanding of respect – Without this, no love can maintain. You must be willing to lose what you love in order to protect who you are.
• Continuous desire for growth – This must be present and equal in both partners, you don’t need to be moving in the same direction but you must be moving at the same speed.
• Equal physical/sexual attraction – If you can look at your lover and say, “My god… is that who I am going to make love to tonight?” Wow, is there any greater positive sexual tension than this?
• Intellectual connection – Intelligence is not enough, you must love and enjoy the beautiful pattern of thought the other person weaves, knitting yourself into their being.
• Fun, Humor and delight – Without laughter and joy, what relationship can be whole?
• Communication – This is the glue that binds your resonance, without it your pattern will unravel and the connection will be lost. It is a skill and one you have to constantly maintain.
Positive sexual tension is about balance, a delightful crackling of power and respect. Finding this positive tension starts with you, for what positive relationship can be fostered if negative is in your resonance.