I feel sick without her
Sitting in the airport waiting for my flight to NYC, a message pops up in my Facebook. It is a happy birthday message from my ex-girlfriend. My heart feels like someone has taken it in their fist; blood squirts out of it and sours my stomach. I click over to her Facebook wall, and I see a message from a mutual friend speaking of her boyfriend. I am not surprised. I look left to see her status in FB is still single, does he respect her enough to make it official? Is he just using her? but worse yet what if he does love her?? Images flash of a woman that was mine, post coital, telling him, rather than me, “I love you…”
Now I really want to puke somewhere
Wanting to roll around in this negative emotion like a pig in it’s own feces, I click over to her photo page to divine the bastard. There are a few candidates, I hate them all. I mean, I really really hate them, it pleases me greatly as I fantasize over a rather messy car accidents. Unfortunately, I still feel like vomiting in my carry-on, is it possible to do this discreetly?
We broke up for a reason! What was it again?
I left her, I did the right thing. I know we were not a good long term match. She fit perfectly into the roll of the Keeper and I the Sportfish. It was a crappy balance and one that left me very lacking and frustrated but I don’t fucking care, I don’t want to think. I want to give the finger to all rational thought, jump on a plane to Japan, and steal her from the sphincter she is dating. I want to hold her again and press her too me so tight that it physically fills what is missing.
“If you still love her after four years of knowing her, GO BACK TO HER!!” This is a pretty common response from 90% of my less relationship savvy friends. This make sense, no? I found love, probably the deepest I have ever had for anyone. She is one of the most amazing people I have ever met, and I wonder if I will ever be lucky enough to meet her equal.
Trying again to make a broken relationship whole, is about as sane as riding a bike on New York city streets, inevitably you are going to get smeared by a taxi. She is 5,000 miles away and we haven’t seen or talked in a year and I had very good reasons for killing the relationship. It is totally asinine that I would desire to pull her back into my orbit. I miss her like a phantom limb, and I should rationally be able to disconnect and be happy for her! I think the major reason for my insanity is something called sexual exclusivity.
Very fair contract
I am thinking about drafting up a contract that every girl I care about will be required to sign. It would state: “I (hot girl) swear to never be involved with any other man, during the length of said relationship and upon break-up (depending on the emotional state of Mike) I will forever refrain from intercourse or any heavy petting until Mike either stops caring and/or dies. This state of affairs DOES NOT apply to Mike who is free to sling his sexuality around like a Tom cat with a super soaker for a penis.”
I have a ton of ex’s maybe as many as you do. Currently, I don’t care in the slightest who they are fucking. In fact most of my exs are married now and I am happy for them, but at one time, the pain was so acute, I would have thrown myself on a dead porcupine rather than imagine them with another person.
Sexual exclusivity
Sexual exclusivity without a doubt is directly related to our genetic programing. Clearly this is to ensure the passing of our DNA. The animal needs to protect it’s investment and is not demanding exclusivity as much as it is demanding a guarantee of genetic survival. BUT I DON’T CARE ABOUT GENETIC SURVIVAL! This is an appendix of human behavior, I don’t need to care, I don’t need to roll around in suffering because my ex is enjoying another person, I don’t need to run back to her because my genetics are fucking with me.
There are a ton of vestigial traits left over in our system, the majority of which give wonderful fodder for my blog. These are the knee jerk reactions of the subconscious that DO NOT serve us, rather they harm us in the long run. They betray us with their intensity and illusion of what is not real, they have an agenda that is hidden from us when they hijack the system. These are the impulses that the wise have mastered and the foolish are mastered by. Clearly in my case the fool is hard to extinguish.
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
Amen, to hell with genetic survival! God knows, our gene pool is already so messed up with all the stupidity that abounds in the world. Unfortunately, I doubt that anyone is truly wise. I think that we all are foolish enough to succumb to our impulses. For my part, every day I am the poster girl for The Fool. So you’re not alone in this.
However, you may be onto something with that contract of yours. I doubt that my ex will sign it now, but I’m tempted to mail it over just in case. Dear Ex, please sign this or I will take your pets hostage. Thank you.
Man-shopper´s last blog ..Mr. Prep-tard
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I am with you on genetic survival, screw it! This is my life and I don’t have to bring a child into the world if I don’t want to.
What kind of pets does he have? Can I have one if you do abduct them?
My question is why she felt the need to send you a happy birthday afte a year of no contact?! Obviously you still know what’s going on with her if you’re friends on FB. Funnily enough, just had a convo about the evils of dating with FB. I once deleted an Ex bc I couldn’t take that he had a new girlfriend. Oh yeah, let me find out by FB, asshole. I’m sorry that your birthday got ruined by this crap. Donyou think it would matter less if you were in a serious relationship? At least you have an outlet and know there are tons of us out here that can commiserate!
Lifebeginsat30ty´s last blog ..The Unexpected, or the saga of Old Git continues
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Agreed. FB creates all sorts of problems in dating. It is an evil, evil thing.
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She has been in mild contact with me over a few months and there really isn’t any hard feelings.
I think she just thought it would be a nice thing to do. I don’t think she was trying to hurt me. She probably has no idea that I still care so much.
If I were in another relationship it wouldn’t have bothered me so much but I am not, and it is lonely.
Yeah FB is a little dangerous.
Why we do this to our self?
Right before Easter and before your article about the Keeper and the Sportfish (your timing with that article was not quite right for me in retrospect. ) I took that leap and went for the Sportfish… my first one mind you. I spend my whole life staying away from the ones that had the power to make you forget your own name. My motto has always been ” A man with a dick that long has yet to be born”.
I stayed married with a Keeper for a quarter of a century, raised a family, a business, and when I found myself alone again I went to counseling to make sure I was strong, that my judgment would be good towards myself and others. And yet as I walked the hallway towards that hotel room I KNEW I wouldn’t get out of there the same person. And I didn’t. On my way home I felt the numbness that our mind employees when our feeling overwhelm us. I have the certainty that I will spend the rest of my life measuring that intensity against every other experience I will encounter, as I have the certainty that nothing will compare.
I regret having put myself through that, as the Sportfish doesn’t even know I exist. I am mad at myself because I know that there are a lot of individuals out there that would love the opportunity to love us,stimulate us, worship us, turn us on, if we give them half a chance. That’s why I ask
Why do we do this to our self?
PS;
I should ask the psychologist for a refund!
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Patrizia, don’t beat yourself up. I have done the exact same thing, AND after waiting several years after my divorce so I would make sound, rational decisions about whom I dated (or ended up in bed with). Well, it didn’t work out that way and I was totally thrown for a loop. But I live my life thinking that people are put into our path to teach us something. The lesson may be painful, but if you are aware of it, you will hopefully avoid the same pitfall in the future. It does suck though!! Mike’s thoughts on sexual exclusivity really brought home for me that, try as we may to rise above our “instincts”, there are people out there with whom the chemistry is so great, we must literally run the other way, or accept the consequences.
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Thank you for your supportive words.
I don’t doubt I am not the first, neither will I be the last person, to fall victim of instinct.
Thanks again
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Screw the Psychologist, I am better.
(interpret that how you will)
Is that right?
(interpret THAT how you will!)
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I agree with LifeBeginsat30ty. The first thing I thought was, why is this girl texting you? Girls know when a man is still emotionally attached, or will get jealous, or when she’s trying to make him jealous. Anyway, Facebook sucks for these exact reasons. My new idea (and incidentally my new blog post) is to keep the personal life out of Facebook. No, seriously. No more relationship status. Ugh. Sorry about your birthday. Hope it got better.
Kelly Seal´s last blog ..Chatroulette anyone?
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I really like this idea of taking the relationship status off of facebook entirely. I’d already decided to not change it unless I was engaged or something, but I like this better. Or even better, a fake one!
I’m going to go with the thinking better option and assume she didn’t know the impact of her actions. If it was me, I would assume that a year later would be fine. But still, it’s kind of weird.
Lifebeginsat30ty´s last blog ..The Unexpected, or the saga of Old Git continues
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I think I took the relationship status off my FB, or I set it to “widowed”
What I would like it to be able to filter what I see on other people’s pages! Since I apparently don’t have self control.
My Ex wasn’t trying to hurt me, it is not in her nature. It didn’t ruin my B-day since I recovered after a very passionate kiss with a beautiful girl in NY.
Yeah!
I don’t think I can get past the “super soaker for a penis” part. Laughing soooooo hard about that one.
But still, despite your delusions, I am so glad I got to spend my Saturday with you my dear friend. You are such a wonderful person and I know the right girl is out there for you somewhere! xoxo
Shannon´s last blog ..Dior 5-Colour Eyeshadow – Extase Pinks
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That comment made me blush, thanks Shannon.
and I promise to keep the super soaker away from you.
I’m loving the contract! I definitely feel it would hold up in a court of law. Ever think of becoming a lawyer? Barrister Dater…has a nice ring to it, doncha think?
MissMelisaMae´s last blog ..Tragic Dating Profiles/Emails
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I’m printing out the contract…replacing your name with mine and carrying it in my wallet (like a condom
…to keep me safe lol)
Something She Dated´s last blog ..TEDanese: The Final Exam
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hope you remove the super soaker part. That might confuse a man.
lol yeah I was thinking of replacing it with “golden coochie” – which I feel is a fair representation
Something She Dated´s last blog ..Attn: Fellow Bloggers…This One’s For You
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“Funnily enough, just had a convo about the evils of dating with FB. I once deleted an Ex bc I couldn’t take that he had a new girlfriend. Oh yeah, let me find out by FB, asshole. I’m sorry that your birthday got ruined by this crap.”
You can out more?
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hi,
I think that your contract was just fair…….
I would like to apply it in my boyfriend coz I know he had so many girls aside from me….
hhahaha …..
this is the reality about guys that guys will not be contented with only one girl
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