Evil little pussy – A sexual and moral clash

by Mike Masters on January 31, 2011

Not really related to the article, I just like goofy looking cats.

Veiled wisdom

I think I was about 14 at the time and I felt naively competent enough to handle the world. That is why I found it so irritating I couldn’t maintain my composure around this awful awful woman. I was stuck with my “evil step-mother,” and there was no escape. My father was out, my stepbrothers at a party and I was not allowed to go because, “You’ll cause trouble, ya little shiiit…”

I am sitting on a worn, marble brown 70’s carpet, trying not to look at my sloppily drunk stepmother. She is perched on the Lazy boy feet under her staring at me; in her hand is a mixture of 50% Boonse farm (Perhaps the cheapest most vile wine there is) and Pepsi. She is even more drunk than usual and is slurring comically, “Yooou doont eeeeven knowww Mike… your daaad… yourrr dad… is fugging sick (The word sick was spit towards the floor and her giant perm bobbed like a circus clown’s) he is fuuugging SIACKkkkk….aaaah shit… “(She was referring to his MS not his mental state)

“Youuu knnooow whhat… youu think yuuurr soooo fuccking smarrrt… (head bob, lips pursed, and staring at me) buaat… youu doon’t noo shiiit about ssshiit, Mike…

The line that was about to come has gone down in my personal lore, but at the time I didn’t really understand the raw ridiculous truth to her statement.

“This isss it… Tha oone thiing I knooow bout’ mennn… (large sip, ice cubes tinkle) “le me tell ya… alll theeyy wan is onee thinggg…” Dramatic pause while she made sure she had my eye contact.

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“PUUASSSY!!!”

Although, you might have guessed at her next word, I had no idea. I had only discovered masturbation 2 years prior and although sex dominated my every inhalation it never occurred to me that I wasn’t some sort of disgusting deviant. I honestly thought that I needed professional treatment for my incessant masturbation and obsession with female genetailia.

“Yup yup… thass alll it comesss down tooo, Da fuggin Puuasssyyy…fuggin puassy…”

This conversation ellipse continued until she set the world record for the greatest amount of pussy ever ejected from a woman’s mouth.

Bad christian, rape and a flip-out

When I was in christian college I thought I was in a comfortable place with my sexuality and I felt fully okay, to make the moves on my cute Chinese classmate. After we had quite delightful sex, she confessed she was a virgin, and burst into tears. (I didn’t know because she was a gymnast, therefore no hymen Or I have a very small penis Or her a large vagina Or all of the above)

The next morning I was woken to banging on my door, I groggily opened it to find a very angry christian girl, just dying to drop the “F” bomb. “What [the fuck] happened with you and Linh!!?? Did you rape her?!” “WHAT!!??” I said in shock, I heard a well-timed whimper, to my right, I saw Linh on the ground, rocking in the fetal position, wailing silently.

Fortunately, when we confronted Linh she admitted to lying, which of course added dishonesty to her to list of crimes against god, and the epileptic crying increased.

I remember becoming profoundly confused and depressed after that incident. I felt very morally confused by both her hideous over reaction at breaking christian moral code and my lack of giving it any heed. I actually became suicidal after this, since I had experienced similar breakdowns after being sexually involved with women I had no relationship interest in.

Was I at fault here? Yes and No. Was she at fault? Yes and No. Were our moral beliefs in alignment with our sexual and empathetic demands? Absolutely not.

The religious law against sex before marriage is laughably ludicrous; it is a foolish confabulation to control an uncontrollable human behavior. It is a rule destine to fail and in it’s failure create self-loathing, undoubtedly this contributes to why conservative mormons have such a high teen pregnancy and suicide rate. (I believe the site I have linked to gives accurate data,  the author is clearly biased but probably accurate with his conclusions)

Trying to manage the unmanageable is exactly what happened with Linh, her sexual programing viciously butted heads with her especially strict christian brainwashing. One year later she married her way out of ever repeating this “mistake” thus making a greater one. Not surprisingly she was divorced a year later.

All men want is pussy

Of course any global statement like this is as silly as saying “Asians are bad drivers,” let me put you on a motor bike and see if you can manage the Saigon traffic without pissing yourself.  Unfortunately, although any global statement is easy to argue, this particular one stings with truth. Did I want to have a relationship with Linh? No way… I knew she was a nutter. Did I know she would have a flip out if we had sex? YUP, had no doubt. Was I okay with a flip out? No way, I am a very empathetic guy and the idea of doing someone damage, leaves me with emotional welts. Why did I do it? Because my stepmother was right, I wanted the pussy, I wanted it bad enough to violate any concern for Linh’s well-being.

Sam Harris in his extremely well written book, The Moral Landscape defines moral truth as something that increases human well being (Grossly simplified). Does the rule against premarital sex increase general human well being? I would argue absolutely not, rather it creates an unnatural schism against one of the most powerful drives in the mind. Does my acting upon my desire to copulate with every woman I find attractive increase human well-being? Well, as much as my penis aggressively believes yes, I would be forced to say no.

I often talk about the separation of the mind, the thinking prefrontal cortex and the reptilian primitive brain. These two “minds” have very different agenda, but since the reptilian brain is not self-aware it doesn’t’ make the rules. Rather the thinking brain, in its need for the control, creates moral ethical compasses, like religion. Sometimes this is a good thing, but more often than not it is a gross failing.

This is where the struggle lies, my christian “morals” taught me a greater level of empathy which has controlled my animal sexual drive. I now realize that it is wrong to have sex with a person that will experience acute emotional distress from it, for example a 24-year-old girl is not prepared to handle a 37-year-old man with my experience level, but because I find her ridiculously attractive my animal mind tries to find ways to sidestep my morality. (I find myself very attracted to booze when I am around young women, this is the animal brains way of shutting off my thinking minds morality)

In Linh’s case, christian “morals” failed utterly and certainly did more damage than good. Her animal brain hijacked the system, shut off her moral compass, and did it’s best to reproduce. This moral truth that Linh believed in absolutely, tortured an already tortured person, and was completely worthless at increasing her well-being.

There are many contributors to sadness and pain; some are uncontrollable, like the death of a family member. But stress caused by the division of the brain can be controlled and is very much in our grasp. Understanding, accepting, and working with the agenda and needs of both the animal and thinking mind is the key to removing this unnecessary pain.

Let’s say for example the thinking mind makes the rule: It is wrong to cheat on my boyfriend. What if you find yourself violating this? Are you now a bad person? Your thinking mind will tell you a resounding YES and now a dangerous condition erupts. Maybe you cheated because your animal mind needed companionship and your boyfriend was in Iraq for just too long. This is where honesty with the limits of what you can and can’t control come into play. I recently got into an long distance relationship, something that I abhor, I knew that staying “faithful” for 6 months a stretch, would be an impossibility, so I insisted on an open relationship. This open door appears to be harmful to any relationship but I would aggressively argue that lying about fidelity is far greater an evil.

I understand my animal mind, I am buddies with it, sometimes we fight, sometimes we trick one another to get a desired outcome but overall we are on the same team. Most people I observe, hate their internal roommate, you can see the torture on their faces as the two brains struggle for control but it doesn’t have to be this way.

Learning to work with, positively sabotage, and train the machinations of the animal brain to increase happiness and well-being is paramount to having a healthy, honest sexual life.

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Divorce Guru February 2, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Wonderful post Mike! I am in awe of your honesty when talking about all aspects of your life (stepmom, frequent masturbation, 24 year old girls). Keep this up man, great writing.
Divorce Guru´s last blog post ..Dating with children…the do’s- don’ts- and don’t even think about it girl!

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2 Mike Masters February 5, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Well I am glad someone enjoyed that post.
I think it was a little much for most people. Probably my longest post ever.

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3 Ramona December 21, 2012 at 2:00 am

well…. I think that is your best post ever, expand it a bit and it will be a great book! I love the way you expand my horizons!

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4 SlyFox February 22, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Glad to see you back.

Everyone is part devil – you know your animal mind well. Knowing it well doesn’t make it easier to handle.

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5 A man duh March 5, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Wow I thought you fell off a cliff and died a horrible death but I see you are alive and well tsk tsk :P open relationship huh??? muhahaha

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6 Mike Masters March 8, 2011 at 4:49 am

Yup I am still alive, just focusing on books.

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7 judy - (Mike's wicked step mother) March 15, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Your wicked step-mother thinks your WILD imagination and hurtful comments must help you feel better about your own weakness I am and have been praying for you It would be better if you wrote without putting others lives and non truths in print You can hurt alot of people !!!!!! Please leave your family in peace!!

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8 Mike Masters March 16, 2011 at 12:37 am

Telling lies!? HA, that story is EXACTLY how it went down. At the time I was so shocked by your behavior that I actually wrote it down after you drunkenly passed out. Later I told the story over and over to friends and family while they laughed hysterically. Hell, even my mother used to beg me to do the drunk Judy voice and she would laugh herself to tears. The story is accurate, and even now, with help of a clown wig, I can copy your drunken voice and demeanor dead ringer.

It sucks to have a writer in the family, huh… but wait… you are not my family, you are only a miserable wife to my father and a terror to a child that could not defend himself. In no way have you EVER been my family, how dare you even suggest it.

I spent 18 years trying to get to know my father and my sister, which was blocked by you at every attempt. I spent 18 years trying to understand why you needed to make my life hell every time I came to visit. I spent 18 years thinking something was wrong with me, until I realized you hated me because I was taking time and love from your offspring. You idiot, love is not quantifiable but you are too stupid to know that word or understand the wisdom this sentence entails.

Want more? In your horrible shittiness you even drove a wedge between me and my sister. Remember this one? I am 18, it is 8 pm and you are already getting your drink on. I am trying to get to know my younger sister and you decide burst into her room and say, “Get the fuck away from her you pervert.”

Jesus Christ, you piece of shit, what did you do… what did you take from me, what did you take from her. You awful person.

Pray for me? Fuck you… Pray for yourself, pray for forgiveness for the lives you have ruined. but Judy… you are human filth, and I will never forgive you.

You deserve far worse than a blog post, but rest assured you will show up in books. Pray I do not get famous, since I would have no problem talking about your miserable ass in public.

But you are getting what you deserve, you are a bitter old woman exactly like your mother. Yes, I remember her well, you have mimicked her footsteps and even improved on her spiteful existence. Yes, you have what you deserve, no love, no life, no future, only the entrails of what you have sown. For that I am happy, may you stew in the shit you served me as a child.

So… Judy… I care less about your emotions than the mosquito I crushed this morning.

You don’t want to see this kind of thing? Stay off my fucking blog.

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9 Mark April 28, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Mike, I have to say that was one of the most powerful things I have ever read.

Congratulations to you, after the Hell that woman put you through I can only imagine how it felt to write those words. You summed it up so well, and I believe you are justified in everything you said.

It’s been written that there is nothing special about evil. Indeed it is often quite mundane and often committed by the not so bright who are often jealous of their brighter, more constructive children; and lord help any child who is born to such a monster.

I do not know this Judy – thank heavens for that – but for her to say she’d pray for you – the sheer outrageousness beggars belief! She seems to have been, and probably still is nothing more than a bitter, twisted, spiteful and evil (the mundane kind of evil) shell of a woman.

Mike I wish you all the best in your continuing journey, may you continue to excel and may your successes be all the sweeter for rising above the trauma that living with that despicable creature would have caused.

Best wishes, brother.

Mark

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10 Mike Masters May 1, 2011 at 3:07 am

Thanks for the feedback buddy.
I should have written the post about Judy instead.
Appreciate the read.

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