1% of the population is clinically psychotic

by Mike Masters on April 5, 2011

Better my head than my penis

Disclaimer: This post has gotten a lot of negative comments, probably fueled by only one person and her FB page. I have no desire to remove it or apologize for the content, however I will warn you that this is not a typical post for me. It is for humor only, and not to make the world a better place. I hope you enjoy but I will not tolerate any more abusive comments.

This is a post I wrote for my best friend and awesome blogger missmelisamae

Hope you enjoy

Last week…

“Please… All I want is for you to leave me alone. Stop threatening my friends, stop calling me, stop texting me, and just leave me alone.” The girl looking back at me had her teeth clenched and looked as if she were going to gouge my eyes out and eat them like dumplings. She was the reason I have been carrying pepper spray with me for the last two months. I looked right to a large rat knocking over a can, when… “WHACK!” she slapped me so hard that even the birds flying around my head looked dazed.

2 months earlier…

I was having a great time in Saigon, I was drinking too much, smoking too much and according the callous forming only on my right hand, masturbating too much. I hadn’t had sex in a while and I was feeling it, I caught myself either eying the inappropriate or the simply disgusting. This felt a little bit like when I ran out of food while on a cycling trip, and started eying dead bugs and discarded fast food bags. Unfortunately, this is when I ran into Monica, she was cute, Thai and Horny. “You show it to me (she grabs at my crotch and I pull away) I wanna know if it is big enough!” Now, without going through the tacky, nauseating details of our drunken courtship, we can both assume that she was wild, I was hungry and it seemed like a pretty good exchange.

Later that night…

I was incredibly satisfied, we just finished a sex marathon and I felt like a starving man after a buffet but hopefully with less food on my face. I grinned ear to ear but when I saw her face in the dim light my smile faded. “How you do that? I never do like that before…” her disturbed look softened, getting a bit doe eyed. Something was really really wrong here, I thought in silence for a while, “Monica, how many guys have you been with?” It looked like she was preparing to lie when she said, “One guys,” the way she said it felt honest. I remember closing my eyes in a major “Oh fuck…” moment. I was silent for about 30 seconds trying to figure out how to phrase my next question; I cocked my head and said, “Monica, do you love me?” To my horror her lower lip started to tremble like my father’s restless leg, “How you know? How you know ‘bout my thinking??” she burst into tears and through the pillow I could hear her say, “Yes I love you, I love you so much.”

Oh fuck, this is going to be bad but if I knew HOW bad, I would have proactively pepper sprayed myself and jumped off my balcony.

The next morning…

“Monica, you have to go home now, my friends are coming over soon and we are going to the gym. Please put your clothes on and go,” I said this a bit clipped because I had been trying to get her to leave for the last two hours. “You go to gym, I stay here wait for you.” This is when my friend Matt, as usual, burst into my room without knocking, “Stop bloody wankin’ and put the kettle on Govenaa!” He collapsed on the sofa and lit a ciggy, I motioned to the girl in my bed and we both stared at her, she had, while sitting up, pulled the comforter over her head, looking like a Scooby Doo ghost minus the eye holes. WTF? As we stared she started to shimmy towards the far corner of the bed to obscure herself, it was like a child covering her eyes to make herself invisible. Thirty minutes later, the comforter teepee started to work it’s way towards its clothes. We became silent as a tan arm reached for the pile of clothing on the nightstand. Five mins later, it emerged, looked at us in fury, and bolted out the door. “What the fuck was that?” said Matt. “I have no idea but I hope I never see it again.”

Three days later…

“Jesus, this girl won’t stop calling me, I think she is about to hit 20, fuck… there it goes,” my phone buzzed in my hand, I hung up. I looked at my chain-smoking friend Masaru and explained the story. The phone rang 5 more times during the telling. Masaru said, “My friend’s ex was like that, right before she jumped in front of a train.” I looked at him, “Seriously??” He put out his cigarette and smiled, “No…”

Three hours later…

The total calls were about to hit 50 and my buddy Ben was sitting across from me with his camera looked delighted to see me open a can o’ whoop ass. “Okay, okay, I’m ready, answer the phone,” he started filming and I let loose. “What the FUCK are you doing Monica… I don’t fucking care if you want to see me, are you a fucking lunatic??? Don’t ever talk to me, look at me, call me, or message me ever fucking again.” This same conversation looped for about 4 minutes until I hung up, and she called back, I hung up and she called back. Damn it!!! I want to be able to use my damn phone! I barely was able to activate the call-blocking software, finally It stopped… Whew.

Four hours later…

From 11 to 3 in the morning she managed to hit redial 450 times. Oh fuck, I think I just hit the loony tunes lottery. Would I be stabbed in my sleep? My penis decapitated, stuffed, and a suction cup stitched to the base?

She has, to my relief, stopped calling me and my penis is still attached. Did I handle things correctly? Nope… Would I have preferred to have not had the experience? Hell no! What a ride! Do I want to repeat it? Nope… this was kinda like surviving cancer, I learned something but it fucking sucked.

Crazy Monica also sent me hundreds of texts, and each one was answered with the autoreply, “Monica, this is an autoreply and not me. I don’t read or receive your texts. Please, leave me alone or I will involve the Police.” Unfortunately, she never understood and kept hammering her head on the glass similar to one of the sharks at my local aquarium but I think the shark might have been more intelligent.

Here are a few of her texts for your enjoyment, none of these were ever responded to:

Message: Hi, how are you? I would like you to introduce my sister..but im scared maybe you hurt me again…

Message: Why you make me say it? but I love you.

Message: Hi, how are you? What are you doin?

Message: Your bulshit in my life!

Message: I dont want trouble! Do you understand! If you like trouble.. trouble yourself! Dont want a bad conversation from you!

Message: ..dont force me to tell this to my parents my parents are here ! Dont ever force me i do..you just wait let see!

Message: Go to hell!!!

Message: My boyfriend ws very angry with you..i am with my boyfriend europe..he want to kill you bec. people like you very stupid i ever know! (She didn’t have a boyfriend, she is referring to a guy that blocked her on facebook)

Message: …sorry i drunk..i know no body like me..i admit..sorry if i annoyed you..:) ..just want you to know im not bad person. Thanks.

Message: fuck u ashole guy!!

Message: Do you think i believe you? Hhahaha! You need shychaitress (Psychiatrist, this apparently was in answer to my autoreply message)

Message: TeXT later ganna drive motorbike fuck tonight if you like..choose the younger or the old woman..?

Message: Hahahahaha miss your fuck baby..

Message: No your so funny love it!

Message: You need mental..

Message: Haha! Why im with you now? Of coures your alone there..

Message: Peace be with you..

Message: Gush i miss your fuck only fuck i miss it!

Message: Much better your change your number bec. If not i always bothering you make me angry..!

Message: Hey american are you really a guy or gay?

Message: Your ashole..how come you call the name of the lord.out of pure heart! Your nonsense person! (In response to her sitting outside my building, I drove by saying “oh god…”)

Message: Abnormal!

Message: Baby where are you? Here in your home.. I knock the door..

Message: If you like that i knock your door very loud..!

Message: fuck u ashole guy!!!

{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }

1 jadednotfaded April 10, 2011 at 11:52 am

Moral of the story: stop messing around with people whom you already know are not going to be able to handle a one night stand.
It’s okay for men to assume responsibility for their behavior, regardless if its their limbic mind or making conscious choices; BE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT U PUT OUT!
Maybe I might for a moment feel sorry for you for creating this shitty situation.
What is psychotic is to make the choice to fuck a young girl you have no intention on spending any additional time with, then act confused when this girl exacts a mirrored reaction from her own limbic brain. She was hungry, you provided just enough food then went away with the food and yelled at her and threatened her for being hungry again. She is not evil for being hungry (needy). There could be evil interpreted in dangling food in front of the hungry then running away when the hungry is fucking serious about being fed again.
I don’t think I am reading between the lines when I notice that the tone of this story seemed to vilify this young and confused woman. Why so heavily biased on her side yet light and breezy when it comes to the guy making a fool of her in front of his friends? This story does nothing to help the gap between men and women understanding each other. I don’t know what I am to ‘get’ from this. How does this post help me grow and mature and better understand guys and cut them more breaks and not continue to think “what a bunch of assholes!”(?)

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2 Mike Masters April 11, 2011 at 3:23 am

Ummmm… did you actually read the post? or are you just stupid? I see that you read my Bio and you wonder how this can raise well being? Sometimes I just write funny stories and even from these people can learn.

Why would you assume she was a young girl? (She was 28) and why would you assume that I was taking advantage? (It was certainly a mutual exchange)

You are ridiculously wrong on all accounts and although I aggressively tell people they are responsible for what comes into their life. I cannot fault them for breaking their leg on a patch of ice. I could not see what-so-ever what a lunatic Monica was, and how incredibly unstable. Monica was this metaphorical ice and in an attempt to break my fall I put out my arm (yelling at her on the phone) unfortunately the ground was too hard and Monica too insane, it broke my arm.

So… am I trying to heal something here? No not at all, it was entertainment only and any sane person (not you) would see that I stumbled on to a hilarious uncontrollable situation.

But FadedandJaded, feel free to comment again, I would be happy to expose the pain you think men are responsible for. Or an alternative, read my blog and learn something.

Mike

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3 K.E. June 16, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Hi Mike,

Having read the story, as well as a lot of the replies, I have to say this (as a an avowed feminist female):

Ladies, please learn about the downside of how your own oxytocin affects your romantic interactions – and get a grip!!

The male side of this is: my friend’s dad told him, “Son, if you don’t want a relationship with a woman, don’t sleep with her.” In those days, they didn’t know about oxytocin – we could only witness its destructive post-casual-coital effects.

So, yeah, she went waaaaaaaay overboard – 28 or not, she just was just NOT equipped for casual sex – but she didn’t know that – and neither did Mike.

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4 Ben April 17, 2011 at 2:31 am

Dearest JadedNotFaded,
Thank you for your insightful comment. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. Through this post I feel like we’ve grown closer. When I read your words, I know you are speaking directly to me. You’ve looked into my heart and found the real me. We have touched each other with our words. I know we’re sharing something special. I know you love me.. and yes, I love you too.

So why haven’t you called me?!? I’m waiting for you! I’ve told my parents about you. You’ve made a promise to me with your words and that promise needs to be kept. Love me. LOVE ME!!! LOVE MEEEE!!!

Oh, and remember, this situation is YOUR fault. Take responsibility for your actions. You know what you’re doing to me. You should have seen this coming as you let your delicate fingers stroke the keyboard. You know that drives me crazy.

I will think of you always.
Your Secret Admirer,
-Ben

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5 Mike Masters April 17, 2011 at 8:05 am

Snort!!

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6 jadednotfaded April 11, 2011 at 7:18 am

Dear Mike the Master-Bater,
My sanity or lack thereof does not hinge on whether I agree with your take on this tale of fucking girls then ditching them and wondering why they won’t go away.
I think the first clue would have been when she grabbed you crotch to see what you we’re packing. This forward gesture is a sign of a desperate need for much more than a roll in the sack with a stranger. This may have been foreboding, to those taking the time to assess a situation before jumping in, of a not so good outcome.
You are right that I assumed incorrectly that she was young, I did base that on your side of the story. She came off as immature and desperate, usually the actions of a younger woman, not yet sure of herself. For this I take responsibility and I apologize for misconstruing it in my mind, then in my comments on your story.
I do read your blog and have learned lots, your skilled insights and wealth of knowledge of both sexes is obvious. This tale in particular was just embarrassing. Mostly for her, but for you as well. Of course it is okay to write stories that are just funny or embarrassing, I just didn’t like this one. It was biased. I opined on something I read on the internet, which happens to be your blog, I’m not wrong. It is an opinion.
That being said, I didn’t mean to come off cunty, which I have seen from other people’s posts is unusual. Most lick your scrot at any and every opportunity.
In conclusion, don’t hate cuz I didn’t love what you said, it was one instance in a mostly appreciative perusing of your blog.
PS: very witty to change my name, well played sir.

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7 Mike Masters April 12, 2011 at 11:21 pm

Is Ontario really that cold to produce such an angry miserable person?
I won’t even read your retort, too tedious.
Maybe someone else would care to respond to you.
P.S. Mikethemasterdater is a play on masterbater, it is to make people laugh and remember. So… not so well played on your part.

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8 RockinItMyWay April 15, 2011 at 2:29 am

Mike – How old are you? 38? REALLY – When are YOU going to grow up? Guy’s like you are the reason alot of Asian women think Americans are A-holes. This story just shows proof of it.
I agree with JADEDNOTFADED – you took advantage of a girl’s weak mental state just to get your dick wet and see how much torment you could dish out before “she went crazy”. Did you lead her on??? I’m sure you did.
From reading your blogs, you play yourself as a Don Juan. Is the reason you left Japan because it got around you are a Man-whore and the Japanese people got tired of you taking advantage of women there? And now you are in Vietnam cause you figure the women there are easier and stupid? I know SOOO many guys (like you, who think they are Play-Boy’s) who go to asia for women….cause they can’t get a woman in America.
Anyways – I guess we all know who is going to end up being the ol’ Creepy White Guy that can only get sex with little girls in foreign countries.

FYI – i’m 28, Have a REAL Job and have a Beautiful Asian Woman who takes care of me…cause she wants to.

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9 Mike Masters April 16, 2011 at 2:59 am

If I had a “real” job I would fucking kill myself but I suppose being retired at age 38 is taking its toll.
Whew… too much drinking and too many women!
I need to grow up!

Oh… and you are a douche bag…

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10 RockinItMyWay April 19, 2011 at 2:31 am

Really Mike??? So you consider living in a 3rd world country, getting drunk all the time and banging little girls and selling your books for $.99 a retirement?
I Bet your mom and dad are SO proud of their LITTLE boy.

And douche bag??? come on…i’m sure you know Bigger words than that right?

Ohh and another thought – If you are such a great Master Dater, Why can’t you land “The One”? Why ARE you still single?

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11 Mike Masters April 19, 2011 at 4:02 am

This definition from the Urban Dictionary seemed apt.

Douche Bag:
1. An object used for vaginal hygeine.
2. A moron that doesn’t think before he/she speaks or acts.
3. One with an undescribeable idiocy, stupidity, totally lacking in social skills.
4. One with an intolerable personality.
5. Personified by Iniquity, that constantly trolls forums, blogs. He is a smack talker filled with a false sense of self worth
6. I would also like to add, Coward. You think hiding behind the net makes you tough? Put your name down, let me see your facebook, better yet give me your phone number and I would be happy to give you a call.

In answer to your slanderous statements:

I love and live with my 32 year old girlfriend
My family is shocked that I am retired and want to know how I did it
I have nearly 20 different sources of passive income, and am on track to break 6 figures in under a year
I haven’t had sex with a girl under 28 since I was 30
Oh, yes… I do drink too much, tons of friends, GF owns a bar… what can you do?

So clearly you have no idea who I am or what I do, and I have no more patience for you or your friends. Slanderous comments will go directly to the trash from now on.

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12 SlyFox April 15, 2011 at 9:42 am

She wasn’t a nutter. She just didn’t like being so wanted one day and then indifference the next. Then when she wanted to be heard, she got angry with the shut down. She sounded delusional, in conflict with herself in terms of second guessing herself. She wasn’t having a dialogue with you but a battle with herself having issues with self respect and boundaries. People who are extreme in nature subconsciously enjoy the adrenaline fuelled drama high on the intensities of their emotions. You may not consciously want to encounter that intensity but even at your end it can still be thrilling even for a second to think that someone is that affected by you and if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll admit you enjoy the attention and this control over someone – control in the sense that you tuned in, found the frequency and escalated it until it blew then you no longer control it and it scares you a little and you want it over.

Is it her fault? Is it your fault? Like attract like. If you are not playing the role of crazy,
the other is. Both of you are dancing the dance. Intense drama can be an addictive
high.

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13 Mike Masters April 16, 2011 at 3:11 am

Ah… an intelligent comment.
Um, I would normally agree with you but there simply was not enough interaction for us to have a drama, it was one sided only.

Like attracts like? We had one night of drunken sex, and once again not enough interaction.

Not a nutter? if you spent one night with a man would you think it is acceptable to be a force five clinger?? Take a look at her texts again and remember that this was in response to an auto reply NOT from me.

Later I found out that she tried to pull the same thing with a friend of mine but he only got 50 calls and 20 texts, fortunately for him he never slept with her.

Intense drama can be fun but if it was something I wanted I actually would have interacted with her. The time she slapped me was when I confronted her for threatening my female friends with a fork. Once again, not a nutter?

So maybe this story does not belong a blog that is focused on relationships maybe I will take it down.

It did quite well on my friends blog, not one negative comment.
http://www.missmelisamae.com/psycho/1-population-clinically-psychotic-fcked/

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14 K.E. June 17, 2011 at 12:48 am

Feminist here ;)

Yes, calling / texting someone 25 – 50 or 100′s of times is (at the very least) out of control, whether male or female.

Re: Mike’s story above – It was a one night stand. She didn’t realize she wasn’t cut out for it. In fact, he suspected it before she did – afterwards. Her calls and texts showed an immaturity where she was unable to resist her impulse to contact him when she felt (oxytocin) withdrawl (the addictive kind.)

I myself do not think one night stands work very well for women a lot of the time, but women still do them (hey, I did too sometimes) – and if you’re too into the guy, and he’s just in one-night-stand land, you’re going to feel bad about it. Guys being more testosterone-driven, it’s pretty safe to start with the assumption that most guys are coming from an uncommitted perspective. Dating and sex 101, even if you skipped class.

Since women have a lot more bonding chemistry than men do (oxytocin, vs. testosterone) they’re going to bond a lot quicker than guys over sex.

So ladies, before you go blaming men for everything here, stop and check out oxytocin’s role in female psychology (and orgasm). If you don’t think he’s serious about a relationship and you might be, don’t sleep with him. And if you do one night stands, please stop getting so upset if he doesn’t call, or if he’s just not that into you.

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15 JL April 16, 2011 at 7:33 am

Great Post! Looking to trap Mr Right with a one night stand…piss idea! I hope she figures it out before someone ends up hurting her physically. I know that you put a funny spin on all of this…but there are so many women out there like her. I think a few of the other comments came from women who have done the same (we all have atleast once.maybe not to that extreme) How can you feel sorry for someone who obviously puts themselves in the same situation repeatedly with the same outcome? Keep posting!

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16 Mike Masters April 16, 2011 at 7:48 am

Hi JL
Yeah clearly women that are commenting negatively on this post are dragging some sort of personal pain out of themselves. This story is so far removed from what anyone is assuming I am honestly shocked. And they guy? Jealous as SIN… hahaha.

Glad you enjoyed the story though, I thought it was one of the strangest, funniest experiences I have ever had with a woman. 450 phone calls? After one night with me?? Hey, I am good but obviously something was broken here.

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17 Miss Melisa Mae April 16, 2011 at 6:16 pm

First off, as a woman, I was not in the least bit offended by this post. Did anyone even read the part where she went up to him first and grabbed his cock? At 28 years old, she should know the consequences for such actions. Grabbing a man by the balls does not exactly show that she was looking for anything substantial either. If she did think that was going to happen, she is an idiot. I’m sure she’s been hurt in the past and blah, blah, blah but so have we all. If you don’t learn from your actions then sometimes you deserve what you get. Let’s not forget that he politely asked her leave at first. He didn’t intentionally try to embarass her. She put herself in that position. How can we blame Mike for the actions of this woman?

To put all the blame on Mike for trying to make an amusing spin on something that was potentially awkward for all parties involved is ludicrous. He was simply putting into word the thoughts that were going through his head and that’s why the internet is such a glorious thing; he can post whatever the fuck he wants and anyone that reads can either like it or hate it.

I’m not directing this comment towards anybody in particular and I’m sure I’ll get slammed for not joining the lynching but I’m not so sure that such anomosity should be directed only towards Mike in this situation. He was dealing with a woman close to 30, not a teenager.
Miss Melisa Mae´s last blog post ..When Teenagers and Sexual Curiosity Collide with Technology

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18 Mike Masters April 17, 2011 at 5:52 am

MMM as always you rock, the world would be such a better place with more people like you in it. Granted, there would probably be a vodka shortage.

Thanks for seeing in this post what I thought was painfully obvious.

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19 Bree Talon June 25, 2011 at 1:28 pm

I have to agree with you Melisa Mae, I got a kick out of the story too. They were both consenting adults – she came onto him, he accepted. As women, we’ve all had experiences that didn’t turn out the way we’d hoped, sometimes we don’t feel proud of our behavior in hindsight, but hopefully we learn something. Hopefully this girl gets some mental help or finds someone who can give her what she needs, though her agressive come-on behavior makes it seem unlikely. Sounds like a disconnect between what she needs and how she goes about getting it.
As for Mike, he owned that he didn’t handle things correctly – which is pretty honest and self-reflective – and what I took the point of the article to be: that sometimes we go through some crazy shit with people and in the long run it helps us appreciate and get what we really do want.
I never learned anything the easy way. Just saying.
Bree Talon´s last blog post ..Marry, Fuck or Kill: Defining Your Ideal Relationship

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20 Simplyamazed April 18, 2011 at 7:35 am

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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21 Mike Masters April 19, 2011 at 3:45 am

My god… how did everyone’s IQ drop so low???
If you are going to argue it might be a good idea to have a fact or two?

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22 Anonymous October 20, 2011 at 8:05 am

good grief…what a moron…apparently people have already decided what they want to think about Mike before they even began to read this story, and were already deciding what to write before they read the last line. closed minded, and Im a friggin woman who can definitely see what he is trying to convey

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23 Mike Masters October 22, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Thank you very much! :)

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24 Queenie April 21, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Bahahhaha. I totally got sucked in by the title, it tickled me. What’s the deal with everyone getting their thongs in a wad? I almost spit juice on the screen after reading those texts.
“GUSH! I MISS UR F* ONLY F* I MISS IT”

Comedy Gold, imo.
Queenie´s last blog post ..What Do You Consider To Be Cheating What Is Cheating He Cheated On Me- Bastard! Off With His Head!

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25 Mike Masters April 22, 2011 at 1:18 am

Yeah that was a little strange wasn’t it?
What I think happened is I pissed off the first commentor and she put the word out on twitter or FB and a bunch of sycophants came too her rescue. Too bad none of them were intelligent enough to make a valid argument.

“GUSH! I MISS UR F* ONLY F* I MISS IT”

Yeah that was pretty funny, what people miss that I should have added was this commentary is in order without me ever commenting back. So you can see her mood oscillate day to day completely independent of me. One day she loves me and the next I am “asshole man!”

Not crazy?? She’s a fucking loon.

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26 Queenie April 23, 2011 at 10:41 am

I kind of figured it was a ‘clan’ of people who already had their mind made up before they even read the post…if they even did. I like the way you handled it and how you allowed the comments to be posted instead of deleting them, makes for good tv! Carry on, my friend and stay away from the psychotic snatches, we’re a dime a dozen!
Queenie´s last blog post ..What Do You Consider To Be Cheating What Is Cheating He Cheated On Me- Bastard! Off With His Head!

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27 Terry D. April 30, 2011 at 7:40 am

ROTFLAO – I stumbled in here from Jamies Blog and this is what I fell over – You slay me!!!!! The last time I ran into such a crazy is more than 30 years ago but I remember it vividly and still cringe a bit imagining my pals yelling “incomming” every time the phone rang. Ahhhh life – As for the haters, they find their own way to hell so no need to facilitate. Fact is there are crazy people in this world and without them things might be a little boring. I mean really, one crazy bitch, one night of insane fucking and a thousand stories to tell – how cool is that?
Terry D.´s last blog post ..Man Talk – oops

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28 Something She Dated April 30, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Okay…so the comments are lengthy (congrats mike ;) and I don’t have time to read them all so here’s hoping there’s no overlap.

Unless this chick was under the age of 18…Mike owes the chick nothing. And if she was under the age of 18…gross…and gross and subsequent situation is poetic justice. I’m going to assume she wasn’t for the time being. That being said…people have to look out for themselves. Does every dude I ever didn’t give my number to after boning deserve a box of chocolates and a hug? Do I for anytime a boy ever cancelled a date or wasn’t that into me? No. This is…ya know…real life. +++ Aw crap just scrolled up and saw Mike say she was 28 (a mere year younger than me)…so she was 100% prepared to know what the fuck was going on *grabs Mike’s crotch*

Sure it was probably a dick move. Sorry Mike but I’m guessing by the fact that your first thought was even to ask “are you in love with me” that you saw it (perhaps not the full extent of the crazy but at the very least…a little bit) coming. But that being said. Who cares? People are dicks all the time. That being said…it’s not like this chick was all like read me poetry and let’s talk about life and tell me your greatest fears and then he banged her and was like…get out…she grabbed his fucking crotch (and I kind of assumed in public?) I mean shit, son. Get serious.

Finally…I’m pretty sure Mike’s not looking for sympathy. The fact that he posted this for Melisa is a pretty clear indication that it wasn’t an “advise me, pity me, whatever” type post. And knowing Melisa’s blog and having a brain…I sort of assumed it went like this….

Hey Melisa…look/listen to these messages (or here’s the story of this one time…)
She rolls on the floor in laughter.
You have to post this!!!! ahahaha You have to tell people!!! ahahaha So funny ahahah!!
Or something like that.

Top Notch as usual.
**PSizzle…you know I say it was a dick move with love right ;)
Something She Dated´s last blog post ..Butterflies Fulfilled- WARNING 18 X Rated

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29 Mike Masters May 1, 2011 at 3:27 am

I love how so many people reacted to the war brought on by one person.

“Dick move” You know I am going to have to react to that but I will do it as honestly as possible. Yes, I had no doubt I was meeting a soul mate, but… lets be fair. Guys tend to get a lot of bad press simply because they have a penis. I find girls do many of the same things but are much better at sweeping it under the carpet.

For example, here in Saigon there is something the foreign girls call “dredging” It means when there are no decent Western guys (since they are usually tied up with Vietnamese girls) they try to find cute young backpackers to prey on. “After all,” said my friend Jo, “Some lips can’t lick themselves.” (if you didn’t get that, take a second. Well worth the laugh)

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30 Something She Dated May 1, 2011 at 7:52 am

haha at first I was like…why is he making it a gender issue boy vs. girl…then I realize I brought it on with my own gendered comment. By “dick” move I actually didn’t mean anything specifically male. I meant more along the lines of anybody…having sex with someone they can logically see…would be likely unable to handle it…is being a dick (or asshole? for a more gender neutral qualifier).

However, that being said the more I think about it…for all I know all chicks act COMPLETELY normal before sex and afterwards 50% freak the fuck out. And it was that prior experience that led you to ask “are you in love” and not some indication of hers beforehand.

So yeah…I really felt the need to clarify…because as someone with some SLUTmazing tendencies you have to know I’m not judging the sexy time nor the no strings-ish-ness of it. The dick move only comes in when you knowingly risk someone else’s feelings. But…well…see the above paragraph I just wrote. I may have been wrong in the first comment. (I’d like everyone to notice. I can admit when I’m wrong ;)
Something She Dated´s last blog post ..Butterflies Fulfilled- WARNING 18 X Rated

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31 Mike Masters May 1, 2011 at 8:50 am

Don’t worry about it, I didn’t take offense.

and you have SLUTmazing tendencies? I like that term!

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32 Meg May 2, 2011 at 8:38 am

Huh, …
I feel stupid enough to get no replies from a guy whom i sent an email. I am not 28 yet, so i guess she has to have at least my portion of pride in her gut…

I was able to stop at this point, but still wanna open his chest and make him eat his heart. Not love, but my pride makes me wanna do that.

I should have left him unanswered first.

Shit, shit. but what can i do.

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33 Terry D. May 4, 2011 at 7:47 am

ah Meg – girl child of the universe….. Imagine the thousand scenarios where your boy got hit by a truck and is lying on a cold marble slab in the county morgue or he’s tending to a sick friend and hasn’t had time to read your email much less respond or he’s a total asshole and you are sooooo much better off without him etc. etc. – my point, little one is simply that these things are not Personal, Permanent or Pervasive. Thank the Is for clearing one more bit of flotsam out of your way to finding what you seek.
Love is not a pissing contest and not everyone who meets you is obligated to curl up at your feet awaiting your attention. But your heart already knows that right? ;-)
Terry D.´s last blog post ..Late Date

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34 Mike Masters July 6, 2011 at 10:03 am

uh… vomit?
Mike Masters´s last blog post ..Penises, wieners and sexting

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35 k-dawg June 14, 2011 at 12:48 pm

haha I think this is great. Not great that you had to endure it, but great in the sense that there are so many fantastically bizarre people in the world that make story-telling that much more interesting. I had a similar issue with a dude late last year, I was almost certain I’d need to carry pepper spray for the rest of my life after relocating to another country. It happens. People are crazy and some just don’t get it. Rock on, dude, and be careful out there!
k-dawg´s last blog post ..Theres No Good Title For an Anti-Drinking &amp Driving Post

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36 Mike James July 17, 2011 at 8:20 am

Wow dude… thats insane… 450 times? I had that typa thing happen to me a few times… NOT fun… Quick question… you stated in one of your retorts that you have about 20 sources of income… How did you acheive that? Who did you get in with? I was curious as soon as I read it…

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37 Dee Dee Russell July 17, 2011 at 11:37 pm

MM
lovely psychodramatic posts. As a sexist womanist bohemian I say too many chicks don’t understand the all important fact: Men will bang you even if they don’t like or respect you!

Your point of view though immature, is refreshing and insightful.

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38 The Blue Lotus July 27, 2011 at 4:52 am

HIlarious! That’s all I can say!

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