Comments on: My boyfriend wants to borrow $4,000 dollars, should I do it? http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/money/should-i-lend-4000-to-my-boyfriend/ Dating advice for women Fri, 10 Sep 2010 04:21:01 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Sarah http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/money/should-i-lend-4000-to-my-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-803 Sarah Mon, 08 Jun 2009 14:04:38 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=725#comment-803 I recognize your strategy and think it's valid, but I'd caution that you don't close that door entirely! After all, if she's the right one, then she'll be into Chinese and Brazilian dance right along with you! It's possible and I'd add that you'll likely find her--or more to the point, she'll find you--when you least expect or want her to find you. I swore off of men and now look where I am... :) I recognize your strategy and think it’s valid, but I’d caution that you don’t close that door entirely! After all, if she’s the right one, then she’ll be into Chinese and Brazilian dance right along with you! It’s possible and I’d add that you’ll likely find her–or more to the point, she’ll find you–when you least expect or want her to find you. I swore off of men and now look where I am… :)

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]]> By: Rose http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/money/should-i-lend-4000-to-my-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-801 Rose Mon, 08 Jun 2009 10:49:41 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=725#comment-801 Amen Amen

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]]> By: Mike Masters http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/money/should-i-lend-4000-to-my-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-795 Mike Masters Mon, 08 Jun 2009 03:06:04 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=725#comment-795 Wow funny, Sarah did you know that I am with you and the 6 parents? We should start a club! And I think the key of finding her is "if I want to" I purposely don't define what I want because I don't want to find her! I am too caught up in other priorities. Don't want to accidently attract her and have to drop out of Chinese school or Brazilian dance class! forget that! Wow funny, Sarah did you know that I am with you and the 6 parents? We should start a club! And I think the key of finding her is “if I want to” I purposely don’t define what I want because I don’t want to find her! I am too caught up in other priorities. Don’t want to accidently attract her and have to drop out of Chinese school or Brazilian dance class! forget that!

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]]> By: Sarah http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/money/should-i-lend-4000-to-my-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-793 Sarah Mon, 08 Jun 2009 00:08:01 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=725#comment-793 @RTM--yes, what you say makes sense, I know that things get messy in the teaching and learning of all sorts of responsibility (financial or otherwise). I was just startled by so many of the responses here and was curious to see if things like this are still taught. Yes, I am very fortunate to have six parents (yup, that's right SIX!!!! More than any girl has a right to!) who taught me well and I'm thankful the lessons stuck when I hear stories like Mike's about flaky friends and girlfriends (thank you, Mike, once again for a great personal story!). People who welsh on loans just lack fundamental respect for the person they borrowed from, I think.... @Mike--why thank you! I'm flattered. You'll find her someday if you want to. ;) @RTM–yes, what you say makes sense, I know that things get messy in the teaching and learning of all sorts of responsibility (financial or otherwise). I was just startled by so many of the responses here and was curious to see if things like this are still taught. Yes, I am very fortunate to have six parents (yup, that’s right SIX!!!! More than any girl has a right to!) who taught me well and I’m thankful the lessons stuck when I hear stories like Mike’s about flaky friends and girlfriends (thank you, Mike, once again for a great personal story!). People who welsh on loans just lack fundamental respect for the person they borrowed from, I think….

@Mike–why thank you! I’m flattered. You’ll find her someday if you want to. ;)

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]]> By: Rose http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/money/should-i-lend-4000-to-my-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-790 Rose Sun, 07 Jun 2009 20:19:12 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=725#comment-790 @mike rim job! yeah I'm a Brit remember, we talk about sex. wanna know what felching is? @mike rim job! yeah I’m a Brit remember, we talk about sex. wanna know what felching is?

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]]> By: tqween http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/money/should-i-lend-4000-to-my-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-785 tqween Sat, 06 Jun 2009 19:34:09 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=725#comment-785 What a great blog! Love it! What a great blog! Love it!

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]]> By: Mike Masters http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/money/should-i-lend-4000-to-my-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-783 Mike Masters Sat, 06 Jun 2009 15:55:14 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=725#comment-783 @natural budgeting... For me kinda like dieting! I do it but I blow it all the time! @Qtmama wasn't that a good observation?? I was pretty impressed by her @marina lamm Court, I guess that would be an option if my friend really really wanted the money back. I think the point was that she didn't want to go through a battle like that. @sarah... I should have married a girl like you. @natural budgeting… For me kinda like dieting! I do it but I blow it all the time!
@Qtmama wasn’t that a good observation?? I was pretty impressed by her
@marina lamm Court, I guess that would be an option if my friend really really wanted the money back. I think the point was that she didn’t want to go through a battle like that.
@sarah… I should have married a girl like you.

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]]> By: roadtripmama http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/money/should-i-lend-4000-to-my-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-781 roadtripmama Sat, 06 Jun 2009 07:18:42 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=725#comment-781 @Sarah...you obviously had some great teachers when it came to finances. And I don't think you are old fashioned for invoking the personal integrity part....it is too bad that in today's world there is an "entitlement" issue when it comes to money and things. Having good intentions can sometimes get derailed by life and it's unintended hardships - especially when financial responsibility has not been taught or practiced by the teaching or the learning portion of parenting. Did that make any sense? It did in my head. sorry. @Sarah…you obviously had some great teachers when it came to finances. And I don’t think you are old fashioned for invoking the personal integrity part….it is too bad that in today’s world there is an “entitlement” issue when it comes to money and things. Having good intentions can sometimes get derailed by life and it’s unintended hardships – especially when financial responsibility has not been taught or practiced by the teaching or the learning portion of parenting. Did that make any sense? It did in my head. sorry.

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]]> By: Sarah http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/money/should-i-lend-4000-to-my-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-780 Sarah Fri, 05 Jun 2009 20:36:09 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=725#comment-780 A general question for everyone: whatever happened to the notion that "your money is as good as your word?" I've never asked for a loan that I couldn't pay back, whether it was a dollar from a friend in elementary school or $100.00 from a boyfriend, or my mortgage. And I've made good on every loan I've ever had. Doesn't personal integrity play into all of this somewhere, regardless of the messiness of relationships? Or am I old-fashioned for my 37 years and this idea is long gone? A general question for everyone: whatever happened to the notion that “your money is as good as your word?” I’ve never asked for a loan that I couldn’t pay back, whether it was a dollar from a friend in elementary school or $100.00 from a boyfriend, or my mortgage. And I’ve made good on every loan I’ve ever had. Doesn’t personal integrity play into all of this somewhere, regardless of the messiness of relationships? Or am I old-fashioned for my 37 years and this idea is long gone?

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]]> By: Marina Prospera http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/money/should-i-lend-4000-to-my-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-779 Marina Prospera Fri, 05 Jun 2009 19:08:00 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=725#comment-779 RE: He owes his landlord 200,000! P.S. Small Claims courts have limits, usually you can claim up to $5000 in damages, so can't get back $200k this way. But maybe will get some compensation.... RE: He owes his landlord 200,000!

P.S. Small Claims courts have limits, usually you can claim up to $5000 in damages, so can’t get back $200k this way. But maybe will get some compensation….

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]]> By: Marina Prospera http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/money/should-i-lend-4000-to-my-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-778 Marina Prospera Fri, 05 Jun 2009 19:04:50 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=725#comment-778 RE: He owes his landlord 200,000! Well, a Promissory Note would have helped her big time. However, with all do respect to Judge Judy, having sex with the person does not qualify for her claim to be thrown away. Man, it should have been an incredible sex that costs $200,000. You should counter-claim Judge Judy-like opinion by claim that sex sucked, so you want your money back. Joking aside, filing a suit at Small Claims court does not cost much, and attorneys are not allowed. So, you are on the same ground with your opponent. Wish you well, Marina RE: He owes his landlord 200,000!

Well, a Promissory Note would have helped her big time. However, with all do respect to Judge Judy, having sex with the person does not qualify for her claim to be thrown away. Man, it should have been an incredible sex that costs $200,000. You should counter-claim Judge Judy-like opinion by claim that sex sucked, so you want your money back. Joking aside, filing a suit at Small Claims court does not cost much, and attorneys are not allowed. So, you are on the same ground with your opponent.

Wish you well,
Marina

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]]> By: QTMama http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/money/should-i-lend-4000-to-my-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-776 QTMama Fri, 05 Jun 2009 17:32:22 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=725#comment-776 I offered once, to lend $$ needed to a man I thought was "the one". He turned me down. Perhaps the girl on twitter has a good point. I offered once, to lend $$ needed to a man I thought was “the one”.

He turned me down.

Perhaps the girl on twitter has a good point.

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]]> By: Sarah http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/money/should-i-lend-4000-to-my-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-775 Sarah Fri, 05 Jun 2009 17:07:56 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=725#comment-775 @Natural--amen to budgeting! I am a recently converted budget maven (dug myself and my husband out of a significant hole) and now we have enough for us and some to share if a loved one in need needs it. In contrast, my best friends who *each* make four times what I make and more than twice what my husband makes, won't budget to save their lives and are increasingly strapped (this is really hard to watch, especially because their children are my Goddaughters and I'm nervous for what the girls are learning). They feel poor, I don't, yet they are in the top income bracket and I'm not. But each of my friends is a spendthrift and feels perfectly entitled to spend what they want from their joint accounts and then they fight and come to us to sort things out. I just want to shake them!!!! @Natural–amen to budgeting! I am a recently converted budget maven (dug myself and my husband out of a significant hole) and now we have enough for us and some to share if a loved one in need needs it. In contrast, my best friends who *each* make four times what I make and more than twice what my husband makes, won’t budget to save their lives and are increasingly strapped (this is really hard to watch, especially because their children are my Goddaughters and I’m nervous for what the girls are learning). They feel poor, I don’t, yet they are in the top income bracket and I’m not. But each of my friends is a spendthrift and feels perfectly entitled to spend what they want from their joint accounts and then they fight and come to us to sort things out. I just want to shake them!!!!

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]]> By: Natural http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/money/should-i-lend-4000-to-my-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-774 Natural Fri, 05 Jun 2009 16:54:59 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=725#comment-774 hehehe I just assumed that a fat ass, with tattoos and a goatee knew how to ride a motorcycle!! I guess not… mike amen! do not lend money period. i give it away because if you have to ask to borrow, i already know that you cannot afford to pay it back. there are a few exceptions to the rule, but generally i know the personal well enough to know when to give and when to lend. now i'll sit you down and teach you how to budget your money in a second. that's some of the problem as well. hehehe I just assumed that a fat ass, with tattoos and a goatee knew how to ride a motorcycle!! I guess not…

mike amen! do not lend money period. i give it away because if you have to ask to borrow, i already know that you cannot afford to pay it back. there are a few exceptions to the rule, but generally i know the personal well enough to know when to give and when to lend.

now i’ll sit you down and teach you how to budget your money in a second. that’s some of the problem as well.

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]]> By: Sarah http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/money/should-i-lend-4000-to-my-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-773 Sarah Thu, 04 Jun 2009 12:15:46 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=725#comment-773 @Mike--nah, my dad's not so strict, really, and I liked the way he handled the loan. I think it's a great model that I'd use with my own kids if I ever have them (BTW, my mom's folks charged her rent after college and put the money into savings for her without telling her, another interesting family approach to money that teaches responsibility). It was one of the lessons that taught me how to handle money responsibly and objectively without all of the emotional baggage that gets tied to it so often. I was seeking a responsible loan and had asked Dad to co-sign as a guarantor on a loan at our credit union that I would otherwise be responsible for--I wasn't asking him for the money. But he decided that it would be better to loan to me directly and we did it all very professionally so that our relationship was secondary to the business at hand. It was a sizable loan and I paid it off in three years. Then he reported it to the credit agencies, improving my credit standing. It's one of the best financial experiences I've had and it never interfered with our relationship. Unfortunately, money gets really ugly because of the emotional baggage that gets tied to it--but it can be handled with less of that crap if approached carefully and without a bunch of false assumptions about love and entitlement. That's why it has to be talked about in much the same way as sex and STDs--clinically, responsibly, etc. so that you clear up misunderstandings before they have a chance to happen. Otherwise assumptions get in the way, people get hurt, mad, disappointed, hateful, and generally run through an emotional ringer. Re: the motorcycle--I actually remember the bike and how proud you were of fixing it up. You talked my ear off about it as you were pointing out all of the work you'd done--I think you'd just recently finished it at the time. Then you popped a helmet on my head and took me for a ride. If I hadn't had the helmet on, I'd have buried my face in your back--that freeway was terrifying to me! But I had to settle for closing my eyes and holding on tight. But I still say you're a scamp for putting me on that thing with you. ;) @Mike–nah, my dad’s not so strict, really, and I liked the way he handled the loan. I think it’s a great model that I’d use with my own kids if I ever have them (BTW, my mom’s folks charged her rent after college and put the money into savings for her without telling her, another interesting family approach to money that teaches responsibility). It was one of the lessons that taught me how to handle money responsibly and objectively without all of the emotional baggage that gets tied to it so often. I was seeking a responsible loan and had asked Dad to co-sign as a guarantor on a loan at our credit union that I would otherwise be responsible for–I wasn’t asking him for the money. But he decided that it would be better to loan to me directly and we did it all very professionally so that our relationship was secondary to the business at hand. It was a sizable loan and I paid it off in three years. Then he reported it to the credit agencies, improving my credit standing. It’s one of the best financial experiences I’ve had and it never interfered with our relationship. Unfortunately, money gets really ugly because of the emotional baggage that gets tied to it–but it can be handled with less of that crap if approached carefully and without a bunch of false assumptions about love and entitlement. That’s why it has to be talked about in much the same way as sex and STDs–clinically, responsibly, etc. so that you clear up misunderstandings before they have a chance to happen. Otherwise assumptions get in the way, people get hurt, mad, disappointed, hateful, and generally run through an emotional ringer.

Re: the motorcycle–I actually remember the bike and how proud you were of fixing it up. You talked my ear off about it as you were pointing out all of the work you’d done–I think you’d just recently finished it at the time. Then you popped a helmet on my head and took me for a ride. If I hadn’t had the helmet on, I’d have buried my face in your back–that freeway was terrifying to me! But I had to settle for closing my eyes and holding on tight. But I still say you’re a scamp for putting me on that thing with you. ;)

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]]> By: Mike Masters http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/money/should-i-lend-4000-to-my-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-770 Mike Masters Thu, 04 Jun 2009 00:57:50 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=725#comment-770 @terra judge judy is my kinda girl... @tom Hey buddy! emotion and approval is a part of it. A girl said something really good on twitter last night "i have also noticed most men wont borrow money from women that they plan on staying with" Good food for thought! @Sarah damn you got a strict dad! I wouldn't do business with family. You remember that bike? or the hanging on part?? hmmm... suspicious @200,000landlord Hey! sometimes I forget that you read my blog! I suppose I should have asked you first if I could share. Oops! Well I am sure my friend Jillian will have something to say. She always does!! I am glad you see everyone as a teacher. It is tough to do! @RTM stupider is too a word! I just have never used it before! Look forward to meeting your bunnies on Tuesday! @Tee-ra I agree, unfortunately a lot of girls/guys use this like a bargaining chip. Getting power over the other even though they might not want it and it might kill the relationship @Rose wow... did you really just say rim job?? @ did I miss anyone?? Oh... and yes I almost kinda sorta got married but that is another story (and rose it was a fellow brit) @terra judge judy is my kinda girl…
@tom Hey buddy! emotion and approval is a part of it. A girl said something really good on twitter last night “i have also noticed most men wont borrow money from women that they plan on staying with” Good food for thought!
@Sarah damn you got a strict dad! I wouldn’t do business with family. You remember that bike? or the hanging on part?? hmmm… suspicious
@200,000landlord Hey! sometimes I forget that you read my blog! I suppose I should have asked you first if I could share. Oops! Well I am sure my friend Jillian will have something to say. She always does!!
I am glad you see everyone as a teacher. It is tough to do!
@RTM stupider is too a word! I just have never used it before! Look forward to meeting your bunnies on Tuesday!
@Tee-ra I agree, unfortunately a lot of girls/guys use this like a bargaining chip. Getting power over the other even though they might not want it and it might kill the relationship
@Rose wow… did you really just say rim job??
@ did I miss anyone??
Oh… and yes I almost kinda sorta got married but that is another story (and rose it was a fellow brit)

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