Danger! are you choosing the wrong guy?

by Mike Masters on November 17, 2009

Does he want to nest or breed?

Does he want to nest or breed?

The theory

There are a lot of things I believe that I admit might or might not be true. Like, the world trade center was blown up internally, we never landed on the moon and Michael Jackson is still alive. So, since I am far to lazy to do any research to discover if my theory about men is true, I will just assume it is.

I first considered this theory due to my extreme fear of marriage and commitment. Granted most guys are like this but I seemed to have it a little worse since I am mid thirties and still view marriage as a criminal views prison rape. Not only that but I have always had a mildly disturbing sex drive which amazingly led to crude jokes from my Christian family about me have bastard children all over the world. Ouch… I hope not.

Recently in a bout of drunken male bonding with my father I learned that this horrible fear of commitment cursed my father and his father with nearly the same vengeance! Was I from a long line of breeders? Did I need to proudly carry on this line?

The Nester!

The nester is a timid tie wearing type that migrates to the world’s offices and dreams of purchasing kitchen appliances for his prospective mate.  He is a very stable guy that may not have a whole lot of excitement in life but he does have money and he does have stability. He builds a nice beautiful nest for a pretty girl to lay her eggs in and protects her from the breeder. He is clearly a nester and is disgusted with the breeder.

The Breeder!

Then there is the other type, he is a partier, and he is a live by the seat of his pants loner. He works in bars and any job that doesn’t drug test, he might settle down to a normal job but it makes him restless and he wants nothing more to be out stalking women and excitement. Women fear him and try to run but he has almost a vampiric like attraction and they consider and often do screw his brains out. He is the breeder and would love to kick the nester‘s ass. (me too!)

So?

I think that we see a reflection of a past DNA traces in our behavior from successful breeding strategies from a 100,000 years ago. These strategies have ducked their head under the cover of a desire to be in control but they still exist simply because they have led to offspring and thus strengthened this behavior. The two strategies of the breeder and the nester both work, they both produce offspring.

Am I telling you to avoid people like me? YES! but I am sure you can change me… you are different, you are special. =)

BTW the ultimate breeder is the one that has nesting potential. This is Charlie on 2 and ½ men, He lives to breed not to nest.

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{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jersey Brett November 17, 2009 at 7:12 am

If one is a natural breeder, is there any hope for him to have a nice, normal family life some day?

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2 Mike Masters November 17, 2009 at 7:55 am

If you have any desire for the nice normal family life I would imagine you are just a temporary breeder.

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3 Jersey Brett November 17, 2009 at 8:55 am

Probably. I’m at a point where nesting seems rather appealing to me.

What if you’re a breeder, but your hair falls out and you get a huge beer gut, so that you can’t breed anymore?

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4 Mike Masters November 17, 2009 at 9:27 am

I have always told my female friends that I will get married when and IF (big if) my sex drive disappears. In essence very similar to the bald fat guy you are referring too.
Guys like that? they either make a lot of money and create a fantastic nest or they pay for hookers. They have lost the ability to be breeders due to age and beer. (something that horrifies me better start making some money)

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5 Jillian November 17, 2009 at 10:49 am

What a lovely gift to give your wife: lack of sex because you no longer crave it. Ugh.
.-= Jillian´s last blog ..Drinking and Driving =-.

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6 Merp January 27, 2013 at 8:05 pm

Yeah, nice you give the woman you love your crappy leftovers.

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7 Dating Diva November 17, 2009 at 4:19 pm

I think the breeder finally settles down when he realizes there is that void in his life no matter how much he tries to fill it with meaningless sex, learning new languages, traveling the world…you know that vagabond type of guy. At some point he figures out what it is that makes the nester so happy. He may not realize it until it is almost too late (for the actual pro-creating part) but eventually he realizes it.

Just sayin. Looked into my crystal ball. ;)
.-= Dating Diva´s last blog ..If He Lets His Friend Grope You, He’s Just Not That Into You =-.

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8 Jillian November 17, 2009 at 5:13 pm

OH OH! Do me next, DD! Do me!

Um, not like that. Read my fortune!
.-= Jillian´s last blog ..Drinking and Driving =-.

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9 Nicole November 17, 2009 at 5:23 pm

If I were a male, I’d probably be a breeder.. but, I suppose that’s impossible since I’m a female. Your genetics theory is probably correct, though.. I find myself not being able to settle down with the nesters because I get bored.. even though they all want my babies. I attribute that to eugenics and my superior genome :-)

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10 Dating Diva November 17, 2009 at 6:55 pm

haha Jillian–you know I am right about our so called breeder though! ;)
.-= Dating Diva´s last blog ..If He Lets His Friend Grope You, He’s Just Not That Into You =-.

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11 Jillian November 17, 2009 at 6:59 pm

I think that the heart is a funny thing…always doing things we never expected or thought we wanted. I want this breeder, in particular, to be incredibly happy, no matter what. And I think he will be. There is something to be said for protesting too much, isn’t there? ;)
.-= Jillian´s last blog ..Cold sensitivity =-.

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12 nandoism November 17, 2009 at 11:43 pm

wow, straight folks date so differently–at least the labels are the same.
watch out mister–one day you just might meet someone who will make you re-evaluate your belief system. Two Words: Vince Vaughn.
.-= nandoism´s last blog ..The Non-Date Date Illusion =-.

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13 Mike Masters November 18, 2009 at 1:28 pm

Wow, so cool to see the famous Nando on my blog.
Re-evaluate my belief systems? That’s cute =)

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14 Jillian November 18, 2009 at 1:30 pm

The cute ones are always gay. ALWAYS gay. Which is why my first 5 crushes were gay and I was totally oblivious. *sigh* Hi, nandoism.
.-= Jillian´s last blog ..Cold sensitivity =-.

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15 Jillian November 18, 2009 at 1:30 pm

I should stop subscribing to these threads. I end up threadjacking.
.-= Jillian´s last blog ..Cold sensitivity =-.

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16 Mike Masters November 18, 2009 at 1:48 pm

God… stop spamming my comments!!!
and what? I am not cute enough to be gay?

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17 Jillian November 18, 2009 at 1:49 pm

I know, right? Some lofty bitch coming into your house taking over. It’s like I think I live here or something.
.-= Jillian´s last blog ..Cold sensitivity =-.

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18 Mike Masters November 18, 2009 at 2:04 pm

I agree but you still didn’t answer if I am cute enough to be gay.
you lofty bitch

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19 Dating Diva November 18, 2009 at 2:29 pm

Jillian I have met Nando in person and he is cuter than his picture shows.

Mike I agree with Nando on what he said. But then again, I always agree with Nando.
.-= Dating Diva´s last blog ..The Third Date Rule: Sex =-.

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20 Jillian November 18, 2009 at 2:35 pm

Oh dear, DD. I might have a crush. I always do on the gay ones. :(

@Mike I know I didn’t. Punk. ;)
.-= Jillian´s last blog ..Cold sensitivity =-.

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21 Mike Masters November 18, 2009 at 2:35 pm

Damn it!!!
Enough about cute gay Nando! ONE TWO THREE MEEEE Hello! my blog!

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22 Jillian November 18, 2009 at 2:36 pm

DD, any chance he might be bi instead of gay? :D
.-= Jillian´s last blog ..Cold sensitivity =-.

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23 Dating Diva November 18, 2009 at 2:42 pm

Jillian, let’s keep talking about Nando. I like seeing Mike get all worked up. Fun times! And no, Nando is 100% about about the guys.
.-= Dating Diva´s last blog ..The Third Date Rule: Sex =-.

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24 Mike Masters November 18, 2009 at 2:51 pm

That’s it.
I am going gay, maybe Nando will give me some attention

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25 nandoism November 18, 2009 at 2:54 pm

Mike, sorry for taking over–it happens. haha.
Listen, I wanna do a few cross-over blogs with you–what’cha think?

I really respect your dating view points and love your writing style!

let me know!

And to Jillian and Dating Diva –wow, thanks….you both made this Mexican blush.
.-= nandoism´s last blog ..The Non-Date Date Illusion =-.

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26 Mike Masters November 18, 2009 at 3:09 pm

Nando!
I just was at your blog today
I would very much like to do some cross-overs (is that like a reach-around?) with you and your blog.
Ironically I am writing a post right now that I could use your help on.

Also I really like your blog, you are funny as hell and honestly intimidate me with your wit.
I will DM you soon. Trying to finish a post

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27 Mike Masters November 18, 2009 at 3:11 pm

Jillian I really want to redo the blog…

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28 Jillian November 18, 2009 at 5:11 pm

I’m sorry, DD. I had to go to the gym.

Nando, Awww. The real question is are you open to cross overs with me and DD. ;D Not of the blogging sort.

Mike, I have a couple of people in mind. I like Courtney at Judith Shakes and if you aren’t a fan, there is one other person I have in mind.
.-= Jillian´s last blog ..Cold sensitivity =-.

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29 Sarah November 20, 2009 at 7:27 am

Hey–you forgot a third option (which kinda relates to DD and Jillian’s comments about you finally settling down one day–perhaps ;) ) and that is a guy somewhere in the middle of the breeder and the nester. My husband? NOT a nester, but somehow I had goods enough to convince him to marry. And has he settled down into a “safe” life style to protect me and provide? Really not. For the moment he has a normal job, but that doesn’t mean much. So far, he’s thrown away a normal job to run away to Spain with me for a year and we’re looking to do that again—or maybe start a vineyard, or some equally crazy and uncertain occupation that is creative and uncertain and a huge risk. Just see where we are one year from now–maybe in Spain and starting a vineyard and raising goats and selling cheese. Who knows? But he was a player like you, not wanting to marry until he was sixty and with a line of women out the door. Guess my goods were good enough to make him give all that up. That and I’m as adventuresome as he is–perhaps more so! So he didn’t have to give up so very much on the adventuring front, just the dating front. And for whatever crazy reason, he finds me well worth that sacrifice (I think he needs his head examined!). So there. There is a happy medium for you wanderlust types!

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30 Mike Masters November 20, 2009 at 7:35 am

Once again you suck…

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31 Sarah November 20, 2009 at 8:12 am

I love you too, Mike. Besos!

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32 Jillian November 20, 2009 at 11:49 am

OMG, if there was a run, tackle, hug option on here I would so do it! SARAH! <3 <3 <3
.-= Jillian´s last blog ..Motivation =-.

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33 Sarah November 20, 2009 at 12:15 pm

Right back at you Jillian! You’re wonderful lady!

(Sorry Mike and everyone else–a girly moment had to be shared!)
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..War in The Congo: Consumer Technology & Human Rights =-.

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34 Jillian November 20, 2009 at 12:28 pm

Yes, it’s like bromance, except for girls. It’s giromance.
.-= Jillian´s last blog ..Cactus: An unfortunate event =-.

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35 Mike Masters November 20, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Jillian is that G pronounced like the Greek sandwich?

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36 Sarah November 20, 2009 at 12:40 pm

No–hard G like Girl! Maybe grrrromance is more appropriate?
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..War in The Congo: Consumer Technology & Human Rights =-.

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37 Jillian November 20, 2009 at 12:49 pm

YES @ Sarah.

And Mike, I’ve gained a pound. I’m about to throw a temper tantrum.

I just got the Greek part. Slow on the uptake today. Gyromance. That was a really good one, honey. *rim shot*
.-= Jillian´s last blog ..Cactus: An unfortunate event =-.

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38 Sarah November 20, 2009 at 12:55 pm

Or Hero-mance, depending on how you pronounce gyro (I think there are three pronunciations, just to make things more complicated!). But I think we could totally be heroes, too! Or heroines, as the case may be…

Mike, stop thinking about tights and capes!
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..War in The Congo: Consumer Technology & Human Rights =-.

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39 Mike Masters November 20, 2009 at 12:56 pm

Lets talk on the phone tonight. I will explain a bit about the diet you are doing but by no means should you feel discouraged, this is very normal

but maybe you have had one to many gyromances?

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40 Jillian November 20, 2009 at 12:59 pm

Sarah, YES! With anti-cameltoe panties!

@Mike You are a charmer. I can imagine you saying that with your dimples showing. I don’t even LIKE gyros. I know. I’ve been told I’m going to hell for that. I’m a farmgirl with simple tastes.
.-= Jillian´s last blog ..Cactus: An unfortunate event =-.

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