Choose you, love you, screw him

17 Responses to “Choose you, love you, screw him”

Comments

  1. max says:

    “Choose you” is excellent advice.
    The number one reason I shy away from relationships right now is that I don’t trust myself to do it. As someone who has endured unbelievable levels of disrespect in my past relationships (everyone say hello to the girl who goes on movie dates with men who don’t sit next to her!), I’ve finally come to know what my boundaries are. In my head they are firm and non-negotiable. But when I get in situations where I’m feeling someone, they become fluid and then non-existent.
    Until I trust myself to firmly and unequivocally choose me, I choose singlehood.

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  2. Well said my friend! It is a quote from your lips I have taken on as my mantra, “I am my own project” which I’d like to think is helping me to choose me.

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  3. Elissa says:

    This is by far one of the best posts i have ever read. And for me, it couldn’t have come at a better time. I have been doing exactly this for the last 2 months. I keep telling myself that its self-destructive and I’m just hurting myself, but its like i don’t listen to my inner voice.

    I mean this sentence “Safe often leaves me feeling numb, unhappy, stupid, less than, disregarded, neglected and under appreciated” is exactly how i have been feeling and yet i can’t break the pattern. So maybe now I will stop doing this shit to myself.
    .-= Elissa´s last blog ..Like sand through the hour glass… =-.

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    • Skye Blue says:

      Elissa, you are too kind. Thank you so much for your comment and I’m so glad that this post showed up at the right time for you.

      Re not listening to your inner voice and playing it safe – I think we all struggle with listening to our intuition, even though it never steers us wrong and sticking with safe is just so damn seductive isn’t it?

      Take it from me ridding yourself of the patterns that hold you back is usually a long and arduous process – there are rarely any short cuts. So remember to be patient with and compassionate to yourself along the way.

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  4. Safe will often lead you to illness as well. After a 20 year marriage of choosing everyone but myself and seeing no happiness, I applaud this great advice for everyone alike. There is no other way of finding the true love and happiness that you desire if you don’t choose yourself first and always. Thank you Skye…

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  5. Zoë says:

    Skye, I adore you. This post only confirms my suspicion that you are one amazing woman. And Canadian too, so extra points! ;)

    I think we all struggle with the balance of choosing ourselves and choosing to love others. It’s difficult and certain societal expectations (I grew up Christian, which has its own complicated perspectives on loving) can certainly stir us up, to the point where we need to cut through these strings and find our own authentic path.

    My favourite (notice the Canadian spelling?) quote from this piece was this, by Cheri Huber: “Every time we choose safety, we reinforce fear.” Absolutely! I think a critical part of our journey towards a more authentic existence is to challenge ourselves, despite the fears we may encounter.

    Finally, Mike, what a wonderful decision to include Skye as a guest blogger! I hope it won’t be the only time. :)
    .-= Zoë´s last blog ..“The Man’s Guide to Love”: A Review (part 2) =-.

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    • Skye Blue says:

      Zoë, it takes an amazing Canadian woman, to know an amazing Canadian woman, right? Thanks so much for all the love.

      Re your comment – “I think a critical part of our journey towards a more authentic existence is to challenge ourselves, despite the fears we may encounter.”

      So true, although it’s much easier said than done. Challenging oneself to do things differently is an important part of breaking free of the patterns that bind you and finding ways of being that really work for you.
      .-= Skye Blue´s last undefined ..Response cached until Fri 7 @ 18:17 GMT (Refreshes in 13.75 Hours) =-.

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  6. Heather says:

    It is really comforting to hear another quality woman express the quest towards cultivating a healthy self-esteem in spite of or in accompaniment to dating. Recently, I have had many men ask why a woman like me has been single. Self-effacing comments would emerge from my lips, like, “Oh, I think I am very picky.” When the truth is that no one has met my standards, and that is A-Okay. My instincts this past year told me that whenever I feel that “need to be touched gnawing at my insides” to immerse myself in projects that nurture me- whether that is working out, reading, (self-pleasure is A-okay, too ;) or embarking on a new adventure- like facing a fear that’s been holding me back- to embrace these moments. They are here for me. My instincts encouraging this a reveals a major truth- you will never go wrong as a woman the more you learn how to better nurture and love yourself- in fact, you will need this spirit skill all the more when you meet Him to keep yourself grounded in the relationship, both able enjoy healthy space when needed, and, ultimately know how to Receive Love. Thank you much for sharing your insights. I wish you much peace and patience on your journey. I know your while You are waiting with Grace, your King is doing the same. Cultivating himself. Being prepared for you.

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    • Skye Blue says:

      Wow. Please know the thanks for sharing of the insights thing is mutual. The line you wrote stating:

      “…you will never go wrong as a woman the more you learn how to better nurture and love yourself- in fact, you will need this spirit skill all the more when you meet Him to keep yourself grounded in the relationship, both able enjoy healthy space when needed, and, ultimately know how to Receive Love.”

      is definitely one to grow on.

      S
      .-= Skye Blue´s last undefined ..Response cached until Fri 7 @ 18:17 GMT (Refreshes in 0.67 Hours) =-.

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  7. Kelly Seal says:

    Hi Skye…thanks for this post. With all of the advice floating around about how women should change our dating habits, we often forget about ourselves and reinforcing our own esteem. I can’t believe your friend went out with guys who wouldn’t even sit with her in the theatre! I’ve been out with guys who disrespected me, and I kept on with them hoping that one day they would change and really see me for who I was. Not the case. These guys were all about themselves and what they could get.
    It took me a while to realize that when I started respecting myself, the right guys would come into my life. Even if they didn’t last, there was more fun and less drama, which for me was more supportive and less destructive to my self worth.
    Anyway, thanks so much. Great post.
    .-= Kelly Seal´s last blog ..Are niche online dating sites a good thing? =-.

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  8. Skye Blue says:

    Kelly, thank you so much for your comments.

    As with Heather, the thanks is mutual here too. Your line…

    “It took me a while to realize that when I started respecting myself, the right guys would come into my life. Even if they didn’t last, there was more fun and less drama, which for me was more supportive and less destructive to my self worth.”

    is so true. Sadly, I think too few women ever realize this.

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  9. Heather says:

    Thanks, Skye. I look forward to reading more about your journey. We women must support each other more towards greater worth.
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..This Mother’s Day =-.

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Trackbacks

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Mike Masters and Mike Masters, Maruska Morena. Maruska Morena said: Who needs men anyway.. jk RT @MasterDater: Kick ass guest post from – @skyemetafrog Choose you, Love you, Screw him http://su.pr/ApTJkD […]

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  2. […] my drift. But here’s the thing. I’ve learned that making the decision to do right by myself, to choose me,  so to speak is often hard – brain twisting-ly so. Why? Because it challenges me to go against […]

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