Don't fear the power of a vacuum
I ditched my buddy
When I quit a miserable job in Japan I decided to go to South East Asia for a month but I had a bit of problem. My buddy wanted to go with me. It seemed like this would be a good idea but for some reason it just didn’t feel right. I painfully turned him down and I am so glad that I did. Almost the first night arriving in Thailand I meet a pretty cool girl (like a shark drawn to blood I found the only Japanese girl within 50 miles!) We got along pretty well and decided to travel together, this didn’t stop and I picked up one person after another creating a little group of really cool people. Together we hiked through the mountains in Malaysia and tramped through bat filled caves. The group dissolved as people went home and new people filled their places. We traveled to the party island Phuket and next the insanity of Bangkok, drinking of buckets of booze, renting scooters and stuffing our faces with wonderful seafood. This was 8 years ago… and I still talk to almost everyone I met on that amazing trip. I believe that if I had traveled with a friend I would not have meet nearly as many people and I would not have been as flexible in my travels.
The comfy old sofa
You know the one… the super comfy one. The cushions are breaking down with generations of rear impacts. There are old stains everywhere and animal hair in the cracks from multiple past pets. You can even still smell the mild sweet vomit odor from the last years Christmas party. If it were anyone else’s filth it would be totally disgusting to sit on. (Is this just a guy thing??) Everyone complains about this couch and only you will actually sit on it but you resist getting rid of it. You even feel guilty looking at new couches fantasizing about their tight cushions and firm muscular armrests. A new couch looks great but you already have a couch and what if a new one doesn’t come soon enough??
One day your buddy Mike comes over and he says something profound, “how in the world are you going to get a new couch if the old one is still there?” you are a bit confused, “huh?” Mike continued, “Your old couch is not only taking space in your house but in your mind, if you really want to get a new couch, remove the old one first and allow the vacuum to draw in a new couch.” Inspired, you decide to take immediate action! You put that sofa on the curb and sure enough! It worked! A friend of your uncle’s cousin’s mother is moving to Australia and has a beautiful couch that looks perfect in your empty space and she gives it to your for free!
The power of the vacuum
My stepmother is a so sweet but she has a problem. If there is a space in her life she must fill it. I imagine the fear of empty space comes from her being a single parent without enough money or time. Her “just in case” and “but what ifs” are wildly out of proportion and I think they clutter her mind as well as her home. Simplifying your life and intentionally creating vacuums are very effective ways to draw better things to us. If there is a placeholder of a man in you life (or worse if you are a placeholder) how in the world do you expect to draw a better one? That area of your life and your mind is filled! I think most of us refuse to intentionally create this vacuum for fear of it staying open. We think, what if no one wants to fill this void?? Maybe I should just keep him around because it is safe. The truth is that you probably should have dumped that sofa years ago. You knew it, your friends knew it but you were too busy thinking your sofa was getting better rather than rotting out from under you.
- Life is constantly pushing for disorder and clutter, get rid of the extra junk!
- Is the vacuum magical? No… but this is how the brain functions, roll with it.
- The fear of the void is only fear, something better will come and soon.
- This concept applies to jobs, friends and possessions, don’t hesitate to use it!
- Friends are a fantastic gauge for the health of your relationships, USE THEM
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh this is awesome… Phuket and Bangkok… I pray I am mispronouncing that first one!! *squeals*
You keep hitting close to home love… now, take me for instance… I absolutely ADORE throwing out old couches!! I live for it!! However…. I do in turn seem to attract men with an old stupid, plaid sofa either on the patio, half way out the door, in the bedroom… or front and center in the “family” room (get it?). I hate it!!! Get rid of her dammit!! Dont you see this shiny new protected, stain resistant, microfiber sectional w/ love seat an ottoman sitting right in front of you???? And why the hell are u out shopping if you’re not getting rid of that old one? Its already missing cushions…hell, she’s looking for her way out. Give it to her!!
I gotta admit… Im the old comfy couch too… just cuz Im always better than that used couch you keep finding on craigslist… and usally no one is sitting on me at the time….sheesh…
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This post is so true! Way back in the Middle Ages when I was single, I dated a guy who wanted to change everything about me–I wasn’t tall enough, so should wear heels; not busty enough, needed a boob job; not blond enough, should dye my hair etc. (I’m a short, not-so-curvy, brunette–at least he liked my blue eyes)–but he was tall, handsome, witty, smart, sexy, and I couldn’t imagine doing any better–never mind that he continually trashed my already lower-than-average self esteem. Then he crossed one too many lines with me (he was sleeping with some one else) and I tossed him out on his ear. Not a month later I was dating my now husband and that was almost 16 years ago. Throwing that bastard out was one of the best things I ever did–it brought me an amazing man in return.
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To follow up on my previous post–an on a slightly more serious note. Dumping that jerk was one of the hardest and scariest things I’ve done. My cavalier post makes it sound easy–but it was hard and it hurt. My self-esteem was pretty tied up in that tall, handsome, athletic man I was dating and I was the one that suffered for it–he had his run of women once we broke up (and that really hurt too!!!). But this all gets back to responsibility and even to selfishness. What does our inability to let go end up doing to ourselves (nevermind the “old sofa” we’re living with)? Part of taking responsibility is learning to also stand up for ourselves and what we deserve–hard to do when we don’t believe in ourselves (just as I didn’t way back when). This sort of responsibility requires a positive kind of selfishness–the kind that says “I’m not happy, I deserve better!” and then it requires a huge leap of faith. But you clear out the garbage and new things come along.
And to add a somewhat vindictive coda to my tale above–the tall, handsome, charismatic man I couldn’t easily let go of? Well, he’s still tall, but he’s got a bad complexion, has gotten heavy, is still single and in a dead end job. I, on the other hand, have gained confidence, found a handsome, sexy, CARING man who adores me just as I am, and am pursuing my passion. To my ex-jerk, I would say, “Karma is a bitch.”
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@Sarah Does anyone notice that Sarah ends up writing more than I do on the blog itself?? and she does it more succinctly and without errors!? I am so jealous… (oh and Sarah don’t lie!)
@Terra Don’t know where I learned the old couch analogy but it has served me so well throughout life. I would like to add too that it is not just a crappy couch but a good couch as well the blocks you from a great couch!
@RTM maybe I just surround myself with considerate people and it just seems like guys are more involved. I don’t know… Next post lets talk about it.
:p pththpththt they’re just variations on your themes, Sir. And what exactly am I lying about (truly confused on that one–sailed right over my geeky head)?
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re: lying–oh wait a minute–that I think you’re hot?? Oh dream on!
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I used to think so but I think my ego has been crushed… =(
hey just wondering….what’s the obsession with japanese girls? Are you one of those ppl that have like an asian fetish or sth?
Just wondering.
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I mean obviously if they’re japanese japanese, not whitewashed japanese, you won’t be able to communicate with them very easily, so it can’t be the conversation that draws you to em.
Sorry if it sounds offensive, it’s just I see some guys like this and it’s unusual, that’s all.
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ego-schmego. You’re adorable and you know it.
Gotta keep you on your toes, though! Un besito a ti cariño.
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Sarah, just have to throw it out there, I think you’re fabulous.
I too, dig this post. I’ve thrown out a few couches in my time as well, and couldn’t be happier about it!
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QTMama–right back at you! Here’s to life’s judicious remodeling moments, no matter what sort of tacky old sofa it might be–Last year I threw out the “job” sofa–thank God!!!! Scary (OMG scarier than I can say in this economy), but now am in a *much* better place–nature abhors a vacuum and will get around to filling it right.
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I was just waiting to see if any of you would miss me if I didn’t comment. Obviously none of you did. Buttheads.
Kidding! Actually, I have been in the car all day driving to see the mother figure for mom’s day weekend.
Mike, is this along the line’s of what we were talking about the other day on twitter with the whole idea that we finally attract the one when we stop looking? And have you noticed that you mainly have chicks on your blog? And what is with the chick asking you about your asian fetish?
Sarah, do you have your own blog? We need to hook you up, sista.
QT, I kept a lot of couches and I’ve had my current couch for a while. It’s safe and comfortable and I’m tied to it because I have the matching loveseat that desperately needs it’s couch. For now, I choose to stay with this couch because I love it more than I think I need to let go of it. There are days I wonder, though, if a new couch would make me a happier person and would make my house better in the long run. I guess it’s a lifelong question.
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Hrm, and the implication that I’ve had a lot of couches implies that I’m something of a couch whore. I assure you that I’m not.
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@couch whore…
Mainly girls on my blog??? You’re kidding!? Sarah should have a blog huh! Sarah is my good friend from high school and amazingly neither of us has changed…
@lily my first girlfriend was Korean and I have always had a lean towards the yellow. However I do speak Japanese so the conversation is not too bad.
@man whore
Are you picking a fight with me?
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Oh, and yes, Sarah should have a blog.
:p
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