Step # 15 Shut up and allow the relationship to get serious

by Mike Masters on April 1, 2009

test-drive-this

Just test driving... Grrrr...

Danielle tries to move in

Nate seems like the marrying kind a guy. He draws girls that want to marry, like mosquitoes to a sweaty fat man. Nate doesn’t want to get married but he keeps getting stuck. The most recent girl was an adorable schoolteacher. They met at Nate’s birthday party, where he broke up with his girl friend and slept with her the same night. Oops… (I told him not to do that)  I also told Nate to be careful with this one since she seemed really needy. Nate ignored me and dove head long into constant dinners and nightly sex. In under a week he had a new girlfriend. The relationship came to a skidding stop when Nate decided he wanted to buy another car. Nate said, “I think I’m gonna do it, I really like that truck.” Danielle, all smiles and cling said, “That’s great! You can drive that and I can drive your Tahoe!” “What do you mean?” said Nate. “You know… when I move in… I can sell my car and just drive yours.” The silence extended for about 20 seconds while it sunk in to both of them that they had radically different expectations for their relationship. Things ended shortly after.

The test drive slut

Ever test drive a car? I did recently when visiting my dad in Michigan. I have always wanted a hybrid SUV (I know it kinda defeats the purpose). I have never owned a new car and it was exhilarating driving down the snow banked Michigan roads. I pulled back into the dealership and was met by the salesman clone of Jim Carry, Grinning widely he said, “so… what’cha think!?” I said “Wow, that was great! I loved it.” He beamed at me showing too many teeth, “Great, great, let’s go inside and see what kind of financing you can get!” My expression went blank immediately, “ahh… I don’t think I am quite ready for that.” “No? well you drove it, you want to buy it right!? What’s wrong?? Do you think you can just test drive it and leave!? What am I supposed to think? How do you think I feel?? GOD, customers are all the same! All they want is a test drive!!!! JERK!!!” and he stormed inside.

I am Casanova

I lived with Q for about 4 years, what a cool guy. One night over copious quantities of beer Q confided in me that he was Casanova. Smugly he said, “I don’t know what it is but girls just fall in love with me.” It felt like he just told me he was inherently a better man than me and I fought the irritation. To shut him down and my own exasperation I said “Q, girls fall in love with about anyone, You, Me and Danny Divito, get over yourself.” I felt like a bit of an ass as the truth hit him. After sex, women tend to have far more emotions and expectations than men.

“Did last night mean anything???”

Of course a few girls are wired differently but most girls become very relationship driven after sex. This is when relationship killers like “So… did last night mean anything?” are blurted out. The guy is there for a test drive and the girl inevitably wants the sale. Trying to get the guy to buy when he is not ready is the fastest way to lose him. To drive this point home watch the movie How to lose a guy in 10 days, hilarious yet SO TRUE… You must become a master of your own emotions if you want to sell that car. You must learn to have a poker face and let him make the choice on his own. Don’t be afraid of the uncomfortable silence while the customer decides. You made your pitch you gave a test drive, he doesn’t want to buy? Find a better customer…

  • Can you imagine a girl proposing to a guy? Shut up and let him take the first step
  • Sex is an emotionally loaded gun, don’t do it if you can’t control yourself
  • Not reciprocating your feelings does not make him an asshole
  • The fastest way to lose poker is by showing emotion

For another take on this see what happened when a girl gave me baby shoes! The baby shoes of death!

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

1 tom April 2, 2009 at 5:29 am

But you know what, the first example you gave is funny yet it happens a lot, i would say both men and women, probably mostly women get married for money, or are well gold diggers pretty much and its not their fault necessarily.
If the guy doesn’t stand up for himself well that’s his fault too.

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2 Queen Lindsay April 2, 2009 at 3:26 pm

Dammit, one thing I don’t like about this whole “being a woman” think is the emotional attachment that comes after sex. Why can’t I just have sex with no attachments. I mean, it’s possible, I’ve done it before but it took hella work. I never EVER would blurt how “Did it mean anything?”. But some girls do this, they need some sort of validation.

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3 lily April 3, 2009 at 5:40 am

Women are not gold diggers generally -_-
Maybe you’ve encountered the bad apples, but we have alot of things more higher up on the priority list. We do want stability, but that just simply means the guy has to have a stable job. Doesn’t necessarily mean 6 figure digits.

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4 Mike Masters April 3, 2009 at 4:34 pm

I agree most women are not gold diggers. I have not met anyone anyway!

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5 Bebe April 3, 2009 at 5:38 pm

I agree with Queen Lindsay on this one. Women in our society (and most societies) are led to believe that their worth depends on what men think of them. Pick up a cosmo and you’ll see what I mean. Every article somehow relates to making themselves more appealing to men. Also, because it’s not socially acceptable for a women to “act like a man” and have sex for the sake of having sex, they feel as though it should “mean something.”
I assure you boys, there are exceptions.

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6 Sarah April 9, 2009 at 1:21 pm

OK, I’ve been meaning to reply to this one for a while–too damn busy!

Here’s the deal, ladies, *if* you want a serious relationship then you have to take things slowly. We know what men want and in recent years (or maybe decades–I’m dating myself a bit here) we’ve gotten the idea that if we give in to sex in the first place, we’ll fast-track ourselves into a serious relationship. But it doesn’t work that way. Ladies, one of the most powerful weapons we have in our arsenal is sex *appeal*–the promise of fabulous things to come if you just wait. Just like we don’t eat desert until after dinner, we shouldn’t leap into bed until the ground work is laid–that is, *if* you want a serious relationship. There is something profoundly powerful and tantalizing in the promise of the more physical side of male/female relationships, so if you wait, you attach that promise to a deeper knowledge of yourself and your future partner–and to your partner’s knowledge of you. If the guy turns out to be willing to wait, then once he knows and values you, then he’ll have to think a bit more about what he wants out of sex besides sex because now respect and personal connection on more than a surface passion level have been established. Of course, if he isn’t willing to wait, then he isn’t worth a relationship. So waiting can be a powerful test for a guy. So, remember this, you have something he wants–use that to your own advantage if you have a longer term goal. There’s tremendous power in knowing exactly what you have to offer and taking your time in offering it.

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7 Shana Dee April 15, 2009 at 9:40 am

Great post! I agree wholeheartedly with Sarah, couldn’t have said it better, so I won’t even try! Be patient ladies, your prince charming is out there working his way through the ‘wrong ones’ to find YOU. : )

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8 Mike Masters April 15, 2009 at 10:23 am

funny how it never occurred to me that she should wait!
I suppose you could do that… Call me shallow but I want to know! I want to make sure I like that aspect of the relationship before I commit to more. Of course I am not looking for a notch in my belt so I don’t run.

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9 jerees April 22, 2009 at 8:17 pm

Wait…isn’t this the opposite of the post saying that you should feel free to sleep with him?

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10 Mike Masters April 22, 2009 at 9:16 pm

no, the point of this post is to control your emotions!
girls tend to blow it by being too emotional!

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11 jerees April 23, 2009 at 1:39 pm

Thanks! Too true.

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12 -NN- July 6, 2009 at 1:17 pm

Quite frankly – I want to testdrive men, since if he can’t get me to orgasm, why would I want to get to know him better? If the sex doesn’t work, then what is the point of developing emotions (and that takes months for me) ..
If he can’t deliver, he is out – why bother a rerun with someone whom I don’t click with?

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