Gold digging at it’s finest

by Mike Masters on July 26, 2011

Gold digging at it's finest

Absolutely stellar!

THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG’S LIST

What am I doing wrong? 
Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City , so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 100 – 150. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 150,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically: 
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms 
-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings 
-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)? 
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there? 
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out? 
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend?

I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY 
Please hold your insults – I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

THE ANSWER 
Dear Pers-: 
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it. 
Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why.

Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful! 
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates!

Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you! 
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage. 
Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy.

I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout. 
By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation. 
With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.”I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

Oh Lord… that has to one of the best smack-downs I have ever seen, and to top it off it was done without the cruelty she truly deserved. This is a wonderful lesson for anyone out there looking for a free ride, it just don’t work like that people! Right now I am dating a girl that is not young, not a beauty queen but she brings long term value to the table. She makes her own money, is funny, brilliant, resourceful, great in bed, and  will be a partner that will only increase in value as the two of us age.

Beauty is fleeting, and not to mention…  fuck money, there is a hell of a lot more to life than a damn mansion and nice car.

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

1 k-dawg July 26, 2011 at 2:50 pm

This. Was. Awesome. Thanks for sharing the stupidity and brilliant response.
k-dawg´s last blog post ..It’s Hotter Than Your Mom Outside

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2 Mike Masters July 28, 2011 at 10:12 am

serious stupidity
but so much fun!

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3 Sarah July 27, 2011 at 8:52 am

Well said–and I want to meet this amazing woman you’re dating! She seems to have turned your head in an impressive way. :)

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4 Mike Masters July 28, 2011 at 10:13 am

Watch the vid before this post!

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5 Sarah July 28, 2011 at 11:09 am

I did–but that’s not the same as meeting her. :) Yeah, I know, I’d probably have to go all the way to Vietnam to meet her, or wait for the off chance that you bring her to the states and the even *further* off chance that you swing by Chicago.

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6 Mike Masters August 8, 2011 at 10:20 pm

I would love to visit, maybe we will get a chance someday but it might be years. How is being a mom treating you?

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7 Sarah August 9, 2011 at 5:42 am

Well, we’d love to see you. Momhood is pretty amazing, if exhausting. And I think I’m managing to be my same old self even with baby boy around. He’s a pretty cool kid, if I do say so myself.

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8 FeistyWoman July 30, 2011 at 11:25 pm

Absolutely LOVED this. And you’re right, he was waaay too easy on her. Dumb bitch ought to try making her own stacks instead of trying to mooch. She is pathetic and makes a lot of us women look really, really bad.

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9 Mike Masters August 8, 2011 at 10:21 pm

I hate to say it but a lot of men have a terrible fear of this kind of woman. Ironically though, where I live in Vietnam this thinking 99% normal. I kinda get a little freaked out now when my GF wants to pay for dinner.

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10 Liz August 14, 2011 at 9:24 pm

This will always be epic… :)
Liz´s last blog post ..Couture Hat

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11 NewlysingleinLA August 16, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Hahahaha, “By 35 stick a fork in you!”

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12 Terri H August 22, 2011 at 5:06 pm

More posts please Mike…..WE MISS YOU!!!

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13 Judy September 5, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Another great post, Mike. Love it.

BTW… Dated an investment banker. And, boy did he have issues.

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14 Bästa September 22, 2011 at 4:03 am

Haha this is insane! props to her for being honest! but as you say thats a bad investment ;)
Bästa´s last blog post ..Bästa bredbandet

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