Older guys and younger women a better match?
So a friend and a reader just wrote me an email saying she is dating a guy ten years older than her. She thought it might be a good topic to address and I agree since I have rarely dated women my same age.
13 years younger than me!
I remember when I realized for the first time how old the girl was that I had just slept with. She was surprised too and we both felt very awkward. When I met her I was under the impression that she was mid twenties, and she thought I was the same. Our ages came out when I saw a picture of her mother and was surprised at how young she looked. I asked her age, “My mom just turned 39.” I creased my eyebrows a bit in concentration, “What?? Was your mom 15 when she had you?” “No, she was the same age as I am” she said. “Wait… that means you’re… 19???” “Yes” she said with a smile. I looked at her a bit serious, “Sayu I am only 6 years younger than your mother.” Her eyebrows rose in surprise and her mouth formed a small oval.
Sayu and I were 13 years apart in age but we ended up together for over three years. I still love her very much but in the end the gap was a little too large and we separated a few months back. We were well matched in so many ways but the power balance was off just enough to put a hole in our relationship boat.
Are older men better suited for younger women??
I think they are but 13 years is honestly a little too much. I think 5-10 years is ideal, however there are a lot of pros and cons to dating an older guy!
Pros of an older guy:
- More mature
- More Life experience to share
- If fit, are more experienced lovers
- Are more faithful if they have a history of it
- Often have greater financial stability
- Are more interested in having a family
- Have greater confidence and experience
- Are able to communicate better and maintain a healthy relationship
- Have had a lot of the bad behavior trained out of them by past women
- Can help you grow radically in order to “catch up” with them
- You will be exposed to so many new things that younger men don’t have the finances for or the maturity (travel, lifestyle, business, nice stuff)
Cons of an older guy
- Could be horrible in bed if not fit
- Might have kids or an ex wife
- Have more life experience and thus might control the relationship too much
- If they have a history of cheating this will continue
- Are more set in their ways (DANGER!)
- Your family might be freaked out a bit
- May not have as strong a sex drive
- Could be in a mid life crisis and wants a young woman
- Are not as attractive/fit as younger guys
- A relationship with them might alienate you from your younger friends
- Probably doesn’t want to go clubbing
College guys and high school girls
I have always observed that younger girls have always gone for older guys. In high school this was incredibly frustrating since I couldn’t compete with guys in college taking out the senior girls enamored with them. The really frustrating part was that the college girls had no interest in me unless they thought I was in college too. (I must admit I was not very honest and I lied my way into as many college parties) I realized as early as this that they older guys simply are more attractive to women than the younger ones. They had so much more cash and experience but now at 36 the tables are turned!! (don’t worry I don’t want a high school girl)
Why do older men go for younger women?
It is too bad but I think guys are awfully shallow with age. If given a choice most men will choose a younger woman. Look at some of the more famous in the acting community. Patrick Stewart is currently dating a woman half his age! He seems like a pretty together guy upstairs but still he is drawn to a woman that is young enough to be his daughter!
My friend Dale and his two women
When my buddy Dale told me he wanted to get engaged to a girl literally half his age I was a little shocked. He was 36 at the time and she was 18. To her credit she had a lot going for her and was extremely intelligent but… she didn’t have the emotional maturity Dale needed. After about 8 months of living together they peaceably separated.
Recently Dale started dating a professional businesswoman about 30. She is sweet, intellectual and wants to have a family. Dale really likes this woman and I must say that she seem much more suited to him. They only drawback is that he feels she is a bit boring, something that I have experienced often when girls get closer to my age.
The race car
I think a lot of guys in their 30’s and 40’s go for the younger women for the same reason they want a sports car. They feel that their youth is slipping and they long for the college life that got torn away by a job and a failed marriage. This is often solved by the sports car and the college aged girlfriend.
Is it always this way?
There are so many variables in any relationship that it is hard to give anything too concrete! However I do think being with a guy 5-10 years older than you, tends to put you at the same speed in life. Guys just take a little longer to be on the same page with you quickly maturing women! The only major pitfall is that he may have a little too much power in the relationship, which will eventually destroy it.
So what about older women and younger men? I don’t know… what do you think?
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Yep. That pretty much sums it up!
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Hm. That’s my situation, he is 32, I’m 23. The ex wife just turned round and asked him to give it another go. The guy, although not in love with his ex wife, shared a lot of experiences with her. He has stayed in regular contact, telling me he is confused but also assuring me that he really likes me and telling me not to doubt this. Very difficult situation for me to handle. I very much doubt he will go back to her (he wont even tell his mates cos he knows they wont understand why he’s been put into a mental fuddle by the situation). I also have little doubt that he does like me as much as he says. What will happen? Like I say, I doubt he will go back to his wife, and if he does, it won’t last. I’m sure Mike in all his experience knows how unlikely it is to last if friends and family disapprove, and there is a lot of negative history (relationship dead 2 years prior to separation, 1.5 years living apart and divorce just come through). But me and him?
It’s a very hard situation for someone of my age (23) to deal with. How can I possibly comprehend the cacophony of emotions felt toward an ex-wife, even if you don’t still love them romantically? My experience is severely limited compared to his. I don’t always have the necessary confidence to just “go with the flow” and “give it time”. My idea of taking my mind off things is arranging dates with a heap of other guys, but not wanting to take anything further when they express non-platonic interest because I still hope things will work with this other guy. Young people like me, we are impatient and lack the experience to know when to trust our judgement.
Incidentally, all of those positive traits apply to this guy. Another thing, they tend to be more confident and know themselves better. I don’t think it’s always the case, but this guy is certainly funnier and more genuine than any guy I have met in years.
I guess it is a hard situation for anyone. But especially someone my age. Any advice?
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Gosh mike’s friend you are a prolific writer.
Um… I think we need to talk on the phone sometime and work out the details but I would say he is damaged good for a least a year.
Sorry, but guys of my age (40) are so BOOORING, let alone those who are older.
They think they know what the world is about, and have lost all of sweetness, they look so worn out, they tend to be cynical and did I mention: They are boring.
So I like my men younger, and what is good, I look good about 10 years younger than I am.. =) enough for them to look at me too.
So Older men – 97% of them – No thanks
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I am with you NN I am getting up there and clearly my youth is not planning to leave anytime soon. The only people that can keep up with me are much younger. Good thing I am so young/good looking or I wouldn’t be able to attract them!
If you want a cool older guy/gal, I suggest looking in fields with cool people, such as the arts, or in activities with active people, like community sports.
Start with the interesting pool, then look for the age.
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Mike, did you really just leave that comment? Oh dear. We need to talk because…hrm.
Jillian´s last blog ..That’s my boy
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We need a Viagra topic! Just saying.
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