Step #3 Using what can’t you stand about that A**hole!

19 Responses to “Step #3 Using what can’t you stand about that A**hole!”


  1. LC says:

    Mike, I really liked the part where you said, “it is easier to move away from pain than it is to move towards pleasure.” That is so true in so many different aspects of life. Great point!

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  2. tom says:

    Sure, here is my list, which i am going to make on the spot.

    1. less then 22 (maybe 20)
    2. will not take my suggestions seriously, instead get offended
    3. does not exercise
    4. does not eat healthy
    5. religious fanatic
    6. shy and who is not open and honest
    7. lacks a sense of reality (living up in the clouds)
    8. controlling and loud
    9. racist
    10. i would not date someone of my nationality
    11. a girl who is clingy to you (it is very annoying)
    12. who is bad with money
    13. who depends on her parents
    14. expects the guy to take care of her (make your own money dammit, gender roles are changing)

    I am all out for now, maybe i will add more later

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  3. Terra says:

    Mike! Love the articles! However the “Steps” and “Parts” are getting me a tad confused (which is not hard to do) For March Madness are there actual “steps” and “parts” or are you using those interchangibly? Help….

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  4. tom says:

    Yes, it was such an eye opener for me. All i gotta say is faith is based on fake beliefs. Who are you to say there is “god”?

    Ok so let me finish off the list.
    15. gold digger?
    16. no commitment, responsibilities
    17. tries to change you
    18. will listen to what her parents want instead of what she wants
    19. just wants your money
    20. a bum?

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  5. Michelle says:

    I actually have a typed list on my hard-drive called “Qualities of a Life Partner.” These are positive qualities that I want in a partner. So, I flipped some of those qualities around—in order to write the “Things I Hate” list.

    Things I Hate/Dislike in Men:

    1. Closed-minded, religious fanatics.
    2. Lacks ambition, does not set written goals, and take action to achieve them.
    3. Lacks confidence, intelligence, and assertiveness.
    4. Bad teeth.
    5. Bad posture.
    6. Bad handwriting. (Look up “graphology.”)
    7. Hates dancing.
    8. Men who are addicted to the TV. My ideal guy watches very little TV, or no TV at all (he has better things to do with his time).
    9. Does not like to read. Ideal partner should be a big reader, and like learning new things.
    10. Smoker, excessive drinker, drug-user. Anyone who abuses their body is automatically disqualified.
    11. Has a bad/negative relationship with his family.
    12. Does not eat a healthy diet & does not exercise regularly.
    13. Does not listen.
    14. Does not communicate. Bottles feelings/problems inside, instead of addressing them.
    15. Untrustworthy and dishonest.
    16. Gets jealous of any guy who talks to you.
    17. Status-quo lovers. Men who are content with being an employee. Men who believe that opening a small business (entrepreneurship) is too risky.
    18. Spends money excessively (spendthrift), and does not maintain a budget.
    19. Always arrives late.
    20. Indecisive – has a hard time making decisions, and being a leader. Always wants the woman to make decisions (i.e. where to eat, where to go).
    21. Talks too much.
    22. Messy and unorganized. Does not have his life together. If dishes are piled up from the past 4 weeks and you haven’t washed them—that’s a problem. Same with trash (from the past several months) piling up inside your car.

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    • Mike Masters says:

      Michelle! thank you for sharing!
      This is the 3rd time someone has brought up religious fanatic… I had no idea this was an issue with people! lol…
      #20 GUYS TAKE NOTES! this is a huge turn off for most women I know and is so easy to fix. Have a plan, be prepared to lead! Dating is like dancing and I don’t know any girl that wants to lead the guy around the floor.

  6. Michelle says:

    Hey, no problem Mike.

    Agreed — religious fanatics are terrible, especially the ones who want to “save” you, or convert you to their religion. :-)

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    • Mike Masters says:

      I recently got cornered by a mother of a friend and preached to about god. I told her three times I was not comfortable with this discussion but she ignored it. It was as if someone just kept farting in the room and I finally just had to walk away to escape it. So not cool

  7. Kortney says:

    1- hates travel
    2- is not spontaneous
    3- does not make an effort to connect with my family
    4- does not give as well as receive
    5- religious in any fashion
    6- hates animals
    7- eats meat
    8- macho/ego driven
    9- (I have to agree with the previous post) indecisive
    10- overly emotional and unwilling to communicate oases
    11- secretive
    12- unabitious, unwilling to strive for more in life
    13- closed minded
    14- bad listener/or communicator. Having to repeat myself constantly because he wasn’t listening.
    15- TV! The news, overuse of media in general.
    16- lacks exercise and healthy lifestyle
    17- not curious about the world and life
    18- shallow thoughts and conversation
    19- conversation patterns that are meaningless – saying the same phrases without actually meaning it
    20- baby talk!
    21- homophobia/racism/sexism, really any “ism” :) hehe
    22- mood swings or emotional rollercoasters
    23- selfishness or self centered attitudes
    24- a man who doesn’t eat enough! I mean really, girls shouldn’t have to convince you to have that 3rd slice of pizza! Just EAT IT! The man im refering to is skinny anyway! Ugghhhh!
    25- fake personality, committing to something and not followig through
    26- someone who beats around the bush. Give me directness!
    27- a man who won’t say whether you look good because he “doesn’t understand fashion”. You don’t have to understand it! Just say yes or no!
    28- serious temper problems
    29- family issues. Mental illness in the family…. RUN!
    30- past or present drug use… It really causes problems even if it was in the past.
    31- a man who isn’t excited and happy about the possibilities in his life!
    32- entirely focused on money/material things
    33- someone who offends easily
    34- germaphobe or super messy men. Happy medium is the way to go :)
    35- someone who needs to eat out. I cook! And ts delicious!
    36- focus on outward appearances
    37- someone who doesn’t set and reach goals
    38- someone that has to had everything spelled out to them
    39- gender roles
    40- social awkwardness
    41- poor me attitudes
    42- men who stay close with exes or other girlfriends after committin themselves in a relationship.
    43- have I said secrets?!
    44- perfect and short manscaping of the pubic hair… It’s meant to be a little, a LITTLE furry down there boys
    45- a man who makes moaning noises while going sown on you… Maybe an overshare, but it’s distracting!

    I think I could keep going…. But I don’t know if anyone will even see this! The original posts were from 2 years ago. Let me know what you think if you are still checking back here!


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    • Mike Masters says:

      Wow, you certainly nailed down the negative. However you nailed it down a little too completely. How many men could fit this? Not many, maybe none. The point of this exercise is to figure out some core problems that you keep drawing into, or accepting in you life. Many of the things you “hate” are actually not game breakers. For example, “Eats meat” my girlfriend is Buddhist and I am a whole lot of nothing. It is a non-issue, Why? because acceptance of some differences actually lifts us up not pulls us down.
      I think it would be very helpful for you to weed this list down to 20 and then ask yourself. “Are these 20 really deal breakers?”
      Next, make sure you work on the positive list, the negative is not enough. Knowing the positive is even more important.

  8. Kortney says:

    Wow! I types this on my phone. I apologize for the typos!

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  9. Cassandra says:

    the guy I would hate to be with (and probably was with)
    4.jealous goals/no jobs
    6.not family oriented
    7.has no faith or religion
    8.not supportive
    9.loves to talk about himself
    10. doesnt like to be around my friends/ or in a social setting
    11.who waits for me to do “man duties” around the house/car, etc.
    12.doesn’t have a job
    13. who asks me where i want to go or what i want to eat and then says no (soo annoying)
    14.not affectionate
    15.doesn’t want to try/do new things, or think of things in another persons perspective, closed minded
    16.doesn’t see me as equal
    17. doesn’t believe that compromise and sacrifice is part of relationship
    18. “crosses the line” with text message to girls
    19.doesn’t make me a priority (i understand we all have busy lives but BALANCE is important)
    20. doesn’t surprise me or spoil me ONCE IN A WHILE (i am not the kind of person to ask for much, i would rather give than receive BUT sometimes it would be nice to know you are thought of)
    21. not proud to be in a relationship

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  10. Cassandra says:

    21. who says they are going to do something but doesnt
    22. doesnt remember things/favors/comments that you say or ask for
    23. SELFISH!!

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  11. Cassandra says:

    24. runs away everytime there is a problem

    ok I think im done. ha

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  1. […] In the last post we started to get a little more specific with what would form the perfect guy or girl for you. If you didn’t do this exercise, I HIGHLY recommend you do. We will use the list you made from before to really get clear about what you want. Click here to go back […]

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  2. […] Reading this prompted me to email you:  Using what you can’t stand about that asshole […]

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  3. […] wrote about this process in the post Using what you can’t stand about that asshole, when I had a horrible time leaving my ex. I don’t want to go into spotlighting to deeply here so […]

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