How many times have you heard a variation of:
- she doesn’t put up with my bullshit
- He calls me on my shit
- She doesn’t let me get away with things
- He keeps me in check
Usually, when we hear a statement like this we nod sagely fondly thinking back to a partner that did the same for us but do we really understand what this statement means? What does it say about human nature, what does this say about us?
The most attractive, sweetest, generous, kindest, most wonderful, etc!! girl I have ever gone out with was a Thai stewardess. I met her in a grocery store while foraging in the frozen section. We hit it off instantly and I had to seriously bite down some insecurity to feel adequate enough to walk next to this girl. When I discovered her purity of soul matched her beauty I was even more intimidated. It blew my mind to discover that I would eventually run away from most amazing girl I have ever met.
I don’t think had my head on at this time, which was probably why I really wasn’t well suited for this amazing girl. Deep down I really felt undeserving. About a month later I met the antithesis of this girl, she was not exceptionally attractive and her soul was as comfortably dirty as mine. On top of these traits she, “Didn’t put up with my bullshit.”
I ditched the most attractive, amazing girl I have ever met for someone angry and relatively average.
Why? There are many reasons, but this post focuses on the most crucial one; keeping someone in check and having the courage to set boundaries. My Thai stewardess lived life wearing blinders and rose colored glasses. She was a victim that expected men to treat her poorly, she would constantly set herself up for failure . The angry girl I left her for had a whole other set of problems but she set boundaries incredibly well.
The person I am seeing right now is very sharp and she allows me to bounce ideas off of her. While exploring our attraction to one another she made the statement that this post is based on, “I like how you don’t put up with my bullshit.” This statement made me think…
People push boundaries, children push boundaries, my fucking parrot pushes boundaries. It is human and animal nature to discover the limits of any relationship. Not only that but we rely on others to keep us morally in check. We are attracted to the people that make us stronger and better. We are attracted to the people that have the strength to reign in our poor behavior. And we must must must! have the courage to do the same and call them on their bullshit.
- Getting walked on in relationships? You are probably afraid of rejection and thus create it
- He doesn’t respect you? It is because you don’t respect yourself enough to set boundaries
- Afraid you will lose him if you stand up for what you believe? Nothing could be further from the truth
- It is possible to be too powerful!
Did this post make sense? Would you like me to list when and what to set boundaries with?
Don’t put up with his bullshit over the phone either!