Comments on: Does he own you and your self-respect?

By: LMN

LMN — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 22:58:07 +0000

This is an excellent piece! All too often, I find from personal experience and word of mouth from friends that people lose themselves as individuals in relationships. From what I have read in many “self-help” publications, I believe that there needs to be three main components in a healthy, successful, long-term relationship. A “ME,” a “YOU,” and an “US.” If you have failed to honor and/or recognize any ONE of those very critical elements, not only will the relationship be doomed, but so will the participants involved!

I USED to believe that making sure I was home the nano-second my husband was due to stroll through the front door after a long day at work was essential. Having the most perfect meal prepared (and steaming hot on the table) upon his arrival was equally as critical to me. Don’t forget the morning phone call, the afternoon check-in call, followed up by the evening “just because” phone call, never mind the multiple text messages during the day, just to make sure he always knew where I was, and when he could expect me home.

Funny enough, I’d find him frustrated, irritated, and even flat out angry with me. He’d beg me to “just go get myself a hobby,” “call up a girlfriend and go shopping,” or more simply put, he’d say, “GO AWAY!!!”

*I MADE A BIG MISTAKE!!!* These actions will have ANY man RUNNING, not walking, out the door…probably for good!

Nowadays, I have a heck of a lot more respect for myself, my time, and his right to have his own identity, separate from being just my “husband.” Overnight, the tables began to turn. I have SO many hobbies, SO many places to go, and SO many people to see. When I DO have time with my husband, it’s nothing short of WONDERFUL. It’s all about QUALITY over QUANTITY of time spent together. He respects the fact that I have my OWN life, outside of and in addition to our marriage.

Healthy relationships are led TOGETHER. Side by side. We have found the most perfect balance to make the marriage less “WORK” and much more rewarding for both of us.

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By: Crystal

Crystal — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 20:51:42 +0000

First its called “SELF” respect, “SELF” esteem for a reason..It should be about SELF..Honestly I feel “WE” as people go into relationships just because..The mere factor is relationships should be about balance..I’m so over the fact of the man leading and the woman follows, because in a “healthy” relationship its a split partnership. Relationships should be about complimenting each other, not COMPLETING each other..I think thats where we all lose focus..A smart woman know’s we only make the man think he’s leading, therefore no self preservation will be lost..:) At the end of the day, everyone is Happy..

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By: Tammy

Tammy — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 20:41:55 +0000

It could be self esteem, co-dependancy, “how I was raised”, religious committment that cause a woman to put up with it. My dad once told me if I’m with a man and I don’t love him the way he is then don’t stay with him. He may change for a little while but eventually he will go back to who he is. It is good advice.

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By: Jillian

Jillian — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 09:03:06 +0000

Natural, I would agree with the statement that not all men do. There are plenty that have no idea how to guide, flirt, cajole, take charge, etc. Frankly, being in charge is incredibly tiresome. I like to think I have a lot of moxie, but it would be intriguing to have it turned on me a bit at times.

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By: Natural

Natural — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 03:41:35 +0000

it’s great if there are men out there who want to and who know how to lead in a relationship, not all men do. it’s not smothering. if a man’s intentions are honorable, it’s a breath of fresh air to relinquish that “power” of control for most women. or is that just for me.

i like the passenger seat and don’t mind being on the bottom.

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