Blue Balls seriously feel like this
Even church goers have genitals
Alan and Jen had been dating a few weeks after they had met at church. From day one Jen laid into Alan complaining about his hair, clothes and his differing beliefs. Naturally, Alan was smitten like road kill. “She makes me want to be a better man” said Alan as I internally dry heaved. A bit later I accepted an invite to Magic Mountain with Alan, Jen and her friend. I knew from past experience that Magic Mountain was a deal breaker for couples and was hoping it would kill them too.
Alan and Jen argued the ENTIRE time Alan flowing with a deluge of sorrys. After my second $10 lemon slushy I needed to flow as well and Alan followed me. He was shy about girls but not about taking a leak! Al stands right next to me and lets it fly. (I get stage fright so bad that I installed a deadbolt on the bathroom door) “I really like her Mike, I just get this feeling that she is the one.” I stared at a small point on the tile in front of me trying to convince my bladder to be more sociable. “I mean, yeah we got some things to work out but she is just…” I cut in, “a bitch? Alan you are on crack, that girl is evil, the only reason you like her is because of her boobs.” Oh… maybe I forgot to mention!? Jen was wearing a blouse cut low… every time she bent down she exposed her rather large pendulous mams. Al had a front row seat and like a dog at a tennis match he was riveted. “No that’s not it at all, I am not even looking; I just think she is really cool.” It is hard to imagine that guys like Alan still exist but I suppose you will find them in the shadow of religion or oppressive government.
It has been brewing all day looooooonnng
We headed home before dusk hoping to beat the traffic. About an hour into the drive the steering wheel of the car was nearly yanked out of my hands! Damn!! a flat! We sat on side of the road waiting for a tow truck, then Alan looked at me a bit concerned. “Can I as you something, kinda strange?” “sure” I say. “I got this strange pain, kind in my stomach but a little lower.” “What do you mean? in your bladder area?” “no” says Alan in a pained voice “a little lower than that” I paused for a few seconds trying to figure out what you already know. Suddenly I lit up in the delightful opportunity to tease Alan, “BLUE BALLS!!!! YOU GOT BLUE BALLSSSSSS!!! HAHAHAHA!!!” Alan motioned at me frantically to keep it down but looked perplexed. “huh??” he says. I laugh and say “you have been staring at her boobs all day and now your nuts hurt! Just go behind a tree back there and rub one out, you will feel much better” Alan looked at me as if I asked him to give me oral sex. “Rub one out? Does that mean masturbate?”
Poor Alan was hijacked
Alan’s subconscious had a totally different agenda than he did; all his brain was thinking was… look at those boobs! We need to have sex with her! Make more seminal fluid!!! Apparently being in a prolonged aroused sexual state leads to a build up in fluids, this is why it is possible to have the female version called “blue walls”. (I was pretty excited the first time I induced this) Now Alan was not letting on to how much it actually hurt! I know from experience that it feels like a dog used them for a chew toy after Tyson speed bagged ‘em. Alan was seriously betrayed by his body and had no idea what was going on. What I find really fascinating is that I don’t think it was just her chest driving Al nuts (no pun intended). Her bad treatment of him created a ego vacuum that he desperately needed to fill, something disturbingly arousing.
Bullets:
Don’t give Alan blue balls, it is not nice
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Blue Walls!? Woooooow! I have never heard anyone call it that!! Ha! But boy do I know they exist!! They also cause MAJOR attitudnal discrepencies!!
Too funny, poor Alan and the Bitchy chick…. I have SUCH issues with people that date according to what a person “could be’ instead of what / who they are…. stop it!
You know you’re in love when you love a persons flaws… i think…
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I couldn’t agree more about the changing people. Unfortunately Alan could only see the good in her because he was driven by other things…
I had my first experience with blue walls on an airplane both of us were in pain after the 13 hour flight. What surprised me was that she was in physical pain too! At the time I had never heard of the blue walls either. Now I try to induce it as much as possible. (revenge for high school)
Wow I really feel for him, is he too much of a good boy to know what blue is? I have had to explaining to all my boys already.
He sounds like a nice guy, but too nice to see a bad thing right in front of him. Hope shes not like his mother, otherwise he will might stay with her.
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Christina, yeah Al was so innocent that he didn’t know anything, hopefully he is a little more experienced now.
Actually Mike, majority of guys act this way. They are called “wussies” by PUA’s and yes all they do is say sorry, compliment women, be boring, buy gifts and worst of all lower their standards to please her, which is the worst thing ever.
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good point Tom, thanks for setting me strait =)
Haha ! first time i come by your site…. i love everything about it though !
I will definitly check back soon !
C.
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I have bathroom anxiety as well. The worst is when someone in the stall next to me is on their cell phone. UGH.
Boob fascinations are beyond me. But that might change if they didn’t provide back pain and require some kind of slingshot daily.
Blue walls are NOT fun. Especially when you are a particularly vivid dreamer.
So, what happened?
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@Jillian re: vivid dreamer… I disagree. Look into lucid dreaming! I had a phase of having the best orgasms in my sleep every night for a week. Really put a lid on my blue walls, waking up sweaty and satisfied.
So I am interested, how did the relationship work out? Did Christian boy get his rocks off eventually? He is probably really into S+M in another incarnation, on another dimension. Like a puppydog with the big boobed dominatrix woman.
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damn… all you blue walled girls!
and to think I have never had a wet dream, I hate you guys!
What happened to Alan? I don’t think he did anything about it. Once he figured out what it was I think he was so embarrassed that he clamped up and toughed it out.
Him and the girl? nothing happened but my friends seem to think I hooked up with her. Hmmm…. Maybe it was a lucid dream?
@Rose, oh, I didn’t say there was never any follow thru, just that it rarely happens and usually with dreams about people I’ve never met.
@Mike, it happened more as I got older, which leads me to believe it was due to the increase in estrogen that happens as women get older. Could be because you are “living your dream?”
Well, did you hook up with the girl?
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No… I didn’t
I honestly thought she was such a mean girl that I didn’t feel like responding in kind to get into bed with her. Plus it seemed a little mean. Instead I slept with her almost as bitchy best friend!
living my dreams? Wow, do they make enough lube for that??
O.O I don’t know. Geez, what kind of dreams are you having?
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