Comments on: When honesty is just too cruel to your partner http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/breakup/when-honesty-is-just-too-cruel-for-your-partner/ Dating advice for women Fri, 10 Sep 2010 04:21:01 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: F. McDonald http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/breakup/when-honesty-is-just-too-cruel-for-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-881 F. McDonald Mon, 22 Jun 2009 03:02:05 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=633#comment-881 I definitely second Tom's comments on this one. Truth devoid of context doesn't exist...it's a lie. The angry respondent was clearly projecting her own politics onto your situation, which was patently unfair. Ironically, it was she who failed to engage in the process of perspective taking- the very thing of which she accused you. Kudos for the site, Mike. It is almost as good as having you around. I really appreciate your sage advice! I definitely second Tom’s comments on this one. Truth devoid of context doesn’t exist…it’s a lie. The angry respondent was clearly projecting her own politics onto your situation, which was patently unfair. Ironically, it was she who failed to engage in the process of perspective taking- the very thing of which she accused you.

Kudos for the site, Mike. It is almost as good as having you around. I really appreciate your sage advice!

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]]> By: Mike Masters http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/breakup/when-honesty-is-just-too-cruel-for-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-436 Mike Masters Sat, 25 Apr 2009 02:43:37 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=633#comment-436 Hi Sarah! didn't see a criticism at all. Just realized that I was taking away from the point and I needed to change things. Let's talk in person soon. Hi Sarah! didn’t see a criticism at all. Just realized that I was taking away from the point and I needed to change things.
Let’s talk in person soon.

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]]> By: Sarah http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/breakup/when-honesty-is-just-too-cruel-for-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-434 Sarah Sat, 25 Apr 2009 00:44:31 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=633#comment-434 I don't think you did the wrong thing at all! She clearly needed to go home and you did the right thing in establishing your boundaries and following through on them. Depression or no, it seems like she wasn't happy and that was a hard on you, too. The same sorts of boundaries need to get drawn with depressed people too, no matter how much we love them. If a depressed person doesn't get help and it's more than you can handle to keep trying, then the best and most honest thing is to say "I love you, I can't see this, it's time for you to go home/elsewhere/something." I just wondered if she was depressed because what you described included many of the classic symptoms, so I was wondering--I really wasn't trying to criticize in saying that I felt for her. I just do! And I'm glad to hear that she is back to her old self now that she's home. Living in a new culture is tough--I too know this from first hand experience. But you were right to encourage her to go home--it was best for her, and clearly best for you. I don’t think you did the wrong thing at all! She clearly needed to go home and you did the right thing in establishing your boundaries and following through on them. Depression or no, it seems like she wasn’t happy and that was a hard on you, too. The same sorts of boundaries need to get drawn with depressed people too, no matter how much we love them. If a depressed person doesn’t get help and it’s more than you can handle to keep trying, then the best and most honest thing is to say “I love you, I can’t see this, it’s time for you to go home/elsewhere/something.” I just wondered if she was depressed because what you described included many of the classic symptoms, so I was wondering–I really wasn’t trying to criticize in saying that I felt for her. I just do! And I’m glad to hear that she is back to her old self now that she’s home. Living in a new culture is tough–I too know this from first hand experience. But you were right to encourage her to go home–it was best for her, and clearly best for you.

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]]> By: Christina http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/breakup/when-honesty-is-just-too-cruel-for-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-430 Christina Fri, 24 Apr 2009 19:26:59 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=633#comment-430 yes you do but such a long time ago before Japan. you will have to ask Casey yes you do but such a long time ago before Japan. you will have to ask Casey

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]]> By: Mike Masters http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/breakup/when-honesty-is-just-too-cruel-for-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-427 Mike Masters Fri, 24 Apr 2009 18:40:21 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=633#comment-427 Still the sweetheart I remember?? Do I know you???? Thank God someone thinks I did the right thing!! I learned Japanese, I knew japan. All I wanted to someone to at least attempt the same. I knew I could not change her but the appearance of side I had never seen before was a deal breaker to say the least. Still the sweetheart I remember?? Do I know you????
Thank God someone thinks I did the right thing!!
I learned Japanese, I knew japan. All I wanted to someone to at least attempt the same.
I knew I could not change her but the appearance of side I had never seen before was a deal breaker to say the least.

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]]> By: Christina http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/breakup/when-honesty-is-just-too-cruel-for-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-424 Christina Fri, 24 Apr 2009 17:07:48 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=633#comment-424 Mike, Still the sweetheart I remember.... you did the right thing. I do not know how long you were together in Japan, but if she chose to come here then she needed to put some effort in to building a life here instead of checking out. It could be chocked up to culture shock, but I don’t think it was entirely that. I think you did the right thing the worst part is that you loved her, but because you care about her and your self you had to let her go. Mike,
Still the sweetheart I remember…. you did the right thing. I do not know how long you were together in Japan, but if she chose to come here then she needed to put some effort in to building a life here instead of checking out. It could be chocked up to culture shock, but I don’t think it was entirely that.
I think you did the right thing the worst part is that you loved her, but because you care about her and your self you had to let her go.

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]]> By: Mike Masters http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/breakup/when-honesty-is-just-too-cruel-for-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-417 Mike Masters Thu, 23 Apr 2009 21:22:05 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=633#comment-417 Druz... Great to get a comment from an old friend. Miss talking to you buddy. Druz…
Great to get a comment from an old friend. Miss talking to you buddy.

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]]> By: Mike Masters http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/breakup/when-honesty-is-just-too-cruel-for-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-416 Mike Masters Thu, 23 Apr 2009 20:49:38 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=633#comment-416 Terra you are really interesting... Always like getting your comments Terra you are really interesting…
Always like getting your comments

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]]> By: *terra* http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/breakup/when-honesty-is-just-too-cruel-for-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-415 *terra* Thu, 23 Apr 2009 19:24:15 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=633#comment-415 hey now... im freaking depressed and let me tell you... i does NOT involve youtube.... Crown and coke, yes! you tube ... no... you know I love you Mike... I got it... and it was easy, and we both know how I treat men! Yea baby!! lol! hey now… im freaking depressed and let me tell you… i does NOT involve youtube…. Crown and coke, yes!

you tube … no…

you know I love you Mike… I got it… and it was easy, and we both know how I treat men! Yea baby!! lol!

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]]> By: Druz http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/breakup/when-honesty-is-just-too-cruel-for-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-414 Druz Thu, 23 Apr 2009 06:54:52 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=633#comment-414 Take it from your reporter friend: if you're not getting nasty emails, you're not doing your job. It's always a conundrum when the relationship falls apart right before a big trip. Not sure what the right answer is. Take it from your reporter friend: if you’re not getting nasty emails, you’re not doing your job. It’s always a conundrum when the relationship falls apart right before a big trip. Not sure what the right answer is.

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]]> By: Mike Masters http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/breakup/when-honesty-is-just-too-cruel-for-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-413 Mike Masters Thu, 23 Apr 2009 05:26:54 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=633#comment-413 Tom and Jillian thanks for the support! I really want to be honest on my blog. New people may not understand that I am explaining my mistakes and I really am empathetic to their cause! Once again guys I really really appreciate the support. Tom and Jillian thanks for the support!
I really want to be honest on my blog. New people may not understand that I am explaining my mistakes and I really am empathetic to their cause!
Once again guys I really really appreciate the support.

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]]> By: jerees http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/breakup/when-honesty-is-just-too-cruel-for-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-409 jerees Thu, 23 Apr 2009 04:26:45 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=633#comment-409 I dated a guy who had depression. Depression looks and sounds exactly like this. It's not about being sad. It's apathy, the inabiilty or fear to do things that might be best for you. She may have been homesick or something to start with but it actually does sound like serious depression, undiagnosed it never gets better (and honestly if she was unwilling to even learn english she probably wouldn't have gotten help, either) I dated a guy who had depression. Depression looks and sounds exactly like this. It’s not about being sad. It’s apathy, the inabiilty or fear to do things that might be best for you. She may have been homesick or something to start with but it actually does sound like serious depression, undiagnosed it never gets better (and honestly if she was unwilling to even learn english she probably wouldn’t have gotten help, either)

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]]> By: Jillian http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/breakup/when-honesty-is-just-too-cruel-for-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-404 Jillian Thu, 23 Apr 2009 02:49:53 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=633#comment-404 Ok, now that I've taken time to process that person's anger, I can comment without reacting to her freakout in kind. What I'm seeing is someone who is responding to you instead of the person who treated her in a way that hurt her. I'm sorry that you were her scapegoat. Your honesty is one of the things that makes this blog what it is and the main reason I'm here. Genuineness in the age of the internet is rare and I treasure it when I can find it. Your treatment of Shiho was completely respectful and I think that the way it ended was far better than it could have been. Ok, now that I’ve taken time to process that person’s anger, I can comment without reacting to her freakout in kind. What I’m seeing is someone who is responding to you instead of the person who treated her in a way that hurt her. I’m sorry that you were her scapegoat.

Your honesty is one of the things that makes this blog what it is and the main reason I’m here. Genuineness in the age of the internet is rare and I treasure it when I can find it. Your treatment of Shiho was completely respectful and I think that the way it ended was far better than it could have been.

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]]> By: tom http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/breakup/when-honesty-is-just-too-cruel-for-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-403 tom Thu, 23 Apr 2009 02:46:13 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=633#comment-403 Mike, it is a bit ridiculous when you have to explain yourself because someone decides to comment on your article without asking questions and instead assuming such ridiculous things. It sounds like the commentator hates on men in general and clearly does not understand the point of this article. Like I don't even want to waste my energy on commenting back to what she wrote, it is just ridiculous. I wanna congratulate you for having the courage to share these amazing stories and experiences you have gone through. Not many people are willing to come out and say that they made a mistake and learned from it. Mike, it is a bit ridiculous when you have to explain yourself because someone decides to comment on your article without asking questions and instead assuming such ridiculous things.

It sounds like the commentator hates on men in general and clearly does not understand the point of this article. Like I don’t even want to waste my energy on commenting back to what she wrote, it is just ridiculous.

I wanna congratulate you for having the courage to share these amazing stories and experiences you have gone through. Not many people are willing to come out and say that they made a mistake and learned from it.

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]]> By: Silver jewellery http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/breakup/when-honesty-is-just-too-cruel-for-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-402 Silver jewellery Wed, 22 Apr 2009 19:03:20 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=633#comment-402 Mike, thanks for your article. I like it. Honesty is a major issue of values. We should show honesty in every where, specially with partner. Mike, thanks for your article. I like it.

Honesty is a major issue of values. We should show honesty in every where, specially with partner.

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]]> By: Mike Masters http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/breakup/when-honesty-is-just-too-cruel-for-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-400 Mike Masters Wed, 22 Apr 2009 18:29:25 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=633#comment-400 confused by the above comments? it is because I removed all references to Japan. I wanted to have the reader get the point! not worry about if Shiho was depressed or not. Or think that I am some evil guy not happy with a mail order bride! Thanks Surfergurl for letting me see that things are not clear for people that don't know me. confused by the above comments?
it is because I removed all references to Japan. I wanted to have the reader get the point! not worry about if Shiho was depressed or not.
Or think that I am some evil guy not happy with a mail order bride!
Thanks Surfergurl for letting me see that things are not clear for people that don’t know me.

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