The last few days I emailed, Facebooked, Twittered and personally interviewed everyone I could find to answer one simple question:
Should girls ask a guy out and if so how do you do it???
Most of you that read my site know that I am very against blatantly asking a guy out. However, I could be wrong… see what a pile of very intelligent women have to say!
Megan (Student and cute barista) – I don’t like to ask guys out because I am a bit shy but if I have to I will quietly ask them to something I can back out of. You know, ask them out as friends and if it doesn’t seem to be going well, then it is not a big deal.
Vi (mom/student) said – If you think he’s interested in you then bring something up like, “I’m hungry” or “I want to see that new movie” or “I’m dying to try that new place.” If he likes you then he’ll ask you out. I could be wrong, but it hasn’t failed yet.
I like how simple this is, I have to admit if I were into a girl and she gave me something so easy to work with… hard to refuse. –Mike
Crystal (student, professional partier) We shouldn’t have to ask you out! Lol, show interest yes and if the girl shows that she’s interested, HE should be the one to ask her out. Confidence is attractive guys!!
Resonanteye TM (blogger?/tattoo artist) I have asked the guy out almost every time so far. I won’t any more though; it seems to set me up to do all the work from then on as well.
It always feels like I end up doing the emotional work in a relationship, so if I take that initial risk too. . . It’s just too easy for the guy and more work for me.
Flirting and showing interest I always do. I’m just only done “asking out“ a guy.
I’ve always succeeded when I’ve asked a guy out. It’s just that- well, I start to feel as if I am the one taking all the steps. And I like to also feel that I am wanted, not just wanting.
This is EXACTLY why I tell women not to take the lead in the relationship – Mike
Sharon (has dated men that make more than the GDP of many small countries) – Basically, as long as you understand that men think about pussy constantly and since you have a pussy, you don’t have to be very creative to get a date. If you make him think you’re eventually going to give him the pussy, he will do ANYTHING for you until he gets it. If you’ve got skills, he will be hooked by then and won’t take off after getting it. Unless you want him to…
If you use raw sexuality to lure the fish, often it bites only to leave the hook bare, Sharon is a master angler and knows how to set the hook without losing her bait. – Mike (I would love to write about how Sharon lost her bait once but I think she would have me killed)
Christine (Married/blogger/fitness nut) When I was in school, I asked guys out, but it didn’t work for me, and I stopped. I think Resonanteye sums up a lot of how I feel. I’m super turned on by confidence and competence, and guys you have to drag along are usually neither.
STOP asking out immature, indecisive guys who don’t have the balls to ask you out or treat you right! :*) Hehehehehe…
Jeanette (Aussie business woman and Maneater) Well said, Christine! I’m not against flirting and showing clear interest if a guy I like seems shy (returning texts quickly, referencing restaurants I’d like to try, the classic ‘eyes’…), but if after a little while he doesn’t take initiative, I take it to mean he’s either under-confident, emotionally lazy, or just not interested: all of which is better to know sooner rather than later.
Amen Jeanette! I hear so many women say, “Why doesn’t he just ManUp and ask me out???” Well, like Jeanette says, there is a reason. – Mike
Jamie (Canadian business women, and a friend) In the case of my current boyfriend, he was the guy I never expected anything long term from because he was the popular with the ladies, so i played the “whatever happens” card. I figured it was a short-term thing and we were just having fun so I had fun and was “breezy”… Well apparently that is attractive, I was a challenge, and he worked for it… We are still together 4 years later!!! All and all the playing field was equal.. I showed interest but I didn’t show desperation… and it worked.
Rose (red head, Brit, vegan, and a little bit scary) No, I never ask a guy out. I’m a woman who prefers to be chased. Every woman FLIRTS with a guy they find attractive, making more effort with appearance, perhaps avoiding certain topics, and mentioning others. But if a guy has shown ZERO interest no way I’d make a move, chances are I don’t fancy them either and so I’d like to be friends
If a guy has been VERY obvious and said what they’d like to do with me, naughty or otherwise, and I like them, yeah, I will make sure it actually happens. BUT, I will always leave the commitment talk to them. Those that are actually a catch tend to be lured into commitment by, you guessed it Jaime, my wonderful rack and superior bed skills over any waif.
Rose says something key here, LET THE GUY DO THE FOLLOW UP. I know it really really sucks but this is how it works! And if you are not getting that call, you are sleeping with the wrong guys! – Mike
Mindy (mommy and ob nurse) I have asked guys out…and it’s always worked…to me it shows confidence…not weakness (if done with confidence)! I’ll use the analogy of fishing. I throw the lure (me and my proposition for a drink etc.) in front of them…they then have to chase the lure and the lucky ones catch it and get a bite. That is to say that I don’t mind making the initial proposition…to get them hooked. However, after that…it’s his responsibility…and he must pursue me.
Yea…I can see that if it were to set the precedent for the dynamics of the relationship (you putting forth all the effort and him…none) then it could work against you! That would not be good! I’m old-fashioned too….in a modern sort of way…lol!
Agree, drop the hint and back the fuck off – Mike
QT Mama (Problogger, mom and martini addict) Not anymore, one thing I’ve learned in the 37 years I’ve been on this planet? If a boy likes you, really likes you? He’ll find a way to ask you out. Period.
I hear ya on that one Mindy, and I use to do the same thing actually. Then … well, I realized if I was doing all the work (cuz it always felt like I was), what was HE doing? *Laugh* I dunno, I am old-fashioned in a lot of ways, I admit that too.
T (blogger mom and has actually made me blush) Oh VERY straight forward. Then again, you probably assumed that about me. Mike, I asked my ex-husband out initially and yes, unfortunately, it was a pattern repeated all through our relationship/marriage and into today as we co-parent our children. He just let me drive the whole thing. (I screwed that up didn’t I?)
I do like being pursued. However usually, the pursuing would turn me off… which is why I usually did the asking out. Now that I’ve been through a couple of relationships where I did all the driving… then was in a relationship with a very controlling man….I finally feel like there’s balance in my current relationship.
But I wouldn’t have known that had I not initially asked a guy out. Live and learn, right?
Good point T! Often you just never get the lesson unless you have beat your head against it for a few years. – Mike
Nando (Problogger, friend and lover of men) A few of the comments I read said that if a woman asks a guy out–she’s setting herself up to do all of the work. So if he asks you out–are you accepting the submissive role and then have to do it “his” way all along?
That confuses me.
Why not have a little 50/50 mix?
The question here is not should you ask him out–but are you doing the hook & switch well? hhmm?
Very interesting last comment! Especially the 50/50. Nanado is a guy that dates guys, but I wonder does it really work the same? Is it really 50/50 for him? Why does the guy need to take the lead in heterosexual relationships? – Mike
Thanks so much to everyone for building this post.
I listed all the answers as I received them,
I look forward to the next time we can do this!