Should a girl ask a guy out? 13 answers!

19 Responses to “Should a girl ask a guy out? 13 answers!”


  1. Rose says:

    “scary” – only scary because I told you what a git you were for covering for a male friend who cheated on his pregnant wife! Excuse me for having standards, Mike.

    Mike clearly cannot take criticism, he is the “master” not “relatively experienced” dater, after all.

    What does my being vegan have to do with how I date, anyway? I might not be impressed if my date orders steak, but somehow I don’t think this bears any relevance to your article.

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  2. Mike Masters says:

    Jesus Rose, calm down
    Scary because you are very very vocal as you show in the above comment.

    Vegan, it is part of what defines you, it says a lot about you and is very relevant to the article, something that I figure you would be proud to have the world know.

  3. Rose says:

    Sure, but its not that relevant. Perhaps it shows a certain level of discipline and niceness though? i.e. less likely to put up with crap. Still, I think “intelligent”, or “sexy”, might be more flattering. “highly-sexed” or “picky” might be more accurate and relevant to the article, too. I would also think the fact I swing quite relevant – since sex is important to me in a relationship but not a reason to get into one…

    …and I think you are just scared because I’m not as easily charmed as some, and will still judge. You did that article about not taking shit from a partner… Fair enough, you certainly don’t like it when friends call you up on things though!

    Incidentally, Crystal said the same thing as me.

    Sharon is spot on as well. I find girls that chase men pretty scary.

    HOWEVER – another point – I have noticed that the very nicest of my male friends only end up dating women that have forcibly caught them and trapped them into relationships. They often weren’t happy and left them not long after, but they certainly got there way for a while, up to 9 months!

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  4. nandoism says:

    I think my comment was misunderstood. Or maybe I misunderstood it. Wait–who am I?
    Okay, the 50/50 mix–is what I preach. Several of the women made comments that every time they asked a guy out–that set the bar for the relationship. I just don’t get it–and as far as gay men (you can say gay, Mike) it really is a 50/50, at least for me. Sometimes I get asked out and other times I do the asking. But which ever the case may be, it doesn’t set the bar for the relationship, meaning who ever originally did the asking–is the BOSS…NOPE.

    But you know…it might just be personality. I have a new question–the women who did the asking out–are you more of a confident self-assured woman in all your matters? (work, play, relationships) as opposed to the women who let the men do the asking (more submissive in life?)

    Riddle me that!
    .-= nandoism´s last blog ..The Inebriation of Mimi =-.

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    • Rose says:

      I wonder if it has something to do with our relationship ideals. I’m dominant in friendships, equal in relationships, and submissive in bed. I never ask guys out, which surprises friends who know how outgoing I am, but perhaps when you consider my relationship and bedroom personas, it is less surprising.

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  5. Natalie says:

    I got what you were saying, Nando.

    I have always been too straightforward to enjoy many dating games and as a result, my relationships have either been tawdry and short-lived or lasted way longer than they should have.

    Luckily, my husband appreciates my brand of crazy and it turned out, I didn’t have to play any games at all.
    .-= Natalie´s last blog ..foto friday: snow day =-.

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  6. Lisa says:

    Nice Mike….it was fun reading the compilation of responses, especially when they referenced you. ;) And to add my 2 cents, since I always do, I still think it’s about doing what works for you. I wouldn’t simply b/c I love old school courting, and the brief initial stages when I guy goes out of his way to convey his sincere interest in you, but a lot of my female friends would prefer to have the control.

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    • Mike Masters says:

      Thanks Lisa!
      This is all very interesting especially with Nando in on the mix. (read his comments if you haven’t yet)
      A lot of people say that they are “old school” with courting. I don’t believe this is something that will every disappear. In other words there will never be a “new school” girls are always going to want to be courted and guys will always want to chase.
      This is in our genetic code and a recent cultural change (feminist movement/feminist backlash) has confused this role for both men and women. Men don’t know what they are supposed to do and women are frustrated that guys don’t act.
      Fascinating stuff

  7. Lifebeginsat30ty says:

    You certainly do bring up interesting topics! And the comments were fun too :)

    I have to say I think the answer to this question depends on what kind of partner you are looking for. Me personally I like taking the ‘girl’ role. I am not submissive in a relationship, I like equality and will stand up for myself, but I also like to be courted. I’ve had a lot of conversations with guy friends about the ‘chase’ and that if a guy can have a girl right away, they lose interest. I think the same is true for me in that if I have to ask a guy out, I don’t really want them anymore. But I think this depends on your personality and such. Great post!

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    • Mike Masters says:

      Surprisingly the topics brought up are things that I get asked a lot. This question in particular comes up all the time. Although I have only ever heard it asked in the states.
      The chase is so interesting… That is what I teach all the time but I get so much grief over it.

  8. thomas says:

    Good point Mike about the recent cultural movement of feminism. As a result, we see women taking control of their life which at least for me, is highly desirable and respectful.

    Therefore, here is a few points to consider:
    If you just wait for someone else to do the work, will you get anywhere? Remember, there are 3 types of people; those who say what happened(thinker), those who make it happen(doer) and those who just watch(talker).
    .-= thomas´s last blog ..2 important principles about managing money =-.

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  9. T says:

    “Old school courting” sounds wonderful to me now. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it earlier in life either but for some reason, I (can’t believe I thought this) considered it a sign of weakness. And it always seemed like guys that I didn’t have much interest in. Or perhaps I didn’t have interest because they were courting me? Either way, over the course of my years, I realized eventually it was because I couldn’t see myself the way they saw me. I didn’t believe I was worthy of all of the adoration they were giving me. I guess it was my own block to intimacy. After all, I was raised by a mother who every day told me that ‘all men are assholes’ and a dad who said that ‘if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.’

    So, I always went for the unrequited love. I was the dominant one. I asked out. I made the decisions. I “did everything myself”. I even married someone who declared early on that he’d never love me the way I loved him.

    In other words, I had to learn and grow. A LOT.

    Somewhere in there, perhaps after my last relationship where I allowed the guy to court and control, I realized that I am worth more than that. I realized that someone could love me just the way that I am. Thankfully, I found someone who does adore me. And this time, I actually agree with him.
    .-= T´s last blog ..Learning to shine my light =-.

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    • Mike Masters says:

      Wow, that should have been a blog post itself.

      I was explaining something similar to my dad last night. “People seek out what reinforces their world view/beliefs” He didn’t really get it and I used the example of a certain type of woman I used to date.

      I was horribly attracted to a crappy angry girl that would tell me she loved me and hated me in the same day. I believe this is because my mother was like this. I needed to be with someone that reinforced that I was a bad but sometimes lovable person. T

      Breaking out of this stagnant mold was one of the most difficult transitions I have ever made.
      So T… I know what you mean! and thank you for sharing.


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