The last few posts I ranted that you should never ask out a guy yet, I am a bit full of it. The last two relationships I have been in, started with the girl asking me out. Although both girls that asked me out were very smart about it.
The whole reason I don’t want you to ask a guy out is due to one concept – The Wanting it Tax…
In my last post Why can’t girls ask guys out, the three major reasons why. I explained that many guys would consider going out with a girl that they were not interested in to get sex. This is because the guy senses the wanting it tax.
The “wanting it tax” is something you want to avoid at all costs! Many of you understand this concept intuitively but some have no F-ing clue, so I will explain.
You are in Thailand, backpacking around and you see a vendor selling a fake purse that in the states cost about $500 bucks. You know this purse well and the copy is perfect, your mom will love it. In your excitement you light up, look the vendor with lust in your eyes and say, “How much!?” The seller takes one look at your clothes, nationality, face and eyes and says:
Obviously he will pick C, even though he might have just sold the same purse to a hippy New Zealand chick for only $10. Why? I think you know the answer.
“The more you appear to want something, the higher it’s value is perceived”
So why not ask a guy out? Because if you do, you are going to be hit with the wanting it tax and it will cost more than you may wish to spend. So physically how does the wanting it tax play out? It usually takes the form of, him having too much power, you having to do all the work, sex without a relationship, etc… Make sense?
But I want to ask him out!! I know, I know… I am getting there. It is perfectly fine to ask a guy out as long as you don’t incur the tax. There are a few ways to do this, some are easy and some take a ton of confidence.
Get him to ask you out
This is the safest way but also the most difficult to orchestrate. How to do this? Guys ask girls out for a few simple reasons and you need to bank on these reasons:
- You are sexy – Guys are horny and they ask out the same girls that they would love to sleep with. If you don’t turn them on, they may not ask you out.
- You get a lot of attention – Girls that get attention from men and women are considered a better catch. This means that a girl that cultures attention from men, gets more attention from men!
- You are fun and interesting – Guys like to be smile on a date too! If you are the quiet shy type you probably will never show up on his radar.
Getting him to ask you out is basically creating enough interest to get him to take action. Unfortunately, this is slow and can be horribly frustrating if he is not paying attention. I talk a bit more about that in my post Making the guy you want chase you…
*** This sidesteps the wanting it tax because he never really knows your interest and he remains “on sale” ***
Ask him out subversively
Most guys are pretty clueless when it comes to women being attracted to them, me included. Guys usually have to be shown where to drink or they will be too paralyzed (or stupid) to act. This means that even if the guy identifies an attraction he may need your help to act on it OR… he needs help identifying his own attraction!
You set up the venue for him to “figure it out” and develop the attraction. You lead the horse to water, and if he is interested he will take a long, slow, sexy drink! I like how my friend Vi answered this question on the post, Should a girl ask a guy out? 13 answers! her’s is the second answer.
This is so safe and easy, and any guy that has any interest will pick up on it. All you have to do is hint at a date and if you are really good at it the guy will think it is his idea.
***This beautifully avoids the wanting it tax because he thinks it was his idea to ask you out***
Ask him out directly and then pull back
I mentioned earlier in the post, I have been asked out directly, a few times without any problems. Why did this work for the girls asking me out? The major reason why, was that they didn’t try to keep the attraction going if it wasn’t there. They put the ball in my court then pulled back, If I didn’t want to return the serve they had the confidence to move on.
Now, I am not telling you to ask him out the same way a guy might ask you out, you still need to be a little secretive about it. The way I have been successfully approached is:
- Being invited to a party
- Asked for my help
- Invited out for something simple like coffee
- Been told, “Your a lot of fun, let’s get a drink sometime” (fun being the key word)
- There are, TONS of opportunities to subversively ask him out exist, be creative
This is the fastest way to create a relationship with a guy but you really need a thick hide to do this since rejection might occur. This is fast, can be very effective, but often scary!
***This flirts a bit with the wanting it tax and you need to be cautious here. This is the place the more confident woman does her work***
Ask him out directly – when it does work
This is the hardest but most direct form of getting the guy you want. The kind of girl that can pull this off is confident as fuck… She has an ego that is made out of stainless steel and she knows guys are lucky to spend time with her. She knows what she wants and if a guy tries to tax her she will negotiate the price but will be willing to throw him out in a heart beat.
Unfortunately, the ultra confident really is the only personality type that can pull this off but they still get burned time to time. This is how I would operate if I were a woman!
“So reader when are you going to ask me out?? If you don’t hurry up I am going to ask out your roommate!”
***This is the easiest way to get taxed, and if you don’t have the personality above you may not like the results. Don’t ask him out unless you have bigger balls than he does***