The tight rope of the inappropriate
“I don’t know how many times I’ve sat around with female friends and discussed men who are MUCH too gentle in bed. Seriously… throw me around. Make me wonder where that bruise came from the next day. Don’t stop until we break your bed, or couch or maybe even a bookcase.
Let’s straddle that fine line between danger and safety… together.” – MissAlpha From Adventures of an Alpha Female In reaction to Jack in Brooklyn’s blog post World Peace Part 3
YES!!! This is one of the uses of sexual tension that is the most arousing and most powerful! However, it is dangerous territory but walking that fine line is one of the sexiest domains we will ever experience. My eyes were opened to this with a very arousing but disturbing encounter in college, she was only 19 and I 20.
We were wrestling on the floor, and I saw her smile flicker on and off with irritation, kinda like that “evil look” baby on youtube. I was a very cautions guy, so I stopped, “What, you think you stronger than me?” She wrapped her legs around me and reached around to put me in a head lock. “Neggy! Stop!” I laughed keeping her arm from closing my airway. I flipped her off my back and onto the ground, she hit hard enough to make the second floor shake. “Shit! Sorry!” She looked back at me teeth barred, lips curled back, and she… SLAPPED ME! As hard as she could! I looked at her in shock and I grabbed both her wrists to stop it from happening again.
“You pissed?” she hissed at me. I still looked at her confused and thought yes, I am a little pissed, “What you gonna do about it?” She heaved her breathing and I looked down to see her nipples pushing through her tight shirt. “Fucking pussy” she snarled at me.
Her clothing didn’t survive that encounter and we were both left with bruises from the frenzied sex that ensued. The screaming fighting climax that we breached in unison was one to rival a cat porno.
This moment opened my eyes to the animal/sexual nature of human beings but also opened a can of confusion as to why we lust after danger, thrusting our hand into the open flame. What had just happened? Did we commit pseudo rape???
I staunchly believe that one of the reasons humans are often unhappy is because they are not reconciled with the animal mind. They try to hide its lust and clawing at dirty inappropriate programming. They feel guilt and self loathing over their filthy desires, thinking themselves somehow damaged, soiled.
Eventually they learn that the animal mind has a key to the car as well and wants to drive the more it is suppressed. Next thing you know, you have slept with a married man. Cheated on your boyfriend, or worst of the worst, slept with Mike… (join me on Facebook here)
What people don’t understand is that you must sync with your animal mind and give into it’s desires to a controlled degree. You must flirt with the inappropriate, and walk the tight rope of sexual indecency. It is necessary to taste this jelly donut of sexuality lest you not binge out of control.
Jack from Brooklyn’s response to MissAlpha
“MissAlpha, this is a tricky subject. I was just discussing this with Mike over at MasterDater, and the truth is, this kind of knowledge is like giving a gun to a baby. I’d love to discuss the very fine line straddling safety and danger in depth, but I don’t trust people in general with that kind of power. Morally responsible people are the minority, and with the amount of intentional violence against women, combined with the number of men who just don’t care about women as human beings, I don’t want to contribute to the number of assholes in the world.”
Yes… this is a loaded gun and one I am not as comfortable sharing with a male audience. However, I partially disagree with Jack. Human sexuality is programmed with indecency and to untangle ourselves of it is nearly impossible. Therefore, it is going to rear it’s head whether we say anything or not.
I feel this is like discussing birth control in schools, preparing students to handle sexuality responsibly does not necessarily encourage sex. Since every person has already been handed this gun, why not train them to use it, rather than have it use them.
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great story mike; can’t wait to see the feedback on this one…
jfb
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Pretty curious about this myself. Wondering where people will side.
I doubt there will be sides. I haven’t met a woman yet who feels differenlty.
Miss Alpha´s last blog ..So much for silence
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I don’t think that is the concern, I think the concern is… Can men handle this information?
I think one of the most difficult aspects of this is that “the fine line” is not the same with everyone. I think a lot of guys, myself included at times in my life, have erred on the side of being too cautious/gentle in the sack with a new girl, after dating another girl who was prudish or really conservative in bed. It’s sort of like the prudish girl kind of screws it up for the next girl.
I think the important thing for women who are not overly prudish to remember is that most of these men would prefer to cut loose and get a little kinkier, but they are trying to respect boundaries (if only they knew what those boundaries were). Suggestion: a woman who thinks her man is being too gentle should try surprising him with a pair of handcuffs, some hot wax, and a video camera when he comes home. If he doesn’t get the picture at that point, then you’ve got a whole other problem on your hands.
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Dang those prudish girls for messing it up for the rest of us! I like what you said here though. I agree with the rest of the posters here that a guy that can take control is just plain HOT. I think just a plainly states, “You know, it’d really turn me on if you pulled my hair” would get things started. I’ve never been in a situation where someone was being too rough though.
Mike, this post was hot! You’re on a roll!
Lifebeginsat30ty´s last blog ..Tuesday Truths: I am a needy bitch
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Hey! Give JB a break, he is a college guy that gets it!
and if you piss me off again I will pull your hair and pinken your ass. (Not talking to JB here)
? Were you talking to me? But I like his post. Even gave it a thumbs up. Maybe it came out wrong. The first sentence was commiserating with JB, not against. Dang this internet for not expressing my sarcasm well.
Lifebeginsat30ty´s last blog ..Tuesday Truths: I am a needy bitch
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Now that I reread what I wrote I think I got a little pink myself!
I think I have so sort of sexual Turrets
Sorry about that.
Haha. Well, now after all this I can’t say I didn’t like it a little
Hm, maybe this information is just a little too powerful, lol.
Judging by all the unsatisfied customers, I think this info needs to be spread!
Lifebeginsat30ty´s last blog ..Tuesday Truths: I am a needy bitch
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Haha I WISH I was in college. Those days are long long gone. I could used a site like this one back then!
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Agreed buddy,
However, camera in the bedroom? a girl? I would love to see that.
You’re meeting the wrong women!
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For some reason I thought you were a college guy.
I am not saying a girl that accepts a camera in the bed room. I am saying brings the camera too the bed room
Ahh. Good distinction.
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Any side will do
In all seriousness, I’ve had this convo with at least half dozen gf’s and I think it’s pretty much summed up in your first paragraph. Women like a man who can/will take control in the bedroom (or anywhere for that matter). I can only speak for the women I know – who range in ages 30-50. They tell me that sometimes it would be nice if the guy they are dating would just grab them throw them up against the wall and have their way with them. Without getting too wordy, I think it’s a societal thing. But I’d rather not than delve into that subject right now, it could be a whole other post…
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I think the biggest reason why guys DONT do this is because people like jack and I haven’t educated them!
What do you think? Should we work on this or is a gun in a baby’s hand like jack said?
Good article! I dated a guy who started out great in bed with occasional roughness. One time after seeing the well, um…er, bite mark he was Mr. Gentle like I was some porcelain treasure. Now I think of him as the worst lover I’ve ever had.
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That was totally me!!
I remember putting that bite there!
So ladies I need a vote!! Is this something that Jack and I should educate men on or is it too hot to handle??
Oh I’m one of these girls. I totally love it when guys take charge in bed. Nothing is hotter than a guy that isn’t afraid to throw me up against a wall and kiss me until i can’t breathe. That being said i have no problem when telling a guy its too much either. Tugging on my hair- Fine, Pulling out chunks of it- we have a problem. Spanking me- totally hot! Smacking me across the face- will likely get you a knee to the groin.
I think whats such a turn on for me is the idea that the guy wants me so bad he has to have me. I mean its totally animalistic, back to the days when the caveman knocked woman out and drug them around be their hair. And you are totally right that there are a bunch of assholes out there that can and will take it way to far, and women who will let them.
Elissa´s last blog ..Spring Awakenings
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I have never met a woman that didn’t enjoy this kind of behavior and even more so if the didn’t want to give up the power.
I have to admit too it is a wonderfully exciting conquest to exert sexual dominance.
So what do you think? Should Jack and I write a book about this for men or is a gun in a baby’s hand?
I think you’d be okay with a book because A). You and Jack would write in a way that wouldn’t suggest beating a woman and B). The type of guy who would beat their girlfriends wouldn’t be reading your book.
Elissa´s last blog ..Spring Awakenings
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Excellent, I totally agree with B (and of course A!)
Now all I have to do is convince jack. I think this would be a mind blowing book.
First of all, thanks for the shout out!!
I completely agree: We have to reconcile our animal minds with our rational minds. Sex is the only true playtime we have as adults. Find someone you can trust with whom to role play (I’ll be the lonely housewife, you be the sexy fireman) or get a little animalistic!
People are far too concerned with the linear equation (arousal – penetration – climax) and what others consider “normal.” Vanilla sex is nice most of the time but once in a while… I want to leave a mark.
As far as the loaded gun is concerned, the people I have met who are deep into S&M actually draft agreements to keep from truly crossing either partner’s boundaries.
Miss Alpha´s last blog ..So much for silence
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You are welcome for the shout out!
Glad you agree, it was funny that you brought that up right when Jack and I were discussing it. I think we went round and round for about two hours.
Does anyone remember the movie 9 and a !/2 weeks? It was exactly on this premise and I don’t remember men going into the streets and abusing women after they saw it.
So what do you think? Should Jack and I write a book about this for men or is a gun in a baby’s hand?
I think a book is a great idea! I also think it calls for a woman’s perspective…
Miss Alpha´s last blog ..So much for silence
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are you offering? I don’t know if you are normal enough though!
I am absolutely offering… though I’m a little offended that you think I’m not normal. Hahaha
Miss Alpha´s last blog ..Is there a 12-Step Program for Dating?
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please… you revel in your abnormality
Like it, dude. I get this complaint all the time. Maybe I should get Jack to rough my girls up a bit. Oops, did I just say that out loud?
Fishy´s last blog ..The Sketch
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Let me talk to jack about it, In a pinch I would consider filling in.
It helps to understand that even though we do have access to a deeply primal energy the human ego is what distorts that energy and can turn it into hurt or abuse of another. The energy is primal but the act is not. Only the human ego wishes to dominate or force control over another. This is all based on fear and worry over loss. Animals don’t control like this they flow with nature.
The human heart is loving and kind, especially your partner so the more you access that energy the more you remove the ego dominance the more you can tap into that playful and loving energy in a safe and acceptable way… then the experience is powerful, loving, appreciative and conscious.. just my thoughts.
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I have to say, sorry I totally disagree with this. Animal nature can be very cruel and violent. But that in it’s own way is a beautiful acceptable dance.
I like the very positive views you have and I agree that human nature is essential good.
I question though, can you really flirt with this danger zone in a “playful, safe way” ?? It is a bit contradictory.
It’s easier to think of it as accessing the primal energy does not mean you can’t be both caring and dominate simulataneously.. But yes I agree it is an advanced practice and things that are hurtful you just Never do. But you could tie someone up if she/he was interested and be dominate and still be loving at the same time. The Love holds the animal energy in check. But yes it’s not so easy until you pursue practices such as yoga or meditation to work better with the duality then it’s easier. But harmful, overly controlling of dehumanizing behaviours are always detrimental.
With respect to animals I see animals as being vicious and aggressive but not being cruel. Cruel is something we often do to inflict pain on another for no reason but that. Animals just attack and eat you or dominate for status. That my current feeling anyways.
In summary more beautiful sex in as many ways as possible while caring for both your lover and yourself would be really good for the world.
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I’m confused. Maybe it’s a straight thing. I will re-read while
eating a donut. ;0)
nandoism´s last blog ..Is This Why You’re Still Single?
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I think it is a strait thing but what a donut!
Actually I don’t think this is a strait thing at all. It is about the struggle for sexual dominance.
If you haven’t experienced this yet. Let plan a weekend in Vegas sometime.
Funny, I just watched 9 1/2 weeks for the first time the other day. I’m not sure why I never watched it before, but I loved it. Anyway, one of the things that really struck me about it (no pun intended) was the way that they communicated with each other about what they liked and didn’t like, what their boundaries were, etc (I guess that it was really Kim Basinger’s character that did this, now that I think about it. He was up for anything). She was willing to let him push her “limits,” but she also let him know when he did something she didn’t like. I have to admit that I haven’t had much personal experience with this, and I found it fascinating. The most interesting thing was when she started to tell him no, that she didn’t want to do something (like when he wanted her to get on the floor and crawl), and he kept pushing her…and then it turned it she actually liked it! That kind of confused me. Okay, my point? My point is that I would imagine that communication would be key in these situations. Use your words! If you don’t like something, say so. If you want the person to do something to you, ask for it! Unless that takes away from the experience somehow, of course…please educate me.
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Unfortunately it does take away from the experience.
It’s kinda like planing your own surprise party
Wasn’t 9 1/2 weeks intense? I think I am going to give it another watch and this time with a bottle of baby oil. (my neck hurts)
Cat porno?
Good post because you know me, I like it rough…sometimes. But I think to walk this line both you and your partner need to have an understanding that it is not meant to hurt in a bad way and when it is too much, to make sure to communicate that.
Dating Diva´s last blog ..Relationships Are About Teamwork
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Cat porno!
maybe that would be a good danger word? You know when things get too rough someone can yell out, “CAT PORNO!” that would certainly get my attention.
Yes absolutely – women want this. However, I’m not sure most men are (sorry to sound elitist) self-aware enough to understand the nuances of the details involved in such a primal exchange? Before one can take control of a bedroom (or any other location) sexual situation, one has to be able to control oneself. I am quite sure there are men out there who can, but unfortunately, I’ve met a fair share of them who cannot. Hard to establish that foundation of trust while coupling it with a controlling sexual spontaneity.
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Agreed Hearty-Girl
One more argument for younger girls to date older men. Did I mention my facebook already?
My friends in L.A.’s leather community taught me that they each have their own “safe word.” These are exchanged with the partner at the beginning. If sex includes rougher play, role-playing, B&D, fighting or wrestling, etc. it can be confusing when to stop, because the word “NO” may be used when the person really means they want to keep going. The time to STOP is when the “safe word” is used. You are right, the nuance between playful resistance or fighting back and really wanting someone to stop may be too subtle for people to get in the midst of the excitement. So it is a good idea to have a safe word worked out ahead of time. As long as you trust your partner to stop if you want them to, you can relax and take things further than you might otherwise.
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I would like the opposite, a trigger word that would let my girl know I want her to beat the shit out of me.
I tried some of this with a hot chick I’ve known for years. Unfortunately, I also told her she has a cloying voice recently and that didn’t go over well. I’m aged, 53 and she is a lot younger and very pretty. How do I fix this or am I just too old to play games anymore. don’t want to look like a fool.
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Very good post. Um, I’m horny now…
…Seriously though, you’re right, I wish more people were adventurous in bed. I also think its weird how people seem to be either full on kinks with watersports and cigarette lighters, or stuck in missionary. People just don’t explore and discover their own boundaries, and turn ons.
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