The saying came from somewhere!
Continued from part one 25 reason why he is not going to ask you to marry him
14. He is a guy – If you are married, you are one of the lucky ones. I hate to say it but most guys I know refer to getting married as temporary insanity. (Many women I know feel this way too) I know this is biased but having the perfect marriage is something most men just don’t dream about as often as waitress over at TGI Fridays. (That is the second time I have mentioned her… maybe I need to pursue this?)
15. Marriage is jail – An old friend (no longer) who has been married to his wife for almost three years, likens his marriage to Jail. He wrote a post for me here, Marrige and death, a married man’s point of view. He hates marriage so much that he verbally and emotionally tortures his wife, he is so abusive that it shocks me she stays. Do you really want to be a cell mate with a guy that punishes you daily, thinking you tricked him into this jail? (You might want to read his post and then leave a NASTY comment but unfortunately only I would get it)
16. You aren’t sexy enough – before you bristle at this, let me explain that this really is more his problem than yours. He most likely is using this as an excuse to not take the relationship to the next level. Even if you were to get a boob job, ass job and a offer a life time of hand jobs, it wont matter. He wants something that doesn’t exist, a woman to melt his fear.
17. You are too nice – If the closest he gets to proposing is when he has finished a bottle of Jack, you might be too nice. I know you are focusing like mad on being so sweet and kind so he will get this hint but this isn’t going to work! In fact, it probably is currently backfiring. Drink a little of that Jack yourself and gather up the guts to MOVE ON.
18. You haven’t been together that long – I had only been with this girl for two months when she told me that she thought I was, “The One!” My mind immediately pictured Keanu Reeves in the Matrix and I thought, “Yeah… that would be cool.” Two seconds later I snapped out of my guy fantasy and realized what she meant. So I focused my matrix powers and ignored her until she went away.
19. His/your parents don’t approve – “Oyasuminasai!” (Have a good night!) I said in Japanese at her mother while she aggressively ignored me and crawled away on a broken leg, and slammed her bedroom door! (Seriously she did this) I really loved this girl but I could NEVER marry into a family that couldn’t handle the fact that I was a foreigner. I imagined meals in bitter silence while her family silently rebuked her for marrying a gaijin. Screw that, if I wanted that kind of misery I would be friends with Moxie. (Inside joke)
20. You asked him to marry you – There is a fine line between hinting and forcing. You do need to lay down the law with some guys that refuse to let go of their forever bachelor fantasies but laying it down the wrong way can back fire. I recently saw this with some friends of mine, she demanded marriage after one year, only to find out that her best friend was preggers with his baby. A year later her married the best friend, ouch… (Maybe this story doesn’t illustrate my point well?)
21. Was married before and it was BAD – Ironically, I think I know more women that feel this way than men. Clearly it wasn’t marriage’s fault but he/she has that association now. Kinda like when you were a little kid and stuck your finger in an outlet for the first time. If not, go try it now, I will wait… Want to deprogram this? Good luck… if it works tell me and I will apply your technique to my neighbor’s incessantly barking dog.
22. You are “Angry girl!” – Why doesn’t he want to get married? because he is afraid! This fear could have many sources but one might be your anger. The thought of tying the knot with a woman that will emotionally flog him the rest of his life might be a little scary. Solution? Get him into S&M and train him to, “SHUT UP AND EAT IT!”
23. Its been 5 years what’s another 5? – This one is insidiously simple and something a lot of couples get caught in. They simply get too comfortable and if it ain’t broke, why fix it? I know you have been patient for an amazing 5 years but jeeze… if you are this much of a weakling I am sure you will put up with five more, right? This is a grave that you dug for yourself, so don’t complain that it stinks!
24. You or he is/are still married – This one always surprises me. Seen it enough times and it still blows my mind. My friend’s brother is having an affair with a married woman and… SHE is pressuring him for marriage! But she is already married!? Does she view marriage like job security? To top it off, he is married too. Personally I think they should give their spouses a chance to find a “new job” as well. (This one plays out in about a month and I am excited to here how badly it goes!)
25. Another woman is stopping him – This one is not what you might think. A very close friend of mine hasn’t slept with, or been physically close to his wife in 6 years. (This was her choice) He became very lonely and met someone he loves very much. He really wants to marry his girlfriend of 4 years but… he doesn’t do it. Why? Not because of his wife but because of his daughter! Of course, this is just an excuse, the truth is my friend is simply afraid. He has been beat up by his controlling wife and is terrified to do the right thing. You would think that when people reach their 50’s that they would be wise, but conditioning is a bitch.
Did I miss anything??? I would be stoked if you added to this list.
My friend Tina wrote a post about this the same day! Actually, she might have given me the idea to write it. =) Go visit her post on Why he wont marry me.
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{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
One to add, when he looks at you he sees his mother. You are cooking, cleaning, doing his laundry, expecting him to check in, checking up on him and asking him a million questions as to where, who and what has he been doing. Men really don’t want to marry their mothers.
Great Article!!! Too funny!
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Really? I always assumed that most men married their mothers!
Ugh. But then some of them expect you to do the cooking, cleaning, pickup after them, etc. So in essence they are MAKING you their mother!
I really like this series. It has given me a lot of thought. I was with my ex-husband 5 years before we got married (living together most of it). We were also quite young, so I was fine with it for most of the time. But you’re right in that living together like that made the actual act of getting married kind of reduntant relationship wise (well, you do get to have a big party with all your friends and relatives plus gifts/money. Oh, and tax/legal purposes). He was also afraid to get married because of what happened with his parents. But he ended up getting over his fear and being the one not wanting to give up on the marriage in the end. Oh, the irony.
Anyway, I’ve learned. Next time I’m not moving in unless I have to. I’ve always thought the ideal would be to have 2 separate houses next door to each other.
lifebeginsat30ty´s last blog ..FB shall bring the world together
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Two separate houses! I have heard that so many times.
And people wonder why I don’t want to get married.
Glad you liked this. I wasn’t sure how it would be received since a lot of my humor/observations seem negative.
But you could still be married. Just live in two separate houses. But close enough you could see each other when you wanted without too much effort. I think it’s perfect.
lifebeginsat30ty´s last blog ..FB shall bring the world together
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How about a duplex?
A friend of mine proposed to her Boyfriend of 5 years and we all told her it was a bad idea. He had told her he was going to do it soon anyways (granted he had been saying that for several months…). But she still wanted to do it and she pressured him all the time about it, especially since almost all her female friends were either engaged or married (in the South if you are female and aren’t married or engaged by 25 you are practically a spinster). Eventually on New Years Eve he proposed but only because “it was convenient”- he picked her ring out of a catalog and his parents gave him the money for it. I’m just waiting to see how this turns out.
Elissa´s last blog ..Overly Protective?
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It blows my mind that any women would propose to a man. Talk about chaffing at the bit!
Yeah… That ain’t gonna last long!
Ya I think your next series should be ‘25 reasons why YOU shouldn’t marry HIM’
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that is a great idea!
Just got a Q from a woman that is concerned about marrying her BF. Interesting idea!
I like this series…have you heard of a book called “A Little Bit Married”? It’s about how people in their twenties usually have “trial marriages” where they have long-term partners for a few years before they eventually get married (or not) for various reasons…like, they are still not ready to “grow up”, they want to keep options open for moving, traveling, etc., and they are scared of marriage becuase their parents divorced. Anyway, the book talks about how people WANT the emotional/ physical/ financial benefits of marriage but don’t really care to make it official. Anyway, it’s interesting.
P.S. Totally agree with you on #24. WTF?
Kelly Seal´s last blog ..Online dating meets social networking…
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Sounds like an interesting book. Did they say when I would finally “grow up” and be ready?
24 is messed up but how many times have we all seen it?? I really think this is shitty and I hope it crashes and burns as badly as they deserve!
I think you need to do a series on: Why He Doesn’t Put in Any Effort to Court You and Why He Doesn’t Call You and Why He Calls You All the Time But Takes Forever to Ask You on a Date…I could go on and on. LOL.
And what is this about TGI Friday’s girl? What happened to the girl you’ve been seeing for a few months? Did I miss something?
Dating Diva´s last blog ..Dating Story in the Making (I hope)
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If there actually was a TGI fridays out here you might have a case.
Naw, I was just on the phone with her a little while ago. Talking about my evil step mother.
I want a post on that topic! but what the hell are the keywords???
Ooh! Ooh! I know the answer to this one! *raises hand like the teacher’s pet I am*
6 simple words: He’s just not that into you.
I would still like to hear Mike’s opinion on it though
lifebeginsat30ty´s last blog ..Thursday confessional: I suck at flirting
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I concur – just not that into you… it happens to everyone.
Princess T´s last blog ..Speed Dating (Part 2) – the dates
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Damn-it
Now I have to answer
I know DD personally and I it is very possible that they guy is not into her but I think the real problem is that DD scares men.
Don’t want to get myself in trouble with my friend so I won’t say anymore!
Scares men because she is confident and pretty? Hmm. That may be it. That’s what you were going to say, right Mike?
Dating Diva´s last blog ..Funny Dating Profile Titles
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After reading this post, I can’t help but feel shocked anyone gets married!
what causes a guy to get married? Is it just for the tax break? I’d love to see you post some reasons why men do get married 
Thanks for the post!
“Predictable But Fun”´s last blog ..When Technology and Love Say: Comeback
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Re: No. 16. Hey, looks matter. If a girl gains 10 lbs in a relationship while you’re dating, most guys (quite correctly) assume that there will be another 20 more after we say “I do.”
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OH come on….if a girl gains 10 pounds while dating but it’s OK for him to gain weight. I swear guys have such double standards that they themselves do not live by but expect the girl to fulfill all of their qualities.
Give me a break. We overlook your imperfections because we love you. What’s funny is most men don’t realize HOW quickly another man can snatch up their unwanted goods.
Men don’t commit becuse they just dont! There’s no special formula to run through it’s just because they dont’ want to AND for the most Part marriage\proposal is All about them and their TIME LINE has nothing to do with anything else. So MOM’s stop raising MOMMA’s boys and babying them. Raise them like you do your daughters to be self reliate, to take care of themseleves maybe just maybe we will have a World OF MEN and NOT boys!
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I love buttons and they are even more fun to push!
Hahaha.
I avoided that one a bit!
Already got yelled at about not wanting to raise another mans child.
Mike masters´s last blog ..25 reasons why he WONT ask you to marry him – Part 2
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I love the part 2 list even more than part 1. The Matrix and being “the one” and the S&M and training him had me laughing so hard.
As someone who recently celebrated my 16th wedding anniversary, I have to say that I totally disagree with marriage being jail. Of course, I do know women who want to make it like jail by never letting their men have any space or do anything by themselves.
Being married is wonderful, but it requires work to keep a marriage alive. I think that turns people off and many choose to remain single rather than put the work in that marriage would require.
Tina t´s last blog ..Why Won’t He Marry Me?
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I’m a girl, and I read the first half last week and the second half just today. For the past several days, I’ve been thinking about the first half of the list, and now I know why I will most likely never marry my current boyfriend. I feel much the same as several of the items on your list. It’s unsettling, but I can’t see myself breaking up with him even if I don’t see myself with him forever. It’s giving me tremendous guilt to think about staying with him when I don’t feel that strongly about him anymore. Am I turning into a guy?
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Btw, I’ve been married before and was the one who initiated the divorce because I was incredibly unhappy and lonely. I’m not sure so it was my ex husband now, as much as it is that I will never be happy and not lonley.
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You are not a guy but you probably are more comfortable in the male role. I imagine you are usually the one to leave the relationship. What to do? Probably get out, people like you (and me) tend to date people not up to our standards for multiple reasons (avoiding marriage, lack of choice, enjoy the power, etc) but it really isn’t fair to the other person. This is why, at this juncture in my life I am very much single.
I wouldn’t be surprised if more women felt the way you do. We are all humans, having similar feeling and sharing similar sexual roles.
Thanks so much!! I just realized it is time for me to move on!! This guy I have been nothing but loving& patient to was previously trapped into marrying his ex cause she was pregnant & then they divorced & then he had some cokehead he was engaged to. So, I realized I am too good for him. He wants someone inferior & most of all, his family disliked me since I am Brazilian and not all white Norweigan like them!! Fuck it!! Im glad that I found this site!! I also forgot , after I was generous with him on his birthday & Christmas, I got no presents..not even a card!!!
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why he WONT ask you to marry him ?
Uhmmm…………..because he has a brain, and actually uses it.
State sanctioned marriage is really an oxymoron, providing leaches
and parasites so-called “legalities” to steal, rob and pychologically
torture the unsuspecting dupes they lure into their trap.
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