Rejection sucks but ask him out anyway!
Question from a reader
i am having problem after problem with the guy i have it really bad for, lets call him bryan, and i was wondering if you could help me out. maybe it would help you to know im still in high school? i try to follow all your texting advice btw (My texting advice kicks ass – Mike)
first- 2 (possibly 3) of his close friends already have crushes on me and one likes to make pervy jokes about me. bryan is veryyyy quiet and has yet to text me first. i usually text for a purpose (happy new year, what was the italian homework etc) do i just need to give him more time or should i attempt to just ask whats up one day?
so anyway… i really reallyyy like him and i guess i sorta just need a little advice on “getting the guy to ask me out” to put it bluntly. i guess im just wondering if you have any advice on any of those things.
the only problem is he knows 2 of his close friends already have crushes on me is it worth attempting to get him to ask me out when it will put him in the position of i guess betraying those 2 friends? i would feel really bad to try to put him in that position especially because I’m friends with the people too. so is there anything i can do about that?
thanks
Sabrina
Funny that you should send me this now, I am actually working on a series of posts about how to ask a guy out. In general I tell women to avoid doing this like I avoid stepping on dog shit while jogging but… (sigh) I keep getting the question and I guess it is about time I answer it.
First, are his friends an obstacle to asking him out?
You think his friends are possibly holding him back from seeking out something more from you, or dating him might alienate his friends. I really wouldn’t worry about this, it is possible that he is concerned about this but I really doubt it. When a guy is into a girl he will kill friendships and start wars to be with her. Although, this is probably not an issue, you are just flirting with these other guys and he probably doesn’t take it nearly as seriously as you do the attention.
So to be clear, don’t worry about the friend’s, he and they will get over it very quickly if things work out. Just don’t talk about it, drama creates drama and the ignored always disappears.
How does a high school girl ask a guy out?
The nice thing is that you have already gotten the tough part over with. The two of you are talking and he sounds comfortable with you. The only thing that concerns me is that you are always the one to initiate conversation. This could be just a clueless a guy thing or he could not be that into you. Lets assume that he is into you because assuming the best often make it so.
The easiest/safest way to get a guy to ask you out, is to not let him know you are doing it!
About 60 years ago when I was in high school, I would get asked by girls to do things that seem rather innocuous. I really had no clue what was going on and often it worked out for the girl. I would ask them out and all was good, only years later did I realize that asking her out was never MY idea.
Some simple things you can do to encourage him to ask you out:
- Ask him to study together (This is an easy one)
- Meet friends together (Not so intimate but you can at least talk to him a few times)
- Need help with something (I am trying not to say something sexual)
- Ask for advice (helps if it is long and you can be alone)
- Offer him help with something (fix his car? give him a make over?)
This is kinda like a mini date to see if the two of you have what it takes. It seems innocent enough and he probably won’t know what your intentions. This give you a chance to see it you really do like this guy and at the same time it encourages him to take things to the next level. Even if he is not aware, his subconscious is, and it is very curious about you.
Why not be strait forward about asking a guy out?
Well you could be and many girls are successful at this, but it sends a lot of the wrong messages since this is usually the guys role. It is possible to do this but you have to be uber confident and able to handle a little rejection. Not only that but you have to be very good at knowing what you want since girls that ask guys out often end up with sex but no relationship.
If I were a girl I would be just like my friend Sharon, who asks out and dates millionaires, NBA ball players and FBI agents. She is bad ass… Hopefully I will get her to answer this question too.
I know I didn’t give a full answer here but I will in the next few posts!
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
I was in a relationship once where I constantly had to ask the guy out. He would call me all of the time, but always left it up to me to suggest going out. It was incredibly frustrating. Recently when I started dating a guy who would just constantly text me and sometimes call, but never would go out with me unless I was the one to ask…I decided I would not repeat the same mistake and just stopped communicating with him. Although I just asked a guy out on a date…but that has more to do with him being shy than anything else.
Your advice to Sabrina is good since she is not directly asking for a date and it will help her determine if he is really interested in her.
Dating Diva´s last blog ..Pseudo Date 2
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Thanks babe!
I really want to go into more detail about why she shouldn’t be direct but I am trying to restrain myself!!
It’s important to remember a couple things – namely, that teenage boys aren’t known for being the kindest and most tactful of people. I would say that no matter what you do, go ahead and assume that at first, he is going to tell his friends everything you say and do.
If you ask him out and he says yes, you’re going to be thrilled. If he says no, it will probably ten years to be proud of yourself for having the guts to do it.
If you are serious about this guy, you need to stop texting his friends so much. Draw lines and stand by them. He might be holding back from being interested in you because he doesn’t want to cross a line with his friends.
Also, most guys don’t want to hook up with a girl who might hook up with his friends, if she hasn’t already.
Mike, the hot dog and bun illustration is GENIUS.
Natalie´s last blog ..who is doing what and what’s going on where
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Natalie
That is an awesome answer, I wish I wrote it!
Isn’t the picture great? I wish I made it but it was exactly what I was looking for.
This is the best dating advice site ever. I am glad to be able to contribute.
Natalie´s last blog ..i don’t want to talk about sex, but i might anyway. or not. okay, I do.
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Wow… What can I say to that but hell yeah!!
damn thank you so much!!
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And what about asking a guy to study together?
Does that still show my poker hand and will reveal that i like him? I don’t want to be too obvious or too active.. but i want to show him he has green light
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Hey, I hate texting! I hate when guys don’t text and I hate it when they text to much haha you cant win
This guy I like has text me first twice now, Can I give in and send him a lil text to show that I am interest???!! Hes not the texty kind of guy
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I am a sophmore and always ask ppl out with notes. im gonna ask out this guy ive crushed on for 2 yrs tomorrow. we pretend flirt and make pervy jokes. i hope thats a good sign. -sigh- notes work because i find it much harder to say no out loud. idk. wish me luck.
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