Dude!!! turn around!!!
When I was an English teacher in Japan (yeah I know a lot of my posts start off this way) I taught all levels of ability. Some students were so low that, “Hello… my name Keisuke, you cool guy!” was the max I could get out of them. To encourage students, most teaching programs had a series of levels that they would progress up. Japanese students called this “leveling up”
Leveling up with guys
In Japan the foreign guys often date the Japanese girls, “of course” you say, but this isn’t simple. First, foreign guys often can’t speak Japanese so they need a girl that can speak English, something a bit rare. Second, because there is very little accountability, the guys (and girls) are rather promiscuous. This creates a very interesting dating microcosm. A tight population of about 50 people, who are all swapping fluids, to chlamydia and gonorrhea’s delight.
The STI’s are not the point, only an interesting side effect of such an incestuous group. The other side effect is something I never would have considered. To my surprise the girls seemed to accept this sexual leap frog and at the same time they would constantly be trying to “level up.”
A friend of mine brought my attention to this before I noticed it myself. “See her? See how she looked at the guy that just walked in? Look, look! Do you see her stare at him? She totally wants to level up!” my buddy commented. He appeared to be right since she looked totally uncomfortable with boyfriend of the month and kept stealing glances at the new addition to the bar. After he pointed this out it was painfully obvious, both the guys and girls always looking for a new better rung to climb in their limited supply of dating fodder.
This was not a normal situation at all and being so odd it concentrated human behavior that I previously didn’t think was so powerful. I believe the human tendency to constantly find a better mate I think is pretty hard wired into the system, especially if one perceives that there is no permanence to the relationship.
Growing up
I thought about this post today while sitting on the patio talking to a girl I enjoy. I realized that I am relatively free of the need to constantly find a sexier, prettier, smarter girl. I finally feel comfortable enough in my own skin to not need the most outrageously hot girl to adorn it. Not only do I feel comfortable but I subconsciously limit my temptations. I think I finally understand that there is always potentially “better” out there, but I choose to ignore it and stop chasing my damn tail. (or someone else’s)
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I grew up in a Pacific island near Japan and the situation was a little different, but equally complex. Due to the large non-resident workforce, which was largely composed of women, here were far, far more women than there were men–to the extent that a while the island had the most insane female to male ratio in the world, according to the CIA Factbook.
As a result of the variety and the fact that many women were foreign workers desirous of a green card, men had their pick and could get anything they wanted. To stay in the game, the rest of the women on island became incredibly promiscuous, far more aggressive and likely to engage in acts that their counterparts back in the U.S. would hesitate to undertake.
I’ll put it this way: there’s a damn good reason they call them the Sex Islands.
There is a passage in John Bowe’s book Nobodies about it that I’ll never forget:
It wasn’t so much about trading up in this case as it was about gorging on an ever-changing, always available menu. Needless to say, it’s taken me a while understand that relationships are not about securing terrain in a perpetual war against the insurgent wiles of other women and that many men much prefer playing the aggressor in entanglements.
Having said that… I do rather appreciate the abilities this course in survival of the most pleasurable has bestowed.
Now a question for you: I want to review your texting book for my site. Can you contact me in regard to attaining a press copy? I’d really appreciate it.
AV Flox´s last blog ..Failed Bomber Was Plagued by Desire
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Are you saying you might be finally settling down??
This is an interesting post, I do see it happening now more then ever in the US (the leveling up). I think it might be important for both boys and girls as it helps determine and find what you want in a long term mate. But on the other hand there is possibly a fine line with this tactic, the down fall of STD’s and never stopping this leveling up process which may lead others to think this to be psychotic behavior.
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Me settle down???
Naw… I just don’t have that constant itch to try to sleep with every girl I lay eyes on.
Thank god that finally left. Now I can finally get stuff done!
I think as with anything in life, as we go through various experiences, we get hurt, learn and become stronger, hence why we always seek out someone or something better.
The answer varies to each person in terms of what is better.
thomas´s last blog ..Not paying back loans considered theft
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