Maybe it is time to move on
This is a continuation click here for part one of how do I fall out of love
3. Moving on
Eventually you are going to move on and that memory that used to send you into crying fits will make you smile at your past weakness. This happens to anyone given the right amount of time but as I said before we need to accelerate the process!
Forgiveness and surrender
This is a gift that you give yourself and him. The sooner one can do this the sooner the pain will dissipate. I know it is hard but you must realize that if you were in his shoes you would have done the same thing. You must surrender to the fact that you cannot control the situation. You don’t have your fingers on the mouse button of life directing where you want your surfing to go.
Life has as much control over you as you exert on it and you must accept that this is a good thing. He had good reasons for not feeling the same way and you must be a student of this. Maybe it is time to let him go and forgive him for the wrongs he has committed. Maybe it is time to forgive yourself for your perceived sins as well. Maybe it is time to move on…
Push him away to get him to come back
I cant tell you how many times I have let someone run only to have them boomerang back to me. They thought that the relationship was not working and they ran, instead of fighting it I applied my relationship judo. This of course is a huge power move, since the dog that is not chased soon stops running. Letting someone go is often all you need do to get them to come back but there is one difficult key to this success.
YOU MUST BE WILLING TO LOSE THEM, this means that you cannot let someone go with strings or expectations attached. The most effective way is to surrender to the river (see my personal development post on this topic) and allow what is to unfold without any personal agenda. About 50% of the time the one you love will come back to you but you must be willing to lose them 100% for this to work.
Time heals
So many times in life I have wanted a fast forward button. However I was always wrong to think so, learning the low lessons are almost as rewarding as the high peaks. I wouldn’t want to miss a minute of my incredible life and if you don’t feel the same I pray you seek out happiness more aggressively!
Time is something that dulls the pain but without it we wouldn’t learn the lesson. So does this mean that if we get the lesson we heal faster? YES ABSOLUTELY!! Don’t waste time rolling around in your depression, ask yourself what this relationship had to teach you and embrace it no matter how painful it might be. The sooner you “get it” the sooner you will be able to heal and move on to the next challenge in life since after all what is life but a series of challenges that we must overcome on a constant basis?
Allow time to heal that wound but at the same time realize you have the mental medicine to speed it along.
What not to do
I am embarrassed to say that I have done many of these things or had them done to me. They are all a bit silly but we have all gone mildly insane in the face of a lost love.
Threaten to commit suicide
Has happened to me about 3 times, only once did it extend the relationship. We lasted another 3 months until she finally realized that I was terrified of her. When she left me I was in a state of extreme relief.
Burn all your photos and unfriend him on facebook
No matter how much you are in pain now you will still want to keep the memoires. Unless he was abusive I imagine you will reach a point were you will look at old photos with a smile. As for faceobook? Just click the X in the right hand corner of his updates to not receive his comments for a while. This at least will allow you to ignore him.
Kill him so no one else can have him
Definitely an option.
Kill yourself so the pain will stop
Hey, suicide can be down right romantic and the thought of him suffering over your death delicious. Unfortunately though it is a very selfish, cowardly and unacceptable thing to do. Life was given to you as a gift and if you think you can squander it over such trivial things than you don’t deserve it.
Drink your brains out
Definitely my choice if I didn’t have this awful do-gooder streak in me. Sometimes I wish I could be the drunken homeless man sleeping behind the dumpster at Starbucks because I don’t have the courage to face life.
Then I remember that I do and of course so do you.
Preventative measures
I have said many times that your exs are your teachers. Did you learn the lesson? So many of us are tied up so deeply in our own selfish pain that we don’t realize there is something to learn. Don’t blame him for not being what you desired. Instead take responsibility for your part of the relationship failure and apply it to the next one.
If you are left hanging and the only one seemingly in love after he bailed you need to do some serious thinking on the question…
Why didn’t you see this coming?
Come check out another post I wrote in response to a reader needed to move on from a break up
{ 1 trackback }
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m not sure I agree with “you must realize that if you were in his shoes you would have done the same thing.” I’ve had exes that would break up with me to control me (ex: if you don’t do this, I will dump you) and that led to a lot of confusion and angst.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I think you should read some of my posts on responsibility! http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/2009/05/05/are-you-responsible-for-him-treating-you-bad/
If a guy tries to manipulate you then you should not be in that relationship! It is your fault that you would put up with such behavior. If you don’t like it get out immediately and find someone that would never treat you that way.
The key is to have so much respect for yourself that any behavior like that becomes immediately unacceptable
=) You do have some inspiring words…I feel like it was written for me, good timing… I think this is only the 3rd post of yours i’ve ever read! But it definately caught my eye, because, well, stupid me fell in Love. But it really helped, it’s been a month, still super bummed… but i’ll definately take your advice and hopefully shorten the healing process. Thanks Buddy!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Late replyyy lol. Hey thanks for sending me a *sneakpeek* of this before postingg. Man did I feel special haha.
Anyway, this might be a completely 180 from a few days ago, but I’ve realised everything was a complete misunderstanding, and that rough period didn’t mean what I thought it meant, so I’m no gonna end it with him. It’s going good now ^_^ well better than good, greatt. I’ll keep this post in mind just incase I’ll need it in the far far far off future.
Arigatou <3
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Well damn…
That was a waste of a post!! Damn it Lily make sure you are on the rocks next time before you ask me a question!
I’ve already told you that my preferred method was always remembering his bad traits. When people break up, it is the heart’s fondness for the good memories that holds us back from moving forward. What is truly interesting about this is, once we’ve moved on, the bad memories (unless traumatic) are actually the first memories that our brain gets rid of when it is consolidating space.
An example of this is women and childbirth. For the first several months, you remember the pain in excruciating detail, but later, you remember it being painful, but not exactly what was painful about it. Eventually, you may decide to have another child because your mind wipes away bad memories first. It’s why you can look back on some really nasty relationships fondly.
Jillian´s last blog ..That’s my boy
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
“What not to do:
Drink your brains out
Definitely my choice if I didn’t have this awful do-gooder streak in me. Sometimes I wish I could be the drunken homeless man sleeping behind the dumpster at Starbucks because I don’t have the courage to face life.
Then I remember that I do and of course so do you.”
How about smoking my brains out? Probably better for your (my) liver and certainly lower in calorie count.
I’m probably missing the big picture here…
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Well I guess it depends on what you are smoking, how much and for how long…
Hi Mike,
I’m new to your site but i found it after having recently left my ex – no real choice of mine to be honest. Your blogs are great – upfront and honest and you have a pretty quirky sense of humour. Love the ‘what not to do’ advice particularly wrt not threatening to commit suicide (not one i have brandished but i knpw many ladies who have). Seems even more ridiculous in black and white. Anyway, keep on writing!
Moon
Like or Dislike:
0 
0