casual sex is dangerous!
The myth of Casual sex
When I was in college I was infamous for what I called “the disclaimer”. This was something I told all girls I was involved with; it went something like this… “I think you are very cool and I like you but I am not interested in a relationship right now. If that is what you are looking for I wouldn’t suggest going out with me, ever…” This sounded pretty strait forward but I would always be confused when it wouldn’t work and shocked when things would turn into a bigger mess than sex on black sheets.
All I wanted was a little lovin’
I think I was at the apex of my promiscuity in college and like most guys I was very interested in being involved with as many women as possible! There are exceptions to the rule but most guys that have the guts to approach and make friends with women are also very interested in bedding absolutely every attractive girl they meet. (sorry about that)
The major obstacle to this conquest is that guys really don’t want to be bastards yet they are so strongly driven sexually. What to do? Lie? Or tell the truth? but most guys don’t even know what the truth is!
I was one of the ones that knew the truth and told it. I would warn girls to stay away from me, which of course delightfully backfired
The lying bastard
Unfortunately some guys aren’t honest about what they want and really screw it up for everyone. They offer themselves up as relationship kind of guys because they think the only way to get sex is to lie. This kind of guy gets caught every time and becomes more and more of an elaborate liar to maintain the facade. He is the one that is romantic but a little bit suspicious… Just like the Wes on the bachelorette! (I have to admit I really hated that guy… but the guy the ratted on him, what a moron!)
Being one of of the honest ones is frustrating!
I have nearly hung up my hat on casual dating/sex. I am painfully honest but this does not seem to be the answer! it is incredibly frustrating to lay out the rules of the game only to have them horrible misunderstood by the girl. I understand why but I still grind my teeth a little at all you women out there. I am on your side but I swear… I think I would rather masturbate most of the time.
What is going on??
Girls know what is going on in their heads so much more than guys except when sex is involved, it has taken me 15 years just to understand this one question. Why would a girl enter a casual sexual relationship only to change her needs radically as things continue?? Leaving me asking, what the hell just happened?
Should you say yes to casual sex?
We all want to be liked and we all are somewhat horny! I think it is relatively normal for someone to be up for a joyride every once in a while. If handed the keys to a nice car who wouldn’t want to keep in their garage? If the salesman told you that it was only possible to drive in on Friday nights you might initially say yes but later one would be frustrated and almost disgusted that it was not yours. So the question is should you drive it in the first place?
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My guess about why the women enter the casual sex fling with you and change their minds is because they think they can handle that. Then as they get to know you more, they probably fall in love with your honesty (great personality, blah blah blah), they probably think that if they could “change” your mind (u no how we do), you would be a great mate because they know you will keep it real with them.
Funny that you should ask if “we” are a bit nutty when men(boys) are the ones lying to ‘use’ womens’ body’s as if we aren’t living, breathing, human beings. Not to mention how all of these lies cause many of us to end up with trust issues.
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^The secret is that we can sleep with you a few times without feeling swindled. After that it starts to become difficult. So if you are serious you have to cut it off after the first few romps; don’t expect a chick to be your fun time once a week for months on end.
We have better things to do (or more potentially reliable men to pursue) and sleeping with you, despite your disclaimers, saps our energy to do other things.
So if you honestly do not want a relationship with a woman, cut the sexual fun short. You can’t expect the kind of intimacy that comes with repeat banging outside of a relationship; this is the sacrifice you make for your continued freedom.
There’s nothing wrong with staying uninvolved, really. But when you want repeat performances from a woman you ask too much, without giving enough in return.
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Excellent comments!
Do other people agree with Jennie?
So a girl wouldn’t feel swindled if he just disappeared? I have a hard time believing that.
Well Mike, it sounds to me like you’re busy playing games instead of having relationships-sexual or other. You have to expect that dating younger women is going to bring with it misunderstandings. Young people don’t have the experience and/or maturity to deal with the kind of intense relationships we experience now-a-days. Older women may be more boring but that’s where your (men’s) immaturity comes into play and really, if you can’t find a 30 something fun woman, you’re not looking in the right places. Mature women know a player when they see one, they don’t screw around with one unless they want to. And yes, if you want to continue eating at the buffet, don’t be taking the girl out on dates or implying future rendezvous. I’ve had to stone wall my share of guys that want more after a one nighter and it blows my mind when they don’t get the hint-after all, it is a play right out of the guys playbook. Women like the hard to get guy just as much as men like the hard to get girl. Men who label themselves as unavailable is an ultimate conquest for a woman-no wonder women were trying to get more out of you. Word of advice, stop playing games and just “be” and watch out for that cradle robbing-it’ll screw you every time, pun not intended.
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What are you talking about Kat? What does your comment have to do with the article? and clearly you have not read enough posts if you have made those assumptions about my character. Don’t forget that I don’t write this site for guys or to tell stories. It is written for women to find greater happiness in relationships by understanding men better.
I suggest that you comment a little more thoughtfully in the future and choose the correct post next time.