Don't lend money to that Joker!!
I am a dipshit
One of the stupider things I have ever done, besides getting married in Vegas, was to get a joint credit card… (with the same girl of course) Obviously I will never ever ever ever do this again. At the time I was injecting heavily with love-heroin and was drooling mad. My girlfriend thought she needed a CC and I thought that in my vast financial wisdom I could trust her. Does this make any sense?? I mean… even a 12 year old would know not to do this right?? Clearly I didn’t and next thing you know I am the proud owner of a 10,000 dollar CC debt along with… DRUM ROLL! a break up. I never got the money back and it took over 8 years to finally remove the debt.
Crashed my beautiful motorcycle
I like to ride motorcycles and when I was 24 I had a pretty nice bike. It was an older Indian cycle that I rebuilt the engine on. I hadn’t spent excessive money on it but I put in a lot of time and the bike was a bit of a classic. A friend of mine asked me if he could borrow my bike for the weekend, I reluctantly said okay. “Sure you can use my bike, but if you crash it you pay for it!” I said in a way that meant I was too much of a pussy to say no. Unfortunately, John didn’t bother to tell me that he had never ridden a bike before. I just assumed that a fat ass, with tattoos and a goatee knew how to ride a motorcycle!! I guess not…
Motorcyclists have a saying, “you have either laid it down or are going to lay it down.” This simply means that everyone crashes, everyone… John’s tattoo and goatee borrowed confidence allowed him to crash the very first day riding. Causing about $1000 bucks damage to my bike. Did he pay me back? Nope, he choose to kill the friendship instead, saying it was my fault for allowing a first time rider out. What the F???
He owes his landlord 200,000!
I have a friend of mine that is really cool but has some guy troubles… She is a single mom and has been seeing the same guy for a while now. This guy, strangely enough is… Her roommate!!! (Bad bad bad!!) Her son apparently does not know about it…?? Really?? She has lent this guy a lot of money over the years. A LOT OF MONEY… (200,000 plus!) The relationship has gone south over the last six months and my friend wants out but… She wants her money back! So, she stays in the relationship and is treated very poorly by this guy. He most likely wants out too but… the money is keeping them together and unhappy. Wow… what a mess. (if you got time, give her an answer to this. She has heard it from me but it might help to hear what other women think)
Don’t gamble with your partner
It only takes a minuscule amount of searching to find someone that has gone through a TOTAL nightmare of a divorce. The two of them fighting tooth and nail for every last scrap of ego and rightness. If this kind of relationship explosion can occur to a couple that have said the words “till death to us part” what makes you think that he wont go wonky on your ass tomorrow??
When I asked the question on twitter, “is it okay to lend your BF money” a lot of people said it depends on how long your have been dating. Ahhh… No?
Don’t lend, GIVE, if it comes back it is a blessing
Very simple concept… Don’t lend what you cannot afford to lose. Can you afford to have your friend crash the car you lent them? The tent your boyfriend will accidentally melt in the campfire?? The 4,000 your fiancé needs for his business because he can’t make rent? Is it justified? Hell no! Unless you are willing to lose it all, don’t even consider it.
- Don’t allow your fear of the word NO affect your decisions
- Wanting his/her approval by lending them $ is a BAD idea
- Some guys/girls are just users. They learned it from mom and dad. Now they are transferring it to you. Don’t allow it.
- One more time, DON’T Lend. Give, and feel thankful if it comes back to you.
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
you know…. If you “lend” money inside a relationship… then you go on Judge Judy because you broke up and and you want your $$$ back, she will ask you if you were having sex… when you reply “Yes”…. she throws your ass out!
Food For Thought… get a written agreement! ha! Notorized and all!!!!
Like or Dislike:
1 
0
Well said Mike, when it comes to dating you better know the person you are dealing with.
The problem arises because the guy thinks he is being a “nice guy” so he will lend her the money.
But really, can you afford to lose that money? If she can’t help herself right now, how will she ever pay you back?
Consider writing up a contract.
These are questions to consider.
Oh and joint anything is a bad idea, I would consider it if I was married only. I mean not only do you have to worry about the account from your stand point but also the other person, so its like babysitting.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
You were married?????
You are right on the money (no pun intended) with this. It goes for boyfriends/girlfriends, friends and even relatives. Give it as a gift. Don’t expect it back. Too many experiences with this one. Once married, joint credit is good, until of course when your spouse is in the manic phase and you have to shred his cards. Or he neglects to write the use of the atm card in the book. Now, when hubby needs to go somewhere and use the ATM card, he has to use mine and bring it right back and write it in the checkbook. Guess what my ATM card looks like? It’s white, with pink polka dots and a big Hello Kitty. Yup. Some people just don’t ever understand the financial aspect of life. I think he actually enjoys that card!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Even tho people use it a lot, I don’t think “stupider” is a real word. Sorry.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Is it alright to lend to your significant other? There’s probably no right or wrong answer to that–it will depend on the type of relationship two people have. But just like the STD discussion, the money discussion is necessary too. When my husband and I were getting married, our minister told us that the three things most likely to break up a committed couple were money, religion and in-laws—in that order (note that sex didn’t even make it into the top three!). Moral of the story? You gotta talk these things out before going any further. At the end of the day, I believe that money is a proxy for trust and accountability and it can–and often DOES–make or break a relationship even more quickly than any sexual matter can. Money is emotionally messy stuff.
In my own experience, I’ve taken a loan out from my dad. That loan had interest and terms of repayment spelled out in a binding contract that was signed by all concerned parties, notarized, and filed with my dad’s attourney–not because he didn’t trust me, but because business is business and this put objective distance on it for both of us.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
And I’m with RTM–you were married?!?!? You’re holding out on me–I’m hurt
*wink*
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Hey wait a second–I remember that bike! Scared the sh-t out of me riding down the freeway with you on that thing. That’s *one* way to get a girl to wrap her arms tightly around you, but isn’t that cheating?!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Wow, Mike! I’m not hearing anything back from your wise readers… The situations is odd and not always healthy, however has a purpose and can be fun at times. We know people come into our lives for a reason, sometimes for a short time, sometimes for a long time. Sometimes it’s draining, inspiring, tearful, and uplifting. But lessons are exposed daily by all the people in my life. I am thankful for your friendship. You, like my roommate and the other people in my life are my teachers. If only to teach me I need to think of myself and my son before all others.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Wow, you said it all Mike. I’ve done this before and it’s a gamble.. and when gambling, you should only play with what you are willing to lose (at least that’s what I do in Vegas!).
Unless you can separate the emotion from the money, it’s just not a good idea and complicates things – even if intentions were good to start on both sides! If somebody doesn’t follow through on their end of the bargain, I find it starts to stir up a lot of underlying stuff and things go sour from there.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
M-A-R-R-I-E-D? Oh Mike… You’re funny.
Joint bank accounts… I think that is something to start considering when you start a family and one of you gives up work to raise the kids. Not before. There is no reason before. My parents have a joint bank account, still married 26 years later. However my dad just retired, and my mum recently opened a separate bank account because now funds are limited, he is hedging off all their money for savings and restricting her spending slightly harshly. The lesson? If you want some independence, keep a ceertain, limited amount to yourself, if possible, through your own income. But if you are having kids and one of you is a full-time mother or father, then it’s only fair to share. It would also send a very selfish, mean attitude to said children if things were otherwise. After all, I think you need to have the “unit” in the family unit, that whole idea of oneness. Yeah, oneness… Think about that, 2 becoming one. Sounds sexy. Now imagine a relationship where each partner is counting how much one owes the other. “So Tammy, you owe me $4 for the margarine, milk, and beef jerky.” “Yeah but you still owe me 4 oral sex and one anal rimming.” Less sexy.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@terra judge judy is my kinda girl…
@tom Hey buddy! emotion and approval is a part of it. A girl said something really good on twitter last night “i have also noticed most men wont borrow money from women that they plan on staying with” Good food for thought!
@Sarah damn you got a strict dad! I wouldn’t do business with family. You remember that bike? or the hanging on part?? hmmm… suspicious
@200,000landlord Hey! sometimes I forget that you read my blog! I suppose I should have asked you first if I could share. Oops! Well I am sure my friend Jillian will have something to say. She always does!!
I am glad you see everyone as a teacher. It is tough to do!
@RTM stupider is too a word! I just have never used it before! Look forward to meeting your bunnies on Tuesday!
@Tee-ra I agree, unfortunately a lot of girls/guys use this like a bargaining chip. Getting power over the other even though they might not want it and it might kill the relationship
@Rose wow… did you really just say rim job??
@ did I miss anyone??
Oh… and yes I almost kinda sorta got married but that is another story (and rose it was a fellow brit)
@Mike–nah, my dad’s not so strict, really, and I liked the way he handled the loan. I think it’s a great model that I’d use with my own kids if I ever have them (BTW, my mom’s folks charged her rent after college and put the money into savings for her without telling her, another interesting family approach to money that teaches responsibility). It was one of the lessons that taught me how to handle money responsibly and objectively without all of the emotional baggage that gets tied to it so often. I was seeking a responsible loan and had asked Dad to co-sign as a guarantor on a loan at our credit union that I would otherwise be responsible for–I wasn’t asking him for the money. But he decided that it would be better to loan to me directly and we did it all very professionally so that our relationship was secondary to the business at hand. It was a sizable loan and I paid it off in three years. Then he reported it to the credit agencies, improving my credit standing. It’s one of the best financial experiences I’ve had and it never interfered with our relationship. Unfortunately, money gets really ugly because of the emotional baggage that gets tied to it–but it can be handled with less of that crap if approached carefully and without a bunch of false assumptions about love and entitlement. That’s why it has to be talked about in much the same way as sex and STDs–clinically, responsibly, etc. so that you clear up misunderstandings before they have a chance to happen. Otherwise assumptions get in the way, people get hurt, mad, disappointed, hateful, and generally run through an emotional ringer.
Re: the motorcycle–I actually remember the bike and how proud you were of fixing it up. You talked my ear off about it as you were pointing out all of the work you’d done–I think you’d just recently finished it at the time. Then you popped a helmet on my head and took me for a ride. If I hadn’t had the helmet on, I’d have buried my face in your back–that freeway was terrifying to me! But I had to settle for closing my eyes and holding on tight. But I still say you’re a scamp for putting me on that thing with you.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
hehehe I just assumed that a fat ass, with tattoos and a goatee knew how to ride a motorcycle!! I guess not…
mike amen! do not lend money period. i give it away because if you have to ask to borrow, i already know that you cannot afford to pay it back. there are a few exceptions to the rule, but generally i know the personal well enough to know when to give and when to lend.
now i’ll sit you down and teach you how to budget your money in a second. that’s some of the problem as well.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Natural–amen to budgeting! I am a recently converted budget maven (dug myself and my husband out of a significant hole) and now we have enough for us and some to share if a loved one in need needs it. In contrast, my best friends who *each* make four times what I make and more than twice what my husband makes, won’t budget to save their lives and are increasingly strapped (this is really hard to watch, especially because their children are my Goddaughters and I’m nervous for what the girls are learning). They feel poor, I don’t, yet they are in the top income bracket and I’m not. But each of my friends is a spendthrift and feels perfectly entitled to spend what they want from their joint accounts and then they fight and come to us to sort things out. I just want to shake them!!!!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I offered once, to lend $$ needed to a man I thought was “the one”.
He turned me down.
Perhaps the girl on twitter has a good point.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
RE: He owes his landlord 200,000!
Well, a Promissory Note would have helped her big time. However, with all do respect to Judge Judy, having sex with the person does not qualify for her claim to be thrown away. Man, it should have been an incredible sex that costs $200,000. You should counter-claim Judge Judy-like opinion by claim that sex sucked, so you want your money back. Joking aside, filing a suit at Small Claims court does not cost much, and attorneys are not allowed. So, you are on the same ground with your opponent.
Wish you well,
Marina
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
RE: He owes his landlord 200,000!
P.S. Small Claims courts have limits, usually you can claim up to $5000 in damages, so can’t get back $200k this way. But maybe will get some compensation….
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
A general question for everyone: whatever happened to the notion that “your money is as good as your word?” I’ve never asked for a loan that I couldn’t pay back, whether it was a dollar from a friend in elementary school or $100.00 from a boyfriend, or my mortgage. And I’ve made good on every loan I’ve ever had. Doesn’t personal integrity play into all of this somewhere, regardless of the messiness of relationships? Or am I old-fashioned for my 37 years and this idea is long gone?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Sarah…you obviously had some great teachers when it came to finances. And I don’t think you are old fashioned for invoking the personal integrity part….it is too bad that in today’s world there is an “entitlement” issue when it comes to money and things. Having good intentions can sometimes get derailed by life and it’s unintended hardships – especially when financial responsibility has not been taught or practiced by the teaching or the learning portion of parenting. Did that make any sense? It did in my head. sorry.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@natural budgeting… For me kinda like dieting! I do it but I blow it all the time!
@Qtmama wasn’t that a good observation?? I was pretty impressed by her
@marina lamm Court, I guess that would be an option if my friend really really wanted the money back. I think the point was that she didn’t want to go through a battle like that.
@sarah… I should have married a girl like you.
What a great blog! Love it!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@mike rim job! yeah I’m a Brit remember, we talk about sex. wanna know what felching is?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@RTM–yes, what you say makes sense, I know that things get messy in the teaching and learning of all sorts of responsibility (financial or otherwise). I was just startled by so many of the responses here and was curious to see if things like this are still taught. Yes, I am very fortunate to have six parents (yup, that’s right SIX!!!! More than any girl has a right to!) who taught me well and I’m thankful the lessons stuck when I hear stories like Mike’s about flaky friends and girlfriends (thank you, Mike, once again for a great personal story!). People who welsh on loans just lack fundamental respect for the person they borrowed from, I think….
@Mike–why thank you! I’m flattered. You’ll find her someday if you want to.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Wow funny, Sarah did you know that I am with you and the 6 parents? We should start a club! And I think the key of finding her is “if I want to” I purposely don’t define what I want because I don’t want to find her! I am too caught up in other priorities. Don’t want to accidently attract her and have to drop out of Chinese school or Brazilian dance class! forget that!
Amen
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I recognize your strategy and think it’s valid, but I’d caution that you don’t close that door entirely! After all, if she’s the right one, then she’ll be into Chinese and Brazilian dance right along with you! It’s possible and I’d add that you’ll likely find her–or more to the point, she’ll find you–when you least expect or want her to find you. I swore off of men and now look where I am…
Like or Dislike:
0 
0