Pathetic guy
There are two types of relationship balance that I constantly see. One where the couple is equally matched, they push and pull for balance but are generally happy. The second is where the man or the woman carries the majority of the power; most of us know this as he or she “wears the pants in the relationship.”
Revolving around her boyfriend
Jean is super sweet but she struggles constantly with power balance at work and in relationships. Her boyfriend seems very nice but when the doors close he becomes highly controlling. When she tries to assert herself he argues her down to “see things his way.” This frustrates good friends and they constantly tell her she needs to move on but it has been five years. Jean is a satellite she has always been a satellite and may never break free of her boyfriend’s gravity.
Social chameleon
Cheri was a cool friend, she was amazing to everyone. Always so encouraging and so sweet, as long as I have known her she has been a huge ego booster. When coming back to the states after years over seas I met up with her again but to my surprise I didn’t sync with her the way I used to. It was odd; the complements didn’t sink in because I didn’t seem to need them any more. Along with her constant complements I notieced something kinda strange. I started to see a pattern in her behavior I never saw before. I knew from another friend that Cheri had become interested in girls while I was away. This of course was fine with me but I decided to make some anti-gay comments to see what she would do. To my sadness she immediately went along with me and reinforced my feelings. I decided to invert my statements ten minutes later and watched with pained astonishment as she followed my contradictory statements. As I changed colors Cheri was there to match me word for word. I felt like Spike the bulldog from the old cartoons with his little sidekick Chihuahua agreeing with and repeating every word he said.
Is it okay to be a satellite?
This pains me because there are a lot of women and men out there living under the thumb of their significant other. I can’t blame the person they rotate around because they choose them! If they left that person most likely would find his or her clone weeks after. This is not okay though… the planet is constantly stealing energy from the satellite forcing them to rely completely on the planet for their self-confidence. I have never seen this power balance work out for the best.
Is it possible to break free?
The social chameleon and satellite have the same problem they need other people to reassure them of their worthiness in life. If you remove the chameleon from the background they are forced to be their own color. Same as the satellite, once the planet is removed they are forced to define themselves as a planet. If you find that you are attracted to this imbalance or are melting into the background it is time to stand alone and define yourself as separate and worthy of being independent of others. This can take time but I promise that being a planet is a 1000 times more satisfying than being a satellite.
- Planets that need satellites are too weak to date another planet
- You will never be able to define yourself in the shadow of another
- The best relationships are two planets!
- No one really likes the social chameleon
Continue on to Whose reality is stronger, how he can change you! 5 of 5
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Mike this is the best one yet in this series. Thank you for writing this!
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Well written. I have a thought; do you think that either person in a relationship could recognize these faults and move to become two planets together? I mean in a relationship you are constantly working on improving yourself and each other, so then after recognizing that you or the other is a satellite or chameleon you start working on becoming a planet….of course that would mean not taking offense when your partner points out one is being a satellite or chameleon. I want my relationship to work but I also want to be my own planet. I for a short while was both that you wrote about, but in the past two years I have marked my moon with my flag and stood strong….unfortunately I have an partner that preferred it the old way. I gently remind him I was a planet when we meet and he fell in love with it, and he was one too and I loved it…. so go out and become it again I yell to him. Therefore, does this make sense, shouldn’t it be possible? Talk soon C
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I absolutely love your blog. It’s obvious in most posts, but his one inparticular illustrates your knack for pointing out the obvious that only the individuals who are those things don’t notice. I love your insight and your bluntness, telling it the way it is is empowering to both you and your readers (it makes me feel good just reading your thoughts). I would really like to link to your blog on mine. if it is alright with you? I would like to have you as a guest writer on my blog some time, having a male perspective would be great. Let me know your thoughts. Anne
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