Comments on: Giving back power, keeping balance in the relationship 3 of 5 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/giving-back-power-keeping-balance-in-the-relationship-3-of-5/ Dating advice for women Wed, 28 Jul 2010 04:15:44 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Anger and the demanding of power in relationships 2 of 5 | MasterDater http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/giving-back-power-keeping-balance-in-the-relationship-3-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-1694 Anger and the demanding of power in relationships 2 of 5 | MasterDater Sun, 20 Dec 2009 19:05:17 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=705#comment-1694 [...] Continue to Giving back power, keeping balance in the relationship 3 of 5 [...] [...] Continue to Giving back power, keeping balance in the relationship 3 of 5 [...]

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]]> By: Sexual Tension, why he isn’t into you – Soulmate 5 of 6 | MasterDater http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/giving-back-power-keeping-balance-in-the-relationship-3-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-1693 Sexual Tension, why he isn’t into you – Soulmate 5 of 6 | MasterDater Sun, 20 Dec 2009 18:59:40 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=705#comment-1693 [...] have talked about this before in the post Giving back power and keeping the balance. Most people in the beginning, are in a constant silent struggle. They push and pull their partners [...] [...] have talked about this before in the post Giving back power and keeping the balance. Most people in the beginning, are in a constant silent struggle. They push and pull their partners [...]

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]]> By: Jillian http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/giving-back-power-keeping-balance-in-the-relationship-3-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-704 Jillian Sat, 23 May 2009 06:26:37 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=705#comment-704 I think Mike is using us for our comments. I may start to strike until he starts leaving comments on MY blog. Alas, it only work if your friends are dependent upon you for their self-esteem. I think Mike is using us for our comments. I may start to strike until he starts leaving comments on MY blog. Alas, it only work if your friends are dependent upon you for their self-esteem.

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]]> By: Mike Masters http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/giving-back-power-keeping-balance-in-the-relationship-3-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-703 Mike Masters Fri, 22 May 2009 03:20:44 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=705#comment-703 I really value all of the comments on the post thanks so much for taking the time to hang out. I want to respond but I think I am going to pass out instead, sleepy... I really value all of the comments on the post thanks so much for taking the time to hang out.
I want to respond but I think I am going to pass out instead, sleepy…

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]]> By: roadtripmama http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/giving-back-power-keeping-balance-in-the-relationship-3-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-702 roadtripmama Thu, 21 May 2009 15:55:32 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=705#comment-702 @Jillian - no bite sized pieces necessary - sometimes I am just old and feeble and it takes longer to digest. It hit the nail on the head tho. @Sarah...I like the word "veteran" - sometimes I feel like that too (No disrespect intended to our true men in uniform!) @Jillian – no bite sized pieces necessary – sometimes I am just old and feeble and it takes longer to digest. It hit the nail on the head tho.

@Sarah…I like the word “veteran” – sometimes I feel like that too (No disrespect intended to our true men in uniform!)

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]]> By: Sarah http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/giving-back-power-keeping-balance-in-the-relationship-3-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-701 Sarah Thu, 21 May 2009 13:46:33 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=705#comment-701 And Mike--pthththtpththt :p And Mike–pthththtpththt :p

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]]> By: Sarah http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/giving-back-power-keeping-balance-in-the-relationship-3-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-700 Sarah Thu, 21 May 2009 12:29:27 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=705#comment-700 Morning Fellow Married Ladies--the way I see it, we've successfully negotiated the whole dating scene and are in long term relationships that require maintenance and dedication, so perhaps we veterans have some insights that might help those looking for dedicated relationships. Morning Fellow Married Ladies–the way I see it, we’ve successfully negotiated the whole dating scene and are in long term relationships that require maintenance and dedication, so perhaps we veterans have some insights that might help those looking for dedicated relationships.

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]]> By: Jillian http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/giving-back-power-keeping-balance-in-the-relationship-3-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-699 Jillian Thu, 21 May 2009 04:23:54 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=705#comment-699 @RTM, I thought it was MIKE responding, not you. My bad!!! I'm sorry, when I get the email notifs, they say they are from Mike. NOW the comment makes so much more sense! Was it too deep? I can break down into bite sized pieces. @RTM, I thought it was MIKE responding, not you. My bad!!! I’m sorry, when I get the email notifs, they say they are from Mike. NOW the comment makes so much more sense!

Was it too deep? I can break down into bite sized pieces.

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]]> By: Jillian http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/giving-back-power-keeping-balance-in-the-relationship-3-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-698 Jillian Thu, 21 May 2009 04:21:44 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=705#comment-698 Oh, and any of the married people that want to leave Mike's blog, we can congregate on mine. I don't talk about the same stuff Mike does, but I allow open topic on my posts. :P Will you be welcoming us back now, Mike? Oh, and any of the married people that want to leave Mike’s blog, we can congregate on mine. I don’t talk about the same stuff Mike does, but I allow open topic on my posts. :P Will you be welcoming us back now, Mike?

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]]> By: Jillian http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/giving-back-power-keeping-balance-in-the-relationship-3-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-697 Jillian Thu, 21 May 2009 04:12:19 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=705#comment-697 Ok, Mike, so I have no idea what you just said? I think I'm hearing that you had forgotten the trouble that the two of you have before finding balance? Ok, Mike, so I have no idea what you just said? I think I’m hearing that you had forgotten the trouble that the two of you have before finding balance?

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]]> By: roadtripmama http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/giving-back-power-keeping-balance-in-the-relationship-3-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-696 roadtripmama Thu, 21 May 2009 04:10:21 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=705#comment-696 @jillian - you go so deep into the process....easy for me to forget the hell that went before the progress! When I think back on it from your point of view it makes me want to self medicate again! :) @jillian – you go so deep into the process….easy for me to forget the hell that went before the progress! When I think back on it from your point of view it makes me want to self medicate again! :)

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]]> By: Jillian http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/giving-back-power-keeping-balance-in-the-relationship-3-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-695 Jillian Thu, 21 May 2009 03:32:15 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=705#comment-695 Mike, is the door open for future arrangements? :P Now, to the topic at hand. @RTM The way I see it is this: Balance is often an internal factor that has little to do with the relationship, rather it is a lack of balance within one individual that sneaks into the relationship through negligence of both parties to address the problems within the relationship. There are two ways of considering it and they depend on the severity of the imbalance: 1/Unbalanced people can become balanced - This isn't easy and it requires someone to feel the imbalance and choose to change. For this to happen, the incentive to change must have a reward that is greater than whatever they are receiving from their current behavior. We continue behavior because it serves us in some way, even what we consider the most dysfunctional behavior, because it has allowed us to adapt to situations in the past. 2/Imbalance feeds imbalance - If an unhealthy person chooses another unhealthy person, they feed off the negative emotions of one another like a wildfire to a dry forest. It causes some high level emotions, which feels desirous and passionate, but it is likely to burn both of them out and can cause serious dysfunction, with both feeling tapped out and wondering what happened. It can also cause the phenomenon known as "obsessive love." :) Most of us have hit that at some point, right? It's hard to be in perfect balance and it's important for partners to recognize when the other is off kilter and attempt to compensate. Also, the partner who is overstepping boundaries is responsible for finding other ways to communicate feelings so compensation can take place. It's a natural give and take that leads to healthier relationships. It's not possible in a relationship where you have two unbalanced people. Did that answer the question/make sense? Mike, is the door open for future arrangements?

:P

Now, to the topic at hand.

@RTM The way I see it is this: Balance is often an internal factor that has little to do with the relationship, rather it is a lack of balance within one individual that sneaks into the relationship through negligence of both parties to address the problems within the relationship. There are two ways of considering it and they depend on the severity of the imbalance:

1/Unbalanced people can become balanced – This isn’t easy and it requires someone to feel the imbalance and choose to change. For this to happen, the incentive to change must have a reward that is greater than whatever they are receiving from their current behavior. We continue behavior because it serves us in some way, even what we consider the most dysfunctional behavior, because it has allowed us to adapt to situations in the past.

2/Imbalance feeds imbalance – If an unhealthy person chooses another unhealthy person, they feed off the negative emotions of one another like a wildfire to a dry forest. It causes some high level emotions, which feels desirous and passionate, but it is likely to burn both of them out and can cause serious dysfunction, with both feeling tapped out and wondering what happened. It can also cause the phenomenon known as “obsessive love.” :) Most of us have hit that at some point, right?

It’s hard to be in perfect balance and it’s important for partners to recognize when the other is off kilter and attempt to compensate. Also, the partner who is overstepping boundaries is responsible for finding other ways to communicate feelings so compensation can take place. It’s a natural give and take that leads to healthier relationships. It’s not possible in a relationship where you have two unbalanced people.

Did that answer the question/make sense?

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]]> By: roadtripmama http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/giving-back-power-keeping-balance-in-the-relationship-3-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-694 roadtripmama Thu, 21 May 2009 03:25:22 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=705#comment-694 I just wouldn't be RTM without disagreeing. And as far as the romantic interaction in the past, I believe I am old enough to be your mom and it would have been during my "lost years" anyway. My husband is happy that I disagree with you so I don't have to disagree with him. haha. Just because we're married doesn't make us dead. We've made all the mistakes prior to and probably during marraige! Just admit it....you want to think you are "the master" but we know better :) I just wouldn’t be RTM without disagreeing. And as far as the romantic interaction in the past, I believe I am old enough to be your mom and it would have been during my “lost years” anyway. My husband is happy that I disagree with you so I don’t have to disagree with him. haha.
Just because we’re married doesn’t make us dead. We’ve made all the mistakes prior to and probably during marraige!
Just admit it….you want to think you are “the master” but we know better :)

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]]> By: Mike Masters http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/giving-back-power-keeping-balance-in-the-relationship-3-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-693 Mike Masters Thu, 21 May 2009 02:47:26 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=705#comment-693 You guys always take it over! And what the heck are two married women doing on a dating blog!?? Jillian too! I think I need to create some rules here... No disagreeing with me EVER and you must have had some romantic interaction with me in the past. That should make things interesting. You guys always take it over!
And what the heck are two married women doing on a dating blog!?? Jillian too! I think I need to create some rules here… No disagreeing with me EVER and you must have had some romantic interaction with me in the past. That should make things interesting.

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]]> By: Sarah http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/giving-back-power-keeping-balance-in-the-relationship-3-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-692 Sarah Wed, 20 May 2009 22:54:39 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=705#comment-692 We renewed at 10 years, too--not so corny! We renewed at 10 years, too–not so corny!

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]]> By: roadtripmama http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/giving-back-power-keeping-balance-in-the-relationship-3-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-691 roadtripmama Wed, 20 May 2009 22:40:58 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=705#comment-691 Sarah, you are so right on the money! And I believe that the spiritual part is huge. The day after we renewed our vows at 10 years (how corny, huh?) I seriously asked myself "what the fuck was I thinking" and the next 10 were so very unbalanced - and yet at 25 years I honestly consider him my best friend, would be absolutely devastated if anything happened to him.Even if he is a bit weird. Now, granted, we are dealing with a person who is bi-polar (him) and that's where accountability comes into play, but I am that "fire" person....the reactor. Balance in a relationship is hard enough - throw in some chemical imbalance and hop on to the roller coaster of life! Commitment is scary, but worth it. Oh yeh, Mike, isn't this your blog? I think we just took it over. Sorry. Sarah, you are so right on the money! And I believe that the spiritual part is huge. The day after we renewed our vows at 10 years (how corny, huh?) I seriously asked myself “what the fuck was I thinking” and the next 10 were so very unbalanced – and yet at 25 years I honestly consider him my best friend, would be absolutely devastated if anything happened to him.Even if he is a bit weird. Now, granted, we are dealing with a person who is bi-polar (him) and that’s where accountability comes into play, but I am that “fire” person….the reactor. Balance in a relationship is hard enough – throw in some chemical imbalance and hop on to the roller coaster of life! Commitment is scary, but worth it. Oh yeh, Mike, isn’t this your blog? I think we just took it over. Sorry.

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