Comments on: The enormous necessity of maintaining power balance in relationships 1 of 5 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/the-enormous-necessity-of-maintaining-power-balance-in-relationships-1-of-5/ Dating advice for women and men Wed, 01 Feb 2012 09:02:50 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Janice T http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/the-enormous-necessity-of-maintaining-power-balance-in-relationships-1-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-5348 Janice T Wed, 11 Aug 2010 21:32:33 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=693#comment-5348 Totally agree w/ you. Like my shrink once told me: "Sometimes you need to speak to a bully in their own language." Last night I did this to my new love interest, but I kept it playful. He doesn't like my lip gloss - he doesn't like it on my lips when he kisses me. But my lips get horribly chapped without it (it's an enzyme/saliva thing - look it up). Scene: me at a booth in a bar, applying lip balm. Him: winding up some cables near the sound board. Him (semi-playfully): Woman, I thought I said no lip gloss. I hate that stuff. Me (semi-playfully): Well then, I guess I'll just have to kiss some other guy to get it off. That got him for a second (he's a real wise ass) but I did take it off when we kissed later, just to give in a little. ;) Totally agree w/ you. Like my shrink once told me: “Sometimes you need to speak to a bully in their own language.”

Last night I did this to my new love interest, but I kept it playful. He doesn’t like my lip gloss – he doesn’t like it on my lips when he kisses me. But my lips get horribly chapped without it (it’s an enzyme/saliva thing – look it up).

Scene: me at a booth in a bar, applying lip balm. Him: winding up some cables near the sound board.

Him (semi-playfully): Woman, I thought I said no lip gloss. I hate that stuff.
Me (semi-playfully): Well then, I guess I’ll just have to kiss some other guy to get it off.

That got him for a second (he’s a real wise ass) but I did take it off when we kissed later, just to give in a little. ;)

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]]> By: Sexual Tension, why he isn’t into you – Soulmate 5 of 6 | MasterDater http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/the-enormous-necessity-of-maintaining-power-balance-in-relationships-1-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-1719 Sexual Tension, why he isn’t into you – Soulmate 5 of 6 | MasterDater Sun, 27 Dec 2009 17:24:45 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=693#comment-1719 [...] Being on the side of power is a lot easier place to be than on the side of weakness. However, if we want the relationship to continue we may have to give back some of what we may not want. On the opposite side of that equation? Check out the power balance series [...] [...] Being on the side of power is a lot easier place to be than on the side of weakness. However, if we want the relationship to continue we may have to give back some of what we may not want. On the opposite side of that equation? Check out the power balance series [...]

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]]> By: Sarah http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/the-enormous-necessity-of-maintaining-power-balance-in-relationships-1-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-670 Sarah Mon, 18 May 2009 11:57:36 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=693#comment-670 I was thinking some more about this topic last night (another sign of a good post when it keeps people thinking!). It focuses on not allowing yourself to GIVE away all your power (running to the other end of the see-saw) and not allowing some one to TAKE all your power (allowing the other person to run to your end of the see-saw), both of which focus on our own actions in a relationship. But in this, we have to recognize that there's potential for stagnation--you recognize that you can't give your power away so you stay on your end of the teeter-totter, but your partner doesn't budge. So then there you are, stuck 20 feet apart, perfectly balanced, with a precarious and un-fulfilling void in the middle (another test for the futility of a relationship?). Looking at my best relationships (be they romantic, friendship, or professional), both people participate equally in the power balance. This sounds easy, but really, this is a pretty remarkable thing; a dynamic power balance between two people who only have control over *themselves.* The question is, what's the magical force that moves both people toward the middle? I was thinking some more about this topic last night (another sign of a good post when it keeps people thinking!). It focuses on not allowing yourself to GIVE away all your power (running to the other end of the see-saw) and not allowing some one to TAKE all your power (allowing the other person to run to your end of the see-saw), both of which focus on our own actions in a relationship. But in this, we have to recognize that there’s potential for stagnation–you recognize that you can’t give your power away so you stay on your end of the teeter-totter, but your partner doesn’t budge. So then there you are, stuck 20 feet apart, perfectly balanced, with a precarious and un-fulfilling void in the middle (another test for the futility of a relationship?). Looking at my best relationships (be they romantic, friendship, or professional), both people participate equally in the power balance. This sounds easy, but really, this is a pretty remarkable thing; a dynamic power balance between two people who only have control over *themselves.* The question is, what’s the magical force that moves both people toward the middle?

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]]> By: Mike Masters http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/the-enormous-necessity-of-maintaining-power-balance-in-relationships-1-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-657 Mike Masters Mon, 18 May 2009 03:22:50 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=693#comment-657 Well... I agree and I disagree but I hopefully will explain what I mean as I go. (and of course it is about love!!) Well…
I agree and I disagree but I hopefully will explain what I mean as I go.
(and of course it is about love!!)

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]]> By: QTMama http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/the-enormous-necessity-of-maintaining-power-balance-in-relationships-1-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-656 QTMama Fri, 15 May 2009 16:33:37 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=693#comment-656 See? I said it! I said it before ... “The power in a relationship lies with whoever cares less.” And while true, and while it sucks, the eternal optimist in me believes that one day, it won't be about power; it will be about love. See? I said it! I said it before …

“The power in a relationship lies with whoever cares less.”

And while true, and while it sucks, the eternal optimist in me believes that one day, it won’t be about power; it will be about love.

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]]> By: Sarah http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/the-enormous-necessity-of-maintaining-power-balance-in-relationships-1-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-655 Sarah Thu, 14 May 2009 16:15:53 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=693#comment-655 Okay okay! Keep your pants on! ;) Seriously though, sometimes it's hard to "read" tone on-line so I misunderstood--sorry about that! Oops! I'll go on being my same old lovable if wordy self. I miss face to face conversation with you though. When do we get to have coffee????? Okay okay! Keep your pants on! ;) Seriously though, sometimes it’s hard to “read” tone on-line so I misunderstood–sorry about that! Oops! I’ll go on being my same old lovable if wordy self. I miss face to face conversation with you though. When do we get to have coffee?????

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]]> By: Mike Masters http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/the-enormous-necessity-of-maintaining-power-balance-in-relationships-1-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-654 Mike Masters Thu, 14 May 2009 16:04:01 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=693#comment-654 No no!!! I love the long thoughtful comments, they help me write my next posts and create great discussion! I was just teasing my mom. Please don't change a thing Sarah. No no!!! I love the long thoughtful comments, they help me write my next posts and create great discussion! I was just teasing my mom. Please don’t change a thing Sarah.

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]]> By: Sarah http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/the-enormous-necessity-of-maintaining-power-balance-in-relationships-1-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-653 Sarah Thu, 14 May 2009 13:42:35 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=693#comment-653 I second Mom's apologies. Sorry I get carried away--it's just such a good conversation! I'll keep you posted on blog progress (though I don't know what on earth it will be about--I'm open to suggestions!) In any case--this is a great post with lots to think about. It could be expanded in so many really productive ways. Balance takes a lifetime of work! And often requires the help of expensive therapy, so you're helping people out on that front. I second Mom’s apologies. Sorry I get carried away–it’s just such a good conversation! I’ll keep you posted on blog progress (though I don’t know what on earth it will be about–I’m open to suggestions!)

In any case–this is a great post with lots to think about. It could be expanded in so many really productive ways. Balance takes a lifetime of work! And often requires the help of expensive therapy, so you’re helping people out on that front.

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]]> By: Mike Masters http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/the-enormous-necessity-of-maintaining-power-balance-in-relationships-1-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-651 Mike Masters Thu, 14 May 2009 07:21:48 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=693#comment-651 Mom both you and Sarah need your own blogs you are both so good with words... I am lucky to have such good writers visit me. So cool how the comments lately are as valuable (or more) as the blog. Thanks for such great insights. Mom both you and Sarah need your own blogs you are both so good with words…
I am lucky to have such good writers visit me.
So cool how the comments lately are as valuable (or more) as the blog.
Thanks for such great insights.

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]]> By: tqween http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/the-enormous-necessity-of-maintaining-power-balance-in-relationships-1-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-650 tqween Thu, 14 May 2009 04:59:29 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=693#comment-650 I really love the dance analogy Sarah! That's beautiful. I really love the dance analogy Sarah! That’s beautiful.

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]]> By: tqween http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/the-enormous-necessity-of-maintaining-power-balance-in-relationships-1-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-649 tqween Thu, 14 May 2009 04:55:45 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=693#comment-649 Sorry Mike, Don't mean to write the posts for you. mom Sorry Mike,

Don’t mean to write the posts for you.

mom

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]]> By: Sarah http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/the-enormous-necessity-of-maintaining-power-balance-in-relationships-1-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-648 Sarah Thu, 14 May 2009 02:19:21 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=693#comment-648 Nice thoughtful post today! I can see why this is one of five--there's a lot to work through in this idea. I like the teeter-totter analogy--balance has to be carefully maintained on a teeter totter. Another good analogy is a dance where at one moment you relinquish a measure of power and at another you have to accept more of it. When I used to dance, during a lift, at least to get it started, I was actually the one with more power, even though it *looked* like my partner did--he was the one who appeared to lift me up in the air after all! But if I didn't provide control necessary to guide the impetus for the lift (through the energy of a leap or the force of a controlled turn), no lift happened. He might have been ready and willing to lift me, but he had no power to do so without me providing it. Of course, once I used that power, I had to back down or he'd drop me on my ass and fall down with (more likely ON!!) me--I had to cede power and control over the lift to him so that he could control my descent. Balance of power (whether between lovers, friends, coworkers, family members, or nations for that matter) is always dynamic--ebb and flow, step and counter step, or (from your previous post) fire and water. And more than anything, I think it requires trust. @tqween--so true! Part of getting things balanced out is letting go of hurt and learning to stand up for yourself. Treat yourself with the respect you feel you deserve and you'll find that others will fall in line--and those that don't probably have their own power issues to deal with. @Jillian--I agree. Mike's being willing to share these tough moments adds depth to this point! Nice thoughtful post today! I can see why this is one of five–there’s a lot to work through in this idea. I like the teeter-totter analogy–balance has to be carefully maintained on a teeter totter. Another good analogy is a dance where at one moment you relinquish a measure of power and at another you have to accept more of it. When I used to dance, during a lift, at least to get it started, I was actually the one with more power, even though it *looked* like my partner did–he was the one who appeared to lift me up in the air after all! But if I didn’t provide control necessary to guide the impetus for the lift (through the energy of a leap or the force of a controlled turn), no lift happened. He might have been ready and willing to lift me, but he had no power to do so without me providing it. Of course, once I used that power, I had to back down or he’d drop me on my ass and fall down with (more likely ON!!) me–I had to cede power and control over the lift to him so that he could control my descent. Balance of power (whether between lovers, friends, coworkers, family members, or nations for that matter) is always dynamic–ebb and flow, step and counter step, or (from your previous post) fire and water. And more than anything, I think it requires trust.

@tqween–so true! Part of getting things balanced out is letting go of hurt and learning to stand up for yourself. Treat yourself with the respect you feel you deserve and you’ll find that others will fall in line–and those that don’t probably have their own power issues to deal with.

@Jillian–I agree. Mike’s being willing to share these tough moments adds depth to this point!

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]]> By: Sha http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/the-enormous-necessity-of-maintaining-power-balance-in-relationships-1-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-647 Sha Thu, 14 May 2009 01:02:58 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=693#comment-647 Great post Mike. Very clear message. I am looking forward to seeing where you take it. Great post Mike. Very clear message. I am looking forward to seeing where you take it.

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]]> By: Daily News About Love : A few links about Love - Wednesday, 13 May 2009 17:18 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/the-enormous-necessity-of-maintaining-power-balance-in-relationships-1-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-646 Daily News About Love : A few links about Love - Wednesday, 13 May 2009 17:18 Thu, 14 May 2009 00:19:12 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=693#comment-646 [...] The enormous necessity of maintaining power balance in relationships 1 of 5 [...] [...] The enormous necessity of maintaining power balance in relationships 1 of 5 [...]

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]]> By: Mike Masters http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/the-enormous-necessity-of-maintaining-power-balance-in-relationships-1-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-645 Mike Masters Wed, 13 May 2009 23:33:28 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=693#comment-645 @tqween, really good point about letting go of your personal hurt before you can move forward also about someone taking your place. This is only post one of five don't give too much away! @Christine You are not supposed to date your professors or bosses?? Oops... Totally agree though, equal must date equal wrote about that here in one of my<a href="http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/2008/11/07/do-you-have-to-be-a-hooker-to-attract-a-richard-gere/" rel="nofollow"> favorite posts</a> (bad title though) @jillian Thanks! This is one of the foundational beliefs I have about dating. About Joi hurting me... got over that a lot faster than I thought I would and of course it was one of the best lessons I have ever received. I thank her for that. @tqween, really good point about letting go of your personal hurt before you can move forward also about someone taking your place. This is only post one of five don’t give too much away!

@Christine You are not supposed to date your professors or bosses?? Oops…
Totally agree though, equal must date equal wrote about that here in one of my favorite posts (bad title though)

@jillian Thanks! This is one of the foundational beliefs I have about dating. About Joi hurting me… got over that a lot faster than I thought I would and of course it was one of the best lessons I have ever received. I thank her for that.

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]]> By: Christine http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/power-balance/the-enormous-necessity-of-maintaining-power-balance-in-relationships-1-of-5/comment-page-1/#comment-644 Christine Wed, 13 May 2009 23:21:27 +0000 http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/?p=693#comment-644 Hi Mike! Totally agree with you on keeping the power balance in check in relationships! It's why I'm wary of bosses dating their employees, professors dating their students, wealth differences, etc. It's not that it can't work... but one person can't have the upper hand all the time. Hi Mike! Totally agree with you on keeping the power balance in check in relationships! It’s why I’m wary of bosses dating their employees, professors dating their students, wealth differences, etc. It’s not that it can’t work… but one person can’t have the upper hand all the time.

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