Why guys say stupid things to girls
Guys are a little bit lame
“Damn it Mike!!” said my roommate. I was in tears and doubled over. “I am serious!! Stop putting fucking avocado pits in the garbage disposal!” I almost stopped breathing with hilarity as I noticed brown pit chunks on her check. “Why do you do that?! You are going to put my eye out!” Sensing she was a bit serious I tried to compose my face, my lips pursed together but my eyes twitched with laughter and tears. She seemed pretty mad but I was already committed. Another guy there was cracking up too when my other female roommate said “why do guys do stupid shit like that??”
Mike breaks a 16 year old’s heart
I was only in high school at the time and I was dating a girl way too good for me. I remember her tearing up while I was talking to her. My self satisfied smirk abruptly dropped into a concerned expression, “what? what did I say?” She looked at me with tear-clouded eyes and said, “you know that I like you, why do you talk about other girls? Do you really think I want to know about which girl hit on you in class???” I looked at her not knowing what to say. I knew I was ridiculously in the wrong but I had no idea why. I was just talking about what I always talk about.
God Tammy just shut up!
God!! I was so sick and tired of hearing about Tammy’s work. She would come to me all upset about life and put it in my lap. I would do the typical guy thing and try to solve it. “Tammy just quit that job! You complain about all the time!” She looked at me exacerbated. “God you just don’t get it do you!” She stomped off. I most certainly didn’t get it! I sat there thinking that girls not only were nut bags but clearly missing the intelligent/logical gene.
An incredibly simple answer
I have asked myself so many times, why in the world have done and said such incredibly stupid things to girls. The poor girl that I was dating above was so hurt by my talking about other girls, why would I do that?? And what was it I didn’t understand about Tammy? (However I don’t apologize about the avocados! That was funny shit!) Strangely, the answer to all the stories is the same. It took me a long time to realize it but when it did I had to smack myself on the forehead. Are you ready for this??
The secret…
The reason guys say stupid stuff is because guys usually are talking to guys…! And what do guys talk about? Sex, a bit more about sex and maybe some sports in there (I hate sports). It constantly amazes me how even an older guy will say the most offensive, sexist comments. Unfortunately most guys have a very warped sense of what women want. They are trapped in a mental stew of horniness which is reinforced by hanging out with a bunch of other sex obsessed idiots that think all women should behave like strippers. Of course there are exceptions but most are married or gay.
What about Tammy? Well Tammy is talking to girls ONLY all day long, taking emotional dumps like she just drank the water in Mexico. When she talked to me she does the same thing and my male analytical brain wants to solve it! I show no empathy and I can’t just listen. We both leave frustrated.
Training the puppy
I think this is a very innocent mistake that most guys make and it needs to be handled delicately. This is when you take a relationship time out (RTO) and explain your feelings to him. This needs to be done WITHOUT emotion. If you cry or get angry he will only throw walls up and be even more convinced girls are nuts. This is how it goes, “Mike, I know you like talking about how impressive your genitals are but it kinda makes me not want to talk to you” or how about this one “Mike, I know you really enjoy holding the covers over my head when you pass gas but it kinda makes me want to vomit.” Oh and here is one for the guys “Hey Tammy, when you talk about the girls at work I kinda want to drink gasoline and eat flaming coals.” Just remember ladies if you were born with a penis, you would be the same way…
- Guys learn social skills from guys, (and porn) what do you expect?
- Guys are more solution oriented not emotion oriented (I hate chick flicks)
- Guys do stupid stuff partially because they are stupid
- Guys are like puppies, if they pee on the rug gently say “No”
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So guys are stupid, basically. Check.
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I talk about sex. Just usually not with guys.
Mike, I’m going to disagree with you this time, and not just because you are a nugget, but also because I know a bit about emotions and how the brain works. For women, when they get to the point where they feel vulnerable enough to bring up something like this, there isn’t an easy way to say “don’t do it emotionally” because it feels personal. At that point the amygdala is activated (emotion center) and the ration center is deactivated, so to say “shut that down” just isn’t going to happen. In order for that conversation to take place, the woman would have to repress the emotion completely and if that happens, she’s more likely to stuff it down than confront it in the first place.
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You know I never got that myself and now that you bring it up it makes so much sense.
The other thing that is interesting is how more and more girls like to hang around with guys then girls mainly because they emotional crap pisses them off.
Although, guys saying stupid things is through immaturity too, I can relate to this from my younger years too.
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@tom Yep, I admit it completely: Most all of my friends are guys. The girl friends that I have are actually the less emotional types that are inclined to call a spade a spade.
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@QT yeah… we are sometimes but that is why we like ourselves
@tom Hey buddy good to see ya! I agree with the immaturity. Clearly as we grow we see the other side more but I still catch myself doing stupid stuff. The avocado thing was last night!
@Jillian… I understand what you are saying but I disagree with your disagreement. Emotion can be controlled and we are not the slaves the amygdala if we decide not to be. Sure, have the flare up! just condition yourself to not communicate in an irrational emotional state. It is very possible and trainable. The brain is our tool we are not the tool of our brain.
Mike, I disagree with your disagreement with my disagreement. I agree that some emotions are controllable, but what’s with holding only women accountable for this? Why can’t men be held more aware instead of calling it an innocent mistake? I don’t know any men that have this level of disengagement and perhaps I’m lucky for that, but to say that they are off the hook because they lack self-awareness seems irresponsible.
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Ah, now I understand your disagreement better.
I hold men accountable for the same thing but I was not addressing guys. If I were writing this to men I would give them a good blasting. I am very goal oriented and I don’t like to blame. I think removing negative emotion for both men and women will lead to understanding much faster than not. I totally agree that men need to be self-aware but if they are not we can not blame them any more than the puppy peeing on the carpet. You want this behavior to stop and screaming at the puppy will not help, it might pee again in fear and run away.
So are you advocating we whop men on the nose?
…
…
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I prefer a whack on the butt…
Bend over. I’ll give you something. I won’t guarantee it’s what you asked for.
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as long as it doesn’t involve a musical instrument
Oh.
How did you know?
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I think guys’ biggest problem is in thinking women think the same way they do. And of course the fact that they don’t get enough swats on the nose.
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See. Riff gets it. Good boy. Want a treat?
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Its nice to see “women thinking” and “men thinking” coming together..l didnt know it could happen (without sharp objects flying about).
I think you have some really good points Mike…and are leaning in the right direction. You have been learning women well..I think you still have some analysis ahead of you…but you get a head nod from me. But be careful not to assume that all we want to do is cry and watch chickflicks. We are complex…thats what makes us mysteriously confusing. It will be very difficult to truly categorize us….we are all very different. As far as the depiction of men, I am always glad to be taking notes as you represent. I am certain it is from the far angle of the spectrum…but if I listen close enough I find myself much more aware of mens behavior and what it means. I do have a lot of guy friends that hang around women enough to not be the purebreed dumb dogs. But, this does help when our thoughts really do not reach the same place. I took your notion of guys thinking about sex and sports to equal lots of other simple things that us emotional beings may be shooting too deep for. Thanks again for the insight!
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See, I think guys biggest problem is when they DO get the whop on the nose, they aren’t recognizing it for what it really is. Not us bitching because we have it in our DNA, but because he’s being stupid.
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He should get it the first time. If you pull him aside and say… “Hey, I know you think that was really funny but I feel really uncomfortable you when share our sex life with your friends, Stop it… Now.” He might get it. If he does not, all you do is up the ante.
He will get it or he will be gone.
Qt, so the question is, whose job is it to make sure he gets it?
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