I met Stephanie on twitter a little while ago and she peeked at my site. Soon after, she joined me on facebook and sent me the below letter. I realized that there was a very good lesson here and decided to publish it with my commentary in italics. BTW Stephanie is a very bright and pretty grad student.
Are you dating a pig?
So here’s the story:
He was the typical, super hot Italian guy, dark hair, olive skin, piercing blue eyes, etc. Why aren’t we madly in love you ask? Simple, he has had a girlfriend in some way, shape, or form the entire time I’ve known him. He would tell me the sweetest things, how amazing I am, send me cute little text messages, wall posts, anything and everything to make me more and more hooked on him. Then when I graduated, my graduation present was a kiss. After that point, I was done for, and he knew it because that’s when he started to change. I was so intoxicated by him; I couldn’t see what was happening.
A kiss!! That is all you got!?
Then, (cue angelic light and choir singing hallelujah) he and his girlfriend broke up! I thought: “HE’S MINE!! HE’S FINALLY MINE!!” And it seemed that way for a little while. Then, I started getting less and less communication from him. I knew it wasn’t going to work yet again, but I kept texting and calling and making every effort to get him to give me those cute little texts again, but they never came.
Getting close and pulling away is called “The Indian Giver” a pick up artist’s technique. The Hot Italian probably didn’t know what he was implementing but it certainly worked.
He was on an internship out of state, so he visited me. He stayed, and everything that you could imagine happened, happened. Then he left, and didn’t talk to me again for almost two months…there was another girl. I finally cornered him and got his answers to what had happened. He proceeded to apologize saying I don’t deserve him, he feels ashamed, thinks of me every day, blah blah blah.
Okay… STOP this is a key part of the story. He is out of state and they had SEX… Steph! Don’t be so vague! “Everything that you could imagine happened, happened.” My imagination sees a flock of blow up sheep and a pool full of K-Y jelly, did that happen?
Okay, now for the good part….I decided to check out your blog and I was reading your guide to texting and found myself in some of those situations…not being the one to end the conversation, kept texting when I wasn’t getting any answer, phrasing things to get him to text me back..etc. Then I read the post about chasing. As funny as your comparisons to white tailed deer and cats were, it’s very true. I am the cat chasing that dog…ugh. For some reason that really got to me, and he’s been texting me all day w/o me responding this time! And I’m not sending him any of those stupid “oh I pine for you” sappy tweets anymore. Did you really say “I pine for you??” I know for a fact he’ll find another girl to do this to, he has a whole cycle he goes through with them. I wish his new girlfriend luck, I’ve washed my hands clean of it. Just b/c that blog post made me feel super empowered!
So good for you! and thank you!!
-Steph
Oh god… I am basking in it!! The glory of giving advice well taken!!
Can I Switch out of italics now?
Okay now that my ego is fully pumped up lets reflect on what happened. I am going to try and keep this short because there is SOOO much I could say but I will restrain myself to two points
The Back-up girl
A lot of guys and girls do this without thinking, they encourage a partial, one-way relationship with someone that they are not balanced with. This back-up is similar to a little bit of food a obese person has squirreled away. The really insidious part is when ever the food tries to be eaten by someone that actually needs it; the fat person sweet talks it back into its hiding place, promising to eat it later. So the girl remains waiting to be wanted, a lonely ding dong in a cupboard.
The sexual pit stop
This one was not clear until I talked to Steph on the phone. She explained that Italian boy was from out of town and when they had sex he was visiting her. From his history I would say that he has turned poor Steph into a sexual Burger King. Yup… anytime he is out and about and wants a nice hot juicy double whopper! Steph is there to provide! I would also guess that this guy has Burger King franchises in all the cities he visits. Heck he is sexually obese after all, why not?
Is he an asshole? Yes… He is. He deserves a really good screaming at or maybe a punch in the nose at a party. But not from you, your job is to learn, laugh and move on. He was your teacher and no one could have communicated this lesson more clearly than the hot stove of his dishonesty.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
PEOPLE!!! LISTEN TO THE MAN, SERIOUSLY!!!
Mike, between you and Steve Harvey’s book (lol) I have been giving guys a 1-2 combo that they do NOT see coming! I love it. I used to be so doggone convinient it was disgusting… I set up no standards at all, “oh no, you dont have to take me on a real date” “huh? what is this chivalry you speak of?” “oh its only 3am of course I was up”…. NO MORE DAMMIT!
Its time to give these men the business and weed out the assholes! Some are just a total waste of time… and nothing that a Nestle crunch and 4 episodes of Golden Girls can’t top!
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thank you again terra! I always like your comments. I hope everyone that reads this clicks on her name above to visit her site, funny stuff!
I don’t censor myself on facebook and I get into trouble sometimes.
Wow… I’d swear this is the same guy I was just in a relationship with. Down to the hot Italian olive skin and blue eyes…
Hmmm….
Great advice. Well taken by me too.
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“no one could have communicated this lesson more clearly than the hot stove of his dishonesty”–I love it, very well said Mike.
This is a great story that will hit home for so many women. Thanks for sharing!
Terra, great point! Took me a long time to learn that people who respect and give a damn about me do not call me at 3am.
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Thanks! I liked that line too. Made me feel like I had a big brain.
Oh, honey, did you really just call the girl a lonely “ding dong?”
Terra, I will have a double of whatever you are having. Mine wasn’t the hot Italian guy, mine was the 4 year older hottie I lusted for in high school who finally returned “the feelings” when he was married and his wife was pregnant. What I didn’t know was that she was in on the deal. Thankfully, I stopped that before it got started, but it’s amazing the lengths some people will go to in order to have their cake and eat it, too. This man actually got in good with my mother. He’s one of the few men I was interested in that she approved of. Granted, she had no idea he was married when he was wooing her favor.
Mike, this was well written and a good reminder that there has to be something beneath the surface or things fall apart pretty quickly.
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Hey thanks about the well written part! I didn’t have much to do with it though. It was written by a girl I currently have crush on!
Mike…. your such a Hot Ass sometimes! I would LOVE to have a crush right now, but I think Im too lazy!
So… I like REALLY neeeeed that couple up there in that pic to turn around… Like I need some closure on their frontal view… how horrible am I???
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I am with you! Maybe he has the face of brad pit and she looks like something from the munsters
One simple rule………….if anything is that much work then it’s not worth it! Relationships that are good do not rob you of your life, they enhance it.
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totally agree but people always want what is out of their reach. I think they think, “if only i could possess that person or that thing, then! I would b a worthwhile person.” but it never is the case
Should never look to a person to define you.
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I’d really love to see a post on how to be inconvenient! This one’s great.
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