Stephanie gets used by a hot guy

I met Stephanie on twitter a little while ago and she peeked at my site. Soon after, she joined me on facebook and sent me the below letter. I realized that there was a very good lesson here and decided to publish it with my commentary in italics.  BTW Stephanie is a very bright and pretty grad student.

Are you dating a pig?

So here’s the story:

He was the typical, super hot Italian guy, dark hair, olive skin, piercing blue eyes, etc. Why aren’t we madly in love you ask? Simple, he has had a girlfriend in some way, shape, or form the entire time I’ve known him. He would tell me the sweetest things, how amazing I am, send me cute little text messages, wall posts, anything and everything to make me more and more hooked on him. Then when I graduated, my graduation present was a kiss. After that point, I was done for, and he knew it because that’s when he started to change. I was so intoxicated by him; I couldn’t see what was happening.

A kiss!! That is all you got!?

Then, (cue angelic light and choir singing hallelujah) he and his girlfriend broke up! I thought: “HE’S MINE!! HE’S FINALLY MINE!!” And it seemed that way for a little while. Then, I started getting less and less communication from him. I knew it wasn’t going to work yet again, but I kept texting and calling and making every effort to get him to give me those cute little texts again, but they never came.

Getting close and pulling away is called “The Indian Giver” a pick up artist’s technique. The Hot Italian probably didn’t know what he was implementing but it certainly worked.

He was on an internship out of state, so he visited me. He stayed, and everything that you could imagine happened, happened. Then he left, and didn’t talk to me again for almost two months…there was another girl. I finally cornered him and got his answers to what had happened. He proceeded to apologize saying I don’t deserve him, he feels ashamed, thinks of me every day, blah blah blah.

Okay… STOP this is a key part of the story. He is out of state and they had SEX… Steph! Don’t be so vague! “Everything that you could imagine happened, happened.” My imagination sees a flock of blow up sheep and a pool full of K-Y jelly, did that happen?

Okay, now for the good part….I decided to check out your blog and I was reading your guide to texting and found myself in some of those situations…not being the one to end the conversation, kept texting when I wasn’t getting any answer, phrasing things to get him to text me back..etc. Then I read the post about chasing. As funny as your comparisons to white tailed deer and cats were, it’s very true. I am the cat chasing that dog…ugh. For some reason that really got to me, and he’s been texting me all day w/o me responding this time! And I’m not sending him any of those stupid “oh I pine for you” sappy tweets anymore. Did you really say “I pine for you??” I know for a fact he’ll find another girl to do this to, he has a whole cycle he goes through with them. I wish his new girlfriend luck,  I’ve washed my hands clean of it. Just b/c that blog post made me feel super empowered!
So good for you! and thank you!!
-Steph

Oh god… I am basking in it!! The glory of giving advice well taken!!
Can I Switch out of italics now?

Okay now that my ego is fully pumped up lets reflect on what happened. I am going to try and keep this short because there is SOOO much I could say but I will restrain myself to two points

The Back-up girl
A lot of guys and girls do this without thinking, they encourage a partial, one-way relationship with someone that they are not balanced with. This back-up is similar to a little bit of food a obese person has squirreled away. The really insidious part is when ever the food tries to be eaten by someone that actually needs it; the fat person sweet talks it back into its hiding place, promising to eat it later. So the girl remains waiting to be wanted, a lonely ding dong in a cupboard.

The sexual pit stop
This one was not clear until I talked to Steph on the phone. She explained that Italian boy was from out of town and when they had sex he was visiting her. From his history I would say that he has turned poor Steph into a sexual Burger King. Yup… anytime he is out and about and wants a nice hot juicy double whopper! Steph is there to provide! I would also guess that this guy has Burger King franchises in all the cities he visits. Heck he is sexually obese after all, why not?

Is he an asshole? Yes… He is. He deserves a really good screaming at or maybe a punch in the nose at a party. But not from you, your job is to learn, laugh and move on. He was your teacher and no one could have communicated this lesson more clearly than the hot stove of his dishonesty.

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