Step #14 To have or not to have sex, When should you put out?

Since I started the blog this has been the toughest post for me to write. I am two days over on it something I have not done all month. I think the reason it is so hard for me to write is because I have never had to wait for sex! Every relationship I have ever had, long and short started with sex. This has never been a hindrance to me but of course what you and he are comfortable with has to be taken into account. So I am going to take my best swing at this, hope you understand you are taking advice from a kinda reformed slut. (I always put out)

Karen is confused

Karen and I are kissing pressed up against the wall of the living room. I have my hands on the walls inadvertently knocking off the glow in the dark stars my roommate put there. Things start to get a little more R rated and I randomly wonder if my fingernails are clean. She is breathing heavy and we are both deep in the moment. Out of nowhere she says, “I am not going to have sex with you…” In less than two seconds she has arrested her breathing and is staring at me as I laugh. “Why would you say that to me?” I said ginning hugely. She said, “well I’m not…” I smiled and said, “who are you talking to? me or you? What you just said tells me that you want to have sex with me but you are trying to resist. Not only that but you are afraid to put out because you think I might only be interested in sex.” She looked at me with a glazed look and ten minutes later we were in bed.

The curse of the magic vagina

Jessica was really interested in me and unfortunately for her I knew it. She knew I was a bit wild but this just made her more into me. “Really… you think you are that good,” I said sardonically with an eye roll over the phone. She continues to bury her self, bragging about her amazing technique. I was getting bored with the conversation because I had heard it so many times before. (Don’t guys usually pull this crap???)
Jessica was stricken with magic vagina syndrome. This syndrome typically afflicts women interested in bagging the ungettable guy. This is the final desperate weapon in a less experienced woman’s arsenal to capture a man. This poor sexual soldier thinks that if she can just get a man wrapped around her legs she can screw him into submissive love. That somehow if she can just bed him, he will melt into obsession like so many other weaker men. Unfortunately just drawing this weapon means things are already doomed. The only guy she would ever pull this gun on she cannot and should not have. Magic vagina syndrome has put me in bed with more women than I could count and none of them have ever changed my feelings.

The two for one ice cream

It drives me crazy being a nutritionist in the US. The amount of junk here is staggering AND adding insult to injury Americans associate value with size and quantity. So the junk is prevalent and bloody HUGE!
My roommate comes back from the grocery store with two MASSIVE containers of ice cream. “Why did you get two???” I said. “It was a buy one get one free…duh…” she said, reminding me that I do live in “the valley.” “That doesn’t mean you have to get it!” She responded curtly “It’s not like I am going to eat it all!!”  She was wrong. Two hours there are two empty containers in the trash and one roommate in groaning convulsions on the couch. If you want to lose weight you don’t fill up the house with the food equivalent of heroine! This is a simple principle that very few get. Don’t rely on discipline, change your environment instead. Afraid you are going to sleep with him and you want to wait?? For god sake, DON’T hang out at his house alone with a glass of wine, movie and a skirt on. (Especially if it’s me)

My friend is as easy as I am

I just talked to my friend about this subject and she gave a bit typical woman’s magazine answer. “I think you should wait if you want a good relationship.” I responded “I know I am not normal but I don’t think I have ever waited for a girl.” “Yeah I know what you mean I don’t think I have ever waited either, you just know if it is going to last. Actually the last time I made someone wait was the most sexual, least emotional relationship I have ever had, strange” she said.
This is where things get muddled, all the advice all the junk you have read, did it really have an impact on your actions? Or do you just think you behaved the way they advised you to?

I think you already know

I believe that most women already know if a guy is interested in sex only. Unfortunately this clarity is sabotaged when you are not honest with yourself. When you REALLY REALLY want and need something to work you ignore the obvious signs screaming at you to change course. You end up alone at his house and you get caught up in the moment only asking yourself the next day if you should have eaten that much ice cream. Or…  you totally lose your mind and think that sex somehow equals relationship! Please don’t blame the guy for your not being honest with yourself. Women are far more perceptive than men, use that perception and a dose of honesty to know when to put out!
Still don’t know? Want something more concrete? Here are a couple of quick tips.

When to not have sex with him:

• You think you can change him if only he sampled your goods!
• You are drinking!
• You can feel your expectations are higher than his
• He is wild and you are in love
• There is sexual attraction only
• There is sexual tension created by dislike
• He is pushy with sex in any way shape or form, CLOSE THE GATES!

When to have sex with him:

• You feel balanced with him there is no negative tension
• He is fine without sex
• You can honestly say you are no influence by neediness
• You get a clean wholesome feeling from it all
• He is shy to make the moves (is more concerned about how you feel)
• You are comfortable in silence together (strange one, but means he just likes being with you)

Step # 15 Shut up and allow the relationship to get serious

Want to learn more? Click here to see another viewpoint on putting out

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Tagged as: Putting out, When to have sex