Lynn with her boyfriend
I have a little frustration and anger towards social pressures put on all of us to pick a certain type of guy/girl. We go out with someone that does not fit this ideal and we nervously glance around see if anyone recognizes us! Personally I refuse to go out with the Ken or Barbie of the dating world. I find that they are valued WAY MORE than what they are worth. Barbie is usually a tall blond with big boobs and a powerful Job. Ken is a six footer with sandy hair and inevitably a brainless lawyer that goes to strip bars on the weekends. Why do we value these people so much, when someone a little different might be so much better? You may not have impressed the friends or family with Akbar the research student but… who… fucking… cares…
Lynn likes black guys
Lynn really likes black guys, she has never had much success with white guys. Her mother is not very pleased that for the last 10 years, she has been bringing home the wrong color . Thank GOD Lynn does not listen to her mother… Why does Lynn break this cultural Taboo in the city of Detroit, One of the most racist places in the US? Lynn feels that she is far more appreciated by black guys. She has a bit more junk in the trunk, which she feels is not very appreciated by whities. If Lynn goes into a bar she feels that a much higher quality black guy will talk to her than a white guy. Since Lynn does not fit the Barbie physique, she does not feel confident around the guys that hold this up as their ideal.
The dork finally gets the girl
Japan is a heaven for geeky guys. Endless streams of dorky Western guys get their first girlfriend in Japan. Although some of them go a little Austin Powers on the place and don’t know when to stop! There is a pretty funny cartoon about this in a popular Japanese magazine for foreigners. It is about a geeky guy in Japan that becomes CHARISMA MAN!!!, his arch enemy is the WESTERN GIRL… In japan Charisma Man is complemented for his physique when in his home country he was ridiculed. He is told he looks like Brad Pitt when he more closely resembles Forest Gump. He is popular for once in his life only fearing that his arch enemy Western Girl might force him back in the box from whence came.
Barbie is pissed
It was strange to see an average guy become a superstar in Japan but even more fascinating, to see a pretty girl become average. For most guys this was delightful… Barbie was no longer desired, in fact Barbie couldn’t even get a date! This inevitably drives a lot of girls out of Japan desparately wanting the attention they originally had in their home country. So why didn’t the western girls date the Japanese guys? Good question! This is where their Ken doll image of the perfect guy failed them. The Japanese guys tended to not be as large or tall as westerners. They were very polite and often not masculine enough for western girls. Often Japanese men were very intimidated by western girls and were terrified to ask them out. This is a horrible shame.
Sharon breaks the rules
Sharon was a very cool girl… She and I become good friends when I first moved to Japan. She was one of the few girls not bitter about western guys choosing Japanese girls. Sharon was smart, she realized that she was ignoring a vast resource of men by focusing on westerners only. The major problem was that Sharon was a bit bigger than the Japanese girls. She was model tall and had a full figure. Sharon wanted to be with a bigger guy to make her feel more feminine, (understandable but not necessary!) She was brilliant in finding the solution… Sharon boldly started visiting the local fire station where the men were much taller and beefier than the typical guy. The firefighters where excited and baffled at this tall large breasted western girl giving them attention! She was instantly rolling in men… She was invited to many fire fighter functions and eventually married one of them.
Trout or Bass?
Imagine that you are a fisherman and the most popular fish to catch is bass. There are a lot of other fishermen fishing for bass too and the competition is high. You might catch one or two bass on a good day but it is barely enough to feed you. One day the wind kicks up and you are blown into a new area. Suddenly you catch a trout! and another, and another!! You now have 10 fish in your bucket. You take out a trout and look at it. It is not as big as a bass but it has it’s own qualities. You eat the trout and it is very good, the flavor is different but still delicious! If you are smart you say “screw bass!” I like trout!
Break the norm
The guy is short, thin, bald, black, white, asian, a garbage man, a computer geek. So what…!!! If you are valued by someone not the norm embrace this!! This is your trout, it may make other people uncomfortable but this is your life not theirs.
- If you are in a lake of hungry trout why are you demanding bass?
- In a sea of trout finding a great one is much easier than in a pond of bass
- Did you like coffee the first time? that differnt guy is the same
- Your happiness is far more important than your families/friend’s discomfort
Step #9 Dating and Networking, how one person can lead to thousands
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
You know Mike, this is a great post because i can relate to this a lot.
For many years during my dating years, I have no idea why but for some reason things did not work out for me because my parents did not approve of who I was dating.
They got their own criteria and I did not agree with it but wasn’t man enough to stand up and say no.
I finally learned that in the past year or so and when I look back on that, I am so shocked and appalled at myself for doing that.
As you said, why are we doing this for our friends or family comfort? I mean who will live with this person everyday? Certainly not them.
Another thing, just because your parents raised you a certain way, it does not mean you will actually remain that way, your beliefs will change in values, morals, religion, money, etc.
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Tom always glad to see you back.
It is painful how much our friends and family affect our choices in life.
If I had listened to what I thought they wanted for me. I would have gone to med school and never left the states! something I don’t regret AT ALL.
Honestly not their fault but I desperately wanted to be accepted and it was hard to break these bonds
I like step#8!!
))
I’m a Black woman. Black men don’t find me that attractive, which doesn’t bother me, cause i’m not attracted to them. There more like “brothers” to me, even if they look like Gary Dourdan! I’m attracted to the complete opposite white guys. If they’re blond, it’s even bether
So, i say big up to multiculturality!
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I like step 8 too. I have a lot of passion for this subject, since I have not dated my own ethnicity in over 10 years. This does not mean I didn’t sleep with them! (alcohol is dangerous)
So… I have blond hair…
Maybe I am shooting too far with this but just because they are your parents does not mean they know or understand what is best for you.
They are still human beings and as we know it, we are all selfish, all about me-me-me.
I mean I even hear my parents telling me don’t listen to this or that person while the stuff that comes out of their mouth does not make sense or I just don’t agree with.
So a normal person would listen to either one, but me I listen to both and figure out with one makes sense to me.
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Man–time to get away from Southern California, my friend! That’s where Barbie and Ken reign supreme. You should try out Hyde Park where girls are unabashedly brunette, not so busty, and really don’t care whether they meet the Barbie standard or not–they’d rather read a book, talk about quantum physics and laugh about Kant or Nietzsche while lounging in the sun at the lake front. And where guys are sexily geeky and international, just as comfortable with Star Trek as they are with Durkheimian social theory. Here, a good mind is so much more appealing than the stereotyped gendered ideals symbolized by Barbie and Ken.
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Dammit Sarah! didn’t you read the comment I left on Step #6??
Sorry man! Just can’t control this monster brain of mine!!
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well don’t worry it is clearly not as big as my ego or my non existent sex life.
What, no sex life?!? The Master Dater?!? But on the bright side, think of all of that extra creative energy you can channel into blogging… How very zen of you. Now whether this is on purpose or accidental is another issue entirely.
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Wow! I really like the photo. A big blonde girl! I can’t imagine how BIG her p***y is. LOL.
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You’re nasty…
Mike, I was just having a conversation about this the other day. The truth of the matter is that diversity is not accepted in the United States. If you look anything outside of Hollywood standards of normalcy, in general day to day life, people will “try to do better.” If they think you are the best they can get, then they will stick with you. If not, they’ll keep going. I’m not generally a Jewel fan, but her line in her song Intuition hits the nail on the head when it says “am I it or could you get more?” It’s a predominant thought in our country.
Granted, I was having this conversation with another large woman, such as myself. She is African American, I’m white, but we’ve both experienced the same stereotypical behavior in men and women. Keeping in mind that this is a stereotype, and therefore a generalization that could not possibly apply to everyone, but because it is a stereotype, applies to many. What we’ve found in our personal experience is this: Whites want skinny women and muscular men. Blacks want junk in the trunk and men that are big enough to make the women feel small. And Latinos want their women large. The larger the better and the women just want their men. However they are. It’s a very sensual, sexualized thing.
My friend and I come from two very different backgrounds and yet we both ended up in doctoral programs in the same school. I’m from the North, she’s from the South and we’ve had very different experiences up until this point. But the way we’ve observed and been treated has been the same. By far, I haven’t had a white man look at me twice since I was a size 7/8. However, I went to New Orleans for a conference last year and had to wave cars with Latinos and African American men on because I’m married. It’s a crazy country we live in.
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