I watched in freeze frame as my pencil case slowly slid off of my books. Hands full I leaned back to try to stop it but too late. The pencils exploded and eraser shrapnel hit students walking by. I spastically put my books in my locker to salvage the mess, scrambling as if I dropped a pile of loose bills. As I squatted down I heard a nauseating rip originating from the butt crack of my thrift store corduroy pants. I immediately shot up and squeezed my checks together as if I had farted realizing too late it was not a fart. Frozen I turned my back to the lockers but it was too late. “Masters!! Nice tighty whiteys!” I heard classmates snigger and I felt an embarrassment and shame slide to a depth only the young can reach.
All I wanted was to be normal, to be like the popular kids. The ones that could afford the polo shirts and the stone washed jeans (dating myself?). I wanted to be normal, normal… just like everyone else, god… please…?
Accepting my difference
I started to accept that I was different about the time I was 20. Ironically I realized this when I was attending Westmont, a Christian college in Santa Barbara. I was not at all like these students, I was older and previously working as a underwater welder off the oil platforms. I went from a group of tobacco chewing ex-military perverts to a clean cut wealthy preppy group of 18 year old closet perverts. I couldn’t fit in no matter what I tried. At one point I over heard a friend talking about how I was not giving my life to Jesus properly. I couldn’t take it any longer and got out before I punched the friend or the asshole religious studies teacher. Interestingly, even though I was trying to cloak myself in this christian cultural bubble, I stood out and because of that I drew female attention like white on rice. I found myself getting more dates than I had ever experienced.
The Australian’s have a saying called tall poppy syndrome. This means that if you are a tall poppy (a tree) you will get noticed and then cut down. I don’t know why human nature works this way but to be different you risk ridicule. However this difference is incredibly valuable… We are all different, exciting and complicated but media, friends and society push us into becoming what they think is acceptable, comfortable and safe. I believe that this is why America is loaded with fake breasted women with eating disorders and steroided up guys with crew cuts. Looks and Personality are forced through a social playdoh factory and we become terrified to say what we believe or be who really are.
Step out of the mold
The world is full of sheep, they bah and eat grass and seem to be content. Many of the sheep wish to explore more, maybe to grow into another animal but there are so many other sheep and it is safe. Some sheep have been attacked by a wolf and think that straying away from the herd is a very baaaaahd thing. Eventually they end up marrying another sheep and having little terrified sheep kids. Every once in a while a sheep wanders off and the flock panics, they call to the stray baaaahing about all the dangers in the world… Usually the sheep comes back but… sometimes… a sheep actually escapes and they become a mountain lion! The sheep look on jealously at the amazing life the lion has but they keep eating the grass because the jungle is scary and the pasture is safe. Little do the sheep know the most dangerous place is to be stuck in the fold where the grass scarce and mediocrity pervades.
If you want a truly amazing life and partner you need to be who you really are, act the way you want to act, look the way you want to look. There are so many people out there with wonder bread personalities and ken doll looks. Is this really the kind of person you wish to be? Worse yet wish to attract?? When you are different you attract everyone, you become the sought after minority rather than the ignored majority. Yes it is a dangerous place to be but far more satisfying.
- The grass everyone eats is the least plentiful
- In a crowd of sheep everyone looks at the tiger
- Boring attracts boring, what are you?
- Chameleons may fit but are also ignored
- Be proud of your differences! Use them to attract someone as eclectic as you are
Step #7 Anger and fear, blocking your soul mate
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Thanks for the comment!
I was just musing over your tagline “How to make a man your bitch”, it’s kinda funny coming from a man. Keep me posted about your Shanghai trip!
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I very much enjoy the example you gave about the herd of sheep because essentially this is how our world is shaped.
People afraid to step out of their comfort zone because for one of the uncertainty and because others from the herd are telling you not to.
You definitely can achieve great things in life if you basically don’t care what others tell you and just be yourself.
To tell you a quick story of me and dating. I am dating a girl right now and we are getting along great actually, i don’t think I felt about someone this way in a very long time.
One thing she says that she respects me for is that I am open and honest with her. Seeing how we are both very open minded and I just tell her how it is.
So there you go, being open and honest works, but not with everyone though, it is hard to find those kind of people.
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Women also have to understand that to go against the norm take quite a lot of confidence
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I think it takes a lot of confidence for guys too. I know for myself I constantly have to fight the pressure to change my image. But dammit… I like my tongue piercing!
There’s truth here, though sheep aren’t sheep from fear alone. Apathy and just plain ignorance figure into herd mentality as well ’cause not all of the sheep know about the wolf. Some take the easy road they’ve always known others just don’t know that there’s another road or four to take. Like you, though, I was forced onto other roads since I’ve never quite fit in–I’ve always been a loner and an odd ball and I’ve come to accept that and I wouldn’t have it any other way. One of the tiny ways the importance of difference manifests in my life is in my winter coat–a fabulous, tailored, knee-length, candy-apple red wool sailor coat with big black buttons that’s oh-so-feminine and sassy. In a city where everyone wears grey or black all winter long (what’s with that–isn’t winter dark enough already???), my coat stands out in a crowd, so I have to wear it like I mean it. When I have it on, I walk with my head high, smiling, and with confidence, since there is no way in hell I can hide in that thing! The best part is feeling so damn good, but another fun part is other people’s responses of envy and/or admiration. Now, that’s just a coat–difference can be embraced much more deeply and satisfyingly than through a piece of clothing.
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Sarah, I is a strict rule of mine that a comment author can not be more intelligent than I am.
Sorry but I think I am going to have to block you…