Step #2 Get clear – Boring good guy or Sexy bad guy?

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This is post 14 of a 15 part series on finding the perfect partner. The last post we talked about fire and water and the importance of knowing what kind of guy is best suited for you. This post is on congruence or why we tend to be attracted to the wrong person.

Every person has a huge mess of contradictory desires in them, one of the worst arrives as the partner we choose.

Unfortunately the person we are most attracted to is probably not the person we should be with and the person we should be with we are probably not  attracted to. This is because we have two images in our mind of the perfect guy, one image is generated by the rational mind and the other is generated by the subconscious. These two images are almost never in sync.

Think of it like this… The healthiest guy for you is a Veggie and the guy you are attracted to is Chocolate. The subconscious mind wants to eat only chocolate AND wants to eat it all day! But this is not good for you and will make you emotionally fat and zitty. The conscious mind knows Veggies are very good for you BUT!! Veges are boring… So what do you do? You date a chocolate guy and start to hate men OR you date a veggie guy and cheat on him with some chocolate. Not a good cycle to be in.

What is the solution? Well there are two really. Date a veggie and cheat on him once every few months with a chocolate. OR try to find a healthy mix, veggicolate guy! (veg-i ko-lot) This is a guy that has his head on strait, satisfies your mother but is wild enough to make your father uncomfortable.

The only problem is that you may not be completely attracted to this type of guy. People are very much attracted to what strengthens their dislike of themselves. This is hard to understand. Why would a person want to encourage something negative??? Lets use financial success as an example. You may believe making money is difficult and that belief is rooted in your subconscious. Since you and your subconscious hate to be wrong it will do it’s damnedest to prove it’s correct. You will seek out low paying jobs and be irresponsible with money so you can eventually say, “see! It is too hard to be successful! I can’t do what I want and I most certainly can’t make good money at it!!” and you will continue working at a job you hate, forever… This belief was probably instilled in you from your family, friends and society.

But this belief is a lie…

Now since we don’t have 10 years of psychotherapy to reprogram your subconscious’ beliefs I am going to teach you a short cut!

There are two ways to affect your subconscious programming. One is to work from the inside out and the other is to work from the outside in. Working from the inside out is effective but takes time, determination and a whole lot of self-help reading (which is great by the way!). The much faster way is to work from the outside in… Huh? You say?

Lets take a very depressed person… we could work on the internal programming with therapy, affirmations, and a bunch of meds. Hopefully after a few years the depressed person will finally be able to smile at themselves in the mirror. BUT… what if we went the other way? What if we smiled in the mirror only…? Took no meds or therapy, only put on a show of happiness? It might seem false but strangely enough the subconscious would start to be affected by this external behavior. Eventually it would say… “I need to rewrite some stuff because externally, I am happy?? WTF? Okay… here goes” and eventually that smile would become real.  This is where the Alcoholics Anonymous saying “fake it until you make it” comes from. I want you to fake it until you make it with the right guy. Soon, just like eating your veggies, you will start to enjoy a better quality guy!

Bullets:

• Date the “right guy” first, become attracted to him later
• Make sure that your veggies have a side of chocolate
• The Chocolate part of him must play on your “wild” side not your self-loathing side
• He must be more veggie than chocolate, AND you must be the same for him

Continue to Step #3 Using what can’t you stand about that A**hole!

Related posts

• Step #8 in perfect partner, who really desires you? (14)
• Why getting a boy and buying a car are the same, Part 1 (0)
• Why do I keep choosing Mr. Wrong? (8)
• Why confidence is attractive to men, Part 2 (0)
• The simple rules for texting a guy, killer texting stratagies (9)

Tagged as: Bad guy, Getting the guy, Good guy