Is your boyfriend bullying you into a break up?

by Mike Masters on February 11, 2009 · 1 Comment
in Male/Female insecurities, breakup

Mike the snowboard god!

A few years back I was dating someone older than me. I was 25 at the time and she was 30. Not that big a difference… but for some reason I felt self conscious about it, even though we looked the same age. Actually I felt crappy about everything. I didn’t like my behavior with this person at all. I remember once going snowboarding with her and explaining to her how everyone just sucked and how I was the incredible snowboard GOD. She listened and laughed when she was supposed to as if to say “please lets hear more of your self indulgence.” We went boarding with some friends of hers, absolute posers… The guys all had brand new $1000 dollar Burton boards and Burton gear and undoubtedly fur-lined Burton panties… I had zero respect. The guy that drove us up to the mountain even bought $1500 worth of special tires with spikes embedded in them. POOOSSERRR… I would blow these losers out of the snowboarding water, just to teach them a lesson for having better gear than I!! We got to the mountain and I laughed my superior non brand name ass off as one of the guys flapped his arms going down the hill impersonating a flamingo with a broken wing. I knew it! Losers… I smiled smugly as I complained more about her friends and she nodded and laughed a bit more diplomatically adding that maybe I could teach them something. I snorted in derision and did a Top Gun flyby on flamingo boy, I was the shit!! I spent the whole ride home in pain over my awful behavior and a dislocated shoulder from a very embarrassing crash I didn’t tell anyone about BUT I still was the best…

bad-beagle My girlfriend had a dog, an evil little beagle that behaved like a horrible spoiled two year old. It barked non-stop and I wanted to kick it over the wall of the five story apartment, imagining it yipping the whole way down ending in a satisfying “YEALP!” This dog was miserable, it would run into the house and instantly pee on the carpet, the sofa or her bed. She would passively say “no…” to the dog and then give it love as if to say “I understand you have a bladder problem, snukums.” When it peed on my jacket I nearly took it by it’s tail and shook it like doggie maracas but I love dogs and all animals. So instead I stepped on it’s foot when she wasn’t looking “oops” I said in surprise as the dog reincarnation of two year old me ran away yelping. She didn’t get angry.

We finally broke up two weeks before my birthday and I was so relieved! I told her that I was going to go to Thailand for a month. She had planned a party for me and was furious that I canceled on her. I had never seen her angry before and I finally saw my chance. In self-righteous indignation I blew up and I told her “thats it!” She said “fine!” and that was that. We didn’t talk again for another year and I was free.

If you have ever watched the Dog Whisperer? he always has the same message. It is never the dog, it is always the owners behavior that ruins the dog. In other words the dog either becomes a reflection of the owner or supports the owners need for dysfunction. This explains the dog’s behavior but what about mine? I acted very similar to the dog, pushing and pushing to find the end of her rope that didn’t seem to exist. She was infinitely patient with my self-absorbed behavior. I was allowed to act out the worst in my character because she would put up with it. I was disgusted with this self indulgent, arrogant, prepubescent version of myself. I was completely baffled at my behavior only now realizing that I was purposely driving her to anger in order to break up! For about five of the six months we were together I took the coward’s way out and tried to be so awful that she would leave me or at least start an argument that I could at least turn into a break up! I had no respect for her and even less for myself. When she finally got angry with me I immediately used it as an excuse to break up. Something I am sure she wanted as well.

I would no longer ever date someone like this and if I did I would coach them on when to smack down my arrogant side. Not only that but I hope I have become mature enough not to allow this childish side to come out again, except when I snowboard…. because I am that good and you suck…

Not standing up for yourself and what you believe often allows others to crush your ego, see my post on bad boys
Often guys/girls will harass their partners into anger or poor actions to give them an excuse to escape the relationship
I have seen people behave radically different with different partners, you may just be a bad match
Setting the lines of proper behavior in a relationship is scary but absolutely necessary for a healthy relationship