This is a continuation of a previous post please read this first – Part 1 of I think my fiance is going to cheat on me!
- First let’s address the pornography
Have you ever seen a nature show on lions? Inevitably they have a scene where the lions are all clustered around the base of a tree panting. Now maybe they are panting because of the heat but I like to think it is for all the wildebeest in the background. If a lion had internet it would at least once a day stare drooling at pictures of sexy prey (of course the more religious lions would refrain). Men look at women as much as they can, I would guess that about 75% of men over the age of 16 masturbate to some kind of pornography on a regular basis. Why you ask? That is for another post… Back to the point, does the porn viewing mean she is going to cheat on her? Yes and also no, in some senses it is normal and in another it is like smoking dope leads to other drugs. It kinda opens the door in a mans mind and could lead to cheating but it is really up to his character as to whether or not he is going to walk through that door. In my personal opinion they two are not as linked as you might think.
- She is 6’ tall and a body builder
This communicates two very important things. Her self image is wrapped up in her appearance and she carries a LOT of masculine energy. Her narcissistic self image will make her be very very threatened by any women in his life, even a photo. This insecurity will almost drive him in the opposite direction. Just like French kids growing up with alcohol don’t abuse it to the same degree as American kids. Want to make a kid obsessed with candy? Be really strict about it and NEVER let them have any. I am not saying that she should allow him to cheat but her paranoia will make him seek out the opposite of what she wants.
Now her masculine energy is a problem too and it limits her choices of partners radically. Masculine and feminine energy always balances, if a woman is very feminine she can be with a less masculine guy. If a women is very masculine she has two choices to maintain the balance, either a feminine guy or a very masculine one. Since all women want to feel feminine she is going to choose a very very masculine guy. This can be a problem because the more masculine a guy becomes often the nastier the traits. Inject a bunch of testosterone in a guy and see if he becomes a more pleasant human being. This does not mean he is a raging bull of a man with a constant erection but those very masculine traits (like being with many partners) might shine through when she is not able to control him. (this is a gross over simplification of masculine and feminine energy, please don’t be offended)
- He has been living a wild life style for a long time
I can relate to this pretty directly since I would by no means want to marry me! Think of it like this, imagine that you are a woman (this is for Tom my only male reader) and you really really like chocolate. You have been eating chocolate every day for the last 25 years. You adore chocolate! It is linked to very very good feelings. Now suddenly you meet vanilla ice cream and the vanilla ice cream demands that you never eat chocolate again or any other flavor ice cream for that matter! You fall in love with this ice cream and as long as that love lasts it is not too hard to avoid chocolate. But one day the ice cream is a real bitch and GOD DAMMIT!!!! You could go for some chocolate!! Plus some chocolate just flirted with you at work… mmmmm… chocolate… just a bite, no one will know.
How about a greater addiction? You are a heroine addict and one day you want to clean up your life because it is time to get things together! (Go TEAM!) So you go into rehab take methadone and are isolated for 90 days. Well, because of the methadone things are not so bad, not to mention that you are isolated from your drug. Hey I can make it! I can really have a different life! Then you get out of rehab and you are a new man! I can really do this relationship thing! You feel fulfilled and for a while you are a normal functioning person! One day the methadone runs out (or the love) and you feel empty again. What do you want to fill it with? Heroine… Sweet heroine… you really didn’t do that much… and your problem really wasn’t that bad… plus your buddy has some of the really good stuff you liked so much. Well, just a little bit… I can control it this time… no one will know…
- They have been dating only six months and are already engaged.
Read the number five reason in my post The top ten reasons he is going to break up with you! For a little more in depth. Getting engaged in 6 months?? with problems to boot?? WTF??
This couple is in the drug haze of love and in the thick smoke of passion nothing is clear. They will say or do anything to maintain their high, this includes lying to themselves. There are problems here, it is clear to us and her friends that she should not be getting married yet, but noooo… everything is okay… (insert Hendrix music and a bong). They are literally high on love… Peace out… Unfortunately the second this wears off both of them will go back to their old patterns. Unless of course their relationship is built on stronger stuff and for her sake I really hope it is.
GET SOMETHING STRAIT, people do not change very easily EVER!! and when times are tough they go back to the things that make them forget the pain. They go back to their comfort even if that comfort will destroy their lives and their relationships. Do you really want to gamble on an addict? Do you really want to base your happiness on promises from a partner you have only known six months?? Especially when all of your friends are telling you to wait???? I think not.
BTW she ignored my advice. Are you surprised?
- An old dog can learn new tricks but do you really want to spend years training him?
- People change slowly or not at all, radical changes only occurs on ones deathbed
- Love is a drug and you must not trust yourself when you or they are high
- The only reason to rush is because you know you might be wrong, listen to your friends they see the big picture
