Ever heard the saying people don’t change? Is that true? Is that fair? I am sure that you in your life you have changed often. Grown into a better person, become more patient and more accepting. Is it possible that he could have changed too? Is it possible that he will be the perfect man from now on?
When I first moved to Japan there were two girls of the same name that I fell in love with. When I refer to them I call one Angry Keiko and the other Evil Keiko. Not a good start… Evil Keiko will factor into another story. Angry Keiko however, wow… We met when she had a boyfriend, who she cheated on with me, not good. The relationship continued to be tumultuous to say the least. Fighting was rampant and only to be matched with passionate making up. The most piercing memory I have is one of me trying to get Keiko back after a break up. If I remember right this was my fault, I was still trying to be a single guy and I was probably not behaving in the best way. She responded by breaking up with me, which in my mind was no different than slamming the bathroom door. She would be back. When she went back to her ex boyfriend I realized the bathroom door she slammed had a back door leading outside. Oh shit!!!! Something transformed in me and I felt myself panic. I felt as if my car got repossessed and I lost my Job at the same time. The molasses like sick terror of loss I could not escape. My phone was constantly in my hand as I prepared text after text, never sending any but worse yet never getting any. I kept looking up her number hesitating to call only because she told me “if you call me again I am going to block your number!” Three days of this panic nearly incapacitated me. I needed her back as I needed blood in my veins. Every thought, every action was bent to this desire. Whatever it would take I would do, I would even change.
Since she would not answer my calls I took the day off of work so I could corner her at hers. I bought the biggest bouquet of white roses I could find, secretly shocked that I broke $100 on decapitated plants. When I arrived at the bakery where she worked I embarrassed both of us by walking in with this white Afro of flowers. Probably more to get me out of her store she agreed to talk to me outside for a few minutes. She had fresh burn marks on her arms from the ovens and her hair stuck out funny from under a white paper hat but she never looked so beautiful to me. “Keiko, I can change…” This profoundly heartfelt statement was repeated by me in a 1000 ways until she had to go back to work. She took the flowers and hugged me, telling me she still loved me and we would TRY AGAIN!!! YES!!!! I felt like a starving man crawling into a McDonalds dumpster!
About two months later we repeated this cycle and again a few months after that. I didn’t change and neither did she.
Why? Why did I act this way? Why didn’t I change when I swore I would? This adult version of a temper tantrum is a disturbing facet of human character. I should never have gone back to Keiko since I didn’t care when we first broke up. The only thing that drove me was my desire to keep her away from another man. To posses again what was mine. At the time I would say or do anything that would get me to this goal. Was I lying? NO! and Yes… I would swear on a bible in front of the pope that I was ready to commit to be the man she wanted. However deep down I knew that the moment she was back in the door and I had dead bolted it, I would sneak back to my old patterns.
This is once again the animal/primitive mind hijacking the system. It knows what is wants and will do anything to get it. So should you let him back in your life after he is born again into the perfect boyfriend?
Sadly, probably not. More sadly you probably will.
· Actions do speak louder than words, If he really did change let him show you over a few months
. If jealousy is involved, don’t believe a word he or you say
· Pulling away can get him to take some steps in the direction of change but you must hold strong
· Permanent change always takes time, reinforcement and repetition. One week is not enough.
