Are you going to get a breakup for the holidays?
What the hell is going on? You ask yourself as your boyfriend gets wishy washy around your plans for Christmas. “You told me that you were able to go with me to my parents house?” he responds lamely about his dog needing to get spayed that day. You hang up the phone pissed and confused, wanting to go over to his work and embarrass his spineless ass in front of his coworkers, Jerk…
I can feel the holidays pressing like an ominous cloud in the distance. The thing that scares me the most is having to buy a present for my girlfriend. It is not that I don’t know what to get her, well I think I do. She hinted at it so many times that I am 90% sure what to get but if I am wrong??? Crap… I sigh, roll my eyes to let out a little confusion and tension. I love her right? I see two Christmases in my mind one free of Joy (that’s her name not the feeling) and with Joy. The image with Joy defiantly contains less joy… The later image is wrapped with fear and commitment. Commitment? I feel a bit surprised as that word jumps into my head. Is that the problem? About a week earlier an ex called me to invite me to a holiday party in Vegas. I imagine the situation and I feel a wave of freedom and fun. My brain starts to conspire against the inevitable, frantically looking for a way out. What is my problem? I feel like I am a week away from getting married do I have cold feet over holidays with Joy? Another wave of sickening dread comes over me and I contemplate a breakup.
“What do you mean you can’t be with me on New Years??” You say in a valley girl twang. “What’s wrong with you!?” “Vegas with your friends, don’t you want to be with me and family?? Fine! Do whatever you want” You hang up the phone furious and this leads to violent tears. “I hate the holidays!” you rack in between sobs. You feel strongly about confronting him. “Asshole! He deserves to feel as bad as I do.” You wait for him in your car outside of his work, constantly convincing yourself that this is the right thing to do. He gets in your car and the argument ensues. Two hours later he is gone, not just from the car but from your life. As you drive home the combination of rain and your tears make it hard to see. You don’t understand, why now? This was the worst possible time for him to do this. Deep down you know that you were a part of this but you decided that it is much easier to hate men. You drive to you mom’s house and as she hugs you she confirms that not man deserves her wonderful daughter and you are defiantly not to blame.
The pressure the holidays exude can lift up a relationship or destroy it. Every holiday with a a girlfriend has elicited one of two feeling from me, joy or dread. If the relationship is solid I feel excited to show my love for the one I am with. If things are not so good and expectations are high I only want to run. To enter the holidays and have to pretend you have a solid relationship when you may not, is often a deal breaker. In the mind of the fearful partner the holidays represent a continuation of a relationship they may not want to be in.
What is the right thing to do? Dial down the pressure radically, have no expectations give him or her the freedom to show their love for you on their own. Understand that the holidays are high stress and both of you need room to breathe. If you push and demand a certain expectation you may only get a big fat breakup instead of the love you want.
Bullets:
• Holidays are often so stressful that your relationships may tip to a breaking point
• This is a great time to reduce any pressure or expectation, let them come to you
• Focus on your family not your relationship, the lack of attention will draw your partner
• Expect that your partner may not be themselves over the holidays and make concessions for that.
Also don’t forget to vote on the polls!
Related posts:
- Christmas – the couple killer (at least for me) Christmas, the most wonderful time of the year, for couples?...
- Bromance, is he hanging out with “the guys” too much? Jealousy of a dude? I came home from my...
- The myth of casual sex – What is he thinking? part 1 of 2 The myth of Casual sex When I was in...
