Boys and Cars part 7
• Good sales people create demand for a product by limiting the supply (previous post)
• Good sales people realize that they can choose who they sell to.
When I managed a nutrition store there was a particular customer that was very difficult. She would come in argue with me about something, buy opposite of what I recommended and then bring it back. When she returned something for the 6th time and yelled at me, I had enough. “Do me a favor, don’t come back here again” I said in a calm tone. The customer was flabbergasted, “what? Who is the manager!” “I am, and I don’t think we need your business, it is stressful and not worth it, please leave.” She stormed out ranting threats. I never heard about it again and sales were not affected but I was. It was so nice to go to work without fear of the emotional uni-bomber showing up.
I once read a very interesting observation about dating in the book Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. He interviewed a group of people before a speed-dating event and asked them what their ideal partner was. One girl interviewed said “I want a funny, kind, generous guy, the type of guy that opens doors for you.” Strangely though, the guys that she ended up being attracted to didn’t fit this description. She was attracted more to a rough guy, aggressive but charismatic. She was not alone, almost everyone was attracted to people that didn’t match what they thought they wanted.
Attraction is a strange thing. I remember meeting a girl when I was in college that I thought was a knock out. We hung out all the time really enjoying each others company but things never got serious. This really baffled me because I ALWAYS got the girl! When I met her ex I finally understood. He drove up in a small Toyota pickup backfiring as he ground the gears into a parking space. He got out of the car, fat, tattooed head to toe with a goatee Mr. Tumnus would be proud of. She ran up and hugged him. I being very jealous picked apart this guys every flaw, (pig, meth smoking scum sucking…etc) . But… this was her type and I was about as opposite from him as Ozzy Osborne is to Ned Flanders. To my chagrin he turned out to be a pretty nice stoner type.
What we think we want and what we are attracted to are very different things. Often the people we are most attracted to support some dysfunction in our life. Had a controlling father? We are insanely attracted to a controlling person that supports this weakness. We tell ourselves that we want something different but fighting attraction is extremely difficult.
Working in the service industry we are taught to bend over backwards to all customers. To stand up and deny service would be unthinkable. Imagine though if it was okay, if you could turn away the awful customer the one you don’t want in your life. The one that causes you stress and makes you terrified to date again. I believe that you have the choice. I believe that it possible to override your programming and kick out the guy your insecurities are demanding. I think it is possible to become congruent by reprograming your desires. This takes some serious introspection to understand why you attract the garbage you do. It also takes some serious self-love to learn to be attracted to the really good man that you have been rejecting time after time. It takes a lot of courage to say no to the junk food of a man you keep going home with.
Bullets:
• Who do you really want? If you don’t know write it down and remind yourself constantly
• Who do you not want?? This is the customer to turn away
• Working on the dysfunction in yourself will allow you to attract a better man
• The man you are currently attracting is identical to your self worth
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“The man you are currently attracting is identical to your self worth” -Mike, what a powerful bullet point! In other words the way he respects you, the way he values your time, the way he treats you… All this is/should be a reflection of the way you treat & value yourself and expect to be treated. Really beautifully worded. Thank you!
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I’m so happy to see you write about self-love! Women AND men need to be more SELFish in this regard. Great post!
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thanks Shana Banana!
I like this post too, It is one of my first ones but it really hits a cord in me. I think I finally choose the right partner but it constantly a challenge to stay away from the wrong ones. Human junk food…
Mike,
I have to ask you…
Does the same hold true for men? If a particular good looking, successful, honest man continually dates women that are disproportionately unattractive to him, have little or no desire to better themselves, have almost nothing in common with him, and continue to drop everything, just to spend a New York Minute with this guy, what does this say about the character of THIS guy?
Please share your thoughts…
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Oh my gosh yes!!! Men are attracted to the bad wild girl just as much as the converse.
What I believe it says about his chacter is that he has not grown into an adult yet or there are some pretty big holes in his ego that are filled by such a poor girl. I remember dropping the sweetest most beautiful girl I have ever met for a girl that fed my insecurities. Was I a bad guy? no… this was just the path I needed to take to learn more about myself.