I remember breaking up with a girl friend a few years back and her trying to get me back. She showed up at my doorstep in tears. She looked awful, she had not washed her hair in days and her skin was breaking out. In her rumpled sweats and an old high school Tee shirt she looked homeless. She cried, got angry, cried again tried to kiss me and I pushed her away. How could I have ever dated her, she was repulsive to me.
• Good sales people NEVER bring up the negative (last post)
• Good sales people INFLATE the positive
I remember once going to a Japanese Victoria Secret with the ex above. It was pretty comical for me since I don’t think a single bra there breached an American size B. To add to my superior “foreigners have bigger boobs” attitude, I sniggered that each one of these bras had a pad in them. My ex pulled me into the dressing room to show me what she wanted to buy. Wow, I instantly understood the padding and what it did for her figure. She looked so attractive that we almost got kicked out of the store.
When I first met this girl it was at a birthday party. She was dressed to in skintight jeans and had an attitude! She seemed untouchable, so out of reach for me. She was strong, confident. She was dating someone at the time and not interested in me. She had an air about her, I felt like I did in grade school when I had a HUGE crush on our teacher Mrs Kooiman. (alas I never got her) Her confidence was real and very very attractive. It took me months to get to know her and eventually date her. Two years later and five breakups led to the girl in the first paragraph, someone I could hardly recognize
Months after our breakup I saw her walking down the street with a guy. She looked stunning. Her hair was cut short and streaked with highlights, her skin looked perfect. She was dressed to kill showing off her lean figure and accenting her small breasts with a push up bra. My breath caught as I looked at the transformation, but it was not her appearance that was most striking. She projected the same level of confidence she had when we first met. She looked at me with a wry smile and said “hi Mike” as she continued to sashe on by. The girl I was with faded into the background as I frantically contemplated different ways to get my ex’s attention.
Over the years with this girl I yo-yoed violently in my attraction to my ex. Sometimes thinking that she was the most stunning girl I have ever dated to being shocked that I was ever duped into going out with her. The difference in these two girls was honestly very subtle. If she had stayed on the side of the confident well dressed girl I first met I doubt I ever would have left her.
Bullets:
• Attraction is a feeling you elicit from a man and is very much in your control
• Always look your best and feel free to cheat a bit with a padded bra!
• Perception is the key to attraction and if you feel like a goddess he will see it too
• Always be willing to lose your prey, there is always another bus coming soon
• The ultimate attraction killer is neediness.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Super post, Mike!
Bottom line: I believe that beauty is something that permeates from within. Period!
I have known MANY good looking women, and men, too. They have graced the covers of some of the most prized magazines in the world, but they are quite often the biggest train wrecks I’ve ever met! What did they lack? INSECURITY. How is this possible?! Well, just as you said, the answer is quite simple. They are missing that one, critical and key ingredient: SELF-CONFIDENCE.
I once dated a gorgeous model guy (one of many shallow ones I’ve bumped into over the course of my dating past, but that’s a whole ‘nother post in itself!) that couldn’t get through a meal without talking about how much more defined his abs COULD be, which modeling jobs he SHOULD have had, and how famous he WOULD be, if only he had booked that job from last week. Wow. Dinner with him was like a final snack before The Last Supper! ENOUGH, already! Even though there was nothing more physically attractive than those icy, baby blues gazing across the table at me, I couldn’t stomach word after pathetic word that oozed out of those perfectly plump lips. I was D-O-N-E. After an earful of this nonsense, I never, ever called him back again. As a matter of fact, the next guy I dated was quite average, in just about every way, with the exception of who he was on the INSIDE. A stellar individual! Intelligent. Classy. Confident….more confident than a dozen of those runway-walking, ab-crunching, ego-maniacs I had ever-so-stupidly drooled over in all the years past, combined. Finally, I GOT IT!
Thank you for keepin’ it real, Mike!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@LMN thanks for that! it is true that looks are not all that important!
I’m really curious, why did you break up with her, and why did she let her appearance go (before the breakup, I don’t think anyone is “hot” when they’re being dumped, lol)
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I broke up with her because she was such an unhappy person.
Is anyone sexy before being dumped!? no of course not but this is chicken and egg… If she managed to become sexy, she would have been back in my life
Unhappy! Yeah that’s what I was curious about, was why the breakup happened to start with.
I assume she had been looking sexy but unhappy though too, so maybe if she’d been a happy person and upbeat, a pair of torn old sweats wouldn’t have mattered as much?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0